--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: He realized what had been disturbing him…" description: "\"“He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With other women whom he had been with in similar situations, he had experienced a relaxing sense ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg" --- # He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With… ![“He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With other women whom he had been with in similar situations, he had experienced a relaxing sense of emptiness within them that had made it easy for him to get inside them and, once there, smear himself all over their innermost territory until it…” quote by Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg) > ““He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With other women whom he had been with in similar situations, he had experienced a relaxing sense of emptiness within them that had made it easy for him to get inside them and, once there, smear himself all over their innermost territory until it was no longer theirs but his.”” [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator describes an intimate, invasive desire to merge with a partner, erasing boundaries and claiming ownership of their inner self. **In simple terms:** He wants to completely absorb his partner, losing their individuality. Key Takeaway Beware of relationships that erase personal boundaries. Themes intimacy power dynamics identity loss Mood intense dark Type psychological literary When to use this quote - romantic relationships - therapy sessions - literary analysis - personal boundaries Key Concepts psychosexual domination objectification emotional enmeshment Questions to Reflect On - What drives the need to dominate intimacy? - How can one maintain self while connecting deeply? A Different Perspective Such intensity can be unhealthy and may stem from deeper insecurities. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Disturbing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disturbing/) [Disturbing Women](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disturbing-women-3488033/) [Emptiness Easy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/emptiness-easy-4981155/) [Realized Disturbing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/realized-disturbing-4981154/) [Sense Emptiness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sense-emptiness-383489/) ## Related quotes > [“The hierarchy is disturbing. Women being enslaved to men. Women have fought against such treatment for hundreds of years and yet here—" "Yet here…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tiffany-reisz/the-hierarchy-is-disturbing-women-being-enslaved-to-men-women-have/) [Tiffany Reisz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tiffany-reisz/) > [For a long time - and this particular time with greater force than usual - summer has been a season that gives me a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patrick-modiano/for-a-long-time-and-this-particular-time-with-greater-force-than/) [Patrick Modiano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patrick-modiano/) > [“Master Nathaniel looked at him. The fixed stare, the slightly-open mouth, the rigid motionless body, fettered by a misery too profound for restlessness —…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hope-mirrlees/master-nathaniel-looked-at-him-the-fixed-stare-the-slightly-open/) [Hope Mirrlees](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hope-mirrlees/) > [“But what I did sense was an emptiness like a black hole inside of him, and there was no predicting what might emerge from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ryu-murakami/but-what-i-did-sense-was-an-emptiness-like-a-black-hole-inside-of-him/) [Ryū Murakami](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ryu-murakami/) > [“Sometimes when i am alone out there, or even here in my house, it seems almost possible that i might lose myself: there in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-f-monteleone/sometimes-when-i-am-alone-out-there-or-even-here-in-my-house-it-seems/) [Thomas F. Monteleone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-f-monteleone/) > [“It is the religious sense – a “radical engagement of the self with life” – that alone enables us to fulfil the promise of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luigi-giussani/it-is-the-religious-sense-a-radical-engagement-of-the-self-with-life/) [Luigi Giussani](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luigi-giussani/) > [Part of the inner world of everyone is this sense of emptiness, unease, incompleteness, and I believe that this in itself is a word…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frederick-buechner/part-of-the-inner-world-of-everyone-is-this-sense-of-emptiness-unease/) [Frederick Buechner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frederick-buechner/) > [“My pen lies idle, its ink long since dried up, leaving me with nothing but blank pages and a hollow sense of emptiness.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/my-pen-lies-idle-its-ink-long-since-dried-up-leaving-me-with-nothing/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [There is a sense of emptiness when you finish any film because you're empty and you can't give anything more to it anymore.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-marsh/there-is-a-sense-of-emptiness-when-you-finish-any-film-because-you-re/) [James Marsh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-marsh/) > [“After Christian's death he'd just existed. He felt nothing, just a sense of emptiness. In some ways he welcomed that hollowness inside of him.