--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I used to think--and given the way we…" description: "\"I used to think--and given the way we ended up, maybe I still do--that all relationships need the kind of violent shove that a crush brings, just to ge..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60d/nick-hornby-325_crush_i-used-to-think-and-given-the-way-we-end_1639818.jpg" --- # I used to think--and given the way we ended up, maybe I… ![“I used to think--and given the way we ended up, maybe I still do--that all relationships need the kind of violent shove that a crush brings, just to get you started and to push you over the humps. And then, when the energy from that shove has gone and you come to something approaching a halt, you…” quote by Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60d/nick-hornby-325_crush_i-used-to-think-and-given-the-way-we-end_1639818.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60d/nick-hornby-325_crush_i-used-to-think-and-given-the-way-we-end_1639818.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/60d/nick-hornby-325_crush_i-used-to-think-and-given-the-way-we-end_1639818.jpg) > “I used to think--and given the way we ended up, maybe I still do--that all relationships need the kind of violent shove that a crush brings, just to get you started and to push you over the humps. And then, when the energy from that shove has gone and you come to something approaching a halt, you have to look around and see what you've got. It could be something completely different, it could be something roughly the same, but gentler and calmer, or it could be nothing at all.” [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Relationships often start with intense, chaotic attraction, but lasting connections require calmer, deeper understanding after the initial excitement fades. **In simple terms:** Passionate beginnings need gentle, lasting bonds. Key Takeaway Seek steady connection after excitement. Themes relationships growth self-awareness Mood reflective hopeful cautious Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - dating - long‑term partnership - self‑reflection Key Concepts attachment theory emotional regulation Questions to Reflect On - How do you transition from excitement to stability? - What qualities matter more after the initial spark? A Different Perspective Intense attraction may not sustain long‑term compatibility. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Crush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crush/) [Energy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/energy/) [Relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/relationship/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Violent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/violent/) ## Related quotes > [“Maybe our relationships--love--can save us, at least enough so that our lives are finally worthwhile, even with all the rotten misery and dying.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-hull/maybe-our-relationships-love-can-save-us-at-least-enough-so-that-our/) [Jonathan Hull](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-hull/) > [“Maybe in some relationships there was so much history that fondness and guilt and curiosity and familiarity remained separate elements and could never be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/maybe-in-some-relationships-there-was-so-much-history-that-fondness/) [Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/) > [“Maybe relationships shoudn´t be such hard work. Like, if you´re right for someone then shouldn´t everything fall into place really easily?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarra-manning/maybe-relationships-shoudn-t-be-such-hard-work-like-if-you-re-right/) [Sarra Manning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarra-manning/) > [Im thinkin' maybe I can't have relationships, cuz lately, their not making any sense](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aly-johnson/im-thinkin-maybe-i-can-t-have-relationships-cuz-lately-their-not/) [Aly Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aly-johnson/) > [Maybe relationships could have fractals, too. And maybe the sense of loss was when you're becoming a fractal of what you once were to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-levithan/maybe-relationships-could-have-fractals-too-and-maybe-the-sense-of/) [David Levithan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-levithan/) > [I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships cause lately they're not making any sense.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/3oh-3/i-m-thinking-maybe-i-can-t-have-relationships-cause-lately-they-re/) [3OH!3](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/3oh-3/) > [“Maybe relationships shouldn't be such hard work...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarra-manning/maybe-relationships-shouldn-t-be-such-hard-work/) [Sarra Manning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarra-manning/) > [In relationships 'Need' creates pressure on both sides. Whereas 'freedom' relaxes both sides allowing them to express their best sides and focus on the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-shaylitsa/in-relationships-need-creates-pressure-on-both-sides-whereas-freedom/) [Edward Shaylitsa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-shaylitsa/) > [In order to be able to make and keep commitments... to enduring, intimate relationships... you need to be a certain kind of person. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/danny-silk/in-order-to-be-able-to-make-and-keep-commitments-to-enduring-intimate/) [Danny Silk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/danny-silk/) > [“As you know, not all relationships are the same. Some need more nurturing than others.  