--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I realized that I’m not a lesbian…" description: "\"“I realized that I’m not a lesbian anymore. I realized that women don’t have fun together. I realized that that’s not love. I realized that men are her..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14f/sarah-schulman-15652_heterosexism_i-realized-that-i-m-not-a-lesbian-anymor_73079.jpg" --- # I realized that I’m not a lesbian anymore. I realized that… ![“I realized that I’m not a lesbian anymore. I realized that women don’t have fun together. I realized that that’s not love. I realized that men are heroes after all…” “What is your definition of a hero?” she asked. “A hero is someone you can be proud of,” the woman said. “To be proud of someone he…” quote by Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14f/sarah-schulman-15652_heterosexism_i-realized-that-i-m-not-a-lesbian-anymor_73079.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14f/sarah-schulman-15652_heterosexism_i-realized-that-i-m-not-a-lesbian-anymor_73079.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/14f/sarah-schulman-15652_heterosexism_i-realized-that-i-m-not-a-lesbian-anymor_73079.jpg) > ““I realized that I’m not a lesbian anymore. I realized that women don’t have fun together. I realized that that’s not love. I realized that men are heroes after all…” “What is your definition of a hero?” she asked. “A hero is someone you can be proud of,” the woman said. “To be proud of someone he has to be bigger than you so you can look up to him. You can feel safe when he is near you. Especially a man who has soft skin. When a man is near you who has soft skin, soft and sloping like a woman’s, then you can feel safe.” “But he’s not a woman?” “No.” …She knew this word he. She’d heard it before in every circumstance of her life. But what did it mean? What did it really mean? “What’s your definition of fun?” she asked. “Fun,” the woman explained, “is when you get what you’ve always imagined. When you’ve always known what you want and then you get it. With a woman you can’t have this because you’ve never imagined what you’ve wanted. There’s no gratification. No gratification at all.” …”There’s something very important that I don’t understand. How can I be a woman and still be happy?” “Shut up,” the woman said. “Don’t tell me what to do.”” [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. A woman wrestles with gender identity, desire, and societal expectations, questioning the nature of love, heroism, and fulfillment. **In simple terms:** Gender, desire, and societal roles. Key Takeaway Identity is fluid and socially constructed. Themes Gender identity Sexual orientation Power dynamics Societal expectations Self‑realization Love vs. fantasy Mood Conflicted Reflective Type Philosophical Narrative When to use this quote - Exploring personal identity - Discussing relationship expectations - Analyzing gender norms Key Concepts Heroism Safety Imagination Gratification Practical Applications - Therapeutic counseling - Literary analysis Questions to Reflect On - What defines a hero for you? - How do societal norms shape personal desire? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Asked Hero](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asked-hero-277165/) [Hero Asked](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hero-asked-954346/) [Heterosexism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heterosexism/) [Understand Woman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understand-woman/) [Woman Explained](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/woman-explained-954345/) [Woman Said](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/woman-said/) ## Related quotes > [When the first Superman movie came out I was frequently asked "What is a hero?" ...My answer was that a hero is someone who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-reeve/when-the-first-superman-movie-came-out-i-was-frequently-asked-what-is/) [Christopher Reeve](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-reeve/) > [“Look back at history,” he said, after a minute or two. “Most great and remarkable men weren't tame or politically correct. They were raving…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-nicole/look-back-at-history-he-said-after-a-minute-or-two-most-great-and/) [Elizabeth Nicole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-nicole/) > [“The chain booksellers, like Barnes and Noble, began to dominate the market, and they instituted a “gay and lesbian” section in many of their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/the-chain-booksellers-like-barnes-and-noble-began-to-dominate-the/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“Strangely, the subsequent AIDS works that have become iconic in our culture rarely mention the movement, or the engaged community of lovers, but both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/strangely-the-subsequent-aids-works-that-have-become-iconic-in-our/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“That the power regimes of heterosexism and phallogocentrism seek to augment themselves through a constant repetition of their logic, their metaphysic, and their naturalized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-butler/that-the-power-regimes-of-heterosexism-and-phallogocentrism-seek-to/) [Judith Butler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-butler/) > [“If we are ever going to see a paradigm shift, we have to be clear about how we want the present paradigm to shift.