--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is also the soothing, medicating and…" description: "\"“It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are part of betrayal bonding. Both partners are obsessed with whether she is going to accept th..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/009/patrick-j-carnes-33171_betrayal_it-is-also-the-soothing-medicating-and-n_2140796.jpg" --- # It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are… ![“It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are part of betrayal bonding. Both partners are obsessed with whether she is going to accept the promise again. Neither partner has to come to grips with the pain or patterns of their lives.” quote by Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/009/patrick-j-carnes-33171_betrayal_it-is-also-the-soothing-medicating-and-n_2140796.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/009/patrick-j-carnes-33171_betrayal_it-is-also-the-soothing-medicating-and-n_2140796.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/009/patrick-j-carnes-33171_betrayal_it-is-also-the-soothing-medicating-and-n_2140796.jpg) > ““It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are part of betrayal bonding. Both partners are obsessed with whether she is going to accept the promise again. Neither partner has to come to grips with the pain or patterns of their lives.”” [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. It describes betrayal as a complex mix of comfort and pain, where partners cling to promises while avoiding deeper emotional work. **In simple terms:** Betrayal can feel soothing yet hides unresolved hurt. Key Takeaway Address underlying pain, not just the surface comfort. Themes relationships psychology betrayal Mood introspective somber Type therapeutic philosophical When to use this quote - couples therapy - personal growth - conflict resolution - trust rebuilding Key Concepts attachment theory emotional avoidance Questions to Reflect On - What does the “soothing” aspect of betrayal mask? - How can partners move beyond promise‑obsession? A Different Perspective Comfort may prevent confronting necessary change. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Betrayal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) [Betrayal Bonding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal-bonding-4456212/) [Bonding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bonding/) [Bonding Partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bonding-partners-4456214/) [Nurturing Betrayal](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nurturing-betrayal-4456213/) ## Related quotes > [“What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror. If the wound is deep enough, and the terror big enough, your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/what-moves-betrayal-into-the-realm-of-trauma-is-fear-and-terror-if/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Betrayal, addiction and trauma weave a design of continually recycled wounds that create an overarching pattern of compulsive relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/betrayal-addiction-and-trauma-weave-a-design-of-continually-recycled/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [The bonding off the court correlates a lot to on the court.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jrue-holiday/the-bonding-off-the-court-correlates-a-lot-to-on-the-court/) [Jrue Holiday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jrue-holiday/) > [In some ways, the finding that financial education doesn't provide long-term payoffs is hardly surprising. After all, how much do you remember from your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-thaler/in-some-ways-the-finding-that-financial-education-doesn-t-provide/) [Richard Thaler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-thaler/) > [I'm a social butterfly. Once I get somewhere, I can make myself at ease and start the team bonding and build a relationship with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/drew-gooden/i-m-a-social-butterfly-once-i-get-somewhere-i-can-make-myself-at-ease/) [Drew Gooden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/drew-gooden/) > [If there's a partnership in doing a dangerous thing, there's a real sense of bonding. Plus, the feeling of freedom is sexy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bridget-marquardt/if-there-s-a-partnership-in-doing-a-dangerous-thing-there-s-a-real/) [Bridget Marquardt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bridget-marquardt/) > [People do need a social license to go, "Ha ha ha," and have a good time. It's a strange thing. There's a lot of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dylan-moran/people-do-need-a-social-license-to-go-ha-ha-ha-and-have-a-good-time/) [Dylan Moran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dylan-moran/) > [Once we have conceived of time and space, once we have accepted their existence, then that implies that there is a structural order to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-lenz/once-we-have-conceived-of-time-and-space-once-we-have-accepted-their/) [Frederick Lenz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-lenz/) > [Football spectators appreciate a bit of loyalty, and we're seeing that less and less. There are echelons of football, as in society, where some…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vincent-nichols/football-spectators-appreciate-a-bit-of-loyalty-and-we-re-seeing-that/) [Vincent Nichols](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vincent-nichols/) > [Nostalgia is also a trait of the organizations that I call lodges - everything from corporate cultures to religious sects. Their bonding power often…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-james/nostalgia-is-also-a-trait-of-the-organizations-that-i-call-lodges/) [Jennifer James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-james/) > [ What's cool is that in the story of the movie \[The Hangover\] our characters are also really kind of getting to know each other… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-helms/what-s-cool-is-that-in-the-story-of-the-movie-the-hangover-our/) [Ed Helms](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ed-helms/) > [“You grew up too fast, baby." Didn't always feel that way, especially this morning when I couldn't find my other flip-flop and I'd been,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-l-armentrout/you-grew-up-too-fast-baby-didn-t-always-feel-that-way-especially-this/) [Jennifer L. Armentrout](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-l-armentrout/) > [“If you cannot wait for time to unearth roots, you must dig.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nelou-keramati/if-you-cannot-wait-for-time-to-unearth-roots-you-must-dig/) [Nelou Keramati](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nelou-keramati/) > [I liked climbing trees and could often be found up one reading a book. I played games with Dad and drew maps for him…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rhianna-pratchett/i-liked-climbing-trees-and-could-often-be-found-up-one-reading-a-book/) [Rhianna Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rhianna-pratchett/) > [Broken by hardships, disappointments and tragedy, people can become discouraged and cynical. But lives can also be mended. Put back together well, they won't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steve-goodier/broken-by-hardships-disappointments-and-tragedy-people-can-become/) [Steve Goodier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steve-goodier/) ## More by Patrick J. Carnes > [“Betrayal, addiction and trauma weave a design of continually recycled wounds that create an overarching pattern of compulsive relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/betrayal-addiction-and-trauma-weave-a-design-of-continually-recycled/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she starts to recommit to the relationship, he starts distancing himself. The intensity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/in-part-this-is-an-intimacy-disorder-for-as-soon-as-she-starts-to/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror. If the wound is deep enough, and the terror big