--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: We don’t necessarily know how to hear…" description: "\"“We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that violence is as simple as it is complicated..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg" --- # We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any… ![“We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that violence is as simple as it is complicated, that you can love someone who hurts you, that you can stay with someone who hurts you, that you can be hurt by someone who loves you, that you can…” quote by Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg) > ““We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that violence is as simple as it is complicated, that you can love someone who hurts you, that you can stay with someone who hurts you, that you can be hurt by someone who loves you, that you can be hurt by a complete stranger, that you can be hurt in so many terrible, intimate ways.”” [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Violence is paradoxical, intertwining love and pain, making it hard to comprehend and accept its varied forms. **In simple terms:** Violence mixes love and pain, creating complex feelings. Key Takeaway Recognize and confront the complexity of violent relationships. Themes love violence psychology relationships Mood conflicted reflective Type analytical empathic When to use this quote - domestic abuse - family conflict - intimate partner violence - personal healing Key Concepts paradox intimacy trauma acceptance Questions to Reflect On - How do you differentiate love from harmful behavior? - What steps help break cycles of violence? A Different Perspective Violence can be rationalized, obscuring accountability. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Assault](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/assault/) [Domestic abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-abuse/) [Domestic violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-violence/) [Rape](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/rape/) [Violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/violence/) ## Related quotes > [Passive violence can be as simple as someone honking their horn at you for not turning fast enough when the light changes. And it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/inga-muscio/passive-violence-can-be-as-simple-as-someone-honking-their-horn-at/) [Inga Muscio](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/inga-muscio/) > [Only thought which does violence to itself is hard enough to shatter myth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/only-thought-which-does-violence-to-itself-is-hard-enough-to-shatter/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Non-violence is not inaction. It is not discussion. It is not for the timid or weak... Non-violence is hard work.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cesar-chavez/non-violence-is-not-inaction-it-is-not-discussion-it-is-not-for-the/) [Cesar Chavez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cesar-chavez/) > [The older I get, the more I can't stand violence and have a hard time with seeing people die in horrific ways. It gets…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-lillard/the-older-i-get-the-more-i-can-t-stand-violence-and-have-a-hard-time/) [Matthew Lillard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-lillard/) > [Non-violence is not inaction. It is not discussion. It is not for the timid or weak... Non-violence is hard work. It is the willingness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cesar-chavez/non-violence-is-not-inaction-it-is-not-discussion-it-is-not-for-the-2/) [Cesar Chavez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cesar-chavez/) > [“While violence is necessary, it is not the only instrument for change. There are others just as good. But you must accept violence- you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/f-sionil-jos/while-violence-is-necessary-it-is-not-the-only-instrument-for-change/) [F. Sionil José](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/f-sionil-jos/) > [Let us not accept violence as the way of peace. Let us instead begin by respecting true freedom: the resulting peace will be able…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-john-paul-ii/let-us-not-accept-violence-as-the-way-of-peace-let-us-instead-begin/) [Pope John Paul II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-john-paul-ii/) > [We're going to send a unified message to the rest of this country, which is that we do not accept violence in this community.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-wheeler/we-re-going-to-send-a-unified-message-to-the-rest-of-this-country/) [Ted Wheeler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-wheeler/) > [Generally speaking, I'm much more in favour of penises entering vaginas than axes entering skulls. But the world seems to accept the violence a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-r-r-martin-2/generally-speaking-i-m-much-more-in-favour-of-penises-entering/) [George R. R. Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-r-r-martin-2/) > [Once we accept violence as an adaptation, it makes sense that its expression is calibrated to the environment. The same individual will behave differently…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-bloom/once-we-accept-violence-as-an-adaptation-it-makes-sense-that-its/) [Paul Bloom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-bloom/) > [At least in my country, we have come to accept the flags burning, but what we cannot accept is violence, burning of embassies and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-fried/at-least-in-my-country-we-have-come-to-accept-the-flags-burning-but/) [Daniel Fried](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-fried/) > [At the movies, we are gradually being conditioned to accept violence as a sensual pleasure. The directors used to say they were showing us…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pauline-kael/at-the-movies-we-are-gradually-being-conditioned-to-accept-violence/) [Pauline Kael](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pauline-kael/) > [Not only do most people accept violence if it is perpetuated by legitimate authority, they also regard violence against certain kinds of people as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edgar-friedenberg/not-only-do-most-people-accept-violence-if-it-is-perpetuated-by/) [Edgar Friedenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edgar-friedenberg/) > [When we speak about a culture of violence in the American society, we're not just talking about the mass killers. We're also talking about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-steyer/when-we-speak-about-a-culture-of-violence-in-the-american-society-we/) Jim Steyer > [I think violence can never be justified. At the same time, nobody’s culture or beliefs should be insulted, that’s not something I can accept…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abbas-kiarostami/i-think-violence-can-never-be-justified-at-the-same-time-nobody-s/) [Abbas Kiarostami](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abbas-kiarostami/) ## More by Roxane Gay > [“Human endurance fascinates me, probably too much because more often than not, I think of life in terms of enduring instead of living.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/human-endurance-fascinates-me-probably-too-much-because-more-often/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“Being useful was a balm.