--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The first move was to hook her attention…" description: "\"“The first move was to hook her attention. “I’ll tell you something about yourself that other people probably don’t know,” I began. “People sometimes s..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b87/neil-strauss-3035_asking-questions_the-first-move-was-to-hook-her-attention_3222318.png" --- # The first move was to hook her attention. “I’ll tell you… ![“The first move was to hook her attention. “I’ll tell you something about yourself that other people probably don’t know,” I began. “People sometimes see you as shy or bitchy offstage, even though you aren’t.” “Totally,” she said. “Do you want to know why?” “Yeah.” I was creating what’s called a…” quote by Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b87/neil-strauss-3035_asking-questions_the-first-move-was-to-hook-her-attention_3222318.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b87/neil-strauss-3035_asking-questions_the-first-move-was-to-hook-her-attention_3222318.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/b87/neil-strauss-3035_asking-questions_the-first-move-was-to-hook-her-attention_3222318.png) > ““The first move was to hook her attention. “I’ll tell you something about yourself that other people probably don’t know,” I began. “People sometimes see you as shy or bitchy offstage, even though you aren’t.” “Totally,” she said. “Do you want to know why?” “Yeah.” I was creating what’s called a yes-ladder, capturing her attention by asking questions that require an obvious affirmative answer. “I’m watching your eyes when you talk. And every time you think, they go down and to the left. That means you’re a kinesthetic person. You’re someone who lives in her feelings.” “Oh my God,” she said. “That’s totally true.” Of course it was. It was one of the value-demonstrating routines I’d developed. The eye goes to one of seven different positions when someone thinks: Each position means the person is accessing a different part of their brain. As I taught her how to read different types of eye movements, she clung to every word. Her legs uncrossed and she leaned in toward me. The game was on. “I”” [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The speaker uses a technique of giving a personal insight to capture attention and build rapport, then deepens engagement by observing subtle cues like eye movement to infer personality traits. **In simple terms:** Hook attention with personal insight, then use subtle cues to deepen connection. Key Takeaway Use observation and affirmation to build rapport. Themes communication psychology influence Mood curious strategic Type instructional conversational When to use this quote - sales pitch - dating coaching - interview technique - public speaking Key Concepts rapport building nonverbal cues personality assessment Questions to Reflect On - How can you verify the accuracy of such cues? - What ethical limits exist in using personal insights? A Different Perspective Reliance on unverified body language can mislead. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Asking Question](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asking-question/) [Asking questions](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asking-questions/) [Capturing Attention](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/capturing-attention-1740135/) [Different types](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different-types/) [Eye Movements](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/eye-movements-5653396/) [Eyes Talk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/eyes-talk-1013275/) [Kinesthetic Person](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/kinesthetic-person-6063225/) [Oh my god](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/oh-my-god/) [Ur Eyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ur-eyes/) [Watching Eyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/watching-eyes-2848754/) ## Related quotes > [“the more ‘Yeses’ we can, at the very outset, induce, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention for our ultimate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-carnegie/the-more-yeses-we-can-at-the-very-outset-induce-the-more-likely-we/) [Dale Carnegie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-carnegie/) > [“Follow my finger." He moved it around, tracking my eye movements. "Any blurred vision?" "Well I think I'm hallucinating, because I see a big…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-caine/follow-my-finger-he-moved-it-around-tracking-my-eye-movements-any/) [Rachel Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-caine/) > [You gotta do a lot more than rap. Rap is not just rap. If you don't have an image, you're not capturing nobody's attention.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/smokepurpp/you-gotta-do-a-lot-more-than-rap-rap-is-not-just-rap-if-you-don-t/) [Smokepurpp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/smokepurpp/) > [“High-reactive children pay what one psychologist calls “alert attention” to people and things. They literally use more eye movements than others to compare choices…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susan-cain/high-reactive-children-pay-what-one-psychologist-calls-alert/) [Susan Cain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susan-cain/) > [he was watching me and when our eyes met, i had no fan to cover my face, no way to hid my feelings. i…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laura-whitcomb/he-was-watching-me-and-when-our-eyes-met-i-had-no-fan-to-cover-my/) [Laura Whitcomb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laura-whitcomb/) > [“Yours eye is always watching me..as i keep your eyes alive in my every beats of heart...”