--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When people are hurting, what they really…" description: "\"When people are hurting, what they really need is someone who is fully there for them - not someone who is condescending or officious. The only way for..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/pema-ch-dr-n-327_causes_when-people-are-hurting-what-they-really_2742861.jpg" --- # When people are hurting, what they really need is someone… ![“When people are hurting, what they really need is someone who is fully there for them - not someone who is condescending or officious. The only way for you to be there for them is by facing your fear or anger, whatever feelings cause you to shut down.” quote by Pema Chodron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/pema-ch-dr-n-327_causes_when-people-are-hurting-what-they-really_2742861.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/pema-ch-dr-n-327_causes_when-people-are-hurting-what-they-really_2742861.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b4b/pema-ch-dr-n-327_causes_when-people-are-hurting-what-they-really_2742861.jpg) > “When people are hurting, what they really need is someone who is fully there for them - not someone who is condescending or officious. The only way for you to be there for them is by facing your fear or anger, whatever feelings cause you to shut down.” [Pema Chodron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pema-ch-dr-n/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. True support requires presence without judgment; confronting one's own fears enables genuine empathy. **In simple terms:** Being fully present helps others heal; face your own emotions first. Key Takeaway Offer unconditional presence, work through personal barriers. Themes compassion presence emotional honesty fear management Mood calm supportive reflective Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - counseling - friendship - crisis support - personal growth Key Concepts mindfulness empathy self-awareness Questions to Reflect On - What fears block you from being fully present? - How can you practice non‑judgmental listening? A Different Perspective It can be difficult to stay present when personal turmoil is intense. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Condescending](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/condescending/) [Face your fears](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/face-your-fears/) [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) ## Related quotes > [The best songs are written through our anger. Even though feelings change over time, our lyrics will always remain inside the song as a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kastle-king/the-best-songs-are-written-through-our-anger-even-though-feelings/) Kastle King > [The internal conflict due to passive behavior can lead to stress,resentment, anger feelings of victimization, desire to exact revenge.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dranil-kr-sinha/the-internal-conflict-due-to-passive-behavior-can-lead-to-stress/) [DrAnil Kr Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dranil-kr-sinha/) > [If seeing that other person's pain brings up your fear or anger or confusion (which often happens), just start doing tonglen for yourself and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pema-ch-dr-n/if-seeing-that-other-person-s-pain-brings-up-your-fear-or-anger-or/) [Pema Chodron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pema-ch-dr-n/) > [“Guilt feelings can cause people to experience severe depression after they have been successful in some work or personal project. Chronic bad luck accidents…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marsha-sinetar/guilt-feelings-can-cause-people-to-experience-severe-depression-after/) [Marsha Sinetar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marsha-sinetar/) > [“do: KEEP IN MIND THAT FEELINGS ALWAYS HAVE A CAUSE. THERE’S ALWAYS A REASON WHY YOU’RE FEELING WHAT YOU DO.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/do-keep-in-mind-that-feelings-always-have-a-cause-there-s-always-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Some feelings cause us pain because they remain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/some-feelings-cause-us-pain-because-they-remain/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Many people don't know about the power of good feelings, and so their feelings are reactions or responses to what happens to them. THey…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhonda-byrne/many-people-don-t-know-about-the-power-of-good-feelings-and-so-their/) [Rhonda Byrne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhonda-byrne/) > [Be careful who you tell your feelings too cause some people are waiting for the opportunity to use them against you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/be-careful-who-you-tell-your-feelings-too-cause-some-people-are/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Everything else you see and experience in this world is effect, and that includes your feelings. The cause is always your thoughts.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhonda-byrne/everything-else-you-see-and-experience-in-this-world-is-effect-and/) [Rhonda Byrne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhonda-byrne/) > [“But you know Hajime, some feelings cause us pain because they remain.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/haruki-murakami/but-you-know-hajime-some-feelings-cause-us-pain-because-they-remain/) [Haruki Murakami](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/haruki-murakami/) > [What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/what-others-do-may-be-the-stimulus-of-our-feelings-but-never-the-cause/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Taking advantage of someone and their feelings cause you know you can is a bitch move.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/taking-advantage-of-someone-and-their-feelings-cause-you-know-you-can/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Let’s return to the main argument. People are hurting as hell. It matters. We should do something to make them happier, if we can.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hanzi-freinacht/let-s-return-to-the-main-argument-people-are-hurting-as-hell-it/) [Hanzi Freinacht](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hanzi-freinacht/) > [The crazy thing is, you never really know how much the people around you are hurting. You could be standing next to someone who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bakare/the-crazy-thing-is-you-never-really-know-how-much-the-people-around/) [Bakare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bakare/) > [Everyone there including President Mugabe knows something needs to change because so many people are hurting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kirsty-coventry/everyone-there-including-president-mugabe-knows-something-needs-to/) [Kirsty Coventry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kirsty-coventry/) ## More by Pema Chodron > [“LIFE’S work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into your life wake you up rather than put you to sleep.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pema-ch-dr-n/life-s-work-is-to-wake-up-to-let-the-things-that-enter-into-your-life/) [Pema Chödrön](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pema-ch-dr-n/) > [Since death is certain and the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pema-ch-dr-n/since-death-is-certain-and-the-time-of-death-is-uncertain-what-is-the/) [Pema Chodron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pema-ch-dr-n/) > [Buddhist words such as compassion and emptiness don't mean much until we start cultivating our innate ability simply to be there with pain with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pema-ch-dr-n/buddhist-words-such-as-compassion-and-emptiness-don-t-mean-much-until/) [Pema Chodron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pema-ch-dr-n/) > [The essence of generosity is letting go. 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