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/if-we-are-ever-going-to-see-a-paradigm-shift-we-have-to-be-clear/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“If we take the position that an assessment that veganism is morally preferable to vegetarianism is not possible because we are all “on our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/if-we-take-the-position-that-an-assessment-that-veganism-is-morally/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“I am opposed to animal welfare campaigns for two reasons. First, if animal use cannot be morally justified, then we ought to be clear…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/i-am-opposed-to-animal-welfare-campaigns-for-two-reasons-first-if/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“We should always be clear that animal exploitation is wrong because it involves speciesism. And speciesism is wrong because, like racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-semitism,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/we-should-always-be-clear-that-animal-exploitation-is-wrong-because/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“An abolitionist is, as I have developed that notion, one who (1) maintains that we cannot justify animal use, however “humane” it may be;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/an-abolitionist-is-as-i-have-developed-that-notion-one-who-1/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“Individual members of certain churches in black communities should protest when worship services become a platform for teaching anti-gay sentiments. Often individuals sit and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/individual-members-of-certain-churches-in-black-communities-should/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“There are some animal advocates who say that to maintain that veganism is the moral baseline is objectionable because it is “judgmental,” or constitutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/there-are-some-animal-advocates-who-say-that-to-maintain-that/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“The most pernicious message relayed by pornography is that women are natural sexual prey to men and love it; that sexuality and violence are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-most-pernicious-message-relayed-by-pornography-is-that-women-are/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“The notion that we should promote “happy” or “humane” exploitation as “baby steps” ignores that welfare reforms do not result in providing significantly greater…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/the-notion-that-we-should-promote-happy-or-humane-exploitation-as/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [Men often joke about this assignment (I Peter 3:7): 'Who can understand a woman?' God has answered the question loud and clear. You can.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stu-weber/men-often-joke-about-this-assignment-i-peter-3-7-who-can-understand-a/) [Stu Weber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stu-weber/) ## More by Sarah Schulman > [“Nothing disrupts dehumanization more quickly than inviting someone over, looking into their eyes, hearing their voice, and listening.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/nothing-disrupts-dehumanization-more-quickly-than-inviting-someone/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [In the past, heartland whites with some kind of dream or desire left their towns for cities to become citified. They wanted to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/in-the-past-heartland-whites-with-some-kind-of-dream-or-desire-left/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [I went to my 30th high school reunion, and I could tell who was gay and who was straight because the gay people were…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/i-went-to-my-30th-high-school-reunion-and-i-could-tell-who-was-gay/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [The wind smelled clean, like clean magazines. It smelled like invisible ink.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/the-wind-smelled-clean-like-clean-magazines-it-smelled-like-invisible/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“You tell them one real thing and then the doctor thinks he knows you. He starts getting arrogant and overfamiliar, making insulting suggestions left…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/you-tell-them-one-real-thing-and-then-the-doctor-thinks-he-knows-you/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [Since Freud, people think you either want to be a man or hate men. You only exist in relationship to men.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/since-freud-people-think-you-either-want-to-be-a-man-or-hate-men-you/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“You’re not user-friendly. You’re too needy. You have no social currency. You’re a freak. Without a normative side, you can’t get in. That’s it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/you-re-not-user-friendly-you-re-too-needy-you-have-no-social-currency/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“Doc didn’t have a television but he could predict that sort of thing. He just didn’t need one. He could always tell what was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/doc-didn-t-have-a-television-but-he-could-predict-that-sort-of-thing/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [Probably, the nature of homophobia will never be widely interrogated, while we will continue to be excluded from school curricula, subjected to vicious media…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/probably-the-nature-of-homophobia-will-never-be-widely-interrogated/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [Breezy journalistic sentences about wealthy white people unaware that other human beings are real became the rubber stamp product of the elite MFA programs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/breezy-journalistic-sentences-about-wealthy-white-people-unaware-that/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [If we love and identity people with HIV and other oppressed people, we can help transform the epidemic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/if-we-love-and-identity-people-with-hiv-and-other-oppressed-people-we/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“Strangely, the subsequent AIDS works that have become iconic in our culture rarely mention the movement, or the engaged community of lovers, but both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/strangely-the-subsequent-aids-works-that-have-become-iconic-in-our/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“I dreamt that I took William Burrough’s penis and tied it up with piano wire. I hung him like a Chagall painting…In the next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/i-dreamt-that-i-took-william-burrough-s-penis-and-tied-it-up-with/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [Sometimes a person has to stop talking about art for a moment and take a look around.