--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: they had felt so much hurt that hostility…" description: "\"“they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.”\" — Melody Beattie" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png" --- # they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only… ![“they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.” quote by Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png) > ““they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.”” [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People protect themselves from repeated pain by adopting hostility as a shield. **In simple terms:** Hostility is a defense against being hurt again. Key Takeaway Recognize and address underlying hurt. Themes vulnerability defense healing Mood reflective somber Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - relationships - therapy - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology emotional safety Questions to Reflect On - What pain are you shielding yourself from? - How can you safely express vulnerability? A Different Perspective Hostility can alienate support and deepen isolation. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Defense Crushed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/defense-crushed-2587126/) [Felt Hurt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/felt-hurt-410896/) [Hostility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hostility/) [Hostility Defense](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hostility-defense-2587125/) [Hurt Hostility](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hurt-hostility-2587124/) ## Related quotes > [I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/i-saw-people-who-were-hostile-they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [You who invented the word love and its meaning, must have never felt hurt before.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-who-invented-the-word-love-and-its-meaning-must-have-never-felt/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“moment Abby knew. It wasn’t just jealousy that she’d felt. It was hurt. It was gut-wrenching hurt. How crazy was that? Over the course…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juliana-stone/moment-abby-knew-it-wasn-t-just-jealousy-that-she-d-felt-it-was-hurt/) [Juliana Stone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juliana-stone/) > [I never felt love until I loved you. I never felt hurt until I was hurt by you. I never had a dream until…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-never-felt-love-until-i-loved-you-i-never-felt-hurt-until-i-was/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I'll be there for ya, girl. No matter what. Beck took a deep breath and released it slowly. He had to stay strong for…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jana-oliver/i-ll-be-there-for-ya-girl-no-matter-what-beck-took-a-deep-breath-and/) [Jana Oliver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jana-oliver/) > [Have you ever felt that your first crush was the one you should be with for the rest of your life? Back when I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/have-you-ever-felt-that-your-first-crush-was-the-one-you-should-be/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [She didn't know how much she'd been hoping that he still loved her, until she felt how much it hurt to realize he didn't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/holly-black/she-didn-t-know-how-much-she-d-been-hoping-that-he-still-loved-her/) [Holly Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/holly-black/) > [Everything I know and I am and I have seen felt done past present past now then before now seen felt done hurt felt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-frey/everything-i-know-and-i-am-and-i-have-seen-felt-done-past-present/) [James Frey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-frey/) > [I didn't come from a background where I was hurt, but I felt hurt inside.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/peggy-lipton/i-didn-t-come-from-a-background-where-i-was-hurt-but-i-felt-hurt/) [Peggy Lipton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/peggy-lipton/) > [“Goods and chattel. The words from the leather book came into my head. We were like the gold leaf mirror and the horse saddle.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sue-monk-kidd/goods-and-chattel-the-words-from-the-leather-book-came-into-my-head/) [Sue Monk Kidd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sue-monk-kidd/) > [“I was fighting with Thoby on the lawn. We were pommelling each other with our fists. Just as I raised my fist to hit…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/virginia-woolf/i-was-fighting-with-thoby-on-the-lawn-we-were-pommelling-each-other/) [Virginia Woolf](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/virginia-woolf/) > [“She felt hurt that he had agreed so easily. And she laughed sourly at herself that she could ask a thing and be hurt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-steinbeck/she-felt-hurt-that-he-had-agreed-so-easily-and-she-laughed-sourly-at/) [John Steinbeck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-steinbeck/) > [It's not okay to hurt someone just because you want them to know how it felt when they once hurt you. Just show them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/it-s-not-okay-to-hurt-someone-just-because-you-want-them-to-know-how/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [even those who call themselves 'intimate' know very little about each other - hardly ever know just how a sorrow is felt, and hurt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-eliot/even-those-who-call-themselves-intimate-know-very-little-about-each/) [George Eliot](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-eliot/) > [It's easier to change a law than an age-old mentality. Deep down, many prejudices, many hostilities, many fears persist. But if we take a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dacia-maraini/it-s-easier-to-change-a-law-than-an-age-old-mentality-deep-down-many/) [Dacia Maraini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dacia-maraini/) ## More by Melody Beattie > [Remember to be kind. Remember to be loving. Remember to feel all your feelings and to take care of yourself. But most of all,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/remember-to-be-kind-remember-to-be-loving-remember-to-feel-all-your/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [“Frequently, when I suggest to people that they detach from a person or problem, they recoil in horror. “Oh, no!” they say. “I could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/frequently-when-i-suggest-to-people-that-they-detach-from-a-person-or/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [...the plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/the-plan-will-happen-in-spite-of-us-not-because-of-us/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/goals-give-us-direction-they-put-a-powerful-force-into-play-on-a/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [“Once they have been affected---once "it" sets in---codependency takes on a life of its own. It is similar to catching pneumonia or picking up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/once-they-have-been-affected-once-it-sets-in-codependency-takes-on-a/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Prayer changes things. Prayer changes us. Prayer changes life. Sometimes an event has been manifested that needs to be stopped, midair. Don't pray just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/prayer-changes-things-prayer-changes-us-prayer-changes-life-sometimes/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [It's not what we don't know that hurts us, people say. It's what we believe is true that isn't that does the damage.