--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Actually, the Bible doesn’t say anything…" description: "\"“Actually, the Bible doesn’t say anything about masturbation,” I said, adding, “unless you count, ‘Whatever you find to do with your hand, verily I say..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a41/michael-lister-29143_bible_actually-the-bible-doesn-t-say-anything_2557212.jpg" --- # Actually, the Bible doesn’t say anything about… ![“Actually, the Bible doesn’t say anything about masturbation,” I said, adding, “unless you count, ‘Whatever you find to do with your hand, verily I say, do it with all your might.’” He looked perplexed. I smiled. “It’s a joke. The Bible doesn’t say anything about it.” quote by Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a41/michael-lister-29143_bible_actually-the-bible-doesn-t-say-anything_2557212.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a41/michael-lister-29143_bible_actually-the-bible-doesn-t-say-anything_2557212.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a41/michael-lister-29143_bible_actually-the-bible-doesn-t-say-anything_2557212.jpg) > ““Actually, the Bible doesn’t say anything about masturbation,” I said, adding, “unless you count, ‘Whatever you find to do with your hand, verily I say, do it with all your might.’” He looked perplexed. I smiled. “It’s a joke. The Bible doesn’t say anything about it.”” [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The Bible is silent on many personal topics, allowing humor to fill gaps. **In simple terms:** Bible doesn’t address everything. Key Takeaway Use humor to discuss taboo subjects. Themes religion humor taboo Mood playful provocative Type satirical conversational When to use this quote - stand‑up comedy - writing - teaching - debate Key Concepts theology social commentary Questions to Reflect On - Is humor an effective bridge or barrier? - When is it appropriate to joke about sacred texts? A Different Perspective Humor may offend believers. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bible](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bible/) [Joke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/joke/) ## Related quotes > [Well, one thing you can say for masturbation... you certainly don't have to look your best.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mart-crowley/well-one-thing-you-can-say-for-masturbation-you-certainly-don-t-have/) Mart Crowley > [The nice thing about the Bible is it doesn't give you too many facts. Two an a half lines and it tells you the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/howard-nemerov/the-nice-thing-about-the-bible-is-it-doesn-t-give-you-too-many-facts/) [Howard Nemerov](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/howard-nemerov/) > [The Bible doesn't sugarcoat pain and suffering; it gives you something to move past it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jud-wilhite/the-bible-doesn-t-sugarcoat-pain-and-suffering-it-gives-you-something/) [Jud Wilhite](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jud-wilhite/) > [“You'd think God would come right out and tell us what to do in the Bible, but He doesn't. He mostly tells stories, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-miller/you-d-think-god-would-come-right-out-and-tell-us-what-to-do-in-the/) [Donald Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-miller/) > [“The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly why God wasn’t satisfied with the fruits and veggies Cain offered up. Maybe he kept the juiciest peaches…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/spencer-c-demetros/the-bible-doesn-t-tell-us-exactly-why-god-wasn-t-satisfied-with-the/) [Spencer C Demetros](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/spencer-c-demetros/) > [What I like about the Bible is that it doesn't make sense, which makes it more like truth than anything else I've ever read.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rich-mullins/what-i-like-about-the-bible-is-that-it-doesn-t-make-sense-which-makes/) [Rich Mullins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rich-mullins/) > [The organized church sometimes puts boundaries on us that the Bible doesn't. So I'm living my life for an audience of one. I live…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-graham-lotz/the-organized-church-sometimes-puts-boundaries-on-us-that-the-bible/) [Anne Graham Lotz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-graham-lotz/) > [The Bible doesn't explain everything necessary for our intellectual satisfaction, but it explains everything necessary for our obediance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elisabeth-elliot/the-bible-doesn-t-explain-everything-necessary-for-our-intellectual/) [Elisabeth Elliot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elisabeth-elliot/) > [The Bible doesn't speak of "women's rights" in the social-political language we're used to hearing today. Still, that doesn't mean the Bible is silent…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-custis-james/the-bible-doesn-t-speak-of-women-s-rights-in-the-social-political/) [Carolyn Custis James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-custis-james/) > [I don't like it when I see a racist comedian go up and say, 'What are we gonna do about all these immigrants?' and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ricky-gervais/i-don-t-like-it-when-i-see-a-racist-comedian-go-up-and-say-what-are/) [Ricky Gervais](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ricky-gervais/) > [We're all basically decent human beings so if 3,000 people are laughing at a joke then it's worth telling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-mack/we-re-all-basically-decent-human-beings-so-if-3-000-people-are/) [Lee Mack](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-mack/) > [I don't do plays without jokes anymore. I've retired from those plays. I think it's bad manners to invite people to sit in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-nighy/i-don-t-do-plays-without-jokes-anymore-i-ve-retired-from-those-plays/) [Bill Nighy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-nighy/) > [I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-burr/i-m-always-looking-at-new-ways-to-tell-a-joke-so-that-it-doesn-t-get/) [Bill Burr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-burr/) > [Nobody calls me a racist when I do redneck jokes. Jeff Foxworthy can do as many 'You might be a redneck jokes' as he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlos-mencia/nobody-calls-me-a-racist-when-i-do-redneck-jokes-jeff-foxworthy-can/) [Carlos Mencia](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlos-mencia/) > [“You know where you can shove your joke. Just get me a new drink and try not to include and of your STD-laced body…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-harrington/you-know-where-you-can-shove-your-joke-just-get-me-a-new-drink-and/) [Kim Harrington](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-harrington/) ## More by Michael Lister > [“You’ve been talking about me in therapy?”