--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But I think that this apparent desire to…" description: "\"“But I think that this apparent desire to be a victim cloaks an opposing dread: that Americans are in truth profoundly, neurotically terrified of being..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/106/mary-gaitskill-7551_fear_but-i-think-that-this-apparent-desire-to_2402129.jpg" --- # But I think that this apparent desire to be a victim… ![“But I think that this apparent desire to be a victim cloaks an opposing dread: that Americans are in truth profoundly, neurotically terrified of being victims, ever, in any way. This fear is conceivably one reason we initiated the particularly vicious and gratuitous Iraq war―because Americans…” quote by Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/106/mary-gaitskill-7551_fear_but-i-think-that-this-apparent-desire-to_2402129.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/106/mary-gaitskill-7551_fear_but-i-think-that-this-apparent-desire-to_2402129.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/106/mary-gaitskill-7551_fear_but-i-think-that-this-apparent-desire-to_2402129.jpg) > ““But I think that this apparent desire to be a victim cloaks an opposing dread: that Americans are in truth profoundly, neurotically terrified of being victims, ever, in any way. This fear is conceivably one reason we initiated the particularly vicious and gratuitous Iraq war―because Americans can't tolerate feeling like victims, even briefly. I think it is the reason that every boob with a hangnail has been clogging the courts and haunting talk shows across the land for the last twenty years, telling his/her "story" and trying to get redress. Whatever the suffering is, it's not to be endured, for God's sake, not felt and never, ever accepted. It's to be triumphed over. And because some things cannot be triumphed over unless they are first accepted and endured, because, indeed, some things cannot be triumphed over at all, the "story" must be told again and again in endless pursuit of a happy ending. To be human is finally to be a loser, for we are all fated to lose our carefully constructed sense of self, our physical strength, our health, our precious dignity, and finally our lives. A refusal to tolerate this reality is a refusal to tolerate life, and art based on the empowering message and positive image is just such a refusal.”” [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The quote argues that Americans fear victimhood so much that they reject suffering, leading to endless narratives of triumph and avoidance of acceptance. **In simple terms:** Americans deny being victims, creating endless stories of triumph. Key Takeaway Accept suffering to find true resilience. Themes victimhood denial culture narratives resilience Mood critical reflective analytical Type philosophical social commentary cultural critique When to use this quote - political discourse - media analysis - personal coping - therapy - art criticism Key Concepts psychology social critique identity power dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How does denying victimhood affect personal growth? - What role do stories play in coping with loss? A Different Perspective The drive for constant triumph can ignore necessary healing and realistic acceptance. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Fear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) [Happy ending](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/happy-ending/) [Life And Art](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/life-and-art/) [Physical strength](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/physical-strength/) [Sense of self](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sense-of-self/) [Suffering](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/suffering/) [Truth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/truth/) [Victim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/victim/) ## Related quotes > [“They conjure phantoms endlessly, terrified that their victims will someday do back what was done to them—”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/n-k-jemisin/they-conjure-phantoms-endlessly-terrified-that-their-victims-will/) [N.K. Jemisin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/n-k-jemisin/) > [“The desire to make art begins early. Among the very young this is encouraged (or at least indulged as harmless) but the push toward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-bayles/the-desire-to-make-art-begins-early-among-the-very-young-this-is/) [David Bayles](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-bayles/) > [“When we feel like victims, all our actions and beliefs are legitimised, however questionable they may be. Our opponents, or simply our neighbours, stop…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carlos-ruiz-zafon/when-we-feel-like-victims-all-our-actions-and-beliefs-are-legitimised/) [Carlos Ruiz Zafón](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carlos-ruiz-zafon/) > [Smiley Bone: You can't feel safe unless there's something to be safe against! Phoney Bone: Exactly! People like to be victims! There's a certain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeff-smith/smiley-bone-you-can-t-feel-safe-unless-there-s-something-to-be-safe/) [Jeff Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeff-smith/) > [“But I thought that if people behaved like victims they would become victims, if people expected the worst to happen then it invariably did.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marian-keyes/but-i-thought-that-if-people-behaved-like-victims-they-would-become/) [Marian Keyes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marian-keyes/) > [I must say that I am quite fed up with those who consider African players like victims. There aren't just sad stories; we are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/victor-osimhen/i-must-say-that-i-am-quite-fed-up-with-those-who-consider-african/) [Victor Osimhen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/victor-osimhen/) > [I am a victim-oriented person. I like to see that the victims know that they have a voice.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fatou-bensouda/i-am-a-victim-oriented-person-i-like-to-see-that-the-victims-know/) [Fatou Bensouda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fatou-bensouda/) > [Persecutors, like Victims, act out of fear. The may seem fearless, but actually Persecutors are almost always former Victims.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-emerald-womeldorff/persecutors-like-victims-act-out-of-fear-the-may-seem-fearless-but/) [David Emerald Womeldorff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-emerald-womeldorff/) > [In life and art, there are distinctions to be made between what an act of cruelty consists of.