--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is hard to be with another's pain if…" description: "\"It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with our own. Since I was a child I have always felt a deep sense of responsibility to ease others..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg" --- # It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with… ![“It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with our own. Since I was a child I have always felt a deep sense of responsibility to ease others' pain. But I have discovered that often, beneath this genuine and admirable desire, lies an inability to be with my own sorrow. Several years ago…” quote by Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg) > “It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with our own. Since I was a child I have always felt a deep sense of responsibility to ease others' pain. But I have discovered that often, beneath this genuine and admirable desire, lies an inability to be with my own sorrow. Several years ago, watching a close friend suffer when a brain aneurysm took away her life as she knew it, I wrote in my journal, "I won't ask much. But if you would just let me save your life, perhaps it will not hurt so much to know I cannot save my own.” [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Caring for others is hard when we cannot sit with our own pain; true empathy requires self‑compassion before we can help. **In simple terms:** Help others after healing yourself. Key Takeaway Practice self‑compassion before aiding others. Themes empathy self‑compassion responsibility grief healing Mood reflective empathetic Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - counseling - support groups - personal journaling - volunteering Key Concepts psychology emotional intelligence boundary setting Questions to Reflect On - What does self‑compassion look like for you? - How can you balance caring for self and others? A Different Perspective Self‑focus may be seen as selfish. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Brain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/brain/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Close Friend](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/close-friend/) [Close friends](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/close-friends/) [Desire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/desire/) [Hurt so much](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurt-so-much/) [Life](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life/) [Lying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lying/) [Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain/) [Responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/responsibility/) [Sense of responsibility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sense-of-responsibility/) [Sorrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sorrow/) [Suffering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suffering/) ## Related quotes > [“I looked for love, I found pain. I avoided pain, I lost love. I looked for pain, I found love. I accepted pain, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/i-looked-for-love-i-found-pain-i-avoided-pain-i-lost-love-i-looked/) [Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/) > [A friend is someone, who upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amanda-gier/a-friend-is-someone-who-upon-seeing-another-friend-in-immense-pain/) Amanda Gier > [“As a victim, the Savage possessed, for Bernard, this enormous superiority over the others: that he was accessible. One of the principal functions of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aldous-huxley/as-a-victim-the-savage-possessed-for-bernard-this-enormous/) [Aldous Huxley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aldous-huxley/) > [Dr. Louis Bush Swisher died from the complications of a brain aneurysm that burst without warning one sunny Sunday morning less than 40 years ago.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kara-swisher/dr-louis-bush-swisher-died-from-the-complications-of-a-brain-aneurysm/) [Kara Swisher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kara-swisher/) > [I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching their brain aneurysm or accidentally ripping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-sedaris/i-d-always-been-afraid-of-sick-people-and-so-had-my-mother-it-wasn-t/) [David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-sedaris/) > [Someone died of a brain aneurysm today while taking a standardized test. The last thing anyone saw him do was stand up, pull all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james/someone-died-of-a-brain-aneurysm-today-while-taking-a-standardized/) [James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james/) > [In my life I have had various health threats: polio, seizures, a brain aneurysm. None of these things has really changed me much, although…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-young/in-my-life-i-have-had-various-health-threats-polio-seizures-a-brain/) [Neil Young](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-young/) > [I hid the fact that I had an aneurysm for a very long time. I was embarrassed, and I just felt like no one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tamala-jones/i-hid-the-fact-that-i-had-an-aneurysm-for-a-very-long-time-i-was/) [Tamala Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tamala-jones/) > [The brain aneurysm I had in 2006 put things into perspective. It made me understand what was really important - to enjoy life, take…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karren-brady/the-brain-aneurysm-i-had-in-2006-put-things-into-perspective-it-made/) [Karren Brady](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karren-brady/) > [ \[On her father's death:\] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much. ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erma-bombeck/on-her-father-s-death-i-didn-t-know-his-leaving-would-hurt-so-much/) [Erma Bombeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erma-bombeck/) > [Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-s-lewis/why-love-if-losing-hurts-so-much-i-have-no-answers-anymore-only-the-2/) [C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-s-lewis/) > [I wasn't a great skater and I needed my skates to be perfect - really tight around the ankles. But I couldn't break in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wayne-gretzky/i-wasn-t-a-great-skater-and-i-needed-my-skates-to-be-perfect-really/) [Wayne Gretzky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wayne-gretzky/) > [And it hurts so much to want something you can't have.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnny-depp/and-it-hurts-so-much-to-want-something-you-can-t-have/) [Johnny Depp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnny-depp/) > [I didn't want anyone getting close to me. I pushed people away. Built a wall around my heart to keep them out. I let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacqueline-kelly/i-didn-t-want-anyone-getting-close-to-me-i-pushed-people-away-built-a/) [Jacqueline Kelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacqueline-kelly/) > [Grief. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-s-lewis/grief-the-pain-now-is-part-of-the-happiness-then-that-s-the-deal/) [C. S. Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-s-lewis/) ## More by Oriah Dreamer > [It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-doesn-t-interest-me-how-old-you-are-i-want-to-know-if-you-will/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/i-want-to-know-if-you-can-disappoint-another-to-be-true-to-yourself/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/i-want-to-know-if-you-can-live-with-failure-yours-and-mine-and-still/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [Not doing is not about immobility or giving up in despair. It is first and foremost about being able to be with, to accept…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/not-doing-is-not-about-immobility-or-giving-up-in-despair-it-is-first/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [What if becoming who and what we truly are happens not through striving and trying but by recognizing and receiving the people and places…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/what-if-becoming-who-and-what-we-truly-are-happens-not-through/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [Within each of us there is the heart of a lion, the courage to simply be who & what we are regardless of others…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/within-each-of-us-there-is-the-heart-of-a-lion-the-courage-to-simply/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know whether you can get up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-doesn-t-interest-me-to-know-where-you-live-or-how-much-money-you/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [Loudly declaring our soul's desire can get the blood running and our passions blazing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/loudly-declaring-our-soul-s-desire-can-get-the-blood-running-and-our/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [What if the question is not why I am so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/what-if-the-question-is-not-why-i-am-so-infrequently-the-person-i/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [Tell me, can you see beauty? Can you let it renew your commitment to life, every day? I don't want to wait for death…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/tell-me-can-you-see-beauty-can-you-let-it-renew-your-commitment-to/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [The world we live in is a co-creation, a manifestation of individual consciousness woven into a collective dream. How we are with each other…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/the-world-we-live-in-is-a-co-creation-a-manifestation-of-individual/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [The courage to go deeper is found by letting your desire grow larger than your fear.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/the-courage-to-go-deeper-is-found-by-letting-your-desire-grow-larger/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [We have been sold a lifestyle, when what our soul desired was life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/we-have-been-sold-a-lifestyle-when-what-our-soul-desired-was-life/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here. Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/there-is-nowhere-to-go-what-you-are-looking-for-is-right-here-open/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) > [... It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-doesn-t-interest-me-where-or-what-or-with-whom-you-have-studied-i-2/) [Oriah Dreamer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) [Explore all 16 Oriah Dreamer quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/) ## More Admirable quotes > [Consumer wants can have bizarre, frivolous, or even immoral origins, and an admirable case can still be made for a society that seeks to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-kenneth-galbraith/consumer-wants-can-have-bizarre-frivolous-or-even-immoral-origins-and/) [John Kenneth Galbraith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-kenneth-galbraith/) > [Education is very admirable but let us not forget that anything worth knowing cannot be taught.