--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: What was so terrible about grief was not…" description: "\"What was so terrible about grief was not grief itself, but that one got over it.\" — P. D. James" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/420/p-d-james-2-8190_death_what-was-so-terrible-about-grief-was-not_19554.png" --- # What was so terrible about grief was not grief itself, but… ![“What was so terrible about grief was not grief itself, but that one got over it.” quote by P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/420/p-d-james-2-8190_death_what-was-so-terrible-about-grief-was-not_19554.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/420/p-d-james-2-8190_death_what-was-so-terrible-about-grief-was-not_19554.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/420/p-d-james-2-8190_death_what-was-so-terrible-about-grief-was-not_19554.png) > “What was so terrible about grief was not grief itself, but that one got over it.” [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Grief is painful, but the real tragedy is the pressure to move on quickly, which can suppress authentic mourning. **In simple terms:** Pressure to recover quickly Key Takeaway Healing requires time Themes grief societal expectations emotional health resilience self‑compassion Mood somber reflective empathetic Type philosophical observational When to use this quote - after a loss - during bereavement - in workplace bereavement policies - when coping with personal tragedy Key Concepts mourning process cultural norms psychological wellbeing Practical Applications - counseling approaches - support group facilitation Questions to Reflect On - How does society’s rush to ‘get over it’ affect grieving individuals? - What practices allow grief to be honored without stigma? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [Grief Got](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief-got-392791/) [Grief Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief-grief-392792/) [Over it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/over-it/) [Terrible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/terrible/) [Terrible Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/terrible-grief-392790/) ## Related quotes > [“You don't even have a cross," he said. His beloved was silent. "You don't even have any candles, no face of Christ, no tears.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-hawkes/you-don-t-even-have-a-cross-he-said-his-beloved-was-silent-you-don-t/) [John Hawkes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-hawkes/) > [A heartless Christian must be a terrible grief to our Lord.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oswald-chambers/a-heartless-christian-must-be-a-terrible-grief-to-our-lord/) [Oswald Chambers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oswald-chambers/) > [“All grief, anyone's grief...is the weight of a sleeping child.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-michaels/all-grief-anyone-s-grief-is-the-weight-of-a-sleeping-child/) [Anne Michaels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-michaels/) > [“Ranj se khugar hua insaan to mit jaata hai ranj, Mushkilein mujh par padee Itni ke aasaan ho gaeen. If a human being gets…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hasan-suhail-siddiqui/ranj-se-khugar-hua-insaan-to-mit-jaata-hai-ranj-mushkilein-mujh-par/) [Hasan Suhail Siddiqui](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hasan-suhail-siddiqui/) > [“In the end, the problem was not grief. Grief was the first cause, perhaps, but it soon gave way to something else - something…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-auster/in-the-end-the-problem-was-not-grief-grief-was-the-first-cause/) [Paul Auster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-auster/) > [“2.15 GRIEF All the grief of every man, Remove himself – he only can, For this grief that be within, Be caused by his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/munindra-munnan-misra/2-15-grief-all-the-grief-of-every-man-remove-himself-he-only-can-for/) [Munindra (Munnan) Misra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/munindra-munnan-misra/) > [There's a moment when love makes you believe in death for the first time. You recognize the one whose loss, even contemplated, you'll carry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-michaels/there-s-a-moment-when-love-makes-you-believe-in-death-for-the-first/) [Anne Michaels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-michaels/) > [Between grief and nothing, I will take grief.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-faulkner/between-grief-and-nothing-i-will-take-grief/) [William Faulkner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-faulkner/) > [“Most people imagine that a man suffers because out of the blue, Death snatches away the woman he loves. But his real suffering is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-camus/most-people-imagine-that-a-man-suffers-because-out-of-the-blue-death/) [Albert Camus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-camus/) > [there is no aristocracy of grief. Grief is a great leveler.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-morrow-lindbergh/there-is-no-aristocracy-of-grief-grief-is-a-great-leveler/) [Anne Morrow Lindbergh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-morrow-lindbergh/) > [Maybe I’m just tired. (Geary) People only say that when they’re not really willing to deal with the issue at hand. It’s like when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherrilyn-kenyon/maybe-i-m-just-tired-geary-people-only-say-that-when-they-re-not/) [Sherrilyn Kenyon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherrilyn-kenyon/) > [For girls who want to get their waistline down a little bit and don't have any weights in the house, they can actually use…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pepa/for-girls-who-want-to-get-their-waistline-down-a-little-bit-and-don-t/) [Pepa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pepa/) > [It's pointless to be critical of your stuff once it's done. I don't spend a lot of time agonising over it. It's of no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-simon/it-s-pointless-to-be-critical-of-your-stuff-once-it-s-done-i-don-t/) [Paul Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-simon/) > [War is like a fire. One man may start it, but it will spread all over. It is not about one thing in particular.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/war-is-like-a-fire-one-man-may-start-it-but-it-will-spread-all-over/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You get through it, you just never get over it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jodi-picoult/you-get-through-it-you-just-never-get-over-it/) [Jodi Picoult](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jodi-picoult/) ## More by P. D. James > [Work did bestow dignity, status, meaning. Wasn't that why people dreaded unemployment, why some men found retirement so traumatic?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/work-did-bestow-dignity-status-meaning-wasn-t-that-why-people-dreaded/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [If you are proposing to commit a sin it is as well to commit it with intelligence. Otherwise you are insulting God as well…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/if-you-are-proposing-to-commit-a-sin-it-is-as-well-to-commit-it-with/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [What the detective story is about is not murder but the restoration of order.