--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: And so, it is not astonishing that…" description: "\"And so, it is not astonishing that, though the patient enters therapy insisting that he wants to change, more often than not, what he really wants is t..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/sheldon-b-kopp-10645_feel-better_and-so-it-is-not-astonishing-that-though_1855836.png" --- # And so, it is not astonishing that, though the patient… ![“And so, it is not astonishing that, though the patient enters therapy insisting that he wants to change, more often than not, what he really wants is to remain the same and to get the therapist to make him feel better. (4)” quote by Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/sheldon-b-kopp-10645_feel-better_and-so-it-is-not-astonishing-that-though_1855836.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/sheldon-b-kopp-10645_feel-better_and-so-it-is-not-astonishing-that-though_1855836.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/716/sheldon-b-kopp-10645_feel-better_and-so-it-is-not-astonishing-that-though_1855836.png) > “And so, it is not astonishing that, though the patient enters therapy insisting that he wants to change, more often than not, what he really wants is to remain the same and to get the therapist to make him feel better. (4)” [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Patients often seek therapy to maintain their current identity, using the therapeutic relationship for comfort rather than change. **In simple terms:** Therapy may reinforce sameness instead of transformation. Key Takeaway Recognize hidden resistance to change. Themes psychotherapy identity resistance Mood reflective cautious Type clinical insightful When to use this quote - counseling sessions - personal growth - habit change Key Concepts self‑concept therapeutic alliance Questions to Reflect On - What does the patient truly fear about changing? - How can a therapist gently challenge the desire for sameness? A Different Perspective Change requires confronting deep‑seated self‑beliefs. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Enters Therapy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/enters-therapy-2466225/) [Feel better](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-better/) [Feels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feels/) [Mental health](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mental-health/) [Patience](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/patience/) [Patient](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/patient/) [Remain Therapist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/remain-therapist-2466226/) [Therapist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapist/) [Therapists](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapists/) [Therapy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapy/) [Therapy Insisting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapy-insisting-2466224/) [Want](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/) [Wants Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wants-change/) ## Related quotes > [The therapist can interpret, advise, provide the emotional acceptance and support that nurtures personal growth, and above all, he can listen. I do not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/the-therapist-can-interpret-advise-provide-the-emotional-acceptance/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [If everybody in the world saw a therapist, we would have a better world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demi-lovato/if-everybody-in-the-world-saw-a-therapist-we-would-have-a-better-world/) [Demi Lovato](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demi-lovato/) > [The therapist does not treat patients by simply giving them another set of beliefs. He or she tries to help them see which kinds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nhat-hanh/the-therapist-does-not-treat-patients-by-simply-giving-them-another/) [Nhat Hanh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nhat-hanh/) > [One reason I can be more tolerant than most is that as a therapist I have the advantage of information about my patients that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-loy-mcginnis/one-reason-i-can-be-more-tolerant-than-most-is-that-as-a-therapist-i/) [Alan Loy McGinnis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-loy-mcginnis/) > [My concept of an advice giver had been a therapist or a know-it-all, and then I realized nobody listens to the know-it-alls. 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Sometimes therapists go too far in expecting an individual to perform self-care; some individuals prefer to spend…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glen-gillen/some-expect-persons-to-care-for-themselves-sometimes-therapists-go/) [Glen Gillen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glen-gillen/) > [Life as a therapist is ruthless; circumstances that are helpful to one neurotic may crush another.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-horney/life-as-a-therapist-is-ruthless-circumstances-that-are-helpful-to-one/) [Karen Horney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-horney/) > [I know there must be something I should explore about that with my therapist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debra-messing/i-know-there-must-be-something-i-should-explore-about-that-with-my/) [Debra Messing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debra-messing/) > [Let me tell you, if your marriage is in trouble, skip the therapist and find a psycho. Nothing brings people together faster.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-edelstein/let-me-tell-you-if-your-marriage-is-in-trouble-skip-the-therapist-and/) [David Edelstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-edelstein/) > [It's always hard for me to find a therapist who is a black woman or even a woman of color. It's something that we've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/morgan-parker/it-s-always-hard-for-me-to-find-a-therapist-who-is-a-black-woman-or/) [Morgan Parker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/morgan-parker/) > [Therapists need to have a long experience in personal therapy to see what it's like to be on the other side of the couch…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irvin-d-yalom/therapists-need-to-have-a-long-experience-in-personal-therapy-to-see/) [Irvin D. Yalom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/irvin-d-yalom/) > [To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gail-sheehy/to-be-tested-is-good-the-challenged-life-may-be-the-best-therapist/) [Gail Sheehy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gail-sheehy/) ## More by Sheldon B. Kopp > [“Research in self-disclosure supports my own experience that the personal openness of the guru facilitates and invites the increased openness of the pilgrim. (24)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/research-in-self-disclosure-supports-my-own-experience-that-the/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [I remember a group therapy session when one of the patients was reluctantly turning his corner. He would accept it, he said, but he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/i-remember-a-group-therapy-session-when-one-of-the-patients-was/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [Sometimes life seems like a poorly designed cage within which man has been sentenced to be free.