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sss/yours-eye-is-always-watching-me-as-i-keep-your-eyes-alive-in-my-every/) [sss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sss/) > [I believe it is possible to tell what sign some people were born under by watching their eyes, watching how they walk, how they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charley-pride/i-believe-it-is-possible-to-tell-what-sign-some-people-were-born/) [Charley Pride](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charley-pride/) > [“I closed my eyes and let the music take over, and when I opened them, Cole was watching me. As our eyes met, he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brodi-ashton/i-closed-my-eyes-and-let-the-music-take-over-and-when-i-opened-them/) [Brodi Ashton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brodi-ashton/) > [“...His eyes are very dark now. They’re watching his fingers as he gently winds my hair around them. It looks as if he isn’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natalie-ward/his-eyes-are-very-dark-now-they-re-watching-his-fingers-as-he-gently/) [Natalie Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natalie-ward/) > [I'll find you," he says, watching me with the eyes I remember. "I won't let you go again](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-oliver/i-ll-find-you-he-says-watching-me-with-the-eyes-i-remember-i-won-t/) [Lauren Oliver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-oliver/) > [“She stared at me curiously. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Sometimes, when I walk along the corridor here, I fancy I hear her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daphne-du-maurier/she-stared-at-me-curiously-her-voice-dropped-to-a-whisper-sometimes/) [Daphne du Maurier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daphne-du-maurier/) > [Everything is the same spirit watching itself through the eyes of different observers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/everything-is-the-same-spirit-watching-itself-through-the-eyes-of/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [“I could feel someone watching me. Eyes boring a hole in the back of my neck, crawling over my skin.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kaitlin-bevis/i-could-feel-someone-watching-me-eyes-boring-a-hole-in-the-back-of-my/) [Kaitlin Bevis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kaitlin-bevis/) > [“She couldn’t stop watching his eyes. They were bright black, surrounded by an incredible network of lines, like a laboratory maze for studying intelligence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-pynchon/she-couldn-t-stop-watching-his-eyes-they-were-bright-black-surrounded/) [Thomas Pynchon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-pynchon/) > [“I know you’re not here, I can see it in your eyes when we talk. Where ever you are, come back soon”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/iain-thomas/i-know-you-re-not-here-i-can-see-it-in-your-eyes-when-we-talk-where/) [Iain Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/iain-thomas/) ## More by Neil Strauss > [“Never underestimate your own capacity to care. “I”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/never-underestimate-your-own-capacity-to-care-i/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [Rapport equals trust plus comfort.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/rapport-equals-trust-plus-comfort/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [A good organizer is key to anyone with a busy social life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/a-good-organizer-is-key-to-anyone-with-a-busy-social-life/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“NONVERSATION—noun: a conversation in which one person isn’t paying attention to what the other person is saying, generally due to lack of interest or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/nonversation-noun-a-conversation-in-which-one-person-isn-t-paying/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [You need to be careful with a Bluetooth headset. Because some guys look crazy with them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/you-need-to-be-careful-with-a-bluetooth-headset-because-some-guys/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/in-life-people-tend-to-wait-for-good-things-to-come-to-them-and-by/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [A lot of guys are very intimidated by an attractive woman, and they dehumanise her because our culture perceives beautiful women as commodities. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/a-lot-of-guys-are-very-intimidated-by-an-attractive-woman-and-they/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“That's when I started to leave it behind. I realized that I got my entire validation from women. Women became like gods to me,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/that-s-when-i-started-to-leave-it-behind-i-realized-that-i-got-my/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [Life is more fun when you open your mouth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/life-is-more-fun-when-you-open-your-mouth/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they would joke…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/growing-up-i-was-watched-by-my-parents-and-strongly-critiqued-instead/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“We never had conversations; we had nonversations, where we just filled empty space with words.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/we-never-had-conversations-we-had-nonversations-where-we-just-filled/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“A man has two primary drives in early adulthood: one toward power, success, and accomplishment; the other toward love, companionship, and sex.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/a-man-has-two-primary-drives-in-early-adulthood-one-toward-power/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“Among the required reading for all PUAs were books on evolutionary theory: The Red Queen by Matt Ridley, The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/among-the-required-reading-for-all-puas-were-books-on-evolutionary/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [Instead of putting others down, try improving yourself instead. The only person you have a right to compete with is you. In the meantime,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/instead-of-putting-others-down-try-improving-yourself-instead-the/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) > [“We were all searching outside ourselves for our missing pieces, and we were all looking in the wrong direction. Instead of finding ourselves, we'd…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-strauss/we-were-all-searching-outside-ourselves-for-our-missing-pieces-and-we/) [Neil Strauss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) [Explore all 139 Neil Strauss quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-strauss/) ## More Asking questions quotes > [And in your new lives you'll have to live entirely for that one sensation-that of imminent truth. And you're going to have to holler…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/douglas-coupland/and-in-your-new-lives-you-ll-have-to-live-entirely-for-that-one/) [Douglas Coupland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/douglas-coupland/) > [By questioning all the aspects of our business, we continuously inject improvement and innovation into our culture.