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/what-the-detective-story-is-about-is-not-murder-but-the-restoration/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [It's possible to fight intolerance, stupidity and fanaticism when they come separately. When you get all three together it's probably wiser to get out,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/it-s-possible-to-fight-intolerance-stupidity-and-fanaticism-when-they/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [Death ... obliterates family resemblance as it does personality: there is no affinity between the living and the dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/death-obliterates-family-resemblance-as-it-does-personality-there-is/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [Publishers don't nurse you; they buy and sell you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/publishers-don-t-nurse-you-they-buy-and-sell-you/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [No government can act in advance of the moral will of the people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/no-government-can-act-in-advance-of-the-moral-will-of-the-people/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [If all power corrupts, then a doctor, who literally holds life and death in his hands, must be at particular risk.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/if-all-power-corrupts-then-a-doctor-who-literally-holds-life-and/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [read widely, not in order to copy someone else's style, but to learn to appreciate and recognize good writing and to see how the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/read-widely-not-in-order-to-copy-someone-else-s-style-but-to-learn-to/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [In youth we take egregious risks because death has no reality for us. Youth goes caparisoned in immortality. It is only in middle age…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/in-youth-we-take-egregious-risks-because-death-has-no-reality-for-us/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [It is always easy to question the judgement of others in matters of which we may be imperfectly informed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/it-is-always-easy-to-question-the-judgement-of-others-in-matters-of/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [First-class travel, provided one hasn't to pay for it oneself, is the most insidiously addictive of life's luxuries.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/first-class-travel-provided-one-hasn-t-to-pay-for-it-oneself-is-the/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [Can we ever break free of the devices and desires of our own hearts? Might not our conscience be telling us what we most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/can-we-ever-break-free-of-the-devices-and-desires-of-our-own-hearts/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [Metaphysical speculation is about as pointless as a discussion on the meaning of one's lungs. They're for breathing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/metaphysical-speculation-is-about-as-pointless-as-a-discussion-on-the/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) > [I knew the facts of death before I knew the facts of life. There never was a time when I didn't see the skull…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-d-james/i-knew-the-facts-of-death-before-i-knew-the-facts-of-life-there-never/) [P. D. James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) [Explore all 83 P. D. James quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-d-james/) ## More Death quotes > [“He wondered how it was fair that your dying should depend so much on when you were born.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/he-wondered-how-it-was-fair-that-your-dying-should-depend-so-much-on/) [Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/) > [What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions. Life is plurality, death is uniformity. By suppressing differences and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/octavio-paz/what-sets-worlds-in-motion-is-the-interplay-of-differences-their/) [Octavio Paz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/octavio-paz/) > [Most of us are convinced that we are our egos, which is who we think we are. The ego is part of our incarnation.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ram-dass/most-of-us-are-convinced-that-we-are-our-egos-which-is-who-we-think/) [Ram Dass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ram-dass/) > [I do not want to live at the cost of the life even of a snake. I should let him bite me to death…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mahatma-gandhi/i-do-not-want-to-live-at-the-cost-of-the-life-even-of-a-snake-i/) [Mahatma Gandhi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mahatma-gandhi/) > [“It was beautiful. He thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in all his life; that, having seen it, he could die content,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mira-grant/it-was-beautiful-he-thought-he-had-never-seen-anything-so-beautiful/) [Mira Grant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mira-grant/) > [Retirement? You're talking about death, right?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-altman/retirement-you-re-talking-about-death-right/) [Robert Altman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-altman/) > [With multiplayer, permanent death, and an ever-changing world to explore and conquer, 'A Valley Without Wind' might be the place you're looking for if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-manuel/with-multiplayer-permanent-death-and-an-ever-changing-world-to/) [Rob Manuel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-manuel/) > [“What did you see?” she asked gently. His brow furrowed, as if he could not understand the question. Then his eyes turned to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-anthony-torino/what-did-you-see-she-asked-gently-his-brow-furrowed-as-if-he-could/) [J. Anthony Torino](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-anthony-torino/) > [Those whose life is long still strive for gain, and for all mortals all things take second place to money.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophocles/those-whose-life-is-long-still-strive-for-gain-and-for-all-mortals/) [Sophocles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophocles/) > [“I practice Dying--every night-- But have not learned to, still-- Though Talented--by Mortal bones-- For such a common Skill.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-w-powers/i-practice-dying-every-night-but-have-not-learned-to-still-though/) [Alan W. Powers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-w-powers/) > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [I am not a depressive person at all, but I reflect a lot on my life, and life in general, from the perspective of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/i-am-not-a-depressive-person-at-all-but-i-reflect-a-lot-on-my-life/) [Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alejandro-gonzalez-inarritu/) > [“Death is a reality that calls the rest of life and all of our assorted strivings into sharp relief.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-d-lounsbrough/death-is-a-reality-that-calls-the-rest-of-life-and-all-of-our/) [Craig D. Lounsbrough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-d-lounsbrough/) > [I love life. I love life to death.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emmanuelle-riva/i-love-life-i-love-life-to-death/) [Emmanuelle Riva](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emmanuelle-riva/) > [I think when you’re dying you start looking for important things in the corners. You can’t let anything that seems even semi-important pass, because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-crutcher/i-think-when-you-re-dying-you-start-looking-for-important-things-in/) [Chris Crutcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-crutcher/) [Browse all 39,127 Death quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "What was so terrible about grief was not grief itself, but that one got over it.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "P. D. 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