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deborah-macgillivray/after-christian-s-death-he-d-just-existed-he-felt-nothing-just-a/) [Deborah MacGillivray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deborah-macgillivray/) > [“ Desolation would not be the proper word to describe his feelings now; it was more the sense of emptiness he imagined he might…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shusaku-endo/desolation-would-not-be-the-proper-word-to-describe-his-feelings-now/) [Shusaku Endo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shusaku-endo/) > [I find in working always the disturbing intrusion of elements not a part of my most interested vision, and the inevitable obliteration and replacement…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-hopper/i-find-in-working-always-the-disturbing-intrusion-of-elements-not-a/) [Edward Hopper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-hopper/) > [I rejoice to live in such a splendidly disturbing time!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helen-keller/i-rejoice-to-live-in-such-a-splendidly-disturbing-time/) [Helen Keller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helen-keller/) > [Jeff Chu's pilgrimage across America to discover his own place as a gay man in the Christian church as well as attitudes about being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-freitas/jeff-chu-s-pilgrimage-across-america-to-discover-his-own-place-as-a/) [Donna Freitas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-freitas/) > [When you lived it for years and years and years and seen different characters just get pummeled and squashed because 'I said so,' it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arn-anderson/when-you-lived-it-for-years-and-years-and-years-and-seen-different/) [Arn Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arn-anderson/) ## More by Mary Gaitskill > [“I carry love wrapped in pain. That is my treasure and soon it will be yours.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-carry-love-wrapped-in-pain-that-is-my-treasure-and-soon-it-will-be/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“God famously doesn't afflict Job because of anything Job has done, but because he wants to prove a point to Satan. Twenty years later,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/god-famously-doesn-t-afflict-job-because-of-anything-job-has-done-but/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [When you're writing a story, you're creating something of an artificial ending.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-you-re-writing-a-story-you-re-creating-something-of-an/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [Partly, I'm worried that no one is saying anything because they are afraid of being seen as politically correct.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/partly-i-m-worried-that-no-one-is-saying-anything-because-they-are/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [ “...loading your brain with subliminal messages… How loathsome to turn a sadistic murder into entertainment \[in the newspaper\] -- and yet how hard not… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/loading-your-brain-with-subliminal-messages-how-loathsome-to-turn-a/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [ “The place Joanne is building inside \[herself\] has rooms for all of this. Not just rooms. Beautiful ones. For Karl and Jerry and Karen… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/the-place-joanne-is-building-inside-herself-has-rooms-for-all-of-this/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“Valiantly, he tried to bring his soul to life in the small thing through which it had to live, and it was crushed, again…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/valiantly-he-tried-to-bring-his-soul-to-life-in-the-small-thing/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [The best definition I've heard is that guilt is about what you've done, shame is about who you are. If something's out of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/the-best-definition-i-ve-heard-is-that-guilt-is-about-what-you-ve/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [When my first book came out, it was very disorienting. My health went south. I didn't know how to relate to people. I thought,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-my-first-book-came-out-it-was-very-disorienting-my-health-went/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [When he held her that way, she felt so happy that it disturbed her. After he left, it would take her hours to fall…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-he-held-her-that-way-she-felt-so-happy-that-it-disturbed-her/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“But life can give a lot. If you can’t see inside the heart no matter how you look, then why not look? Why not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/but-life-can-give-a-lot-if-you-can-t-see-inside-the-heart-no-matter/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [Sexuality is a place where people are very vulnerable and can be experiencing and embodying very raw forces that they don't really understand and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/sexuality-is-a-place-where-people-are-very-vulnerable-and-can-be/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [I focus more on the spiritual or psychic gains.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-focus-more-on-the-spiritual-or-psychic-gains/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“When boys get angry with each other, they just fight it out and it's all over. But girls are dirty. They pretend to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-boys-get-angry-with-each-other-they-just-fight-it-out-and-it-s/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [I think, life is miserable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-think-life-is-miserable/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) [Explore all 87 Mary Gaitskill quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) ## More Disturbing quotes > [When you lived it for years and years and years and seen different characters just get pummeled and squashed because 'I said so,' it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arn-anderson/when-you-lived-it-for-years-and-years-and-years-and-seen-different/) [Arn Anderson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arn-anderson/) > [Jeff Chu's pilgrimage across America to discover his own place as a gay man in the Christian church as well as attitudes about being…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donna-freitas/jeff-chu-s-pilgrimage-across-america-to-discover-his-own-place-as-a/) [Donna Freitas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donna-freitas/) > [I rejoice to live in such a splendidly disturbing time!