--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: In part this is an intimacy disorder, for…" description: "\"“In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she starts to recommit to the relationship, he starts distancing himself. The intensity begins to..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/patrick-j-carnes-33171_relationship_in-part-this-is-an-intimacy-disorder-for_220941.jpg" --- # In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she… ![“In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she starts to recommit to the relationship, he starts distancing himself. The intensity begins to build again. He feels trapped or jealous or possessive or something else that distances him from her. Imagine that a relationship is a circle. For…” quote by Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/patrick-j-carnes-33171_relationship_in-part-this-is-an-intimacy-disorder-for_220941.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/patrick-j-carnes-33171_relationship_in-part-this-is-an-intimacy-disorder-for_220941.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/801/patrick-j-carnes-33171_relationship_in-part-this-is-an-intimacy-disorder-for_220941.jpg) > ““In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she starts to recommit to the relationship, he starts distancing himself. The intensity begins to build again. He feels trapped or jealous or possessive or something else that distances him from her. Imagine that a relationship is a circle. For true intimacy to take place, both must stay in the circle at the same time.”” [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Intimacy can trigger fear of loss, causing one partner to withdraw as the other seeks closeness, creating a cyclical tension. **In simple terms:** Intimacy can cause distance due to fear. Key Takeaway Recognize and address fear in relationships. Themes intimacy fear relationship dynamics Mood empathetic analytical Type therapeutic insightful When to use this quote - couples therapy - relationship counseling - personal boundaries Key Concepts attachment theory psychology Questions to Reflect On - What fears arise when intimacy deepens? - How can both partners stay present together? A Different Perspective Fear may be rooted in deeper trauma, not just current behavior. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Intimacy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimacy/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationships/) [Romance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/romance/) [True intimacy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/true-intimacy/) ## Related quotes > [As much as I moved to New York and tried to work in theater as much as I could - I developed a relationship…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-fichtner/as-much-as-i-moved-to-new-york-and-tried-to-work-in-theater-as-much/) [William Fichtner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-fichtner/) > [True intimacy is the experience of real acceptance and authentic vulnerability without feeling the need to apologize or fear rejection. The freedom to just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jordan-blake-michiels/true-intimacy-is-the-experience-of-real-acceptance-and-authentic/) [Jordan Blake Michiels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jordan-blake-michiels/) > [“A physical attraction is often desired above many things but you'll discover it to be short lived. Find yourself someone that gets under your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-j-abraham/a-physical-attraction-is-often-desired-above-many-things-but-you-ll/) [M.J. Abraham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-j-abraham/) > [There is not true intimacy between souls who do not know how to respect one another's solitude.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-merton/there-is-not-true-intimacy-between-souls-who-do-not-know-how-to/) [Thomas Merton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-merton/) > [All intimacy is rare-that's what makes it precious.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-bloom/all-intimacy-is-rare-that-s-what-makes-it-precious/) [Amy Bloom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-bloom/) > [ Praise becomes compulsory when we experience true intimacy \[with God\]. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-moore/praise-becomes-compulsory-when-we-experience-true-intimacy-with-god/) [Beth Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-moore/) > [True intimacy with God always brings humility.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beth-moore/true-intimacy-with-god-always-brings-humility/) [Beth Moore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beth-moore/) > [“This was maybe the first time she’d done it when she’d felt the true intimacy of it. The first time she’d done it because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/toni-blake/this-was-maybe-the-first-time-she-d-done-it-when-she-d-felt-the-true/) [Toni Blake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/toni-blake/) > [It's easy to have a relationship and show each other only the beautiful shiny things. Sharing good parts about you is elementary, so finding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/claudio-sanchez/it-s-easy-to-have-a-relationship-and-show-each-other-only-the/) [Claudio Sanchez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/claudio-sanchez/) > [“But love doesn’t control, and I suppose that’s why it’s the ultimate risk. In the end, we have to hope the person we’re giving…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-miller/but-love-doesn-t-control-and-i-suppose-that-s-why-it-s-the-ultimate/) [Donald Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-miller/) > [True intimacy is a human constant. People of all types find it equally hard to achieve, equally precious to hold. Age, education, social status,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-grudin/true-intimacy-is-a-human-constant-people-of-all-types-find-it-equally/) [Robert Grudin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-grudin/) > [Love lasts when the relationship starts first](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-monroe/love-lasts-when-the-relationship-starts-first/) [Marilyn Monroe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-monroe/) > [A relationship that starts with a lie, ends with a lie.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francine-chiar/a-relationship-that-starts-with-a-lie-ends-with-a-lie/) [Francine Chiar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francine-chiar/) > [A perfect relationship starts when you are comfortable with each other.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anurag-prakash-ray/a-perfect-relationship-starts-when-you-are-comfortable-with-each-other/) [Anurag Prakash Ray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anurag-prakash-ray/) > [The relationship starts without knowing, ends ups with nothing...