--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to…" description: "\"“Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her. Instead he did exactly what Ender expected, what he had prepared for. Grego turned in Ender’s rela..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png" --- # Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her… ![“Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her. Instead he did exactly what Ender expected, what he had prepared for. Grego turned in Ender’s relaxed grip, flung his arms around the neck of the speaker for the dead, and wept bitterly, hysterically. Ender spoke gently to the others, who watched…” quote by Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png) > ““Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her. Instead he did exactly what Ender expected, what he had prepared for. Grego turned in Ender’s relaxed grip, flung his arms around the neck of the speaker for the dead, and wept bitterly, hysterically. Ender spoke gently to the others, who watched helplessly. “How could he show his grief to you, when he thought you hated him?” “We never hated Grego,” said Olhado. “I should have known,” said Miro. “I knew he was suffering the worst pain of any of us, but it never occurred to me . . .” “Don’t blame yourself,” said Ender. “It’s the kind of thing that only a stranger can see.” He heard Jane whispering in his ear. “You never cease to amaze me, Andrew, the way you turn people into plasma.”” [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Grief can be hidden behind expectations; empathy requires seeing beyond assumed feelings. **In simple terms:** Seeing hidden grief. Key Takeaway Offer empathy without assuming hatred. Themes grief empathy misunderstanding Mood empathetic reflective Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - family loss - team dynamics - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology communication Questions to Reflect On - How can you recognize unspoken sorrow? - When should you intervene in others’ grief? A Different Perspective People may deny pain, making support difficult. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) ## Related quotes > [“Come on,” he said to Valentine one day. “Let’s fly away and live forever.” “We can’t,” she said. “There are miracles even relativity can’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/come-on-he-said-to-valentine-one-day-let-s-fly-away-and-live-forever/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“No," said Ender. "I don't know about souls. I just know that while we're alive, in these bodies, we can only do what our…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/no-said-ender-i-don-t-know-about-souls-i-just-know-that-while-we-re/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“It’s also like being born,” said Ender. “As long as you keep getting born, it’s all right to die sometimes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/it-s-also-like-being-born-said-ender-as-long-as-you-keep-getting-born/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“I speak to everyone in the language they understand," said Ender. "That isn't being slick. It's being clear”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-speak-to-everyone-in-the-language-they-understand-said-ender-that/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [We've devoted our lives to learning about them!" Miro said. Ender stopped. "Not from them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/we-ve-devoted-our-lives-to-learning-about-them-miro-said-ender/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“In my dreams," said Ender, "I'm never sure whether I'm really me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/in-my-dreams-said-ender-i-m-never-sure-whether-i-m-really-me/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“I'll become exactly the tool you want me to be, said Ender silently, but at least I wont be fooled into it. I'll do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-ll-become-exactly-the-tool-you-want-me-to-be-said-ender-silently/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“You made them hate me." Said Ender "So? What will you do about it? Crawl in a corner? Start kissing their little backsides so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/you-made-them-hate-me-said-ender-so-what-will-you-do-about-it-crawl/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > ['So if we can we'll kill every last of the buggers, and if they can they'll kill every last one of us. As for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/so-if-we-can-we-ll-kill-every-last-of-the-buggers-and-if-they-can/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“We're not taking odds on it,” said Ender. “Nothing that actually happens is likely until it exists, and then it's certain. You exist.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/we-re-not-taking-odds-on-it-said-ender-nothing-that-actually-happens/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [I'm crazy," said Ender. "But I think I'm OK.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-m-crazy-said-ender-but-i-think-i-m-ok/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [... how much of our inner substance is it good for us to give to public griefs? The whole modern tendency to agonize over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-bogan/how-much-of-our-inner-substance-is-it-good-for-us-to-give-to-public/) [Louise Bogan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-bogan/) > [You felt a deep sorrow, the kind of melancholy you feel when you're in a beautiful place and the sun is going down](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thrity-umrigar/you-felt-a-deep-sorrow-the-kind-of-melancholy-you-feel-when-you-re-in/) [Thrity Umrigar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thrity-umrigar/) > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [“...they had lived, they'd lived intensely. But no matter how deeply you live, it comes to this in the end: one of you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-morton/they-had-lived-they-d-lived-intensely-but-no-matter-how-deeply-you/) [Brian Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-morton/) ## More by Orson Scott Card > [“You underestimate yourself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/you-underestimate-yourself/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [We're like the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, then eat the little brats alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/we-re-like-the-wicked-witch-we-promise-gingerbread-then-eat-the/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [I think that most of us, anyway, read these stories that we know are not "true" because we're hungry for another kind of truth:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-think-that-most-of-us-anyway-read-these-stories-that-we-know-are/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“Why did he hesitate? He finally admitted to himself that he was like an American child who was almost completely certain about Santa Claus,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/why-did-he-hesitate-he-finally-admitted-to-himself-that-he-was-like/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“I don't know of a soul who doesn't maintain two separate lists of doctrines - the ones they believe they believe; and the ones…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/i-don-t-know-of-a-soul-who-doesn-t-maintain-two-separate-lists-of/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [Good people do not let others suffer needlessly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/good-people-do-not-let-others-suffer-needlessly/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“The devil?” Jason heaved the tick over his shoulder like a collier with his sack. “Satan. The adversary. The enemy of the plan of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/the-devil-jason-heaved-the-tick-over-his-shoulder-like-a-collier-with/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“What we've done is make the categories of science fiction and fantasy larger, freer, and more inclusive than any other genre of contemporary literature.