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/sometimes-a-person-has-to-stop-talking-about-art-for-a-moment-and/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [MFA programs are to the world of art what gentrification is to your neighborhood.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/mfa-programs-are-to-the-world-of-art-what-gentrification-is-to-your/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) [Explore all 41 Sarah Schulman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) ## More Heterosexism quotes > [“That the power regimes of heterosexism and phallogocentrism seek to augment themselves through a constant repetition of their logic, their metaphysic, and their naturalized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-butler/that-the-power-regimes-of-heterosexism-and-phallogocentrism-seek-to/) [Judith Butler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-butler/) > [“The most pernicious message relayed by pornography is that women are natural sexual prey to men and love it; that sexuality and violence are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/the-most-pernicious-message-relayed-by-pornography-is-that-women-are/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [“There are some animal advocates who say that to maintain that veganism is the moral baseline is objectionable because it is “judgmental,” or constitutes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/there-are-some-animal-advocates-who-say-that-to-maintain-that/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“Strangely, the subsequent AIDS works that have become iconic in our culture rarely mention the movement, or the engaged community of lovers, but both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/strangely-the-subsequent-aids-works-that-have-become-iconic-in-our/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“Individual members of certain churches in black communities should protest when worship services become a platform for teaching anti-gay sentiments. Often individuals sit and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bell-hooks/individual-members-of-certain-churches-in-black-communities-should/) [bell hooks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bell-hooks/) > [“An abolitionist is, as I have developed that notion, one who (1) maintains that we cannot justify animal use, however “humane” it may be;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/an-abolitionist-is-as-i-have-developed-that-notion-one-who-1/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“We should always be clear that animal exploitation is wrong because it involves speciesism. And speciesism is wrong because, like racism, sexism, homophobia, anti-semitism,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/we-should-always-be-clear-that-animal-exploitation-is-wrong-because/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“I am opposed to animal welfare campaigns for two reasons. First, if animal use cannot be morally justified, then we ought to be clear…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/i-am-opposed-to-animal-welfare-campaigns-for-two-reasons-first-if/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“If we take the position that an assessment that veganism is morally preferable to vegetarianism is not possible because we are all “on our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/if-we-take-the-position-that-an-assessment-that-veganism-is-morally/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“The chain booksellers, like Barnes and Noble, began to dominate the market, and they instituted a “gay and lesbian” section in many of their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-schulman/the-chain-booksellers-like-barnes-and-noble-began-to-dominate-the/) [Sarah Schulman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-schulman/) > [“If we are ever going to see a paradigm shift, we have to be clear about how we want the present paradigm to shift.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/if-we-are-ever-going-to-see-a-paradigm-shift-we-have-to-be-clear/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) > [“The notion that we should promote “happy” or “humane” exploitation as “baby steps” ignores that welfare reforms do not result in providing significantly greater…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/garylfrancione/the-notion-that-we-should-promote-happy-or-humane-exploitation-as/) [GaryLFrancione](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/garylfrancione/) [Browse all 13 Heterosexism quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heterosexism/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I realized that I’m not a lesbian anymore. I realized that women don’t have fun together. I realized that that’s not love. I realized that men are heroes after all…” “What is your definition of a hero?” she asked. “A hero is someone you can be proud of,” the woman said. “To be proud of someone he has to be bigger than you so you can look up to him. You can feel safe when he is near you. Especially a man who has soft skin. When a man is near you who has soft skin, soft and sloping like a woman’s, then you can feel safe.” “But he’s not a woman?” “No.” …She knew this word he. She’d heard it before in every circumstance of her life. But what did it mean? What did it really mean? “What’s your definition of fun?” she asked. “Fun,” the woman explained, “is when you get what you’ve always imagined. When you’ve always known what you want and then you get it. With a woman you can’t have this because you’ve never imagined what you’ve wanted. There’s no gratification. No gratification at all.” …”There’s something very important that I don’t understand. 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