--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When they [parents and educators] talk of…" description: "\"“When they [parents and educators] talk of building self-esteem, they often resort to empty flattery rather than character-building honesty. I've heard..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7f/randy-pausch-842_downward-spiral_when-they-parents-and-educators-talk-of_472125.png" --- # When they \[parents and educators\] talk of building… ![“When they [parents and educators] talk of building self-esteem, they often resort to empty flattery rather than character-building honesty. I've heard so many people talk of a downward spiral in our educational system, and I think one key factor is that there is too much stroking and too little…” quote by Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7f/randy-pausch-842_downward-spiral_when-they-parents-and-educators-talk-of_472125.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7f/randy-pausch-842_downward-spiral_when-they-parents-and-educators-talk-of_472125.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/d7f/randy-pausch-842_downward-spiral_when-they-parents-and-educators-talk-of_472125.png) > ““When they \[parents and educators\] talk of building self-esteem, they often resort to empty flattery rather than character-building honesty. I've heard so many people talk of a downward spiral in our educational system, and I think one key factor is that there is too much stroking and too little real feedback.”” [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Emphasizes that genuine character development requires honest feedback, not superficial praise, to avoid stagnation in education. **In simple terms:** Honest feedback builds character more than empty praise. Key Takeaway Prioritize truthful critique over flattery. Themes education self-esteem feedback character development parenting Mood reflective concerned Type advice critical educational When to use this quote - classroom teaching - parent‑child conversations - mentor‑mentee meetings - performance reviews Key Concepts growth mindset psychology pedagogy Questions to Reflect On - How can we give honest feedback without discouraging learners? - What practices foster constructive criticism? A Different Perspective Overly harsh criticism can damage confidence; balance is needed. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Building Honesty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/building-honesty-4078343/) [Building Self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/building-self-1073764/) [Downward spiral](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/downward-spiral/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Parents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents/) [Parents Educators](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents-educators-2091614/) [People Talk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people-talk/) [Self esteem](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-esteem/) ## Related quotes > [One key factor in the downward spiral in our educational system is that there is too much stroking and too little real feedback.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/one-key-factor-in-the-downward-spiral-in-our-educational-system-is/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [“the best way for a young person to build character is for him to attempt something where there is a real and serious possibility…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tough/the-best-way-for-a-young-person-to-build-character-is-for-him-to/) [Paul Tough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tough/) > [One of the first ways to begin building your self-confidence is to focus on what's great about you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-sylver/one-of-the-first-ways-to-begin-building-your-self-confidence-is-to/) [Marshall Sylver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-sylver/) > [The most important thing we can do, as parents, as educators, and as a community, is ensure our children learn to read, so that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-youngkin/the-most-important-thing-we-can-do-as-parents-as-educators-and-as-a/) [Glenn Youngkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glenn-youngkin/) > [“Authenticity is a continual process of building self-awareness, a journey through which we acknowledge both our strengths and our limitations, and come to identify…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-hayes/authenticity-is-a-continual-process-of-building-self-awareness-a/) [Tom Hayes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-hayes/) > [“When you are confident in your own abilities, you trust yourself more. By building your self-trust, you start to believe in your own abilities,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-johnson/when-you-are-confident-in-your-own-abilities-you-trust-yourself-more/) [Rick Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-johnson/) > [the process of building a self and its works is always too slow. One is always in arrears to oneself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-sontag/the-process-of-building-a-self-and-its-works-is-always-too-slow-one/) [Susan Sontag](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-sontag/) > [Both my parents were educators, so interviews and college applications and shaking hands and looking people in the eye and feeling confident and knowing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vanessa-williams/both-my-parents-were-educators-so-interviews-and-college-applications/) [Vanessa Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vanessa-williams/) > [We all, parents, educators, community leaders, and every... citizen, need to come together to find new ways to engage children with the natural environment.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-bush/we-all-parents-educators-community-leaders-and-every-citizen-need-to/) [Laura Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-bush/) > [I grew up in a very loving middle class family. My parents were educators. I'm not even the first PhD in my family. They…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/condoleezza-rice/i-grew-up-in-a-very-loving-middle-class-family-my-parents-were/) [Condoleezza Rice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/condoleezza-rice/) > [Each kind thing you do for you is a brick in the foundation of building your self-love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/senoraroy/each-kind-thing-you-do-for-you-is-a-brick-in-the-foundation-of/) [Senoraroy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/senoraroy/) > [I felt like a Tinker toy kid building my own self out of one of those toy building sets; for as she laid her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-mcbride/i-felt-like-a-tinker-toy-kid-building-my-own-self-out-of-one-of-those/) [James McBride](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-mcbride/) > [“Building self-confidence is like building a muscle. Your confidence grows in response to your intensity of usage and the level of performance you require…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-c-young/building-self-confidence-is-like-building-a-muscle-your-confidence/) [Susan C. Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-c-young/) > [When you were growing up, your mom and dad told you to look both ways before crossing the street or not to get into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-dewolfe/when-you-were-growing-up-your-mom-and-dad-told-you-to-look-both-ways/) [Chris DeWolfe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-dewolfe/) > [“The ultimate goal of parents, educators, and professionals who interact with children with autism is to unlock their potential to become self-reliant, fully-integrated, contributing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karina-poirier/the-ultimate-goal-of-parents-educators-and-professionals-who-interact/) [Karina Poirier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karina-poirier/) ## More by Randy Pausch > [We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/we-cannot-change-the-cards-we-are-dealt-just-how-we-play-the-hand/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [Apologies are not pass/fail.