--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Two questions help us see why we are…" description: "\"Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f52/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unl_141326.jpg" --- # Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what… ![“Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise…” quote by Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f52/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unl_141326.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f52/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unl_141326.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f52/marshall-b-rosenberg-1145_asking_two-questions-help-us-see-why-we-are-unl_141326.jpg) > “Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?” [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Punishment fails because it ignores the underlying motivations and desired outcomes of the person being punished. **In simple terms:** Punishment ignores why someone does something. Key Takeaway Focus on desired behavior and underlying reasons. Themes communication motivation behavior change Mood thoughtful analytical Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - parenting - education - workplace management - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology needs empathy Questions to Reflect On - What outcome do you truly want? - How can you address the person's needs? A Different Perspective Punishment may produce compliance but not genuine change. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Asking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asking/) [Asks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asks/) [Behavior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/behavior/) [Crime](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/crime/) [Different](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different/) [Evident](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/evident/) [Exercise](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/exercise/) [Firsts](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/firsts/) [Fitness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fitness/) [Force](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/force/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Helping](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/helping/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Influence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/influence/) [May](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/may/) [Persons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/persons/) [Punishment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punishment/) [Punishment Effective](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punishment-effective-1594808/) [Punishment Question](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punishment-question-1594806/) [Punitive Force](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/punitive-force-1594810/) [Question Punishment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/question-punishment-1594809/) [Reason](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reason/) [Seems](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/seems/) [Threat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/threat/) [Two](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/two/) [Unlikely](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unlikely/) [Using Punishment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/using-punishment-1594807/) [Want](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/) [Wells](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wells/) ## Related quotes > [“You've used me to punish yourself, haven't you?" He watched dawning realization spread over her face, a confirmation more positive than anything she could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-hoyt/you-ve-used-me-to-punish-yourself-haven-t-you-he-watched-dawning/) [Elizabeth Hoyt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-hoyt/) > [Punishment is the last and the least effective instrument in the hands of the legislator for the prevention of crime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-ruskin/punishment-is-the-last-and-the-least-effective-instrument-in-the/) [John Ruskin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-ruskin/) > [Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/woody-allen/capital-punishment-would-be-more-effective-as-a-preventive-measure-if/) [Woody Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/woody-allen/) > ['The Sound of Things Falling' may be a page turner, but it's also a deep meditation on fate and death. Even in translation, the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edmund-white/the-sound-of-things-falling-may-be-a-page-turner-but-it-s-also-a-deep/) [Edmund White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edmund-white/) > [It is evident, indeed, that such a doctrine, taken by itself in a literal manner, had no future. The world, in continuing to exist,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ernest-renan/it-is-evident-indeed-that-such-a-doctrine-taken-by-itself-in-a/) [Ernest Renan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ernest-renan/) > [ Quentin \[Taranino\] will say, "We've got it, but we're gonna do it one more time. Why?" And then, the entire cast and crew chimes… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/walton-goggins/quentin-taranino-will-say-we-ve-got-it-but-we-re-gonna-do-it-one-more/) [Walton Goggins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/walton-goggins/) > [A focus on people's health and well-being must be the core of family planning research and policy. This may seem self-evident, but the realities…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ruth-simmons/a-focus-on-people-s-health-and-well-being-must-be-the-core-of-family/) [Ruth Simmons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ruth-simmons/) > [Popular thought appeals to crowds, gatherings and tribes, who use it as a way to guide the herd. It is very evident in protests…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/corey-taylor/popular-thought-appeals-to-crowds-gatherings-and-tribes-who-use-it-as/) [Corey Taylor](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/corey-taylor/) > [The effect of the discovery of printing was evident in the savage religious wars of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. Application of power to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harold-innis/the-effect-of-the-discovery-of-printing-was-evident-in-the-savage/) [Harold Innis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harold-innis/) > [Class - or the economic status of individuals - is evident in all societies, some very well stratified by a rigid caste system determined…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/f-sionil-jos/class-or-the-economic-status-of-individuals-is-evident-in-all/) [F. Sionil Jose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/f-sionil-jos/) > [A pregnant woman and her spouse dream of three babies--the perfect four-month-old who rewards them with smiles and musical cooing,the impaired baby, who changes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-berry-brazelton/a-pregnant-woman-and-her-spouse-dream-of-three-babies-the-perfect/) [T. Berry Brazelton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-berry-brazelton/) > [It is evident that the right of acquiring and possessing property, and having it protected, is one of the natural, inherent, and unalienable rights…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-paterson/it-is-evident-that-the-right-of-acquiring-and-possessing-property-and/) [William Paterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-paterson/) > [When one considers our nation's educational foundations - Harvard, Yale, Princeton and most of our respected institutions were originally Christian - it becomes evident…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jonathan-falwell/when-one-considers-our-nation-s-educational-foundations-harvard-yale/) [Jonathan Falwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jonathan-falwell/) > [A second characteristic of the process which for me is the good life, is that it involves an increasingly tendency to live fully in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-rogers/a-second-characteristic-of-the-process-which-for-me-is-the-good-life/) [Carl Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-rogers/) > [Our obsession with material things and lack of self-worth is evident in our need for an abundance of momentary luxuries and must-have amenities that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/t-i/our-obsession-with-material-things-and-lack-of-self-worth-is-evident/) [T.I](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/t-i/) ## More by Marshall B. Rosenberg > [When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/when-you-need-empathy-you-cannot-give-empathy/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Understanding the other persons' needs does not mean you have to give up on your own needs.