--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I've decided it's not about me at all…" description: "\"“I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective mechanism for them, a way of buffering themselves against my future death, like when teenager..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png" --- # I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective… ![“I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective mechanism for them, a way of buffering themselves against my future death, like when teenagers distance themselves from their parents in preparation for leaving home.” quote by Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png) > ““I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective mechanism for them, a way of buffering themselves against my future death, like when teenagers distance themselves from their parents in preparation for leaving home.”” [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker sees protective behavior as a way to shield loved ones from future loss, similar to how teens distance from parents before leaving home. **In simple terms:** Protective acts are about shielding others from future grief. Key Takeaway Recognize when protection becomes avoidance. Themes family grief protection growth relationships Mood introspective empathetic Type psychological narrative When to use this quote - parent‑child relationships - caregiver stress - life transitions Key Concepts psychology attachment theory anticipatory loss Questions to Reflect On - What fears drive your protective actions? - Can vulnerability improve relationships? A Different Perspective Such mechanisms may prevent authentic intimacy and growth. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Leaving home](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/leaving-home/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Parents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents/) [Teenagers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/teenagers/) ## Related quotes > [A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-baby-sitter-is-a-teenager-acting-like-an-adult-while-the-adults-are/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I'm only 24 so I like to think I'm still close enough to 17 to still remember what it was like. Besides, I could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-kirkman/i-m-only-24-so-i-like-to-think-i-m-still-close-enough-to-17-to-still/) [Robert Kirkman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-kirkman/) > [I think the internet is kind of redefining what it is to be a teenager. Because there's a lot of media that's aimed at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/grimes/i-think-the-internet-is-kind-of-redefining-what-it-is-to-be-a/) [Grimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/grimes/) > [“America is a young country, young and brash and prone to errors. Like teenagers. For all our inherent goodness, we’ve been cursed with bright,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heather-choate-davis/america-is-a-young-country-young-and-brash-and-prone-to-errors-like/) [Heather Choate Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heather-choate-davis/) > [I'm not sure I could ever write for adults. That's not to throw shade or anything, but I feel like teenagers are much more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angie-thomas/i-m-not-sure-i-could-ever-write-for-adults-that-s-not-to-throw-shade/) [Angie Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angie-thomas/) > [I know plenty of adults who act like teenagers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-k-williams/i-know-plenty-of-adults-who-act-like-teenagers/) [Michael K. Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-k-williams/) > [“A complex world of intrigues and power play among couples has combined to deny young people the love and attention they truly deserve, more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oche-otorkpa/a-complex-world-of-intrigues-and-power-play-among-couples-has/) [Oche Otorkpa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oche-otorkpa/) > [When you're aware, from a young age, of how something plays in public, it makes you a young entrepreneur, whether you like it or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yara-shahidi/when-you-re-aware-from-a-young-age-of-how-something-plays-in-public/) [Yara Shahidi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yara-shahidi/) > [I feel like all teenagers can relate to that feeling of being, like, so highly strung, and everything is so on the surface, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bel-powley/i-feel-like-all-teenagers-can-relate-to-that-feeling-of-being-like-so/) [Bel Powley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bel-powley/) > [“We're not like the other teenagers around us. We don't conform to stereotypes. We've actually become weird in the the eyes of our culture.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jaquelle-crowe/we-re-not-like-the-other-teenagers-around-us-we-don-t-conform-to/) [Jaquelle Crowe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jaquelle-crowe/) > [Like me as a teen - and like many teenagers now - my characters are at a peculiar crossroads in their lives. They desperately…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabaa-tahir/like-me-as-a-teen-and-like-many-teenagers-now-my-characters-are-at-a/) [Sabaa Tahir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabaa-tahir/) > [Imagine what it must be like for teenagers who don't feel they have room to breathe in their own homes. If you are a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-robbins/imagine-what-it-must-be-like-for-teenagers-who-don-t-feel-they-have/) [Alexandra Robbins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-robbins/) > [I came in the Dawson's Creek era; it was all about tiny guys who looked like teenagers, and I haven't looked like a teenager…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jon-hamm/i-came-in-the-dawson-s-creek-era-it-was-all-about-tiny-guys-who/) [Jon Hamm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jon-hamm/) > [A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/a-babysitter-is-a-teenager-acting-like-an-adult-while-the-adults-are/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I feel a lot of folks, like teenagers, can feel like outcasts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dee-rees/i-feel-a-lot-of-folks-like-teenagers-can-feel-like-outcasts/) [Dee Rees](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dee-rees/) ## More by Sara Gruen > [So what if I'm ninety-three? So what if I'm ancient and cranky and my body's a wreck? If they're willing to accept me and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/so-what-if-i-m-ninety-three-so-what-if-i-m-ancient-and-cranky-and-my/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [The sky the sky- same as it always was.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/the-sky-the-sky-same-as-it-always-was/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [Don't want to get tipsy and break a hip.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/don-t-want-to-get-tipsy-and-break-a-hip/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [When two people are meant to be together, they will be together. It's fate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/when-two-people-are-meant-to-be-together-they-will-be-together-it-s/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“So what if I'm ninety-three? So what if I'm ancient and cranky and my body's a wreck? If they're willing to accept me and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/so-what-if-i-m-ninety-three-so-what-if-i-m-ancient-and-cranky-and-my-2/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [My platitudes don't hold their interest and I can hardly blame them for that. My real stories are all out of date. So what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/my-platitudes-don-t-hold-their-interest-and-i-can-hardly-blame-them/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“Then she turns to Midnight and perches delicately on his lowered back. He rises, arches his neck, and carries Marlena from the big top.