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/apologies-are-not-pass-fail/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [When you're frustrated with people, when they've made you angry, it just may be because you haven't given them enough time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/when-you-re-frustrated-with-people-when-they-ve-made-you-angry-it/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [I was hugely impressed... was the ultimate example of a man who knew what he didn't know, was perfectly willing to admit it, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/i-was-hugely-impressed-was-the-ultimate-example-of-a-man-who-knew/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [There's nothing about my life that I would have changed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/there-s-nothing-about-my-life-that-i-would-have-changed/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [Complaining does not work as a strategy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/complaining-does-not-work-as-a-strategy/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [“If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are proper and heartfelt, you still may not hear from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/if-other-people-owe-you-an-apology-and-your-words-of-apology-to-them/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [“The brick walls are there for a reason. they're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/the-brick-walls-are-there-for-a-reason-they-re-not-there-to-keep-us/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [People are more important than things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/people-are-more-important-than-things/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [Anyone who knows me well will tell you that arrogance is one of my flaws.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/anyone-who-knows-me-well-will-tell-you-that-arrogance-is-one-of-my/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [When you do the right thing, good stuff has a way of happening.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/when-you-do-the-right-thing-good-stuff-has-a-way-of-happening/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [I don't believe in the no-win scenario](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/i-don-t-believe-in-the-no-win-scenario/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [Chemo days make me tired, though it's hard to say that's because of the chemo when you have kids who have inherited their dad's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/chemo-days-make-me-tired-though-it-s-hard-to-say-that-s-because-of/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [And even though I did not reach the National Football League, I sometimes think I got more from pursuing that dream, and not accomplishing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/and-even-though-i-did-not-reach-the-national-football-league-i/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) > [there should be some lessons learned and how you can use the stuff you hear today to achieve your dreams or enable the dreams…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-pausch/there-should-be-some-lessons-learned-and-how-you-can-use-the-stuff/) [Randy Pausch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) [Explore all 347 Randy Pausch quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-pausch/) ## More Downward spiral quotes > [What I was concerned about when I wrote the 'Downward Spiral' record was being a self-centred destructive force. The point was tearing down everything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/trent-reznor/what-i-was-concerned-about-when-i-wrote-the-downward-spiral-record/) [Trent Reznor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/trent-reznor/) > [“Start living right here, in each present moment. When we stop dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we're open to rich…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-williams/start-living-right-here-in-each-present-moment-when-we-stop-dwelling/) [Mark Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-williams/) > [Given the imperfections of our society and the apparent downward spiral of spiritual and moral values in recent years, thinking has become a grave…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck-2/given-the-imperfections-of-our-society-and-the-apparent-downward/) [M Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck-2/) > [“Toward the end of her life a burglar broke into her house and pistol-whipped her. She was an elderly woman by then, and it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-wagner/toward-the-end-of-her-life-a-burglar-broke-into-her-house-and-pistol/) [Robert Wagner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-wagner/) > [“Being willing to experience stressful emotions helps you get used to them, know their course, and become familiar with them. This allows your brain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melanie-greenberg/being-willing-to-experience-stressful-emotions-helps-you-get-used-to/) [Melanie Greenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melanie-greenberg/) > [Being against other people's policies eventually puts you in a downward spiral. It's fine to be principled and oppose views that you don't agree…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeb-bush/being-against-other-people-s-policies-eventually-puts-you-in-a/) [Jeb Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeb-bush/) > [It is so easy to "calibrate" -that is, given the pressures on a smaller company to redefine in less ambitious terms- that which you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-allen/it-is-so-easy-to-calibrate-that-is-given-the-pressures-on-a-smaller/) [Kevin Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-allen/) > [If we had a starting XI that no one could argue about it wouldn't say a lot for English football. We'd probably be on…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rio-ferdinand/if-we-had-a-starting-xi-that-no-one-could-argue-about-it-wouldn-t-say/) [Rio Ferdinand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rio-ferdinand/) > [“I thought about how my life had drastically changed after the last few days. I had been on a downward spiral, but after meeting…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/teresa-mummert/i-thought-about-how-my-life-had-drastically-changed-after-the-last/) [Teresa Mummert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/teresa-mummert/) > [“My sixteenth was anything but sweet; it was more like a passage into hell on earth. March 12 was the day my dreams died…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirsty-moseley/my-sixteenth-was-anything-but-sweet-it-was-more-like-a-passage-into/) [Kirsty Moseley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirsty-moseley/) > [“I hated him for not being depressed. He seemed a fool-- everyone who didn't feel like me was a fool. I alone knew the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-wurtzel/i-hated-him-for-not-being-depressed-he-seemed-a-fool-everyone-who/) [Elizabeth Wurtzel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-wurtzel/) > [Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-stanley/fear-stifles-our-thinking-and-actions-it-creates-indecisiveness-that/) [Charles Stanley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-stanley/) > [Every day on our streets there are people who are facing a combination of homelessness, mental illness, and addiction. Each of these conditions is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/london-breed/every-day-on-our-streets-there-are-people-who-are-facing-a/) [London Breed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/london-breed/) > [I knew 'Hurt' way before Dad recorded it. In 1992, 'Downward Spiral' was one of my favorite albums.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-carter-cash/i-knew-hurt-way-before-dad-recorded-it-in-1992-downward-spiral-was/) [John Carter Cash](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-carter-cash/) > [“When people are trapped in this downward spiral for years, especially those who are downstream of Development, they often feel stuck in a system…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gene-kim/when-people-are-trapped-in-this-downward-spiral-for-years-especially/) [Gene Kim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gene-kim/) [Browse all 75 Downward spiral quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/downward-spiral/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“When they [parents and educators] talk of building self-esteem, they often resort to empty flattery rather than character-building honesty. 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