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-dell/by-questioning-all-the-aspects-of-our-business-we-continuously-inject/) [Michael Dell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-dell/) > [“The breakdown of the neighborhoods also meant the end of what was essentially an extended family…With the breakdown of the extended family, too much…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilyn-french/the-breakdown-of-the-neighborhoods-also-meant-the-end-of-what-was/) [Marilyn French](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilyn-french/) > [“Wise are those who keep asking questions when everyone around them think they know the answers.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-bartell/wise-are-those-who-keep-asking-questions-when-everyone-around-them/) [J. Bartell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-bartell/) > [And when I started college, I think I was good at two things: arguing and asking questions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-hughes/and-when-i-started-college-i-think-i-was-good-at-two-things-arguing/) [Karen Hughes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-hughes/) > [Keep on asking the questions and learn to accept the answers, even if they are not the same as what you would have loved.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/keep-on-asking-the-questions-and-learn-to-accept-the-answers-even-if/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Going online and asking questions is the best way to learn.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-felton/going-online-and-asking-questions-is-the-best-way-to-learn/) [Tom Felton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-felton/) > [If you look at most mainstream filmmaking, to be honest, some of these films aren't even asking questions anymore at all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karyn-kusama/if-you-look-at-most-mainstream-filmmaking-to-be-honest-some-of-these/) [Karyn Kusama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karyn-kusama/) > [To go beyond the mind, you must be silent and quiet. Peace and silence, silence and peace - this is the way beyond. Stop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sri-nisargadatta-maharaj/to-go-beyond-the-mind-you-must-be-silent-and-quiet-peace-and-silence/) [Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sri-nisargadatta-maharaj/) > [“Asking questions is an opportunity for creativity and personal expression, both for the person asking and the person answering.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sharon-salzberg/asking-questions-is-an-opportunity-for-creativity-and-personal/) [Sharon Salzberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sharon-salzberg/) > [In mathematics, the art of asking questions is more valuable than solving problems.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/georg-cantor/in-mathematics-the-art-of-asking-questions-is-more-valuable-than/) [Georg Cantor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/georg-cantor/) > [I think all good architecture should challenge you, make you start asking questions. You don't have to understand it. You may not like it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thom-mayne/i-think-all-good-architecture-should-challenge-you-make-you-start/) [Thom Mayne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thom-mayne/) > [“By this time it was well past midnight. You know how that is. It’s a time when you start asking questions about things that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-nickle/by-this-time-it-was-well-past-midnight-you-know-how-that-is-it-s-a/) [David Nickle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-nickle/) > [The first time I had a secretary, I was sheepish about being demanding or even asking questions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bing-gordon/the-first-time-i-had-a-secretary-i-was-sheepish-about-being-demanding/) [Bing Gordon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bing-gordon/) > [“Instead of seeking out communities that almost guarantee the potential for large successful churches, the best planters are asking questions like, “which are the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sean-benesh/instead-of-seeking-out-communities-that-almost-guarantee-the/) [Sean Benesh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sean-benesh/) [Browse all 480 Asking questions quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asking-questions/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The first move was to hook her attention. “I’ll tell you something about yourself that other people probably don’t know,” I began. “People sometimes see you as shy or bitchy offstage, even though you aren’t.” “Totally,” she said. “Do you want to know why?” “Yeah.” I was creating what’s called a yes-ladder, capturing her attention by asking questions that require an obvious affirmative answer. “I’m watching your eyes when you talk. And every time you think, they go down and to the left. That means you’re a kinesthetic person. You’re someone who lives in her feelings.” “Oh my God,” she said. “That’s totally true.” Of course it was. It was one of the value-demonstrating routines I’d developed. The eye goes to one of seven different positions when someone thinks: Each position means the person is accessing a different part of their brain. As I taught her how to read different types of eye movements, she clung to every word. Her legs uncrossed and she leaned in toward me. 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