--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Unfortunately, it's not until you've had…" description: "\"“Unfortunately, it's not until you've had children that you discover how selfish you actually are. That's one of the paradoxical aspects of becoming a ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da0/mark-cleary-260167_becoming-a-parent_unfortunately-it-s-not-until-you-ve-had_1303305.jpg" --- # Unfortunately, it's not until you've had children that you… ![“Unfortunately, it's not until you've had children that you discover how selfish you actually are. That's one of the paradoxical aspects of becoming a parent: at the very same time you realize precisely how selfish you are, you are forced to become less selfish.” quote by Mark Cleary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da0/mark-cleary-260167_becoming-a-parent_unfortunately-it-s-not-until-you-ve-had_1303305.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da0/mark-cleary-260167_becoming-a-parent_unfortunately-it-s-not-until-you-ve-had_1303305.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/da0/mark-cleary-260167_becoming-a-parent_unfortunately-it-s-not-until-you-ve-had_1303305.jpg) > ““Unfortunately, it's not until you've had children that you discover how selfish you actually are. That's one of the paradoxical aspects of becoming a parent: at the very same time you realize precisely how selfish you are, you are forced to become less selfish.”” Mark Cleary ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Becoming a parent reveals selfishness, yet parenting forces one to become less selfish. **In simple terms:** Parenthood exposes selfishness, then reduces it. Key Takeaway Cultivate self‑lessness through parenting. Themes parenting self‑awareness growth Mood introspective empathetic Type psychological parenting When to use this quote - parenting workshops - family counseling - personal development seminars Key Concepts paradox of selfishness self‑sacrifice family dynamics Questions to Reflect On - How does caring for children reshape personal priorities? - What strategies help maintain self‑care while being self‑less? A Different Perspective Selfishness may still persist despite intentions. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Becoming a parent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/becoming-a-parent/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) ## Related quotes > [“I'm so sorry," said Kevin. "So selfish. I'm actually totally selfish, but I've been trying to cut back.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/z-a-maxfield/i-m-so-sorry-said-kevin-so-selfish-i-m-actually-totally-selfish-but-i/) [Z.A. Maxfield](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/z-a-maxfield/) > [People need to open their eyes, and stop being so selfish by actually looking at what they say from different angles so that it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nathan-schwake/people-need-to-open-their-eyes-and-stop-being-so-selfish-by-actually/) [Nathan Schwake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nathan-schwake/) > [Becoming a parent has just completely changed me, and made life so beautiful and given me such a center and a focus and such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angelina-jolie/becoming-a-parent-has-just-completely-changed-me-and-made-life-so/) [Angelina Jolie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angelina-jolie/) > [The preparation for building a series of thrillers based on a single character is kind of like the preparation for becoming a parent: The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harlan-coben/the-preparation-for-building-a-series-of-thrillers-based-on-a-single/) [Harlan Coben](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harlan-coben/) > [One thing I always want to clear up was the notion that I 'took time off to have a baby.' A lot people leapt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geena-davis/one-thing-i-always-want-to-clear-up-was-the-notion-that-i-took-time/) [Geena Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geena-davis/) > [I think that becoming a parent kind of made me try to be more responsible. And it made me much more stressful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/etgar-keret/i-think-that-becoming-a-parent-kind-of-made-me-try-to-be-more/) [Etgar Keret](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/etgar-keret/) > [You know, I think becoming a parent has really changed the way that I feel impacted by what's going on in the world around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anoushka-shankar/you-know-i-think-becoming-a-parent-has-really-changed-the-way-that-i/) [Anoushka Shankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anoushka-shankar/) > [The amazing thing about becoming a parent is that you will never again be your own first priority.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/olivia-wilde/the-amazing-thing-about-becoming-a-parent-is-that-you-will-never/) [Olivia Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/olivia-wilde/) > [A moral society will not set standards for becoming a parent, but it will establish irreducible minimums for maintaining that sacred status.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-vachss/a-moral-society-will-not-set-standards-for-becoming-a-parent-but-it/) [Andrew Vachss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-vachss/) > [I don't have a fear of becoming a parent, but I do have a fear of taking care of a newborn because they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsay-price/i-don-t-have-a-fear-of-becoming-a-parent-but-i-do-have-a-fear-of/) [Lindsay Price](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lindsay-price/) > [Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-pittman/fathering-is-not-something-perfect-men-do-but-something-that-perfects/) [Frank Pittman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-pittman/) > [Becoming a parent erased many of my negative childhood feelings and filled them in with something new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mariska-hargitay/becoming-a-parent-erased-many-of-my-negative-childhood-feelings-and/) [Mariska Hargitay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mariska-hargitay/) > [“Life, Rose