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-wilde/education-is-very-admirable-but-let-us-not-forget-that-anything-worth/) [Oscar Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-wilde/) > [Happiness is a rare plant that seldom takes root on earth-few ever enjoyed it, except for a brief period; the search after it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marguerite-gardiner-countess-of-blessington/happiness-is-a-rare-plant-that-seldom-takes-root-on-earth-few-ever/) [Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marguerite-gardiner-countess-of-blessington/) > [Worthy is the one who remembers to thank the Lord for all His blessings; but admirable is the one who still thank God in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/worthy-is-the-one-who-remembers-to-thank-the-lord-for-all-his/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [It is admirable to consider how many millions of people come into, and go out of the world, ignorant of themselves and of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-penn/it-is-admirable-to-consider-how-many-millions-of-people-come-into-and/) [William Penn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-penn/) > [What is pure Bill? Or excellent or admirable? The death of a million people in a flood? God evidently through so. He is incapable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-dekker/what-is-pure-bill-or-excellent-or-admirable-the-death-of-a-million/) [Ted Dekker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-dekker/) > [Mexico is sex and Canada is mind. There is much about Canada that I find admirable - the treatment of immigrants, for example, particularly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-rodriguez/mexico-is-sex-and-canada-is-mind-there-is-much-about-canada-that-i/) [Richard Rodriguez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-rodriguez/) > [Of what use is it to please the herd? They are simply coarse animals - for all that is admirable in man is the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/h-p-lovecraft/of-what-use-is-it-to-please-the-herd-they-are-simply-coarse-animals/) [H. P. Lovecraft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/h-p-lovecraft/) > [ I didn't get a chance to meet Glen \[Beck\] for this movie. I did meet him a few years ago, coincidentally, before any of… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zachary-quinto/i-didn-t-get-a-chance-to-meet-glen-beck-for-this-movie-i-did-meet-him/) [Zachary Quinto](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zachary-quinto/) > [No method nor discipline can supersede the necessity of being forever on the alert. What is a course of history, or philosophy, or poetry,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-david-thoreau/no-method-nor-discipline-can-supersede-the-necessity-of-being-forever/) [Henry David Thoreau](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-david-thoreau/) > [I think it's perfectly acceptable and rather admirable to be moderately delusional](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-gray-gubler/i-think-it-s-perfectly-acceptable-and-rather-admirable-to-be/) [Matthew Gray Gubler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-gray-gubler/) > [Charles Darwin made arguably the greatest discovery any human has ever made. He was a man of great persistence. He wasn't probably a natural…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-dawkins/charles-darwin-made-arguably-the-greatest-discovery-any-human-has/) [Richard Dawkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-dawkins/) > [N. S. Khrushchev established his supremacy in the U.S.S.R. after post-Stalinist alarums and excursions (1958-64). This admirable rough diamond, a believer in reform and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-hobsbawm/n-s-khrushchev-established-his-supremacy-in-the-u-s-s-r-after-post/) [Eric Hobsbawm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-hobsbawm/) > [There has been a constant struggle on the part of the military element to keep the end- fighting, or readiness to fight-superior to mere…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-thayer-mahan/there-has-been-a-constant-struggle-on-the-part-of-the-military/) [Alfred Thayer Mahan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-thayer-mahan/) > [But there are people who take salt with their coffee. They say it gives a tang, a savour, which is peculiar and fascinating. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/w-somerset-maugham/but-there-are-people-who-take-salt-with-their-coffee-they-say-it/) [W. Somerset Maugham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/w-somerset-maugham/) Browse all 398 Admirable quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with our own. Since I was a child I have always felt a deep sense of responsibility to ease others' pain. But I have discovered that often, beneath this genuine and admirable desire, lies an inability to be with my own sorrow. Several years ago, watching a close friend suffer when a brain aneurysm took away her life as she knew it, I wrote in my journal, \"I won't ask much. But if you would just let me save your life, perhaps it will not hurt so much to know I cannot save my own.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Oriah Dreamer" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if-we-cannot-be-with-our-own/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Admirable" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if-we-cannot-be-with-our-own/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06f/oriah-dreamer-31373_admirable_it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if_2793501.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It is hard to be with another's pain if we cannot be with our own. Since I was a child I have always felt a…” — Oriah Dreamer", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Oriah Dreamer", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oriah-dreamer/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "It is hard to be with...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if-we-cannot-be-with-our-own/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oriah-dreamer/it-is-hard-to-be-with-another-s-pain-if-we-cannot-be-with-our-own/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```