--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When people hurt us, the best thing to do…" description: "\"When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.\" — Michael Thomas Ford" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg" --- # When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why… ![“When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.” quote by Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg) > “When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.” [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Blame lies with the aggressor, not the victim; self‑blame hinders healing. **In simple terms:** Victim isn’t at fault; focus on aggressor. Key Takeaway Release self‑blame to heal. Themes responsibility victimhood healing self‑compassion Mood empathetic supportive Type psychological inspirational When to use this quote - counseling - conflict resolution - personal growth Key Concepts psychology empathy boundary setting Questions to Reflect On - How do you support someone who blames themselves? - What steps help shift focus from “why” to “how to heal”? A Different Perspective Victims may still need to process complex emotions. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) ## Related quotes > [“People will hurt you and hurt you and hurt you, but the best thing about it it you come out of it stronger.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jamirian-mccline/people-will-hurt-you-and-hurt-you-and-hurt-you-but-the-best-thing/) Jamirian McCline > [Memory can only hurt us but the best way to deal with them is to leave them behind us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jekwu-igwegbo/memory-can-only-hurt-us-but-the-best-way-to-deal-with-them-is-to/) [Jekwu Igwegbo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jekwu-igwegbo/) > [Jackie?" "It wasn't your fault.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tammara-webber/jackie-it-wasn-t-your-fault/) [Tammara Webber](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tammara-webber/) > [“It wasn’t her fault,”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel-caine/it-wasn-t-her-fault/) [Rachel Caine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel-caine/) > [...Roland de Chumsfanleigh (it wasn't his fault).](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/roland-de-chumsfanleigh-it-wasn-t-his-fault/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) > [I would sit in class, and I would just cry. Like I don't even know why. It wasn't my school's fault. It wasn't anyone's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-chamberlain/i-would-sit-in-class-and-i-would-just-cry-like-i-don-t-even-know-why/) [Emma Chamberlain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-chamberlain/) > [The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jim-butcher/the-building-was-on-fire-and-it-wasn-t-my-fault/) [Jim Butcher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jim-butcher/) > [“It wasn't my fault.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-evanovich/it-wasn-t-my-fault/) [Janet Evanovich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-evanovich/) > [“It wasn’t his fault! He was a kid! He couldn’t have known what would happen!” I”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sloane-kennedy/it-wasn-t-his-fault-he-was-a-kid-he-couldn-t-have-known-what-would/) [Sloane Kennedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sloane-kennedy/) > [Hurt me, your gonna feel pain. Hurt my best friend, your gonna need an ambulance. Hurt my family... well, let's just say, your gonna…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/hurt-me-your-gonna-feel-pain-hurt-my-best-friend-your-gonna-need-an-2/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [My arm hurt but its for the best](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gold/my-arm-hurt-but-its-for-the-best/) [Gold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gold/) > [A friend would hurt you, but a best friend would kick their ass if they hurt you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ohitsvynn/a-friend-would-hurt-you-but-a-best-friend-would-kick-their-ass-if/) OhItsVynn > [“The best way to avenge yourself is to not be like that.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 6.6 “How much better to heal than seek revenge…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryan-holiday/the-best-way-to-avenge-yourself-is-to-not-be-like-that-marcus/) [Ryan Holiday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryan-holiday/) > [“Time ticks by; we grow older. Before we know it, too much time has passed and we've missed the chance to have other people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/douglas-coupland/time-ticks-by-we-grow-older-before-we-know-it-too-much-time-has/) [Douglas Coupland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/douglas-coupland/) > [Sometimes people hurt us unintentionally. We may view that they've hurt us intentionally and want revenge. But sometimes when we really look back again,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cindy-wright/sometimes-people-hurt-us-unintentionally-we-may-view-that-they-ve/) [Cindy Wright](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cindy-wright/) ## More by Michael Thomas Ford > [“Sometimes seeing the changes in one another had the opposite effect and actually comforted them. Seeing that they weren’t alone in growing older, they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/sometimes-seeing-the-changes-in-one-another-had-the-opposite-effect/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“When I was a kid, I used to watch that show, sitting on the couch in my pajamas and wishing more than anything that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-i-was-a-kid-i-used-to-watch-that-show-sitting-on-the-couch-in-my/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [It's a really crappy feeling to realize that your entire outook on your life can be controlled by some little pill that looks like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/it-s-a-really-crappy-feeling-to-realize-that-your-entire-outook-on/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [I knew people were talking, but I wasn't listening. I wasn't interested in anything anyone had to say.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/i-knew-people-were-talking-but-i-wasn-t-listening-i-wasn-t-interested/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [Let me tell something, seeing your name and psychiatric ward on the same piece of paper isn't the best way to start your day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/let-me-tell-something-seeing-your-name-and-psychiatric-ward-on-the/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [Personally, I think they killed the bear because they were afraid of it. That s what people do, kill the things they re afraid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/personally-i-think-they-killed-the-bear-because-they-were-afraid-of/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“you either are or aren't”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/you-either-are-or-aren-t/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“There’s not much point to being alive if you don’t do what you can to make life better for someone else, is there?