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/what-we-ve-done-is-make-the-categories-of-science-fiction-and-fantasy/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [Where ideas are real and reality is shadow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/where-ideas-are-real-and-reality-is-shadow/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“Ender, for the past few months you have been the battle commander of our fleets. This was the Third Invasion. There were no games,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/ender-for-the-past-few-months-you-have-been-the-battle-commander-of/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [Science fiction is about what could be but isn't; fantasy is about what couldn't be.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/science-fiction-is-about-what-could-be-but-isn-t-fantasy-is-about/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [Knowledge is just opinion that you trust enough to act upon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/knowledge-is-just-opinion-that-you-trust-enough-to-act-upon/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“Of course they accused Marcão of having done it without provocation—that’s the way of torturers of every age, to put the blame on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/of-course-they-accused-marc-o-of-having-done-it-without-provocation/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“Civilization is only a pretense; in the crisis, we become mere apes again, forgetting the rational biped of our pretensions and becoming instead the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/civilization-is-only-a-pretense-in-the-crisis-we-become-mere-apes/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [“Where did this whole thing begin? If what we think of as reality is just a pattern that somebody brought Outside, and the universe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/where-did-this-whole-thing-begin-if-what-we-think-of-as-reality-is/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) [Explore all 1,158 Orson Scott Card quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) ## More Grief quotes > [“...they had lived, they'd lived intensely. But no matter how deeply you live, it comes to this in the end: one of you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-morton/they-had-lived-they-d-lived-intensely-but-no-matter-how-deeply-you/) [Brian Morton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-morton/) > [“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cooper/you-must-understand-the-pain-and-grief-of-losing-someone-is-nothing/) [Steven Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cooper/) > [You felt a deep sorrow, the kind of melancholy you feel when you're in a beautiful place and the sun is going down](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thrity-umrigar/you-felt-a-deep-sorrow-the-kind-of-melancholy-you-feel-when-you-re-in/) [Thrity Umrigar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thrity-umrigar/) > [... how much of our inner substance is it good for us to give to public griefs? The whole modern tendency to agonize over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-bogan/how-much-of-our-inner-substance-is-it-good-for-us-to-give-to-public/) [Louise Bogan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-bogan/) > [You dont choose your life; it chooses you. Theres no point asking why life has reserved certain joys or griefs, you just accept them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/you-dont-choose-your-life-it-chooses-you-theres-no-point-asking-why/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“When we learn to attribute meaning to the events in our lives, we connect with our Higher Purpose, Higher Wisdom, or Source; we become…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-barbara-apollon/when-we-learn-to-attribute-meaning-to-the-events-in-our-lives-we/) [Susan Barbara Apollon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-barbara-apollon/) > [Only to have a grief equal to all these tears!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adrienne-rich/only-to-have-a-grief-equal-to-all-these-tears/) [Adrienne Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/adrienne-rich/) > [Nowadays most people wear black most of the time anyway: go to a literary party and one would imagine everyone there was in perpetual…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fay-weldon/nowadays-most-people-wear-black-most-of-the-time-anyway-go-to-a/) [Fay Weldon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fay-weldon/) > [Suppressed grief suffocates, it rages within the breast, and is forced to multiply its strength.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ovid/suppressed-grief-suffocates-it-rages-within-the-breast-and-is-forced/) [Ovid](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ovid/) > [That Woman is in love with her own grief.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabrielle-zevin/that-woman-is-in-love-with-her-own-grief/) [Gabrielle Zevin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabrielle-zevin/) > [Short time seems long in sorrow's sharp sustaining.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-shakespeare/short-time-seems-long-in-sorrow-s-sharp-sustaining/) [William Shakespeare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-shakespeare/) > [These days grief seems like walking on a frozen river; most of the time he feels safe enough, but there is always that danger…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nicholls/these-days-grief-seems-like-walking-on-a-frozen-river-most-of-the/) [David Nicholls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nicholls/) > [“You've been my beacon of light in my storm of grief, and I don't know if I could live without you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katie-ashley/you-ve-been-my-beacon-of-light-in-my-storm-of-grief-and-i-don-t-know/) [Katie Ashley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katie-ashley/) > [Ancient eyes had stared at me, filled with ancient grief. And something more. Something so alien and unexpected that I'd almost burst into tears.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-marie-moning/ancient-eyes-had-stared-at-me-filled-with-ancient-grief-and-something/) [Karen Marie Moning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-marie-moning/) > [Meanwhile, the trees were just as green as before; the birds sang and the sun shone as clearly now as ever. The familiar surroundings…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-hardy/meanwhile-the-trees-were-just-as-green-as-before-the-birds-sang-and/) [Thomas Hardy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-hardy/) [Browse all 8,012 Grief quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Ela reached out for Grego. He refused to go to her. Instead he did exactly what Ender expected, what he had prepared for. 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Ender spoke gently to the others, who watched helplessly. “How could he show his grief to you, when he thought you hated him?” “We never hated Grego,” said Olhado. “I should have known,” said Miro. “I knew he was suffering the worst pain of any of us, but it never occurred to me . . .” “Don’t blame yourself,” said Ender. “It’s the kind of thing that only a stranger can see.” He heard Jane whispering in his ear. “You never cease to amaze me, Andrew, the way you turn people into plasma.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Orson Scott Card" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to-go-to-her-instead-he-did/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Grief" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to-go-to-her-instead-he-did/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/098/orson-scott-card-134_grief_ela-reached-out-for-grego-he-refused-to_2052919.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Ela reached out for Grego. 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