enough, your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/what-moves-betrayal-into-the-realm-of-trauma-is-fear-and-terror-if/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“However, sexual anorexics do have a definite profile that separates them from the larger population of those having difficulty being sexual: They are often…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/however-sexual-anorexics-do-have-a-definite-profile-that-separates/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Loyalty to that which does not work, or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive or destructive to you, is a form of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/loyalty-to-that-which-does-not-work-or-worse-to-a-person-who-is-toxic/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Seduction is high warmth with low intention”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/seduction-is-high-warmth-with-low-intention/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Addicts can clearly know they need to stop and cannot. Despite the consequences they continue high-risk behavior. They become so obsessed with the behavior…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/addicts-can-clearly-know-they-need-to-stop-and-cannot-despite-the/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Deprivation draws on two convictions: (1) The deprived person does not believe that he or she is worthy or deserving of pleasure or comfort;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/deprivation-draws-on-two-convictions-1-the-deprived-person-does-not/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“By the Middles Ages it was a sin to have sex with a child. If an adult were guilty of such a sin, one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/by-the-middles-ages-it-was-a-sin-to-have-sex-with-a-child-if-an-adult/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“They are often extremely competent people who are committed to doing things very well and have a fear of making mistakes and being human.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/they-are-often-extremely-competent-people-who-are-committed-to-doing/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/we-are-so-used-to-our-own-history-we-do-not-see-it-as-remarkable-or/) [patrick j. carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“In the 1980s, research on post traumatic stress disorder in Vietnam veterans was regarded as important, noble, and useful. When the same researchers looked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/in-the-1980s-research-on-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-in-vietnam/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“By the nineteenth century, society had given up burning witches. Yet the sexual exploitation of children continued. In late-nineteenth-century Britain, for example, men who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/by-the-nineteenth-century-society-had-given-up-burning-witches-yet/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Much energy goes into looking good and shoring up any holes that may appear in that image. This is where the pain starts, in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/much-energy-goes-into-looking-good-and-shoring-up-any-holes-that-may/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) [Explore all 15 Patrick J. Carnes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) ## More Betrayal quotes > [“That's the catch about betrayal, of course: that it feels good, that there's something immensely pleasurable about moving from a complicated relationship which involves…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nora-ephron/that-s-the-catch-about-betrayal-of-course-that-it-feels-good-that/) [Nora Ephron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nora-ephron/) > [God’s faithfulness is stronger than our unfaithfulness and our infidelities.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/god-s-faithfulness-is-stronger-than-our-unfaithfulness-and-our/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) > [“Flattery looks like friendship, just like a wolf looks like a dog.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-auliq-ice/flattery-looks-like-friendship-just-like-a-wolf-looks-like-a-dog/) [Oscar Auliq-Ice](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-auliq-ice/) > [There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/km-ii/there-is-no-deceit-in-death-it-delivers-precisely-what-it-has/) [KM II](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/km-ii/) > [If you leave someone for another person, don't be surprised if that person leaves you for someone else.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-you-leave-someone-for-another-person-don-t-be-surprised-if-that/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“As they say in New York, Get over it and, if you can't get over it, Get over talking about it.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marian-keyes/as-they-say-in-new-york-get-over-it-and-if-you-can-t-get-over-it-get/) [Marian Keyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marian-keyes/) > [“He returned her gaze, yearning for sentimental solace; love which emanated from a familiar source, mattered little how bedevilling. They shared an intimate moment,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-h-septimius/he-returned-her-gaze-yearning-for-sentimental-solace-love-which/) [A. H. Septimius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-h-septimius/) > [I was always here for you,you knew you could count on me and trust me blindly, and you knew that I would never tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-hayssus/i-was-always-here-for-you-you-knew-you-could-count-on-me-and-trust-me/) [Michael Hayssus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-hayssus/) > [Joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated and isolated, joy is a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rebecca-solnit/joy-doesn-t-betray-but-sustains-activism-and-when-you-face-a-politics/) [Rebecca Solnit](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rebecca-solnit/) > [“Betrayal and love are not mutually exclusive." (Mordred)”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aldous-mercer/betrayal-and-love-are-not-mutually-exclusive-mordred/) [Aldous Mercer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aldous-mercer/) > [Love comes exactly... To those who still hope, even though they've been disappointed. To those who still believe, even though they've been betrayed and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mizhan/love-comes-exactly-to-those-who-still-hope-even-though-they-ve-been/) [Mizhan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mizhan/) > [For some people, a one-night stand doesn't make any difference in a seven-year love affair. I don't believe the degree of betrayal is always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-some-people-a-one-night-stand-doesn-t-make-any-difference-in-a/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Betrayal is a serious thing in this world,you know what else is serious? Being lied to.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sabrina/betrayal-is-a-serious-thing-in-this-world-you-know-what-else-is/) [Sabrina](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sabrina/) > [The greatest temptation for the like of us is: to renounce violence, to repent, to make peace with oneself. Most revolutionaries fell before this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-koestler/the-greatest-temptation-for-the-like-of-us-is-to-renounce-violence-to/) [Arthur Koestler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-koestler/) > [“Sarai, you never know who might betray you until it’s too late.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-a-redmerski/sarai-you-never-know-who-might-betray-you-until-it-s-too-late/) [J.A. Redmerski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-a-redmerski/) [Browse all 2,050 Betrayal quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/betrayal/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are part of betrayal bonding. Both partners are obsessed with whether she is going to accept the promise again. Neither partner has to come to grips with the pain or patterns of their lives.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Patrick J. 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