--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: One of the difficulties with grief…" description: "\"One of the difficulties with grief research is that it risks making certain kinds of grief seem normal and others abnormal - and of course having a sen..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f8/meghan-o-rourke-9574_abnormal_one-of-the-difficulties-with-grief-resea_235982.jpg" --- # One of the difficulties with grief research is that it… ![“One of the difficulties with grief research is that it risks making certain kinds of grief seem normal and others abnormal - and of course having a sense of the contours of grief is, I think, truly useful, one has to remember it's not a science, it's an individual reckoning, which science is just…” quote by Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f8/meghan-o-rourke-9574_abnormal_one-of-the-difficulties-with-grief-resea_235982.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f8/meghan-o-rourke-9574_abnormal_one-of-the-difficulties-with-grief-resea_235982.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/1f8/meghan-o-rourke-9574_abnormal_one-of-the-difficulties-with-grief-resea_235982.jpg) > “One of the difficulties with grief research is that it risks making certain kinds of grief seem normal and others abnormal - and of course having a sense of the contours of grief is, I think, truly useful, one has to remember it's not a science, it's an individual reckoning, which science is just trying to help us describe.” [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Grief research can label some grief as normal and others as abnormal, but grief remains a personal process that science can only help describe, not dictate. **In simple terms:** Grief is personal; science offers tools, not rules. Key Takeaway Use scientific insights to inform, not define, personal mourning. Themes grief science individual experience psychology normalization Mood somber introspective Type philosophical informative When to use this quote - counseling - personal reflection - support groups - academic study Key Concepts bereavement studies humanities clinical research Questions to Reflect On - How can you honor personal grief while learning from research? - What limits do scientific models have in describing loss? A Different Perspective Scientific categories may not capture unique cultural expressions of grief. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [Individual](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/individual/) [Reckoning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reckoning/) [Research](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/research/) [Risk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/risk/) [Science](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/science/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) ## Related quotes > [“Every time he thought he’d familiarized himself with its contours, grief surprised him; it was ever bountiful, ever yielding.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gregg-hurwitz/every-time-he-thought-he-d-familiarized-himself-with-its-contours/) [Gregg Hurwitz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gregg-hurwitz/) > [Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. It is originally an unlearned feeling process. Keeping grief inside increases your pain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-grant/grief-is-a-normal-and-natural-response-to-loss-it-is-originally-an/) [Anne Grant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-grant/) > [“Journeying through grief is one of the most "normal human" experiences you can have. Nevertheless, all too frequently the heartbroken seem to feel alienated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-berrien/journeying-through-grief-is-one-of-the-most-normal-human-experiences/) [Elizabeth Berrien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-berrien/) > [Life is a big collaboration - and when you're tackling something that is painful and troubling and is causing you such desperate grief that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-gunn/life-is-a-big-collaboration-and-when-you-re-tackling-something-that/) [Tim Gunn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-gunn/) > [Hell take curtains! Go with some show of inconvenience; sit openly - to the weather as to grief. Or do you think you can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-carlos-williams/hell-take-curtains-go-with-some-show-of-inconvenience-sit-openly-to/) [William Carlos Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-carlos-williams/) > [The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/the-interesting-thing-about-grief-i-think-is-that-it-is-its-own-size-2/) [Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/) > [We must have faith during the period of our grief. We think that our afflictions will be greater than we can bear, but we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francois-fenelon/we-must-have-faith-during-the-period-of-our-grief-we-think-that-our/) [Francois Fenelon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francois-fenelon/) > [The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-colbert/the-interesting-thing-about-grief-i-think-is-that-it-is-its-own-size/) [Stephen Colbert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-colbert/) > [“Did I learn anything? No way. But all the things you want to learn from grief turn out to be the total opposite of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rob-sheffield/did-i-learn-anything-no-way-but-all-the-things-you-want-to-learn-from/) [Rob Sheffield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rob-sheffield/) > [“When one loves all things of the world, when one has that gift of joy, it is not the armour against grief that you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-erikson/when-one-loves-all-things-of-the-world-when-one-has-that-gift-of-joy/) [Steven Erikson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-erikson/) > [“Twas grief enough to think mankind All hollow, servile, insincere; But worse to trust to my own mind And find the same corruption there”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emily-bronte/twas-grief-enough-to-think-mankind-all-hollow-servile-insincere-but/) [Emily Brontë](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emily-bronte/) > [to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held dear crumbles like burnt paper in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/to-love-life-to-love-it-even-when-you-have-no-stomach-for-it-and/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [They say seven stages of grief. I think it's more like 77.