--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: My grandmother’s unkindness, for…" description: "\"“My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result of repressed grief over three deaths: her parents, before she was twelve, and her firstborn ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg" --- # My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result… ![“My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result of repressed grief over three deaths: her parents, before she was twelve, and her firstborn child. I don’t recall ever seeing her smile. She was critical of everything and everyone. Table manners, posture, diction, wardrobe. My aunt, her…” quote by Nancy Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg) > ““My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result of repressed grief over three deaths: her parents, before she was twelve, and her firstborn child. I don’t recall ever seeing her smile. She was critical of everything and everyone. Table manners, posture, diction, wardrobe. My aunt, her mother’s staunchest defender, often reminded us that my grandmother suffered from accumulated sorrow, bottled up since childhood and cloaked in intellect and intolerance as she grew older. She was never able to grieve fully or mourn the amassed losses, my aunt had said. If we repress our grief, over time, it’s bound to harden the heart.”” [Nancy Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Repressed grief can turn into bitterness and emotional rigidity if never processed. **In simple terms:** Unprocessed grief hardens the heart. Key Takeaway Allow yourself to feel and express loss. Themes grief emotional health family dynamics Mood sad reflective Type narrative psychological When to use this quote - family gatherings - therapy sessions - personal reflection - support groups Key Concepts repression psychology healing Questions to Reflect On - How do you recognize when grief is being suppressed? - What steps can you take to process lingering loss? A Different Perspective Hard feelings may persist despite intellectual rationalization. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Grandmother Suffered](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandmother-suffered-4964277/) [Grandmother Unkindness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grandmother-unkindness-5798697/) [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [Mourning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mourning/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Repress Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/repress-grief-5798696/) [Repressed Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/repressed-grief-5798695/) [Sorrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sorrow/) [Table manners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/table-manners/) ## Related quotes > [I've got a lot of experience with anorexia - my grandmother and great-grandmother suffered from it, and I had a lot of friends at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keira-knightley/i-ve-got-a-lot-of-experience-with-anorexia-my-grandmother-and-great-2/) [Keira Knightley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keira-knightley/) > [I've got a lot of experience with anorexia, my grandmother and great-grandmother suffered from it, and I had a lot of friends at school…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keira-knightley/i-ve-got-a-lot-of-experience-with-anorexia-my-grandmother-and-great/) [Keira Knightley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keira-knightley/) > [“Mary tucked into a ball, shielding herself from the tail's barbs. She covered her ears and closed her eyes, cutting off the juicy sounds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/mary-tucked-into-a-ball-shielding-herself-from-the-tail-s-barbs-she/) [J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/) > [“I’m an old man trying to give a young daughter advice, and it’s like a monkey trying to teach table manners to a bear.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/i-m-an-old-man-trying-to-give-a-young-daughter-advice-and-it-s-like-a/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [“How do you eradicate contempt, especially when that contempt is founded on nothing more substantial than differences in table manners, variations in the structure…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-m-coetzee-2/how-do-you-eradicate-contempt-especially-when-that-contempt-is/) [J. M. Coetzee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-m-coetzee-2/) > [GENTLE READER: You, sir, are an anarchist, and Miss Manners is frightened to have anything to do with you. It is true that questioning…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/judith-martin/gentle-reader-you-sir-are-an-anarchist-and-miss-manners-is-frightened/) [Judith Martin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/judith-martin/) > [What we need to question is bricks, concrete, glass, our table manners, our utensils, our tools, the way we spend our time, our rhythms.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/georges-perec/what-we-need-to-question-is-bricks-concrete-glass-our-table-manners/) [Georges Perec](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/georges-perec/) > [“In my view, the West is not a concept to be explored, analyzed, or enlarged through a study of the history and great ideals…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orhan-pamuk/in-my-view-the-west-is-not-a-concept-to-be-explored-analyzed-or/) [Orhan Pamuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orhan-pamuk/) > [Fashionably amusing table manners are a matter of breaking the right rule at the right time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/p-j-o-rourke/fashionably-amusing-table-manners-are-a-matter-of-breaking-the-right/) [P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/p-j-o-rourke/) > [I don't know why people would want to have lunch with writers. I've eaten with writers. We have appalling table manners, and rarely say…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neil-gaiman/i-don-t-know-why-people-would-want-to-have-lunch-with-writers-i-ve/) [Neil Gaiman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neil-gaiman/) > [I don't like people's table manners. That really puts you off eating food.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lemmy/i-don-t-like-people-s-table-manners-that-really-puts-you-off-eating/) [Lemmy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lemmy/) > [Basil Stag Hare tut-tutted severely as he remarked to Ambrose Spike, 'Tch, tch. Dreadful table manners. Just look at those three wallahs, kicking up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-jacques/basil-stag-hare-tut-tutted-severely-as-he-remarked-to-ambrose-spike/) [Brian Jacques](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-jacques/) > [“The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bauvard/the-smaller-the-dinner-table-the-better-the-side-conversation-you-can/) [Bauvard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bauvard/) > [To use bad taste, you have to know the rules of good taste. I've always thanked my mother for that. She taught how to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-waters/to-use-bad-taste-you-have-to-know-the-rules-of-good-taste-i-ve-always/) [John Waters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-waters/) > [The only way to have a funeral is to invite everyone who ever knew the person and just wait for the accident to