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/page-six/the-relationship-starts-without-knowing-ends-ups-with-nothing/) Page Six ## More by Patrick J. Carnes > [“Betrayal, addiction and trauma weave a design of continually recycled wounds that create an overarching pattern of compulsive relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/betrayal-addiction-and-trauma-weave-a-design-of-continually-recycled/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror. If the wound is deep enough, and the terror big enough, your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/what-moves-betrayal-into-the-realm-of-trauma-is-fear-and-terror-if/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“However, sexual anorexics do have a definite profile that separates them from the larger population of those having difficulty being sexual: They are often…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/however-sexual-anorexics-do-have-a-definite-profile-that-separates/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Loyalty to that which does not work, or worse, to a person who is toxic, exploitive or destructive to you, is a form of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/loyalty-to-that-which-does-not-work-or-worse-to-a-person-who-is-toxic/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Seduction is high warmth with low intention”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/seduction-is-high-warmth-with-low-intention/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Addicts can clearly know they need to stop and cannot. Despite the consequences they continue high-risk behavior. They become so obsessed with the behavior…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/addicts-can-clearly-know-they-need-to-stop-and-cannot-despite-the/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Deprivation draws on two convictions: (1) The deprived person does not believe that he or she is worthy or deserving of pleasure or comfort;…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/deprivation-draws-on-two-convictions-1-the-deprived-person-does-not/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“By the Middles Ages it was a sin to have sex with a child. If an adult were guilty of such a sin, one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/by-the-middles-ages-it-was-a-sin-to-have-sex-with-a-child-if-an-adult/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“They are often extremely competent people who are committed to doing things very well and have a fear of making mistakes and being human.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/they-are-often-extremely-competent-people-who-are-committed-to-doing/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“It is also the soothing, medicating and nurturing that are part of betrayal bonding. Both partners are obsessed with whether she is going to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/it-is-also-the-soothing-medicating-and-nurturing-that-are-part-of/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/we-are-so-used-to-our-own-history-we-do-not-see-it-as-remarkable-or/) [patrick j. carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“In the 1980s, research on post traumatic stress disorder in Vietnam veterans was regarded as important, noble, and useful. When the same researchers looked…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/in-the-1980s-research-on-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-in-vietnam/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“By the nineteenth century, society had given up burning witches. Yet the sexual exploitation of children continued. In late-nineteenth-century Britain, for example, men who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/by-the-nineteenth-century-society-had-given-up-burning-witches-yet/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) > [“Much energy goes into looking good and shoring up any holes that may appear in that image. This is where the pain starts, in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-j-carnes/much-energy-goes-into-looking-good-and-shoring-up-any-holes-that-may/) [Patrick J. Carnes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) [Explore all 15 Patrick J. Carnes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-j-carnes/) ## More Intimacy quotes > [“It's morning now, and I miss the soft rasp of her voice already. Ugh. I'm in trouble, aren't I?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pat-shand/it-s-morning-now-and-i-miss-the-soft-rasp-of-her-voice-already-ugh-i/) [Pat Shand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pat-shand/) > [“One single syllable of intimacy and the world is put to rights.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-boyne/one-single-syllable-of-intimacy-and-the-world-is-put-to-rights/) [John Boyne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-boyne/) > [Intimacy requires an ability to both merge and be separate, to come together and be apart, like oscillating on a giant swing from oneness…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-sophia-kasl/intimacy-requires-an-ability-to-both-merge-and-be-separate-to-come/) [Charlotte Sophia Kasl](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-sophia-kasl/) > [When you write something by hand, there's a sort of intimacy that is just intrinsic to that act. You don't get to delete something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jenny-han/when-you-write-something-by-hand-there-s-a-sort-of-intimacy-that-is/) [Jenny Han](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jenny-han/) > [“Intercourse is one thing, Intimacy is everything. Be encouraged”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kerry-e-wagner/intercourse-is-one-thing-intimacy-is-everything-be-encouraged/) [Kerry E. Wagner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kerry-e-wagner/) > [Is it any wonder that for millions of men the only intimacy is physical, silent, and predictable?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-donahue/is-it-any-wonder-that-for-millions-of-men-the-only-intimacy-is/) [Phil Donahue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/phil-donahue/) > [The lasting value of our public service for God is measured by the depth of the intimacy of our private times of fellowship and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oswald-chambers/the-lasting-value-of-our-public-service-for-god-is-measured-by-the/) [Oswald Chambers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oswald-chambers/) > [“You thought I was answering "As you wish" but that's only because you were hearing wrong. "I love you" was what it was, but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-goldman/you-thought-i-was-answering-as-you-wish-but-that-s-only-because-you/) [William Goldman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-goldman/) > [Awe combined with intimacy is the essence of Christian worship.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/awe-combined-with-intimacy-is-the-essence-of-christian-worship/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of intimacy and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/i-want-to-engage-people-in-an-honest-enlightened-and-provocative/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-tannen/communication-is-a-continual-balancing-act-juggling-the-conflicting/) [Deborah Tannen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-tannen/) > [Physical love is total intimacy. It is the sign that the lovers have nothing to refuse each other, that they belong wholly to each…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-leclercq/physical-love-is-total-intimacy-it-is-the-sign-that-the-lovers-have/) Jacques Leclercq > [True intimacy is the experience of real acceptance and authentic vulnerability without feeling the need to apologize or fear rejection. The freedom to just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jordan-blake-michiels/true-intimacy-is-the-experience-of-real-acceptance-and-authentic/) [Jordan Blake Michiels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jordan-blake-michiels/) > [“Eschew evil and it's machinations.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jaachynma-n-e-agu/eschew-evil-and-it-s-machinations/) [Jaachynma N.E. Agu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jaachynma-n-e-agu/) > [“Lack of intimacy among friends is a mistake that cannot be censured without becoming irreparable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nietzsche-friedrich-wilhelm/lack-of-intimacy-among-friends-is-a-mistake-that-cannot-be-censured/) [NIETZSCHE FRIEDRICH WILHELM](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nietzsche-friedrich-wilhelm/) [Browse all 1,461 Intimacy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/intimacy/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“In part this is an intimacy disorder, for as soon as she starts to recommit to the relationship, he starts distancing himself. The intensity begins to build again. He feels trapped or jealous or possessive or something else that distances him from her. Imagine that a relationship is a circle. For true intimacy to take place, both must stay in the circle at the same time.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Patrick J. 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