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joely-fisher/they-say-seven-stages-of-grief-i-think-it-s-more-like-77/) [Joely Fisher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joely-fisher/) > [I think that grief is a profound spiritual, metaphysical, and - oddly - physical reckoning with death, which we don't understand well. It's both…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/i-think-that-grief-is-a-profound-spiritual-metaphysical-and-oddly/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [The Pink Panther wasn't shown to the press for reasons that soon became apparent when I saw it at a public performance. Two people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-french/the-pink-panther-wasn-t-shown-to-the-press-for-reasons-that-soon/) [Philip French](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-french/) ## More by Meghan O'Rourke > ['Hamlet' is the best description of grief I've read because it dramatizes grief rather than merely describing it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/hamlet-is-the-best-description-of-grief-i-ve-read-because-it/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [Sometimes you don't even know what you want until you find out you can't have it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/sometimes-you-don-t-even-know-what-you-want-until-you-find-out-you/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [Grief is at once a public and a private experience. One's inner, inexpressible disruption cannot be fully realized in one's public persona.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/grief-is-at-once-a-public-and-a-private-experience-one-s-inner/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [There are many kinds of loss embedded in a loss - the loss of the person, and the loss of the self you got…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/there-are-many-kinds-of-loss-embedded-in-a-loss-the-loss-of-the/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [This is part of the complexity of grief: A piece of you recognizes it is an extreme state, an altered state, yet a large…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/this-is-part-of-the-complexity-of-grief-a-piece-of-you-recognizes-it/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [The people we most love do become a physical part of us, ingrained in our synapses, in the pathways where memories are created.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/the-people-we-most-love-do-become-a-physical-part-of-us-ingrained-in/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [My theory is this: Women falter when they're called on to be highly self-conscious about their talents. Not when they're called on to enact…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/my-theory-is-this-women-falter-when-they-re-called-on-to-be-highly/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [Grief is characterized much more by waves of feeling that lessen and reoccur, it's less like stages and more like different states of feeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/grief-is-characterized-much-more-by-waves-of-feeling-that-lessen-and/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [I wasn't prepared for the fact that grief is so unpredictable. It wasn't just sadness, and it wasn't linear. Somehow I'd thought that the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/i-wasn-t-prepared-for-the-fact-that-grief-is-so-unpredictable-it-wasn/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [For sure, the funeral industry seems intensely cynical to me and I don't think it is HELPING people mourn.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/for-sure-the-funeral-industry-seems-intensely-cynical-to-me-and-i-don/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [To mourn is to wonder at the strangeness that grief is not written all over your face in bruised hieroglyphics. And it's also to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/to-mourn-is-to-wonder-at-the-strangeness-that-grief-is-not-written/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/a-mother-after-all-is-your-entry-into-the-world-she-is-the-shell-in/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [But when my mother died, I found that I did not believe that she was gone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/but-when-my-mother-died-i-found-that-i-did-not-believe-that-she-was/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [Like my mother before me, I have always been a good speller.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/like-my-mother-before-me-i-have-always-been-a-good-speller/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) > [A mother is the portal by which you enter the world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/meghan-o-rourke/a-mother-is-the-portal-by-which-you-enter-the-world/) [Meghan O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) [Explore all 71 Meghan O'Rourke quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/meghan-o-rourke/) ## More Abnormal quotes > [While sleep is clearly vital to emotional well-being, what is it, exactly, about sleep that is so necessary? 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