Rather than leave this to chance, a thoughtful, intentional…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-bolton/as-you-know-not-all-relationships-are-the-same-some-need-more/) [Chuck Bolton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-bolton/) > [“In meaningful relationships, you need to do more than just "get it." You need to do more than just sit back and handle things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jos-n-harris/in-meaningful-relationships-you-need-to-do-more-than-just-get-it-you/) [José N. Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jos-n-harris/) > [ What we really need is somebody who loves us so much we don’t worry about death, or about \[anything for that matter\]… We need… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-miller/what-we-really-need-is-somebody-who-loves-us-so-much-we-don-t-worry/) [Donald Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-miller/) > [We accumulate a lot of relationships in our lives. Some of them are meant to last a lifetime, others are meant just to give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dranil-kr-sinha/we-accumulate-a-lot-of-relationships-in-our-lives-some-of-them-are/) [DrAnil Kr Sinha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dranil-kr-sinha/) > [“Stop with the consistent interpretation of struggle as purpose. Struggle is not defined as purpose. If you need constant friction to fuel your belief…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-joybell-c/stop-with-the-consistent-interpretation-of-struggle-as-purpose/) [C. JoyBell C](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-joybell-c/) > [When we get out relationships we need too be alone for a while and enjoy ourselves. Heal from any pain that shattered our hearts…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/when-we-get-out-relationships-we-need-too-be-alone-for-a-while-and/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) ## More by Nick Hornby > [You can wait forever for the muse to sit on your shoulder, but most of the time you know what has to be done…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/you-can-wait-forever-for-the-muse-to-sit-on-your-shoulder-but-most-of/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > […I've had a bad week." What's happened?" Nothing's happened. I've had a bad week in my head, is all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-ve-had-a-bad-week-what-s-happened-nothing-s-happened-i-ve-had-a-bad/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“When they – I cannot bring myself to use the first-person plural in this instance.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/when-they-i-cannot-bring-myself-to-use-the-first-person-plural-in/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“What you don't ever catch a glimpse of on your wedding day - because how could you? - is that some days you will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/what-you-don-t-ever-catch-a-glimpse-of-on-your-wedding-day-because/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You've got to kick off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/a-good-compilation-tape-like-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do-and-takes-ages/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [I'm still not a very good white wine, but I'm drinkable - you could put me in a punch, anyway.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-m-still-not-a-very-good-white-wine-but-i-m-drinkable-you-could-put/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [I never mind the accusations of domesticity, as long as people recognise that all of us, even the luckiest, will live lives in which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-never-mind-the-accusations-of-domesticity-as-long-as-people/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [I wasted the 1980s. I wasted every minute at Cambridge talking to people who knew more about music than I did.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-wasted-the-1980s-i-wasted-every-minute-at-cambridge-talking-to/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“I took her outside on to a little roof terrace that looked like it never got the sun at nay time of the day…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-took-her-outside-on-to-a-little-roof-terrace-that-looked-like-it/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“I feel as though I have been having conversations like this all my life. None of us is young anymore, but what has just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-feel-as-though-i-have-been-having-conversations-like-this-all-my/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“I'm OK. Really. I can find people. I'll be all right.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/i-m-ok-really-i-can-find-people-i-ll-be-all-right/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“Read any women's magazine and you'll see the same complaint over and over again: men - those little boys ten or twenty or thirty…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/read-any-women-s-magazine-and-you-ll-see-the-same-complaint-over-and/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [“Defansçılar her zaman forvetçilerden daha iyi analizcilerdir.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/defans-lar-her-zaman-forvet-ilerden-daha-iyi-analizcilerdir/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [On New Year's Eve he ould make a resolution to recover some his previous scepticism, but until then he would do as the Romans…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/on-new-year-s-eve-he-ould-make-a-resolution-to-recover-some-his/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) > [It's no good looking to writers for definitions of what constitutes proper writing, because you will drive yourself crazy, and you won't find anything…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-hornby/it-s-no-good-looking-to-writers-for-definitions-of-what-constitutes/) [Nick Hornby](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) [Explore all 645 Nick Hornby quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-hornby/) ## More Crush quotes > [Mortals are such fragile things. Just tender feelings walking around exposed in their delicate shells...Easy to crush.