--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: replied that I wasn’t sure it was…" description: "\"“replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/rachel-cusk-3482_identity_replied-that-i-wasn-t-sure-it-was-possib_659059.png" --- # replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage… ![“replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become through the other person. I thought the whole idea of a ‘real’ self might be illusory: you might feel, in other words, as though there were some…” quote by Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/rachel-cusk-3482_identity_replied-that-i-wasn-t-sure-it-was-possib_659059.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/rachel-cusk-3482_identity_replied-that-i-wasn-t-sure-it-was-possib_659059.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ee2/rachel-cusk-3482_identity_replied-that-i-wasn-t-sure-it-was-possib_659059.png) > ““replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become through the other person. I thought the whole idea of a ‘real’ self might be illusory: you might feel, in other words, as though there were some separate, autonomous self within you, but perhaps that self didn’t actually exist.”” [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator questions whether a stable, independent self exists, suggesting identity is shaped by relationships and may be an illusion. **In simple terms:** Identity may be fluid, shaped by relationships. Key Takeaway Reflect on how relationships shape you. Themes identity relationships philosophy Mood introspective thoughtful Type philosophical literary When to use this quote - marriage - personal growth - therapy - self‑reflection Key Concepts selfhood existentialism Questions to Reflect On - Do you feel a core self separate from relationships? - Can selfhood be both stable and changing? A Different Perspective May overgeneralize personal experience. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Identity](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) [Marriage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage/) [Real self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/real-self/) ## Related quotes > [“It is not true to say that there is no self at all or that everything is empty or illusory, but it is true…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noah-levine/it-is-not-true-to-say-that-there-is-no-self-at-all-or-that-everything/) [Noah Levine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noah-levine/) > [“but if a girl were possible as I am possible then marriage would be possible...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gregory-corso/but-if-a-girl-were-possible-as-i-am-possible-then-marriage-would-be/) [Gregory Corso](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gregory-corso/) > [I don't regret my time there at all. I wasn't the main girlfriend in the relationship. Hef and Holly were the ones talking about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bridget-marquardt/i-don-t-regret-my-time-there-at-all-i-wasn-t-the-main-girlfriend-in/) [Bridget Marquardt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bridget-marquardt/) > [“I never met a true self I didn't fall in love with.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/candyce-ossefort-russell/i-never-met-a-true-self-i-didn-t-fall-in-love-with/) Candyce Ossefort-Russell > [Until I was twenty-eight, I had a kind of buried self who didn't know she could do anything but make white sauce and diaper…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-sexton/until-i-was-twenty-eight-i-had-a-kind-of-buried-self-who-didn-t-know/) [Anne Sexton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-sexton/) > [Women's self didn't die; it had never been born. And when women insisted on their right to have a self, they weren't understood even…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-m-bardwick/women-s-self-didn-t-die-it-had-never-been-born-and-when-women/) [Judith M Bardwick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-m-bardwick/) > [People don't know my real self, and they're not about to find out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yul-brynner/people-don-t-know-my-real-self-and-they-re-not-about-to-find-out/) [Yul Brynner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yul-brynner/) > [“I don't need to be better or even the best, i just need to be real and be my self”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wendy-prince/i-don-t-need-to-be-better-or-even-the-best-i-just-need-to-be-real-and/) Wendy Prince > [In 'A Boy's Own Story' and 'Jack Holmes and His Friend,' my idea was to take someone totally different from my real self and,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-white/in-a-boy-s-own-story-and-jack-holmes-and-his-friend-my-idea-was-to/) [Edmund White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-white/) > [You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/spencer-w-kimball/you-are-unique-and-there-may-be-incidents-in-your-experience-that-are/) [Spencer W. Kimball](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/spencer-w-kimball/) > [“Of course, I'm not sure there is such a thing as a real self. You could ransack your innards looking for the real you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryu-murakami/of-course-i-m-not-sure-there-is-such-a-thing-as-a-real-self-you-could/) [Ryū Murakami](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryu-murakami/) > [“Our real self is under siege by our anti-self.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-firestone/our-real-self-is-under-siege-by-our-anti-self/) [Lisa Firestone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-firestone/) > [And it hurts because youre nothing like the person I thought you were.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dev/and-it-hurts-because-youre-nothing-like-the-person-i-thought-you-were/) [Dev](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dev/) > [“When I was a kid, I used to watch that show, sitting on the couch in my pajamas and wishing more than anything that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-watch-that-show-sitting-on-the-couch-in-my/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“That person thought that wearing an ugly dress on the happiest day of someone else's life was just the beginning-the line you have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rainbow-rowell/that-person-thought-that-wearing-an-ugly-dress-on-the-happiest-day-of/) [Rainbow Rowell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rainbow-rowell/) ## More by Rachel Cusk > [A creative writing workshop will contain students whose ambitions and abilities, whose conceptions of literature itself, are so diverse that what they have in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/a-creative-writing-workshop-will-contain-students-whose-ambitions-and/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [“If a man had a nasty side to his character, she wanted to get to it immediately