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maggie-nelson/in-life-and-art-there-are-distinctions-to-be-made-between-what-an-act/) [Maggie Nelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maggie-nelson/) > [“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life," said Simone de Beauvoir. 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I think a little philosophy should be added to life and art by way of seasoning, but to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/boris-pasternak/i-don-t-like-purely-philosophical-works-i-think-a-little-philosophy/) [Boris Pasternak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/boris-pasternak/) > [“The storm of revolution,’ as Andre Chenier said, ‘blows out the torch of poetry.’ It is not for some little time that the real…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/oscar-wilde/the-storm-of-revolution-as-andre-chenier-said-blows-out-the-torch-of/) [Oscar Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/oscar-wilde/) > [In life and art it's better to be an enthusiastic amateur than a jaded professional.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-genn/in-life-and-art-it-s-better-to-be-an-enthusiastic-amateur-than-a/) [Robert Genn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-genn/) > [“There is one question George is asked about life and art and which is more important, and George said art is more important because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/keith-haring/there-is-one-question-george-is-asked-about-life-and-art-and-which-is/) [Keith Haring](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/keith-haring/) ## More by Mary Gaitskill > [“I carry love wrapped in pain. That is my treasure and soon it will be yours.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-carry-love-wrapped-in-pain-that-is-my-treasure-and-soon-it-will-be/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“God famously doesn't afflict Job because of anything Job has done, but because he wants to prove a point to Satan. 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Not just rooms. Beautiful ones. For Karl and Jerry and Karen… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/the-place-joanne-is-building-inside-herself-has-rooms-for-all-of-this/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“Valiantly, he tried to bring his soul to life in the small thing through which it had to live, and it was crushed, again…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/valiantly-he-tried-to-bring-his-soul-to-life-in-the-small-thing/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [The best definition I've heard is that guilt is about what you've done, shame is about who you are. If something's out of my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/the-best-definition-i-ve-heard-is-that-guilt-is-about-what-you-ve/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [When my first book came out, it was very disorienting. My health went south. I didn't know how to relate to people. I thought,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-my-first-book-came-out-it-was-very-disorienting-my-health-went/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [When he held her that way, she felt so happy that it disturbed her. After he left, it would take her hours to fall…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-he-held-her-that-way-she-felt-so-happy-that-it-disturbed-her/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“But life can give a lot. If you can’t see inside the heart no matter how you look, then why not look? Why not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/but-life-can-give-a-lot-if-you-can-t-see-inside-the-heart-no-matter/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [Sexuality is a place where people are very vulnerable and can be experiencing and embodying very raw forces that they don't really understand and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/sexuality-is-a-place-where-people-are-very-vulnerable-and-can-be/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [I focus more on the spiritual or psychic gains.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-focus-more-on-the-spiritual-or-psychic-gains/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [“When boys get angry with each other, they just fight it out and it's all over. But girls are dirty. They pretend to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/when-boys-get-angry-with-each-other-they-just-fight-it-out-and-it-s/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) > [I think, life is miserable.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mary-gaitskill/i-think-life-is-miserable/) [Mary Gaitskill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) [Explore all 87 Mary Gaitskill quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mary-gaitskill/) ## More Fear quotes > [This may sound strange, but although I feel like I know everything about my characters, the brand of shampoo they use, how many cavities…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gail-honeyman/this-may-sound-strange-but-although-i-feel-like-i-know-everything/) [Gail Honeyman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gail-honeyman/) > [“That horrible stinging sensation returned, the muscles behind my eyes straining as the first tear began to fall. “I’m scared, too. 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Elion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gertrude-b-elion/) > [Let me tell you that atheism has never painted a masterpiece. Atheism has never dispelled fear. Atheism has never healed a disease; faith in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-hagee/let-me-tell-you-that-atheism-has-never-painted-a-masterpiece-atheism/) [John Hagee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-hagee/) [Browse all 35,569 Fear quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fear/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“But I think that this apparent desire to be a victim cloaks an opposing dread: that Americans are in truth profoundly, neurotically terrified of being victims, ever, in any way. This fear is conceivably one reason we initiated the particularly vicious and gratuitous Iraq war―because Americans can't tolerate feeling like victims, even briefly. I think it is the reason that every boob with a hangnail has been clogging the courts and haunting talk shows across the land for the last twenty years, telling his/her \"story\" and trying to get redress. Whatever the suffering is, it's not to be endured, for God's sake, not felt and never, ever accepted. It's to be triumphed over. And because some things cannot be triumphed over unless they are first accepted and endured, because, indeed, some things cannot be triumphed over at all, the \"story\" must be told again and again in endless pursuit of a happy ending. To be human is finally to be a loser, for we are all fated to lose our carefully constructed sense of self, our physical strength, our health, our precious dignity, and finally our lives. 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