happen-somebody…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-roth/the-only-way-to-have-a-funeral-is-to-invite-everyone-who-ever-knew/) [Philip Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-roth/) ## More by Nancy Cobb > [“A wisdom as constant as the North Star shines within all of us. It is always present. waiting to be tapped, waiting to guide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/a-wisdom-as-constant-as-the-north-star-shines-within-all-of-us-it-is/) [Nancy Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/) > [“Perhaps it is only when we realize and celebrate the intrinsic value of every human life that celebrity - true celebrity - shines most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/perhaps-it-is-only-when-we-realize-and-celebrate-the-intrinsic-value/) [Nancy Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/) > [“Death forces a grace period on all of us. The dying offer the living a final chance to be the best that they can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/death-forces-a-grace-period-on-all-of-us-the-dying-offer-the-living-a/) [Nancy Cobb](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/) [Explore all 4 Nancy Cobb quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/) ## More Children quotes > [I am certain that children always know more than they are able to tell, and that makes the big difference between them and adults,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacques-lusseyran/i-am-certain-that-children-always-know-more-than-they-are-able-to/) [Jacques Lusseyran](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacques-lusseyran/) > [Behind every successful child is an adult who believed in him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-warren/behind-every-successful-child-is-an-adult-who-believed-in-him/) [Rick Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-warren/) > [I believe in freedom to do what you want if you aren't hurting others, but pictures of obese protesters giving their children big gulps.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-defranco/i-believe-in-freedom-to-do-what-you-want-if-you-aren-t-hurting-others/) [Philip DeFranco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-defranco/) > [If the audience likes your work, if they like you, they don't think whether you are married or have children or not. I made…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dimple-kapadia/if-the-audience-likes-your-work-if-they-like-you-they-don-t-think/) [Dimple Kapadia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dimple-kapadia/) > [It doesnt seem to me strange that children should like the macabre, the sensational, and the forbidden.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-hecht/it-doesnt-seem-to-me-strange-that-children-should-like-the-macabre/) [Anthony Hecht](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-hecht/) > [Let children support their parents or be imprisoned.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/let-children-support-their-parents-or-be-imprisoned/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Gratitude isn't just a feeling, it's an action. Expressing gratitude by writing in a journal, taking a photo, or shooting a video creates a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janice-kaplan/gratitude-isn-t-just-a-feeling-it-s-an-action-expressing-gratitude-by/) [Janice Kaplan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janice-kaplan/) > [My embarrassing confession is that my father is a 'Camelot: The Musical' obsessive. So as a child, when we were going to visit relatives…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chris-chibnall/my-embarrassing-confession-is-that-my-father-is-a-camelot-the-musical/) [Chris Chibnall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chris-chibnall/) > [I have many who keep me going, I am very fortunate in this sense. There is nothing like a child who knows more about…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/floyd-cooper/i-have-many-who-keep-me-going-i-am-very-fortunate-in-this-sense-there/) [Floyd Cooper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/floyd-cooper/) > [My school was one of the most beautiful places a child can grow up in. You are surrounded by nature - cats, dogs, birds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amala-akkineni/my-school-was-one-of-the-most-beautiful-places-a-child-can-grow-up-in/) [Amala Akkineni](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amala-akkineni/) > [A lesser complaint: hair extensions. There are moments on 'All My Children' when half the women actors, young and old, seem to be afflicted…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/camille-paglia/a-lesser-complaint-hair-extensions-there-are-moments-on-all-my/) [Camille Paglia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/camille-paglia/) > [As a child, I had a lot of older gay men taking care of me. There's a trust there. I feel like little girls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-cho/as-a-child-i-had-a-lot-of-older-gay-men-taking-care-of-me-there-s-a/) [Margaret Cho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-cho/) > [If my child had prejudice in his head, I'd be ashamed. I would see it as my failure as a parent.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/salman-rushdie/if-my-child-had-prejudice-in-his-head-i-d-be-ashamed-i-would-see-it/) [Salman Rushdie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/salman-rushdie/) > [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/) [Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/) > [As a child I was very involved with sports and I knew at age 9 that I wanted to be an Olympic champion.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marion-jones/as-a-child-i-was-very-involved-with-sports-and-i-knew-at-age-9-that-i/) [Marion Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marion-jones/) [Browse all 62,396 Children quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result of repressed grief over three deaths: her parents, before she was twelve, and her firstborn child. I don’t recall ever seeing her smile. She was critical of everything and everyone. Table manners, posture, diction, wardrobe. My aunt, her mother’s staunchest defender, often reminded us that my grandmother suffered from accumulated sorrow, bottled up since childhood and cloaked in intellect and intolerance as she grew older. She was never able to grieve fully or mourn the amassed losses, my aunt had said. If we repress our grief, over time, it’s bound to harden the heart.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Nancy Cobb" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance-was-the-result-of-repressed/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Children" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance-was-the-result-of-repressed/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6f8/nancy-cobb-68537_children_my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance_743372.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was the result of repressed grief over three deaths: her parents…” — Nancy Cobb", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Nancy Cobb", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nancy-cobb/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“My grandmother’s unkindness, for instance, was...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance-was-the-result-of-repressed/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nancy-cobb/my-grandmother-s-unkindness-for-instance-was-the-result-of-repressed/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```