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-marr/mortals-are-such-fragile-things-just-tender-feelings-walking-around/) [Melissa Marr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-marr/) > [Each child’s story is worthy of telling. There shouldn’t be a sliding scale of death. The weight of it is crushing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anderson-cooper/each-child-s-story-is-worthy-of-telling-there-shouldn-t-be-a-sliding/) [Anderson Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anderson-cooper/) > [I wish that I coul be her. but in the mean time dont forget about me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kenzie-ann/i-wish-that-i-coul-be-her-but-in-the-mean-time-dont-forget-about-me/) [Kenzie-ann](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kenzie-ann/) > [I had to smile when stories emerged questioning whether I was gay. Obviously I knew I wasn't but people were curiously desperate to suggest…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-radcliffe/i-had-to-smile-when-stories-emerged-questioning-whether-i-was-gay/) [Daniel Radcliffe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-radcliffe/) > [I already know that u know that I like u, the question is Wat r u going to do with that information.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/i-already-know-that-u-know-that-i-like-u-the-question-is-wat-r-u/) [Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/) > [“My mom believed that you make your own luck. Over the stove she had hung these old, maroon painted letters that spell out, “MANIFEST.”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emmy-laybourne/my-mom-believed-that-you-make-your-own-luck-over-the-stove-she-had/) [Emmy Laybourne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emmy-laybourne/) > [I'm very disturbed to find out that the leader of the Townies has a soul and I'm beginning to develop a bit of a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melina-marchetta/i-m-very-disturbed-to-find-out-that-the-leader-of-the-townies-has-a/) [Melina Marchetta](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melina-marchetta/) > [“Connor Crane was currently the secret crush of half the female HHH population. And a couple of the males, too.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gemma-halliday/connor-crane-was-currently-the-secret-crush-of-half-the-female-hhh/) [Gemma Halliday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gemma-halliday/) > [My dream would be to hear rocks at my window n to look out and see u just standing there, in the pouring rain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/blondie/my-dream-would-be-to-hear-rocks-at-my-window-n-to-look-out-and-see-u/) [Blondie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/blondie/) > [Tireless passion, fierce jealousy, longing to possess and crush-these alone were left of all his love for Rosalind; these remained to him as payment…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/f-scott-fitzgerald/tireless-passion-fierce-jealousy-longing-to-possess-and-crush-these/) [F. Scott Fitzgerald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/f-scott-fitzgerald/) > [He sank into the rocking chair, the same one in which Rebecca had sat during the early days of the house to give embroidery…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabriel-garc-a-m-rquez/he-sank-into-the-rocking-chair-the-same-one-in-which-rebecca-had-sat/) [Gabriel Garcia Marquez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabriel-garc-a-m-rquez/) > [...It's an unmeetable level of writing. But even if it's something I feel like I can't ever attain, it doesn't crush my spirit. I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-banks/it-s-an-unmeetable-level-of-writing-but-even-if-it-s-something-i-feel/) [Paul Banks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-banks/) > [Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. With this creed, revenge never worries my heart, degradation…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-bronte/life-appears-to-me-too-short-to-be-spent-in-nursing-animosity-or/) [Charlotte Bronte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-bronte/) > [Hold tenderly that which you cherish, for it is precious and a tight grip may crush it. Do not let the fear of dropping…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-alberti/hold-tenderly-that-which-you-cherish-for-it-is-precious-and-a-tight/) Bob Alberti > [In love, making your crush jealous is not going to help it would just make it more complicated.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-valdez/in-love-making-your-crush-jealous-is-not-going-to-help-it-would-just/) [Sarah Valdez](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-valdez/) [Browse all 2,147 Crush quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crush/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I used to think--and given the way we ended up, maybe I still do--that all relationships need the kind of violent shove that a crush brings, just to get you started and to push you over the humps. And then, when the energy from that shove has gone and you come to something approaching a halt, you have to look around and see what you've got. 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