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/sometimes-life-seems-like-a-poorly-designed-cage-within-which-man-has/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [“Crises marked by anxiety, doubt, and despair have always been those periods of personal unrest that occur at the times when a man is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/crises-marked-by-anxiety-doubt-and-despair-have-always-been-those/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [Everything good is costly, and the development of the personality is one of the most costly of all things. It will cost you your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/everything-good-is-costly-and-the-development-of-the-personality-is/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [I have long trusted dreams as prophetic visions. I do not mean that they foretell the future, only that they illuminate the present, when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/i-have-long-trusted-dreams-as-prophetic-visions-i-do-not-mean-that/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [Each person's only hope for improving his lot rests on recognizing the true nature of his or her basic personality, surrendering to it, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/each-person-s-only-hope-for-improving-his-lot-rests-on-recognizing/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [“Of course, one other hypothetical alternative would have been for the child to decide that since she was fine the way she was, there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/of-course-one-other-hypothetical-alternative-would-have-been-for-the/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [“Unwilling to tolerate life’s ambiguity, its unresolvability, its inevitability, we search for certainty, demanding that someone else must provide it. Stubbornly, relentlessly, we seek…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/unwilling-to-tolerate-life-s-ambiguity-its-unresolvability-its/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [But after a while, she began to experience the new reality of each person as being as strong and as weak as anyone else.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/but-after-a-while-she-began-to-experience-the-new-reality-of-each/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [So it is that God tugs at a pilgrim's sleeve telling him to remember that he is only human. He must be his own…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/so-it-is-that-god-tugs-at-a-pilgrim-s-sleeve-telling-him-to-remember/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [“You can't get there from here, and besides there's no place else to go.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/you-can-t-get-there-from-here-and-besides-there-s-no-place-else-to-go/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [He prefers the security of known misery to the misery of unfamiliar insecurity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/he-prefers-the-security-of-known-misery-to-the-misery-of-unfamiliar/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [For a long time now I have trusted my dreaming self as wiser than that waking self whose head is cluttered with reason and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/for-a-long-time-now-i-have-trusted-my-dreaming-self-as-wiser-than/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) > [All significant battles are fought within self.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheldon-b-kopp/all-significant-battles-are-fought-within-self/) [Sheldon B. Kopp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) [Explore all 64 Sheldon B. Kopp quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheldon-b-kopp/) ## More Feel better quotes > [Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/scrabble-the-game-is-available-in-braille-that-s-a-nice-fact-this/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [If a girl is sad or mad just take 20 mins out of your busy life and make her feel better, I promise she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-a-girl-is-sad-or-mad-just-take-20-mins-out-of-your-busy-life-and/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I'm a vegetarian - I think there's a strong possibility, had I not become a vegetarian, I would not be working now. I became…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-barker/i-m-a-vegetarian-i-think-there-s-a-strong-possibility-had-i-not/) [Bob Barker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-barker/) > [Ay-firmative,' Eve said, and tried for a smile. 'Sorry. An Aliens reference always makes me feel better at times like this. Exept I'm not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-caine/ay-firmative-eve-said-and-tried-for-a-smile-sorry-an-aliens-reference/) [Rachel Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-caine/) > [I wasn't happy with my body and I knew I had to do something to make myself feel better. I was looking at myself…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angelina-pivarnick/i-wasn-t-happy-with-my-body-and-i-knew-i-had-to-do-something-to-make/) [Angelina Pivarnick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angelina-pivarnick/) > [The one thing I absolutely hate about social media are the people who abuse it. Whenever I see a person who constantly posts negative…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jazmin-garcia/the-one-thing-i-absolutely-hate-about-social-media-are-the-people-who/) [Jazmin Garcia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jazmin-garcia/) > [He decided then that he would love her forever no matter what came to pass. It was not so much a matter of deciding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-guterson/he-decided-then-that-he-would-love-her-forever-no-matter-what-came-to/) [David Guterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-guterson/) > [There's nothing like overcoming something that scares you so much. Nothing feels better.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-wilkinson/there-s-nothing-like-overcoming-something-that-scares-you-so-much/) [Laura Wilkinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-wilkinson/) > [When you're able to be honest with yourself about who you are and finally can present your authentic true self to the world, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gus-kenworthy/when-you-re-able-to-be-honest-with-yourself-about-who-you-are-and/) [Gus Kenworthy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gus-kenworthy/) > [If it makes you feel any better, this isn't my first apocalypse. There is hope.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/if-it-makes-you-feel-any-better-this-isn-t-my-first-apocalypse-there/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [Well, I feel better than before after telling you that I love you, and then you said didn't love me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/well-i-feel-better-than-before-after-telling-you-that-i-love-you-and/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You wanted to become a doctor to help people and feel better at the end of your job, I think, watching them, as the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/caitlin-moran/you-wanted-to-become-a-doctor-to-help-people-and-feel-better-at-the/) [Caitlin Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/caitlin-moran/) > [Ed Wood served a great purpose - mainly making writers feel better about their work.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-k-milholland/ed-wood-served-a-great-purpose-mainly-making-writers-feel-better/) [R. K. 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Why do you suppose His world is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-marshall/living-in-the-middle-of-beauty-like-this-we-ve-no-call-to-have-puny/) [Catherine Marshall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-marshall/) [Browse all 1,217 Feel better quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-better/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "And so, it is not astonishing that, though the patient enters therapy insisting that he wants to change, more often than not, what he really wants is to remain the same and to get the therapist to make him feel better. (4)", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Sheldon B. 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