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/then-she-turns-to-midnight-and-perches-delicately-on-his-lowered-back/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“And don’t miss Frank Otto, the world’s most tattooed man! Held hostage in the darkest jungles of Borneo and tried for a crime he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/and-don-t-miss-frank-otto-the-world-s-most-tattooed-man-held-hostage/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [How is it that everyone on this train has so much alcohol?" "We always head to Canada at the beginning of the season," she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/how-is-it-that-everyone-on-this-train-has-so-much-alcohol-we-always/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“The person following is never in control, which she knows full well and which is exactly why she does it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/the-person-following-is-never-in-control-which-she-knows-full-well/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“I open the orangutan's door and set a pan of fruits, vegetables, and nuts on the floor. As I close it, her long arm…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/i-open-the-orangutan-s-door-and-set-a-pan-of-fruits-vegetables-and/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [Being the survivor stinks.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/being-the-survivor-stinks/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“He whispers in her ear, and she basks in his attention, trumpeting happily at the sight of him. Doesn't she remember?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/he-whispers-in-her-ear-and-she-basks-in-his-attention-trumpeting/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [... a gaggle of old ladies is glued to the window at the end of the hall like children or jailbirds. They're spidery and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/a-gaggle-of-old-ladies-is-glued-to-the-window-at-the-end-of-the-hall/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) > [“age is a terrible theif”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/age-is-a-terrible-theif/) [Sara Gruen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) [Explore all 127 Sara Gruen quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/) ## More Death quotes > [“He wondered how it was fair that your dying should depend so much on when you were born.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/he-wondered-how-it-was-fair-that-your-dying-should-depend-so-much-on/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions. Life is plurality, death is uniformity. By suppressing differences and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/octavio-paz/what-sets-worlds-in-motion-is-the-interplay-of-differences-their/) [Octavio Paz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/octavio-paz/) > [Most of us are convinced that we are our egos, which is who we think we are. The ego is part of our incarnation.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ram-dass/most-of-us-are-convinced-that-we-are-our-egos-which-is-who-we-think/) [Ram Dass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ram-dass/) > [I do not want to live at the cost of the life even of a snake. I should let him bite me to death…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mahatma-gandhi/i-do-not-want-to-live-at-the-cost-of-the-life-even-of-a-snake-i/) [Mahatma Gandhi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mahatma-gandhi/) > [“It was beautiful. He thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in all his life; that, having seen it, he could die content,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mira-grant/it-was-beautiful-he-thought-he-had-never-seen-anything-so-beautiful/) [Mira Grant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mira-grant/) > [Retirement? You're talking about death, right?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-altman/retirement-you-re-talking-about-death-right/) [Robert Altman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-altman/) > [With multiplayer, permanent death, and an ever-changing world to explore and conquer, 'A Valley Without Wind' might be the place you're looking for if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-manuel/with-multiplayer-permanent-death-and-an-ever-changing-world-to/) [Rob Manuel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-manuel/) > [“What did you see?” she asked gently. His brow furrowed, as if he could not understand the question. Then his eyes turned to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-anthony-torino/what-did-you-see-she-asked-gently-his-brow-furrowed-as-if-he-could/) J. Anthony Torino > [Those whose life is long still strive for gain, and for all mortals all things take second place to money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophocles/those-whose-life-is-long-still-strive-for-gain-and-for-all-mortals/) [Sophocles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophocles/) > [“I practice Dying--every night-- But have not learned to, still-- Though Talented--by Mortal bones-- For such a common Skill.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-w-powers/i-practice-dying-every-night-but-have-not-learned-to-still-though/) Alan W. Powers > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [I am not a depressive person at all, but I reflect a lot on my life, and life in general, from the perspective of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/i-am-not-a-depressive-person-at-all-but-i-reflect-a-lot-on-my-life/) [Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/) > [“Death is a reality that calls the rest of life and all of our assorted strivings into sharp relief.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-d-lounsbrough/death-is-a-reality-that-calls-the-rest-of-life-and-all-of-our/) [Craig D. Lounsbrough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-d-lounsbrough/) > [I love life. I love life to death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emmanuelle-riva/i-love-life-i-love-life-to-death/) [Emmanuelle Riva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emmanuelle-riva/) > [I think when you’re dying you start looking for important things in the corners. You can’t let anything that seems even semi-important pass, because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-crutcher/i-think-when-you-re-dying-you-start-looking-for-important-things-in/) [Chris Crutcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-crutcher/) [Browse all 39,127 Death quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective mechanism for them, a way of buffering themselves against my future death, like when teenagers distance themselves from their parents in preparation for leaving home.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Sara Gruen" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it-s-a-protective-mechanism-for/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Death" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it-s-a-protective-mechanism-for/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/367/sara-gruen-3385_death_i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it_587756.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“I've decided it's not about me at all. It's a protective mechanism for them, a way of buffering themselves…” — Sara Gruen", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Sara Gruen", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sara-gruen/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“I've decided it's not about me...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it-s-a-protective-mechanism-for/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sara-gruen/i-ve-decided-it-s-not-about-me-at-all-it-s-a-protective-mechanism-for/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```