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helen-keller/i-rejoice-to-live-in-such-a-splendidly-disturbing-time/) [Helen Keller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helen-keller/) > [I find in working always the disturbing intrusion of elements not a part of my most interested vision, and the inevitable obliteration and replacement…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-hopper/i-find-in-working-always-the-disturbing-intrusion-of-elements-not-a/) [Edward Hopper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-hopper/) > [There is so much joy in native culture but so much poverty. It's very disturbing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/buffy-sainte-marie/there-is-so-much-joy-in-native-culture-but-so-much-poverty-it-s-very/) [Buffy Sainte-Marie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/buffy-sainte-marie/) > [“Silence can often be more disturbing than noise, it reveals the complicated mechanism of our thoughts”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jose-rodrigues-migueis/silence-can-often-be-more-disturbing-than-noise-it-reveals-the/) [Jose Rodrigues Migueis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jose-rodrigues-migueis/) > [Some guy once sent me a care package with lingerieand a seminude photo of himself. That was disturbing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giuliana-rancic/some-guy-once-sent-me-a-care-package-with-lingerieand-a-seminude/) [Giuliana Rancic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giuliana-rancic/) > [I just remember that disturbing feeling of walking into that prison, the complete loss of privacy, the complete loss of stimulation, dignity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cybill-shepherd/i-just-remember-that-disturbing-feeling-of-walking-into-that-prison/) [Cybill Shepherd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cybill-shepherd/) > [You can go to a play that is enjoyable because it's funny, and then on the next night you can go to a play…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wallace-shawn/you-can-go-to-a-play-that-is-enjoyable-because-it-s-funny-and-then-on/) [Wallace Shawn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wallace-shawn/) > [The theme of the party was Neverland Ranch, so guests were asked to come as anyone or anything associated with Michael Jackson. It was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/april-winchell/the-theme-of-the-party-was-neverland-ranch-so-guests-were-asked-to/) [April Winchell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/april-winchell/) > [I'm aware that because America is so powerful - with its tentacles reaching out to the world - one doesn't escape it by leaving.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randall-robinson/i-m-aware-that-because-america-is-so-powerful-with-its-tentacles/) [Randall Robinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randall-robinson/) > [Deeply disturbing in a way that only the most honest stories are, YACCUB is a fiercely written, daring journey through America's urban wilderness and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brandon-massey/deeply-disturbing-in-a-way-that-only-the-most-honest-stories-are/) [Brandon Massey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brandon-massey/) > [I am fascinated by the idea of employing beautiful images as a device to convey something extremely disturbing in an apparently harmless way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maurizio-cattelan/i-am-fascinated-by-the-idea-of-employing-beautiful-images-as-a-device/) [Maurizio Cattelan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maurizio-cattelan/) > [Compassion automatically brings happiness and calmness. Then, even if you receive disturbing news, it will be easier to take, as your mind is still.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dalai-lama/compassion-automatically-brings-happiness-and-calmness-then-even-if/) [Dalai Lama](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dalai-lama/) > [He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing out-of-uniform Santa.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/augusten-burroughs/he-continues-to-smile-expectantly-i-take-a-step-back-i-don-t-want-to/) [Augusten Burroughs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/augusten-burroughs/) [Browse all 535 Disturbing quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/disturbing/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With other women whom he had been with in similar situations, he had experienced a relaxing sense of emptiness within them that had made it easy for him to get inside them and, once there, smear himself all over their innermost territory until it was no longer theirs but his.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Mary Gaitskill" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him-about-her-with-other-women/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Disturbing" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him-about-her-with-other-women/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/644/mary-gaitskill-7551_quote_he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him_2224846.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“He realized what had been disturbing him about her. With other women whom he had been with in similar…” — Mary Gaitskill", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Mary Gaitskill", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“He realized what had been disturbing...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him-about-her-with-other-women/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/he-realized-what-had-been-disturbing-him-about-her-with-other-women/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```