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/there-s-not-much-point-to-being-alive-if-you-don-t-do-what-you-can-to/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“I love that word. Gaydar. So clever.” “I’m afraid mine is broken,” Burke said. “It never occurred to me that you were gay.” “It’s…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/i-love-that-word-gaydar-so-clever-i-m-afraid-mine-is-broken-burke/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“Just because your life isn't as awful as someone else's, that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. You can't compare how you feel to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/just-because-your-life-isn-t-as-awful-as-someone-else-s-that-doesn-t/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“Nobody talks around here," she said. "We all pretend to, but we never really do." She pointed to the television. "We're like the people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/nobody-talks-around-here-she-said-we-all-pretend-to-but-we-never/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“Anyone can be crazy,” she answered. “That’s usually just because there’s something screwed up in your wiring, you know? But suicide is a whole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/anyone-can-be-crazy-she-answered-that-s-usually-just-because-there-s/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“He said that I have to remember that even though I've changed a lot in here, I'm going back to a world that hasn't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/he-said-that-i-have-to-remember-that-even-though-i-ve-changed-a-lot/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“If I were a girl, I’d be sucking every cock I could get my mouth on,” Will said. “Fuck, I’d take on the whole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/if-i-were-a-girl-i-d-be-sucking-every-cock-i-could-get-my-mouth-on/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) > [“Byron clapped Walter on the back. 'Good work,' he said. Walter shook his head. 'You're the one who clocked her with the Stephen King…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/byron-clapped-walter-on-the-back-good-work-he-said-walter-shook-his/) [Michael Thomas Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) [Explore all 83 Michael Thomas Ford quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/) ## More Fault quotes > [As people who know me know, probably to a fault, I am usually not without thoughts and words.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-rhodes/as-people-who-know-me-know-probably-to-a-fault-i-am-usually-not/) [Ben Rhodes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-rhodes/) > [“It's my fault. I am forgetting too much.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-atwood/it-s-my-fault-i-am-forgetting-too-much/) [Margaret Atwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-atwood/) > [Sometimes I feel that my message has not been clearly heard. But that is not my fault because I feel like too much is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nadia-murad/sometimes-i-feel-that-my-message-has-not-been-clearly-heard-but-that/) [Nadia Murad](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nadia-murad/) > [I don't blame anyone .. I did this to myself .. It's my fault .. Everything is my FAULT ...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nurnizz95/i-don-t-blame-anyone-i-did-this-to-myself-it-s-my-fault-everything-is/) Nurnizz95 > [I've been in 30 car crashes, none of 'em my fault, I swear on a stack of midgets... OK, they were probably all my fault.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roddy-piper/i-ve-been-in-30-car-crashes-none-of-em-my-fault-i-swear-on-a-stack-of/) [Roddy Piper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roddy-piper/) > [Many persons have been confused and discouraged at the very outset of the study by the great variety and the delicate distinctions of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-staunton/many-persons-have-been-confused-and-discouraged-at-the-very-outset-of/) [Howard Staunton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-staunton/) > [The real fault is to have faults and not amend them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/confucius/the-real-fault-is-to-have-faults-and-not-amend-them/) [Confucius](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/confucius/) > [“When a comm builds atop a fault line, do you blame its walls when they inevitably crush the people inside? No; you blame whoever…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/n-k-jemisin/when-a-comm-builds-atop-a-fault-line-do-you-blame-its-walls-when-they/) [N.K. Jemisin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/n-k-jemisin/) > [We may not like our times or many aspects of the time we live in but that is not the fault of art as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-elliott/we-may-not-like-our-times-or-many-aspects-of-the-time-we-live-in-but/) [David Elliott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-elliott/) > [My biggest fault is that I give people too much credit. Then they let you down. I'm 99.9 per cent perfect - that's how…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ian-brown/my-biggest-fault-is-that-i-give-people-too-much-credit-then-they-let/) [Ian Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ian-brown/) > [Love is a fault; so be it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/victor-hugo/love-is-a-fault-so-be-it/) [Victor Hugo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/victor-hugo/) > [Not my fault](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richie/not-my-fault/) [Richie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richie/) > [With Benghazi, I don't see anyone saying, 'Hey look, I am overall responsible for this and therefore, I take responsibility for what happened. It's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jocko-willink/with-benghazi-i-don-t-see-anyone-saying-hey-look-i-am-overall/) [Jocko Willink](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jocko-willink/) > [Don't find the fault, find the remedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henry-ford/don-t-find-the-fault-find-the-remedy/) [Henry Ford](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henry-ford/) > [“Brandt certainly didn’t see what the big deal was. Things caught fire; it wasn’t always Brandt’s fault.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abigail-roux/brandt-certainly-didn-t-see-what-the-big-deal-was-things-caught-fire/) [Abigail Roux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abigail-roux/) Browse all 784 Fault quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it wasn’t our fault.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Michael Thomas Ford" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do-isn-t-to-ask-why-they-did-it/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Fault" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do-isn-t-to-ask-why-they-did-it/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/4e0/michael-thomas-ford-7867_fault_when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do_414788.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When people hurt us, the best thing to do isn’t to ask why they did it but to remind ourselves that it…” — Michael Thomas Ford", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Michael Thomas Ford", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-thomas-ford/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When people hurt us, the best...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do-isn-t-to-ask-why-they-did-it/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-thomas-ford/when-people-hurt-us-the-best-thing-to-do-isn-t-to-ask-why-they-did-it/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```