--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Once this had been the life I'd wanted…" description: "\"“Once this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn't believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/sarah-dessen-110_free-time_once-this-had-been-the-life-i-d-wanted-e_2150197.jpg" --- # Once this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now… ![“Once this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn't believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence, this most narrow of existences, had been preferable. Then again, once, I'd never known anything else... My mother had to know I was unhappy. But…” quote by Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/sarah-dessen-110_free-time_once-this-had-been-the-life-i-d-wanted-e_2150197.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/sarah-dessen-110_free-time_once-this-had-been-the-life-i-d-wanted-e_2150197.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/771/sarah-dessen-110_free-time_once-this-had-been-the-life-i-d-wanted-e_2150197.jpg) > ““Once this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn't believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence, this most narrow of existences, had been preferable. Then again, once, I'd never known anything else... My mother had to know I was unhappy. But it didn't matter: all she cared about was that I was her Macy again, the one she'd come to depend on, always within earshot or reach. I came to work early, sat up straight at my desk and endured the monotony of answering phones and greeting potential homebuyers with a smile on my face. After dinner, I spent my hour and a half of free time alone, doing accepted activities. When I came home afterwards, my mother w ould be waiting for me, stickingher head out of her office to verify that, yes. I was just where I was supposed to be. And I was. I was also miserable. ~Macy, pg 306”” [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator feels trapped in a monotonous, unfulfilling life despite external expectations. **In simple terms:** Life feels empty and repetitive. Key Takeaway Seek change beyond routine. Themes identity family pressure monotony Mood melancholic reflective Type literary personal When to use this quote - daily work - family expectations - personal hobbies Key Concepts existential dread self‑realization Questions to Reflect On - What would make life feel meaningful? - How can one break free from imposed roles? A Different Perspective Changing circumstances may not resolve inner dissatisfaction. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Came Home](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/came-home/) [Cared Macy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cared-macy-4518161/) [Free time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/free-time/) [Home Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/home-mother/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Macy Come](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/macy-come-4055941/) [Miserable Macy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/miserable-macy-4518162/) [Mother](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mother/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Smile on my face](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/smile-on-my-face/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Time alone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time-alone/) ## Related quotes > [“Where you trying to go, huh? Come on me, Macy. Come on me, or I’ll take you outside and make you scream right there…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cherrie-lynn/where-you-trying-to-go-huh-come-on-me-macy-come-on-me-or-i-ll-take/) [Cherrie Lynn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cherrie-lynn/) > [“We came home because we were failures. We wouldn't admit that, of course, not at first, not to ourselves, and certainly not to anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eleanor-brown/we-came-home-because-we-were-failures-we-wouldn-t-admit-that-of/) [Eleanor Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eleanor-brown/) > [This is what daughters did. They left, and came home later with lives of their own.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/this-is-what-daughters-did-they-left-and-came-home-later-with-lives/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [“In a home, where the mother is strict, the son will be inept in proper worldly interactions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dada-bhagwan/in-a-home-where-the-mother-is-strict-the-son-will-be-inept-in-proper/) [Dada Bhagwan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dada-bhagwan/) > [I started writing letters home to my mother, saying that I wanted to come home, grandma won't let me sing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mavis-staples/i-started-writing-letters-home-to-my-mother-saying-that-i-wanted-to/) [Mavis Staples](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mavis-staples/) > [The at-home mother's life: it was a race with no finish line.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kristin-hannah/the-at-home-mother-s-life-it-was-a-race-with-no-finish-line/) [Kristin Hannah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kristin-hannah/) > [I grew up in a highly political home. 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No. On the other hand, you should be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keira-knightley/i-don-t-want-to-deny-my-femininity-but-would-i-want-to-be-a-stay-at/) [Keira Knightley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keira-knightley/) > [Look, guys. That's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving her. This is my home now. 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And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-poehler/when-youre-a-stay-at-home-mother-you-have-to-pretend-its-really/) [Amy Poehler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-poehler/) > [Everything comes home, my mother used to say; every word spoken, every shadow cast, every footprint in the sand. It can't be helped; it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joanne-harris/everything-comes-home-my-mother-used-to-say-every-word-spoken-every/) [Joanne Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joanne-harris/) ## More by Sarah Dessen > [Sometimes a question can hurt more than an answer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/sometimes-a-question-can-hurt-more-than-an-answer/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [“if i were a book i would be so open”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/if-i-were-a-book-i-would-be-so-open/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [Harder to get in than out, like so little else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/harder-to-get-in-than-out-like-so-little-else/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [“At times, I found myself questioning his very existence, even though I knew I had, in fact, spotted him, with my own eyes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/at-times-i-found-myself-questioning-his-very-existence-even-though-i/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [You don't have to say it out loud. I already know why you like me.' 'You do, huh?' 'Yep.' He wrapped his arms around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/you-don-t-have-to-say-it-out-loud-i-already-know-why-you-like-me-you/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/no-relationship-is-perfect-ever-there-are-always-some-ways-you-have/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [When you had to do something, you had to do it. And eventually, if you were lucky, you did it well.