well knew, could throw some hard punches at you, but nothing hurt as much as losing a child, or seeing one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-donnelly/life-rose-well-knew-could-throw-some-hard-punches-at-you-but-nothing/) [Jennifer Donnelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-donnelly/) > [“Dying, in other words — like combat, like becoming a parent, like any transformative life event — doesn’t always reveal or intensify aspects of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-senior/dying-in-other-words-like-combat-like-becoming-a-parent-like-any/) [Jennifer Senior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-senior/) > [There comes a point in life when fun no longer means clubbing, drinking or being out till 4am, or thinking about yourself! Fun means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zabi/there-comes-a-point-in-life-when-fun-no-longer-means-clubbing/) [Zabi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zabi/) ## More Becoming a parent quotes > [There comes a point in life when fun no longer means clubbing, drinking or being out till 4am, or thinking about yourself! Fun means…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zabi/there-comes-a-point-in-life-when-fun-no-longer-means-clubbing/) [Zabi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zabi/) > [“Dying, in other words — like combat, like becoming a parent, like any transformative life event — doesn’t always reveal or intensify aspects of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-senior/dying-in-other-words-like-combat-like-becoming-a-parent-like-any/) [Jennifer Senior](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-senior/) > [“Life, Rose well knew, could throw some hard punches at you, but nothing hurt as much as losing a child, or seeing one of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jennifer-donnelly/life-rose-well-knew-could-throw-some-hard-punches-at-you-but-nothing/) [Jennifer Donnelly](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jennifer-donnelly/) > [Becoming a parent erased many of my negative childhood feelings and filled them in with something new.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mariska-hargitay/becoming-a-parent-erased-many-of-my-negative-childhood-feelings-and/) [Mariska Hargitay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mariska-hargitay/) > [Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-pittman/fathering-is-not-something-perfect-men-do-but-something-that-perfects/) [Frank Pittman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-pittman/) > [I don't have a fear of becoming a parent, but I do have a fear of taking care of a newborn because they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lindsay-price/i-don-t-have-a-fear-of-becoming-a-parent-but-i-do-have-a-fear-of/) [Lindsay Price](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lindsay-price/) > [A moral society will not set standards for becoming a parent, but it will establish irreducible minimums for maintaining that sacred status.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-vachss/a-moral-society-will-not-set-standards-for-becoming-a-parent-but-it/) [Andrew Vachss](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-vachss/) > [The amazing thing about becoming a parent is that you will never again be your own first priority.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/olivia-wilde/the-amazing-thing-about-becoming-a-parent-is-that-you-will-never/) [Olivia Wilde](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/olivia-wilde/) > [You know, I think becoming a parent has really changed the way that I feel impacted by what's going on in the world around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anoushka-shankar/you-know-i-think-becoming-a-parent-has-really-changed-the-way-that-i/) [Anoushka Shankar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anoushka-shankar/) > [I think that becoming a parent kind of made me try to be more responsible. And it made me much more stressful.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/etgar-keret/i-think-that-becoming-a-parent-kind-of-made-me-try-to-be-more/) [Etgar Keret](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/etgar-keret/) > [One thing I always want to clear up was the notion that I 'took time off to have a baby.' A lot people leapt…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/geena-davis/one-thing-i-always-want-to-clear-up-was-the-notion-that-i-took-time/) [Geena Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/geena-davis/) > [The preparation for building a series of thrillers based on a single character is kind of like the preparation for becoming a parent: The…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harlan-coben/the-preparation-for-building-a-series-of-thrillers-based-on-a-single/) [Harlan Coben](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harlan-coben/) > [Becoming a parent has just completely changed me, and made life so beautiful and given me such a center and a focus and such…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angelina-jolie/becoming-a-parent-has-just-completely-changed-me-and-made-life-so/) [Angelina Jolie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angelina-jolie/) > [I believe employment regulations for women, whereby the prospective employer is not able to inquire about the interviewee's status regarding children, childcare, or indeed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-sugar/i-believe-employment-regulations-for-women-whereby-the-prospective/) [Alan Sugar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-sugar/) > [“In retrospect, it seems obvious that my research about parenting was also a means to subdue my anxieties about becoming a parent… I grew…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-solomon/in-retrospect-it-seems-obvious-that-my-research-about-parenting-was/) [Andrew Solomon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-solomon/) [Browse all 35 Becoming a parent quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/becoming-a-parent/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Unfortunately, it's not until you've had children that you discover how selfish you actually are. 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