and confront it. She didn’t want it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/if-a-man-had-a-nasty-side-to-his-character-she-wanted-to-get-to-it/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [If I know somebody is coming 'round, it is incredibly difficult for me to work because I'm waiting for this interruption - even the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/if-i-know-somebody-is-coming-round-it-is-incredibly-difficult-for-me/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [I felt that I could swim for miles, out into the ocean: a desire for freedom, an impulse to move, tugged at me as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/i-felt-that-i-could-swim-for-miles-out-into-the-ocean-a-desire-for/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [The creativity of childhood was often surrendered amid feelings of unworthiness. So the idea that others are demanding to be given it back -…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/the-creativity-of-childhood-was-often-surrendered-amid-feelings-of/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [A neighbor is something that belongs to the stable world of home life, the thing that lives next door to you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/a-neighbor-is-something-that-belongs-to-the-stable-world-of-home-life/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [Help is dangerous because it exists outside the human economy: the only payment for help is gratitude.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/help-is-dangerous-because-it-exists-outside-the-human-economy-the/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [A feminist man is a bit like a vegetarian: it's the humanitarian principle he's defending, I suppose.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/a-feminist-man-is-a-bit-like-a-vegetarian-it-s-the-humanitarian/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [Feminism remains something that needs to be explained to people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/feminism-remains-something-that-needs-to-be-explained-to-people/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [“At the time, he had got rid of her so efficiently and so suavely that she had felt almost reassured even as she was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/at-the-time-he-had-got-rid-of-her-so-efficiently-and-so-suavely-that/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [“From the distance of England the Italian cuisine seems to be all things to all people. It does not expect you to bend to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/from-the-distance-of-england-the-italian-cuisine-seems-to-be-all/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [You could time a suburban story by your watch: it lasts as long as it takes a small furry animal that's lonely to find…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/you-could-time-a-suburban-story-by-your-watch-it-lasts-as-long-as-it/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [It is expected that a children's story will raise a difficulty and then resolve it: increasingly, this resolution is so prompt and so resounding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/it-is-expected-that-a-children-s-story-will-raise-a-difficulty-and/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [Human beings have a need, generally, to destroy things. The Freudian principle of civilisation is correct. There's always, always a difference between the family…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/human-beings-have-a-need-generally-to-destroy-things-the-freudian/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) > [I don't think I knew that you could be a novelist. I think a lot of my students are in the same condition. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-cusk/i-don-t-think-i-knew-that-you-could-be-a-novelist-i-think-a-lot-of-my/) [Rachel Cusk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) [Explore all 128 Rachel Cusk quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-cusk/) ## More Identity quotes > [I don't doubt that straight white men have identity issues and identity complexes and struggle with defining themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-simien/i-don-t-doubt-that-straight-white-men-have-identity-issues-and/) [Justin Simien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-simien/) > [In the hearing world, I'm constantly having to lip-read and trying to understand what's going on. Sign language is so beautiful. It gives you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rose-ayling-ellis/in-the-hearing-world-i-m-constantly-having-to-lip-read-and-trying-to/) [Rose Ayling-Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rose-ayling-ellis/) > [I think the next 50 years are going to present the human race with challenges that so far exceed the limitations of geopolitical boundaries…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zachary-quinto/i-think-the-next-50-years-are-going-to-present-the-human-race-with/) [Zachary Quinto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zachary-quinto/) > [You have expressive nationalism, I mean very identity driven, which shaped each other a lot of that in the Middle East.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/subrahmanyam-jaishankar/you-have-expressive-nationalism-i-mean-very-identity-driven-which/) [Subrahmanyam Jaishankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/subrahmanyam-jaishankar/) > [Family over friends, because real friends are family](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/family-over-friends-because-real-friends-are-family/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I think everybody, or the great majority of human beings, have this aspiration to become other: to live a different identity, at least for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mario-vargas-llosa/i-think-everybody-or-the-great-majority-of-human-beings-have-this/) [Mario Vargas Llosa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mario-vargas-llosa/) > [The language we share is at the core of our identity as citizens, and our ticket to full participation in American political life. We…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-i-hayakawa/the-language-we-share-is-at-the-core-of-our-identity-as-citizens-and/) [S. I. 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Washington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/booker-t-washington/) > [“Why were there no words that spoke positively about being concerned about the self? Why was there only negative connotation in terms like "selfish",…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-j-dalton/why-were-there-no-words-that-spoke-positively-about-being-concerned/) A.J. Dalton [Browse all 11,949 Identity quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/identity/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become through the other person. 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