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/when-you-had-to-do-something-you-had-to-do-it-and-eventually-if-you/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [the truth about forever is that it is happening right now](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/the-truth-about-forever-is-that-it-is-happening-right-now/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [I jammed my hand in my jacket pocket, bracing myself fo the next hit, and fel something. Something grainy and samll, sticking to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/i-jammed-my-hand-in-my-jacket-pocket-bracing-myself-fo-the-next-hit/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [I had no illusions about love anymore. It came, it went, it left casualties or it didn't. People weren't meant to be together forever,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/i-had-no-illusions-about-love-anymore-it-came-it-went-it-left/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [“But maybe that isn't so bad. You can't love anyone that way more than once in a lifetime. It's too hard and it hurts…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/but-maybe-that-isn-t-so-bad-you-can-t-love-anyone-that-way-more-than/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [This was just one night, one chance to vary and see where it took me. The fireflies were probably already out: maybe it wasn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/this-was-just-one-night-one-chance-to-vary-and-see-where-it-took-me/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [call it chicken salad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/call-it-chicken-salad/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [“For me, however, it was a mix of the two, this constant push and pull. I loved it here. But I'd been in that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/for-me-however-it-was-a-mix-of-the-two-this-constant-push-and-pull-i/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) > [I think whenever a writer is really enjoying themselves and liking what they are doing, that shows on the page.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-dessen/i-think-whenever-a-writer-is-really-enjoying-themselves-and-liking/) [Sarah Dessen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) [Explore all 1,251 Sarah Dessen quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-dessen/) ## More Free time quotes > [“I settled into a contented routine of working, spending my free time with Veronica and, back in my student room, wanking explosively to fantasies…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julian-barnes/i-settled-into-a-contented-routine-of-working-spending-my-free-time/) [Julian Barnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julian-barnes/) > [“Once upon a time in our not-so-distant past, experts predicted that with the rapidly increasing advances in technology, Americans would have a shorter workweek…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jared-c-wilson/once-upon-a-time-in-our-not-so-distant-past-experts-predicted-that/) [Jared C. Wilson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jared-c-wilson/) > [“Most families have increased the speed of their lives and the number of their activities gradually--even unconsciously--over time. They realize that there are costs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-john-payne/most-families-have-increased-the-speed-of-their-lives-and-the-number/) [Kim John Payne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-john-payne/) > [Even in those early years of Static-X, there was a pattern emerging where I would spend all my free time writing songs for Static-X…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-static/even-in-those-early-years-of-static-x-there-was-a-pattern-emerging/) [Wayne Static](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-static/) > [“I admire all the great people who have dedicated their free time to helping humanity move forward.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mwanandeke-kindembo/i-admire-all-the-great-people-who-have-dedicated-their-free-time-to/) [Mwanandeke Kindembo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mwanandeke-kindembo/) > [“All right, you caught me. I'm secretly obsessed with you and spend all my free time writing about you in my journal. 'Dear Diary,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-scott/all-right-you-caught-me-i-m-secretly-obsessed-with-you-and-spend-all/) [Elizabeth Scott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-scott/) > [“What if I turned out to be a great kisser, and suddenly, girls everywhere wanted to kiss me? Did I really want to risk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-l-madden/what-if-i-turned-out-to-be-a-great-kisser-and-suddenly-girls/) [S.L. Madden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-l-madden/) > [“This is possibly the most revolutionary idea Marx ever had: that the reduction of labour to a minimum could produce a kind of human…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-mason/this-is-possibly-the-most-revolutionary-idea-marx-ever-had-that-the/) [Paul Mason](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-mason/) > [I'm in school every day. It depends on what it is that you do with all that free time when I'm not on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mc-lyte/i-m-in-school-every-day-it-depends-on-what-it-is-that-you-do-with-all/) [MC Lyte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mc-lyte/) > [“Most humans manage to squander their free time, as free time makes them dysfunctional, lazy, and unmotivated—the busier they get, the more active they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nassim-nicholas-taleb/most-humans-manage-to-squander-their-free-time-as-free-time-makes/) [Nassim Nicholas Taleb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nassim-nicholas-taleb/) > [Missing someone and barely having the control to not text them every second that you have free time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/missing-someone-and-barely-having-the-control-to-not-text-them-every/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [That's why they call it work, because it's not what you'd prefer to do with your free time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/diane-lane/that-s-why-they-call-it-work-because-it-s-not-what-you-d-prefer-to-do/) [Diane Lane](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/diane-lane/) > [“I found my mind wandering at games; loved boxing and was good at it; and in summer, having chosen rowing instead of cricket, lay…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-leigh-fermor/i-found-my-mind-wandering-at-games-loved-boxing-and-was-good-at-it/) [Patrick Leigh Fermor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-leigh-fermor/) > [The perfect life would be to have an amazing part every year and to spend all my free time to just write.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melanie-laurent/the-perfect-life-would-be-to-have-an-amazing-part-every-year-and-to/) [Melanie Laurent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melanie-laurent/) > [You'd be surprised how much free time I have.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malcolm-rifkind/you-d-be-surprised-how-much-free-time-i-have/) [Malcolm Rifkind](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/malcolm-rifkind/) [Browse all 473 Free time quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/free-time/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Once this had been the life I'd wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn't believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence, this most narrow of existences, had been preferable. Then again, once, I'd never known anything else... My mother had to know I was unhappy. But it didn't matter: all she cared about was that I was her Macy again, the one she'd come to depend on, always within earshot or reach. I came to work early, sat up straight at my desk and endured the monotony of answering phones and greeting potential homebuyers with a smile on my face. After dinner, I spent my hour and a half of free time alone, doing accepted activities. When I came home afterwards, my mother w ould be waiting for me, stickingher head out of her office to verify that, yes. I was just where I was supposed to be. And I was. 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