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/understanding-the-other-persons-needs-does-not-mean-you-have-to-give/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Plans to exact retribution are never going to make us safer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/plans-to-exact-retribution-are-never-going-to-make-us-safer/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [NVC gives us tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/nvc-gives-us-tools-and-understanding-to-create-a-more-peaceful-state/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [What I want in my life is compassion a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/what-i-want-in-my-life-is-compassion-a-flow-between-myself-and-others/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/analyses-of-others-are-actually-expressions-of-our-own-needs-and/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/staying-with-empathy-we-allow-speakers-to-touch-deeper-levels-of/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Punishment is the root of violence on our planet.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/punishment-is-the-root-of-violence-on-our-planet/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/often-instead-of-offering-empathy-we-have-a-strong-urge-to-give/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/nvc-is-founded-on-language-and-communication-skills-that-strengthen/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Ask before offering advice or reassurance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/ask-before-offering-advice-or-reassurance/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/if-you-think-ahead-to-what-to-say-next-like-how-to-fix-it-or-make-the/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Praise and reward create a system of extrinsic motivations for behavior. Children (and adults) end up taking action in order to receive the praise…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/praise-and-reward-create-a-system-of-extrinsic-motivations-for/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/everything-we-do-is-in-service-of-our-needs-when-this-one-concept-is/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) > [Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are in fact one and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marshall-b-rosenberg/our-survival-as-a-species-depends-on-our-ability-to-recognize-that/) [Marshall B. Rosenberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) [Explore all 283 Marshall B. Rosenberg quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marshall-b-rosenberg/) ## More Asking quotes > [Why did Erich von Stronheim leave Germany? Why did Hitchcock leave England? If you were a director you'd like to work in Hollywood too.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roman-polanski/why-did-erich-von-stronheim-leave-germany-why-did-hitchcock-leave/) [Roman Polanski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roman-polanski/) > [And in your new lives you'll have to live entirely for that one sensation-that of imminent truth. And you're going to have to holler…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/douglas-coupland/and-in-your-new-lives-you-ll-have-to-live-entirely-for-that-one/) [Douglas Coupland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/douglas-coupland/) > [“Stop asking yourself how or why and tell yourself you can." - Charmainism”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charmaine-smith-ladd/stop-asking-yourself-how-or-why-and-tell-yourself-you-can-charmainism/) [Charmaine Smith Ladd](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charmaine-smith-ladd/) > [Closing his eyes, he sent up a prayer to anyone who was listening, asking please, for God's sake, stop sending him signals that they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-ward/closing-his-eyes-he-sent-up-a-prayer-to-anyone-who-was-listening/) [J.R. Ward](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-ward/) > [People will identify with a persecuted minority without asking themselves what they are identifying with.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hilary-mantel/people-will-identify-with-a-persecuted-minority-without-asking/) [Hilary Mantel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hilary-mantel/) > [If you're having a bad day already and everybody is just asking you petty questions, it drives people to the edge, or something really…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jess-weixler/if-you-re-having-a-bad-day-already-and-everybody-is-just-asking-you/) [Jess Weixler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jess-weixler/) > [You never give away your heart; you lend it from time to time. If it were not so, how could we take it back…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jeanette-winterson/you-never-give-away-your-heart-you-lend-it-from-time-to-time-if-it/) [Jeanette Winterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jeanette-winterson/) > [I'm not asking people to feel sorry for me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jack-abramoff/i-m-not-asking-people-to-feel-sorry-for-me/) [Jack Abramoff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jack-abramoff/) > [The boldness of asking deep questions may require unforeseen flexibility if we are to accept the answers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-greene/the-boldness-of-asking-deep-questions-may-require-unforeseen/) [Brian Greene](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-greene/) > [Use Google Before Asking A Stupid Question.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/muskaan/use-google-before-asking-a-stupid-question/) [Muskaan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/muskaan/) > [There were people asking 'Can women be funny?' People still ask that. It's like asking: 'Can women breathe in and out?'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-walters/there-were-people-asking-can-women-be-funny-people-still-ask-that-it/) [Julie Walters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-walters/) > [Whether that's speaking up in your job or asking for a promotion or saying, 'I think I can do that.' Using your voice in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-shriver/whether-that-s-speaking-up-in-your-job-or-asking-for-a-promotion-or/) [Maria Shriver](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-shriver/) > [Love cannot be had for the asking; it comes only as a gift from the heart of another](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paramahansa-yogananda/love-cannot-be-had-for-the-asking-it-comes-only-as-a-gift-from-the/) [Paramahansa Yogananda](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paramahansa-yogananda/) > [The Baseball Hall of Fame is something every player dreams about, but being a member of God's Hall of Fame is the greatest achievement…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-carter/the-baseball-hall-of-fame-is-something-every-player-dreams-about-but/) [Gary Carter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-carter/) > [“In such a regime, I say you died a good death if your life had inspired someone to come forward and shoot your murdered…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chinua-achebe/in-such-a-regime-i-say-you-died-a-good-death-if-your-life-had/) [Chinua Achebe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chinua-achebe/) [Browse all 3,313 Asking quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asking/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... 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