--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Don't ask why the patient is the way he…" description: "\"Don't ask why the patient is the way he is, ask for what he would change.\" — Milton H. Erickson" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ffa/milton-h-erickson-17386_asks_don-t-ask-why-the-patient-is-the-way-he_1452000.png" --- # Don't ask why the patient is the way he is, ask for what… ![“Don't ask why the patient is the way he is, ask for what he would change.” quote by Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ffa/milton-h-erickson-17386_asks_don-t-ask-why-the-patient-is-the-way-he_1452000.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ffa/milton-h-erickson-17386_asks_don-t-ask-why-the-patient-is-the-way-he_1452000.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/ffa/milton-h-erickson-17386_asks_don-t-ask-why-the-patient-is-the-way-he_1452000.png) > “Don't ask why the patient is the way he is, ask for what he would change.” [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Focus on desired future changes rather than current causes. **In simple terms:** Ask what changes you want, not why you are. Key Takeaway Shift focus to actionable change. Themes therapy change future-oriented goal setting Mood hopeful empowering Type therapeutic motivational When to use this quote - counseling sessions - coaching - personal development Key Concepts solution-focused therapy cognitive restructuring behavioral change Questions to Reflect On - What change would you most like to see? - How can you start moving toward that change? A Different Perspective Ignoring root causes may overlook underlying issues. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Ask Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ask-change-1113706/) [Ask Patient](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ask-patient-337602/) [Asks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asks/) [Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/) [Cognitive behavioral therapy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/) [Cognitive therapy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cognitive-therapy/) [Doctor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/doctor/) [Patience](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/patience/) [Patient](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/patient/) [Patient Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/patient-way-5224480/) [Therapy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/therapy/) [Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/) ## Related quotes > [Tragedy is in the eye of the observer, and not in the heart of the sufferer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/tragedy-is-in-the-eye-of-the-observer-and-not-in-the-heart-of-the/) [Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/) > [He who neglects what is done for what ought to be done, sooner effects his ruin than his preservation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/niccolo-machiavelli/he-who-neglects-what-is-done-for-what-ought-to-be-done-sooner-effects/) [Niccolo Machiavelli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/niccolo-machiavelli/) > [The present non-aristotelian system is based on fundamental negative premises; namely, the complete denial of 'identity.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alfred-korzybski/the-present-non-aristotelian-system-is-based-on-fundamental-negative/) [Alfred Korzybski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alfred-korzybski/) > [We should pledge ourselves to the proposition that the irresponsible life is not worth living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-szasz/we-should-pledge-ourselves-to-the-proposition-that-the-irresponsible/) [Thomas Szasz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-szasz/) > [We must take care of our minds because we cannot benefit from beauty when our brains are missing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/euripides/we-must-take-care-of-our-minds-because-we-cannot-benefit-from-beauty/) [Euripides](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/euripides/) > [Things can never touch the soul, but stand inert outside it, so that disquiet can arise only from fancies within.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marcus-aurelius/things-can-never-touch-the-soul-but-stand-inert-outside-it-so-that/) [Marcus Aurelius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marcus-aurelius/) > [The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-ellis/the-individual-is-taught-that-there-is-nothing-that-he-as-a-total/) [Albert Ellis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-ellis/) > [Things may happen around you, and things may happen to you, but the only things that matter are the things that happen in you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eric-butterworth/things-may-happen-around-you-and-things-may-happen-to-you-but-the-2/) [Eric Butterworth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eric-butterworth/) > [The depressed man lives in a depressed world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ludwig-wittgenstein/the-depressed-man-lives-in-a-depressed-world/) [Ludwig Wittgenstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ludwig-wittgenstein/) > [“CBT is a much publicised and debated psychotherapeutic intervention for ME/CFS….The premise that cognitive therapy (eg. changing ‘illness beliefs’) and graded activity can ‘reverse’…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anthony-komaroff/cbt-is-a-much-publicised-and-debated-psychotherapeutic-intervention/) [Anthony Komaroff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anthony-komaroff/) > [Buddhists were actually the first cognitive-behavioral therapists.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-kornfield/buddhists-were-actually-the-first-cognitive-behavioral-therapists/) [Jack Kornfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-kornfield/) > [There are a variety of techniques to help people change the kind of thinking that leads them to become depressed. These techniques are called…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/irving-kirsch/there-are-a-variety-of-techniques-to-help-people-change-the-kind-of/) [Irving Kirsch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/irving-kirsch/) > [The relish of good and evil depends in a great measure upon the opinion we have of them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michel-de-montaigne/the-relish-of-good-and-evil-depends-in-a-great-measure-upon-the/) [Michel de Montaigne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michel-de-montaigne/) > [Man is more powerful than matter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-disraeli/man-is-more-powerful-than-matter/) [Benjamin Disraeli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-disraeli/) > [Whatever a person frequently thinks and reflects on, that will become the inclination of their mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gautama-buddha/whatever-a-person-frequently-thinks-and-reflects-on-that-will-become/) [Gautama Buddha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gautama-buddha/) ## More by Milton H. Erickson > [The most important thing in changing human behavior is the person's motivation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/the-most-important-thing-in-changing-human-behavior-is-the-person-s/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [The conscious ego cannot tell the unconscious what to do?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/the-conscious-ego-cannot-tell-the-unconscious-what-to-do/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Little is really known of the actual potentials of human functioning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/little-is-really-known-of-the-actual-potentials-of-human-functioning/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [The unconscious mind works without your knowledge and that is the way it prefers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/the-unconscious-mind-works-without-your-knowledge-and-that-is-the-way/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [As for my dignity... the hell with my dignity. I will get along alright in this world. I don't have to be dignified, professional.