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/being-useful-was-a-balm/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [No woman or man is any one thing and the men in my stories, well, some of them are good and some of them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/no-woman-or-man-is-any-one-thing-and-the-men-in-my-stories-well-some/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“I was a daydreamer and I resented being pulled out of my daydreams to deal with the business of living.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/i-was-a-daydreamer-and-i-resented-being-pulled-out-of-my-daydreams-to/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [Feminism is, I hope, a way to a better future for everyone who inhabits this world. Feminism should not be something that needs a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/feminism-is-i-hope-a-way-to-a-better-future-for-everyone-who-inhabits/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [Fiction offers escape but it also interrogates the world we live in, whether the past, present or future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/fiction-offers-escape-but-it-also-interrogates-the-world-we-live-in/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“I've noticed while cooking, how ingredients in their individual and naked state and be a bit repulsive but necessary, kind of like people.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/i-ve-noticed-while-cooking-how-ingredients-in-their-individual-and/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“I shouted, “This is not right,” knowing my words were useless. There’s no room for such distinctions in a country where too many people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/i-shouted-this-is-not-right-knowing-my-words-were-useless-there-s-no/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [Most of my favorite tweets go completely ignored but most of my favorite tweets are probably really lame or inside jokes between me and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/most-of-my-favorite-tweets-go-completely-ignored-but-most-of-my/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“What about other women of color? For Hispanic and Latina women, Indian women, Middle Eastern women, Asian women, their absence in popular culture is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/what-about-other-women-of-color-for-hispanic-and-latina-women-indian/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [There has been, and there will continue to be, vigorous discussions about race in America. I worry that little will come of these discussions…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/there-has-been-and-there-will-continue-to-be-vigorous-discussions/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [Writing, at its best and truest, can offer solace and salvation for both readers and writers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/writing-at-its-best-and-truest-can-offer-solace-and-salvation-for/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“I knew I was in love with The Hunger Games when I did not want to get off the treadmill”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/i-knew-i-was-in-love-with-the-hunger-games-when-i-did-not-want-to-get/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“Just because you survive something does not mean you are strong.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/just-because-you-survive-something-does-not-mean-you-are-strong/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) > [“Celebrities understand the economy of thinness, and most of them are willing to participate in that economy, taking to social media, where they pose…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/celebrities-understand-the-economy-of-thinness-and-most-of-them-are/) [Roxane Gay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) [Explore all 503 Roxane Gay quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-byers-ruch/build-a-bridge-over-shame-by-teaching-kids-about-sexual-abuse-give/) [Carolyn Byers Ruch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-byers-ruch/) > [It is sure that those are most desirous of honour or glory who cry out loudest of its abuse and the vanity of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baruch-spinoza/it-is-sure-that-those-are-most-desirous-of-honour-or-glory-who-cry/) [Baruch Spinoza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baruch-spinoza/) > [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/) [Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/) > [Democracy must be built through open societies that share information. When there is information, there is enlightenment. When there is debate, there are solutions.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/atifete-jahjaga/democracy-must-be-built-through-open-societies-that-share-information/) [Atifete Jahjaga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/atifete-jahjaga/) > [I have a theory that all abuse, no matter what kind of abuse it is, is foremost an assault on the mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-westover/i-have-a-theory-that-all-abuse-no-matter-what-kind-of-abuse-it-is-is/) [Tara Westover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-westover/) > [“Blaming therapy, social work and other caring professions for the confabulation of testimony of 'satanic ritual abuse' legitimated a programme of political and social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/blaming-therapy-social-work-and-other-caring-professions-for-the/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [Finally, the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cumming/finally-the-scariest-thing-about-abuse-of-any-shape-or-form-is-in-my/) [Alan Cumming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cumming/) > [“Research on organised abuse emphasises the diversity of organised abuse cases, and the ways in which serious forms of child maltreatment cluster in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/research-on-organised-abuse-emphasises-the-diversity-of-organised/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [“Stand up for yourself. 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They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that violence is as simple as it is complicated, that you can love someone who hurts you, that you can stay with someone who hurts you, that you can be hurt by someone who loves you, that you can be hurt by a complete stranger, that you can be hurt in so many terrible, intimate ways.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Roxane Gay" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-stories-about-any-kind-of/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abuse" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-stories-about-any-kind-of/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/64a/roxane-gay-520_abuse_we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-st_315857.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“We don’t necessarily know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that…” — Roxane Gay", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Roxane Gay", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roxane-gay/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“We don’t necessarily know how to...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-stories-about-any-kind-of/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roxane-gay/we-don-t-necessarily-know-how-to-hear-stories-about-any-kind-of/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```