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/it-s-not-what-we-don-t-know-that-hurts-us-people-say-it-s-what-we/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [“We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/we-don-t-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-people-they-are-just-people-like-us/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/whatever-we-try-to-control-does-have-control-over-us-and-our-life/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [“I want to thank each person who has the courage to push through and past the set of coping behaviors we’ve come to label…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/i-want-to-thank-each-person-who-has-the-courage-to-push-through-and/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Acceptance is the magic that makes change possible. It is not forever, it is for the present moment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/acceptance-is-the-magic-that-makes-change-possible-it-is-not-forever/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Don't violate your own code of values and ethics, but don't waste energy trying to make other people violate theirs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/don-t-violate-your-own-code-of-values-and-ethics-but-don-t-waste/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [It's our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/it-s-our-job-to-first-make-ourselves-feel-better-and-then-make/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Panic, not the task, is the enemy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/panic-not-the-task-is-the-enemy/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) > [Today I will tell myself that I'm lovable. Just because some people haven't been able to love me, it doesn't mean that I'm unlovable.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/today-i-will-tell-myself-that-i-m-lovable-just-because-some-people/) [Melody Beattie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) [Explore all 200 Melody Beattie quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/) ## More Hostility quotes > [It's easier to change a law than an age-old mentality. Deep down, many prejudices, many hostilities, many fears persist. But if we take a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dacia-maraini/it-s-easier-to-change-a-law-than-an-age-old-mentality-deep-down-many/) [Dacia Maraini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dacia-maraini/) > [Indifference is harder to fight than hostility, and there is nothing that kills an agitation like having everybody admit that it is fundamentally right.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/crystal-eastman/indifference-is-harder-to-fight-than-hostility-and-there-is-nothing/) [Crystal Eastman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/crystal-eastman/) > [It is easy to speak words of love, or to meditate lovingly upon those people with whom you are in harmony. But it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/catherine-ponder/it-is-easy-to-speak-words-of-love-or-to-meditate-lovingly-upon-those/) [Catherine Ponder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/catherine-ponder/) > [Bisexuals need to recognize that their being closeted is a huge contributing factor to the hostility they face.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dan-savage/bisexuals-need-to-recognize-that-their-being-closeted-is-a-huge/) [Dan Savage](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dan-savage/) > [You're punishing him over and over for things that are out of his control. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a fully loaded…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suzanne-collins/you-re-punishing-him-over-and-over-for-things-that-are-out-of-his/) [Suzanne Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suzanne-collins/) > [The holiness of the church means that life, as well as truth, marks Christ’s church; the behavior of Christians in the world must be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-clowney/the-holiness-of-the-church-means-that-life-as-well-as-truth-marks/) [Edmund Clowney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-clowney/) > [More good things in life are lost by indifference than ever were lost by active hostility.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-menzies/more-good-things-in-life-are-lost-by-indifference-than-ever-were-lost/) [Robert Menzies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-menzies/) > [There's always a fine line that divides hostility from neutrality, and I don't want to pass that line.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ed-dwight/there-s-always-a-fine-line-that-divides-hostility-from-neutrality-and/) [Ed Dwight](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ed-dwight/) > [The press is going to have to learn anew that it's possible to work in an environment that is not so toxic and to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ted-gup/the-press-is-going-to-have-to-learn-anew-that-it-s-possible-to-work/) [Ted Gup](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ted-gup/) > [When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/when-a-child-hits-a-child-we-call-it-aggression-when-a-child-hits-an/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Of all hostile feelings, envy is perhaps the hardest to be subdued, because hardly any one owns it even to himself, but looks out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-whately/of-all-hostile-feelings-envy-is-perhaps-the-hardest-to-be-subdued/) [Richard Whately](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-whately/) > [Some people criticize me for using sources that are a bit low brow (this quote is from 'Gladiator') but you know what? 'I'm just…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/banksy/some-people-criticize-me-for-using-sources-that-are-a-bit-low-brow/) [Banksy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/banksy/) > [But if the two countries or governments are at war, the men of science are not. That would, indeed be a civil war of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/humphry-davy/but-if-the-two-countries-or-governments-are-at-war-the-men-of-science/) [Humphry Davy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/humphry-davy/) > [You know," Clary said, "most psychologists agree that hostility is really just sublimated sexual attraction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cassandra-clare/you-know-clary-said-most-psychologists-agree-that-hostility-is-really/) [Cassandra Clare](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cassandra-clare/) > [The Constitution does not require complete separation of church and state; it affirmatively mandates accommodation, not merely tolerance, of all religions, and forbids hostility…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warren-e-burger/the-constitution-does-not-require-complete-separation-of-church-and/) [Warren E. Burger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warren-e-burger/) [Browse all 504 Hostility quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/hostility/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Melody Beattie" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostility-was-their-only-defense/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Hostility" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostility-was-their-only-defense/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/43d/melody-beattie-1895_hostility_they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostilit_1871768.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.” — Melody Beattie", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Melody Beattie", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melody-beattie/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“they had felt so much hurt...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostility-was-their-only-defense/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melody-beattie/they-had-felt-so-much-hurt-that-hostility-was-their-only-defense/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```