--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: In order to really understand, we need to…" description: "\"In order to really understand, we need to listen, not reply. We need to listen long and attentively. In order to help anybody to open his heart we have..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdc/paul-tournier-14006_asking_in-order-to-really-understand-we-need-to_785251.png" --- # In order to really understand, we need to listen, not… ![“In order to really understand, we need to listen, not reply. We need to listen long and attentively. In order to help anybody to open his heart we have to give him time, asking only a few questions, as carefully as possible in order to help him better explain his experience.” quote by Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdc/paul-tournier-14006_asking_in-order-to-really-understand-we-need-to_785251.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdc/paul-tournier-14006_asking_in-order-to-really-understand-we-need-to_785251.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/fdc/paul-tournier-14006_asking_in-order-to-really-understand-we-need-to_785251.png) > “In order to really understand, we need to listen, not reply. We need to listen long and attentively. In order to help anybody to open his heart we have to give him time, asking only a few questions, as carefully as possible in order to help him better explain his experience.” [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Understanding requires patient listening and thoughtful questioning, not immediate response. **In simple terms:** Listen deeply before answering. Key Takeaway Prioritize attentive listening to foster genuine understanding. Themes communication empathy learning Mood thoughtful supportive Type advice inspirational When to use this quote - therapy sessions - conflict resolution - coaching - education Key Concepts psychology active listening Questions to Reflect On - How can you balance listening with providing guidance? - What questions reveal deeper feelings? A Different Perspective Listening alone may not resolve misunderstandings without action. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Giving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving/) [Heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heart/) [Open heart](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/open-heart/) [Order](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/order/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [You can't really explain to anyone the experience onset, you actually have to see it to understand what we're all going through. Some days…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katie-cassidy/you-can-t-really-explain-to-anyone-the-experience-onset-you-actually/) [Katie Cassidy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katie-cassidy/) > [All you can do is grin from ear to ear with the joy of new possibilities. You cant fully explain it. If someone hasnt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kemmy-nola-http-wwwamoreloveforlifecom/all-you-can-do-is-grin-from-ear-to-ear-with-the-joy-of-new/) Kemmy Nola Http://wwwamoreloveforlifecom > [I keep wondering how to explain the experience of child abuse from the inside. I'm going to try to explain what my world was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robin-quivers/i-keep-wondering-how-to-explain-the-experience-of-child-abuse-from/) [Robin Quivers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robin-quivers/) > [Above all, I will keep an open heart. 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Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurell-k-hamilton/) > [Anger can be a wonderful wake up call to help you understand what you need and what you value.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/anger-can-be-a-wonderful-wake-up-call-to-help-you-understand-what-you/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [“I could never seem to make the people I love understand what I need. I don't know why.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-roberts/i-could-never-seem-to-make-the-people-i-love-understand-what-i-need-i/) [Nora Roberts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-roberts/) > [“People must understand the need for change and desire to change before they can change. ”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-a-weidman/people-must-understand-the-need-for-change-and-desire-to-change/) [H.A. Weidman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/h-a-weidman/) > [You don't understand how much I need you. you don't understand that your the only one for me. in words I could never explain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-don-t-understand-how-much-i-need-you-you-don-t-understand-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The struggle to make people understand the need for change is over.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-ferguson/the-struggle-to-make-people-understand-the-need-for-change-is-over/) [Marilyn Ferguson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-ferguson/) > [“A Friend who can never Understand your Need can never be your true friend Indeed”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhishek-sundarraman/a-friend-who-can-never-understand-your-need-can-never-be-your-true/) [Abhishek Sundarraman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhishek-sundarraman/) > [“life is hard to explain, difficult to understand but you still need life.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/malik-daniyal-sakhawat/life-is-hard-to-explain-difficult-to-understand-but-you-still-need/) Malik Daniyal Sakhawat > [Everything is difficult, and everything worthwhile is difficult. A certain need, a need not unlike Mickey had: to know, to understand, and I had…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harvey-keitel/everything-is-difficult-and-everything-worthwhile-is-difficult-a/) [Harvey Keitel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harvey-keitel/) > [“You don’t understand. I need the separation,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/n-michaels/you-don-t-understand-i-need-the-separation/) [N. Michaels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/n-michaels/) ## More by Paul Tournier > [God leads us step by step, from event to event. Only afterward, as we look back over the way we have come and reconsider…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/god-leads-us-step-by-step-from-event-to-event-only-afterward-as-we/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [I am convinced that nine out of every ten persons seeing a psychiatrist do not need one. They need someone who will love them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/i-am-convinced-that-nine-out-of-every-ten-persons-seeing-a/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [Many ordinary illnesses are nothing but the expression of a serious dissatisfaction with life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/many-ordinary-illnesses-are-nothing-but-the-expression-of-a-serious/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [What happens then is like what happens when we separate a jigsaw puzzle into its fuve hundred pieces: The over-all picture disappears. This is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/what-happens-then-is-like-what-happens-when-we-separate-a-jigsaw/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [The most tragic consequence of our criticism of a man is to block his way to humiliation and grace, precisely to drive him into…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/the-most-tragic-consequence-of-our-criticism-of-a-man-is-to-block-his/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [Your manner of life now is already determining your life in those years of old age and retirement, without your realizing it even, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/your-manner-of-life-now-is-already-determining-your-life-in-those/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. 