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/as-for-my-dignity-the-hell-with-my-dignity-i-will-get-along-alright/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Change will lead to insight far more often than insight will lead to change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/change-will-lead-to-insight-far-more-often-than-insight-will-lead-to/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Life is lived in the present and directed toward a future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/life-is-lived-in-the-present-and-directed-toward-a-future/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Emphasis should be placed more on what the patient does in the present and will do in the future than on a mere understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/emphasis-should-be-placed-more-on-what-the-patient-does-in-the/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [There are so many things in human living that we should regard not as traumatic learning but as incomplete learning, unfinished learning.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/there-are-so-many-things-in-human-living-that-we-should-regard-not-as/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [We always translate the other person's language into our own language.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/we-always-translate-the-other-person-s-language-into-our-own-language/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Every person's map of the world is as unique as their thumbprint.There are no two people alike. No two people who understand the same…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/every-person-s-map-of-the-world-is-as-unique-as-their-thumbprint/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [The unconscious mind is decidedly simple, unaffected, straightforward and honest. It hasn't got all of this facade, this veneer of what we call adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/the-unconscious-mind-is-decidedly-simple-unaffected-straightforward/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [Shut up, sit in that chair there and go into a deep trance!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/shut-up-sit-in-that-chair-there-and-go-into-a-deep-trance/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [People do not come into therapy to change their past but their future.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/people-do-not-come-into-therapy-to-change-their-past-but-their-future/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) > [What is easiest to see is often overlooked.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/milton-h-erickson/what-is-easiest-to-see-is-often-overlooked/) [Milton H. Erickson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) [Explore all 37 Milton H. Erickson quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/milton-h-erickson/) ## More Asks quotes > [If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-helgoe/if-you-ask-an-introvert-a-question-wait-until-she-thinks-about-it/) [Laurie Helgoe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-helgoe/) > [I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-hedberg/i-don-t-wear-a-watch-because-i-want-my-arms-to-weigh-the-same-so-if/) [Mitch Hedberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-hedberg/) > [I am a practicing Catholic, but my lineage is Jewish, so if someone asks me if I'm Jewish, I say yes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/neve-campbell/i-am-a-practicing-catholic-but-my-lineage-is-jewish-so-if-someone/) [Neve Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/neve-campbell/) > [Freedom in every sense but primarily political sense, a rise in repression that stems from a repression of sexuality. It's AIDS, it's herpes, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-nicholson/freedom-in-every-sense-but-primarily-political-sense-a-rise-in/) [Jack Nicholson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-nicholson/) > [Why did Erich von Stronheim leave Germany? Why did Hitchcock leave England? If you were a director you'd like to work in Hollywood too.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roman-polanski/why-did-erich-von-stronheim-leave-germany-why-did-hitchcock-leave/) [Roman Polanski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roman-polanski/) > [There is nothing more I ask of this life than this moment, exactly so. And suddenly forever seems like too short a time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-andreas/there-is-nothing-more-i-ask-of-this-life-than-this-moment-exactly-so/) [Brian Andreas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-andreas/) > [Success will come when the societal attitude changes and not a single woman in America asks herself the question 'What did I do?'.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joe-biden/success-will-come-when-the-societal-attitude-changes-and-not-a-single/) [Joe Biden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joe-biden/) > [The most fundamental question we can ever ask ourselves is whether or not the universe we live in is friendly or hostile.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/albert-einstein/the-most-fundamental-question-we-can-ever-ask-ourselves-is-whether-or/) [Albert Einstein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/albert-einstein/) > [The rich people are apparently leaving America. They're giving up their citizenship. These great lovers of America who made their money in this country-when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bernie-sanders/the-rich-people-are-apparently-leaving-america-they-re-giving-up/) [Bernie Sanders](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bernie-sanders/) > [There is a way to be a woman, ask for what we deserve and be able to negotiate.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tracee-ellis-ross/there-is-a-way-to-be-a-woman-ask-for-what-we-deserve-and-be-able-to/) [Tracee Ellis Ross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tracee-ellis-ross/) > [For someone to ask 'Who did you play for' and to be able to answer a single name 'Liverpool' that would be brilliant...I don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamie-carragher/for-someone-to-ask-who-did-you-play-for-and-to-be-able-to-answer-a/) [Jamie Carragher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jamie-carragher/) > [I have no hesitation in saying that although the American woman never leaves her domestic sphere and is in some respects very dependent within…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexis-de-tocqueville/i-have-no-hesitation-in-saying-that-although-the-american-woman-never/) [Alexis de Tocqueville](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexis-de-tocqueville/) > [Ask God for temp'rance. That's th' appliance only Which your disease requires.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-shakespeare/ask-god-for-temp-rance-that-s-th-appliance-only-which-your-disease/) [William Shakespeare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-shakespeare/) > [I don't know how to say it exactly. Only...I want to die as myself. Does that make any sense?' he asks. I shake my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-collins/i-don-t-know-how-to-say-it-exactly-only-i-want-to-die-as-myself-does/) [Suzanne Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-collins/) > [Physicist Isador Isaac Rabi, who won a Nobel Prize for inventing a technique that permitted scientists to probe the structure of atoms and molecules…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-saul-wurman/physicist-isador-isaac-rabi-who-won-a-nobel-prize-for-inventing-a/) [Richard Saul Wurman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-saul-wurman/) [Browse all 7,138 Asks quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asks/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Don't ask why the patient is the way he is, ask for what he would change.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Milton H. 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