“In therapy, in my sleep, in AA, in chat rooms, to strangers,” I said. “Women like you are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/you-ve-been-talking-about-me-in-therapy-in-therapy-in-my-sleep-in-aa/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“What is truth?” I said. “Is it the shallow assurance that something literally took place, or is it about something far deeper, something that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/what-is-truth-i-said-is-it-the-shallow-assurance-that-something/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“As I walked down the extremely narrow hall of my not-so-mobile home, passing over the pale yellow linoleum curling up so that it no…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/as-i-walked-down-the-extremely-narrow-hall-of-my-not-so-mobile-home/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“When I moved back home to northwest Florida after being a cop and a cleric in Atlanta, I never would’ve imagined I’d become a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/when-i-moved-back-home-to-northwest-florida-after-being-a-cop-and-a/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“What else?”“I don’t know,” she said, frustration eating at the edge of her words. “Do you want me to say that I woke up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/what-else-i-don-t-know-she-said-frustration-eating-at-the-edge-of-her/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“ventually Kathryn joined me by the lake with a blanket and picnic basket and entreated me to come away with her into the woods.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/ventually-kathryn-joined-me-by-the-lake-with-a-blanket-and-picnic/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“Wildlife photographer, photojournalist, war correspondent, paparazzi, even portraitist, but life laughs at the plans we make, and the dreams and ambitions of youth quickly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/wildlife-photographer-photojournalist-war-correspondent-paparazzi/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“All the talent in the world can’t make up for attitude,” he said. “But attitude go a long way in making up for talent.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/all-the-talent-in-the-world-can-t-make-up-for-attitude-he-said-but/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“It was the wound that caused this scar, and the blood it shed, that had saved my life, and had given me the opportunity…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/it-was-the-wound-that-caused-this-scar-and-the-blood-it-shed-that-had/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“inside. Daniels shook his head in confusion.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/inside-daniels-shook-his-head-in-confusion/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“We seemed to be heading toward a revolution that would not only see a battle between the haves and have-nots, but between the fundamentalists…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/we-seemed-to-be-heading-toward-a-revolution-that-would-not-only-see-a/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“and the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of ourselves and the world are all-powerful.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/and-the-stories-we-tell-ourselves-to-make-sense-of-ourselves-and-the/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“Ironically, those with the least to say usually say the most and the most outwardly religious were often the most theologically unsophisticated.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/ironically-those-with-the-least-to-say-usually-say-the-most-and-the/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“The great irony for a man in my position is how little use I have for organized religion. I am essentially a member of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/the-great-irony-for-a-man-in-my-position-is-how-little-use-i-have-for/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) > [“He had been exposed to the new wine of unfamiliar concepts and the old wineskin of tradition and rigid religion was unable to hold…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-lister/he-had-been-exposed-to-the-new-wine-of-unfamiliar-concepts-and-the/) [Michael Lister](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) [Explore all 18 Michael Lister quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-lister/) ## More Bible quotes > [I think a new world will arise out of the religious mists when we approach our Bible with the idea that it is not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aiden-wilson-tozer/i-think-a-new-world-will-arise-out-of-the-religious-mists-when-we/) [Aiden Wilson Tozer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aiden-wilson-tozer/) > [From Augustine down, theologians have tried to compel people to accept their special interpretation of the Scripture, and the tortures of the inquisition, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matilda-joslyn-gage/from-augustine-down-theologians-have-tried-to-compel-people-to-accept/) [Matilda Joslyn Gage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matilda-joslyn-gage/) > [“God hates Hell. He hates the idea of people going there. He hates it so much that He was willing to take on human…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/evan-minton/god-hates-hell-he-hates-the-idea-of-people-going-there-he-hates-it-so/) [Evan Minton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/evan-minton/) > [“The Devil can cite Scripture for his purpose, Sergeant,’ Anthony Payne replied. ‘That is from The Merchant of Venice, but it holds great truth.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-arnold/the-devil-can-cite-scripture-for-his-purpose-sergeant-anthony-payne/) Michael Arnold > [When you put your hand on the Bible, you are saying something much stronger than just telling your peers that you're going to tell…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lee-greenwood/when-you-put-your-hand-on-the-bible-you-are-saying-something-much/) [Lee Greenwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lee-greenwood/) > [“Scripture also teaches that human beings are morally responsible creatures”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-a-peterson/scripture-also-teaches-that-human-beings-are-morally-responsible/) Robert A. Peterson > [“The wife of a junior officer cooped up in a horrible canvas partition in steerage for five months wrote: "I had enjoyed much peace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-taylor/the-wife-of-a-junior-officer-cooped-up-in-a-horrible-canvas-partition/) Stephen Taylor > [O Word of God incarnate . . . It is the golden casket Where gems of truth are stored; It is the heaven-drawn picture…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walsham-how/o-word-of-god-incarnate-it-is-the-golden-casket-where-gems-of-truth/) Walsham How > [How can I trust that the Bible is reliable?](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-horton/how-can-i-trust-that-the-bible-is-reliable/) [Michael Horton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-horton/) > [Every plant which my heavenly father has not planted with be uprooted](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jesus-christ/every-plant-which-my-heavenly-father-has-not-planted-with-be-uprooted/) [Jesus Christ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jesus-christ/) > [Where I come from you're not raised to think on your own. It's not that you're pushed to read the Bible. The Bible is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abel-ferrara/where-i-come-from-you-re-not-raised-to-think-on-your-own-it-s-not/) [Abel Ferrara](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abel-ferrara/) > [“I felt like praying or something, when I was in bed, but I couldn't do it. I can't always pray when I feel like…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-d-salinger/i-felt-like-praying-or-something-when-i-was-in-bed-but-i-couldn-t-do/) [J.D. Salinger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-d-salinger/) > [What comes to mind when you think of heaven? 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