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They are, for the most part, dialogues of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/listen-to-all-the-conversations-of-our-world-between-nations-as-well/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [That is what marriage really means; helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/that-is-what-marriage-really-means-helping-one-another-to-reach-the/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/nothing-makes-us-so-lonely-as-our-secrets/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [“Now, we shall be able to judge the extent of the spiritual undernourishment if we look at all these movements from another angle: not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/now-we-shall-be-able-to-judge-the-extent-of-the-spiritual/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [No one can develop freely in this world and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/no-one-can-develop-freely-in-this-world-and-find-a-full-life-without/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) > [Everything that is worthwhile in life is scary. Choosing a school, choosing a career, getting married, having kids - all those things are scary.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-tournier/everything-that-is-worthwhile-in-life-is-scary-choosing-a-school/) [Paul Tournier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) [Explore all 48 Paul Tournier quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-tournier/) ## More Asking quotes > [Why did Erich von Stronheim leave Germany? Why did Hitchcock leave England? If you were a director you'd like to work in Hollywood too.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roman-polanski/why-did-erich-von-stronheim-leave-germany-why-did-hitchcock-leave/) [Roman Polanski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roman-polanski/) > [And in your new lives you'll have to live entirely for that one sensation-that of imminent truth. And you're going to have to holler…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/douglas-coupland/and-in-your-new-lives-you-ll-have-to-live-entirely-for-that-one/) [Douglas Coupland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/douglas-coupland/) > [“Stop asking yourself how or why and tell yourself you can." - Charmainism”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charmaine-smith-ladd/stop-asking-yourself-how-or-why-and-tell-yourself-you-can-charmainism/) [Charmaine Smith Ladd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charmaine-smith-ladd/) > [Closing his eyes, he sent up a prayer to anyone who was listening, asking please, for God's sake, stop sending him signals that they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/closing-his-eyes-he-sent-up-a-prayer-to-anyone-who-was-listening/) [J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/) > [People will identify with a persecuted minority without asking themselves what they are identifying with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hilary-mantel/people-will-identify-with-a-persecuted-minority-without-asking/) [Hilary Mantel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hilary-mantel/) > [If you're having a bad day already and everybody is just asking you petty questions, it drives people to the edge, or something really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-weixler/if-you-re-having-a-bad-day-already-and-everybody-is-just-asking-you/) [Jess Weixler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-weixler/) > [You never give away your heart; you lend it from time to time. If it were not so, how could we take it back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-winterson/you-never-give-away-your-heart-you-lend-it-from-time-to-time-if-it/) [Jeanette Winterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-winterson/) > [I'm not asking people to feel sorry for me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-abramoff/i-m-not-asking-people-to-feel-sorry-for-me/) [Jack Abramoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-abramoff/) > [The boldness of asking deep questions may require unforeseen flexibility if we are to accept the answers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-greene/the-boldness-of-asking-deep-questions-may-require-unforeseen/) [Brian Greene](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-greene/) > [Use Google Before Asking A Stupid Question.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/muskaan/use-google-before-asking-a-stupid-question/) [Muskaan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/muskaan/) > [There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-walters/there-were-people-asking-can-women-be-funny-people-still-ask-that-it/) [Julie Walters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-walters/) > [Whether that's speaking up in your job or asking for a promotion or saying, 'I think I can do that.' Using your voice in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-shriver/whether-that-s-speaking-up-in-your-job-or-asking-for-a-promotion-or/) [Maria Shriver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-shriver/) > [Love cannot be had for the asking; it comes only as a gift from the heart of another](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paramahansa-yogananda/love-cannot-be-had-for-the-asking-it-comes-only-as-a-gift-from-the/) [Paramahansa Yogananda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paramahansa-yogananda/) > [The Baseball Hall of Fame is something every player dreams about, but being a member of God's Hall of Fame is the greatest achievement…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-carter/the-baseball-hall-of-fame-is-something-every-player-dreams-about-but/) [Gary Carter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-carter/) > [“In such a regime, I say you died a good death if your life had inspired someone to come forward and shoot your murdered…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chinua-achebe/in-such-a-regime-i-say-you-died-a-good-death-if-your-life-had/) [Chinua Achebe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chinua-achebe/) Browse all 3,313 Asking quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "In order to really understand, we need to listen, not reply. 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