--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: A child is not a bargaining chip or a…" description: "\"A child is not a bargaining chip or a learning tool. Your focus, if you adopt a child of a different race, should be on nurturing and protecting your c..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06c/mallory-ortberg-7200_anti-racist_a-child-is-not-a-bargaining-chip-or-a-le_2677670.jpg" --- # A child is not a bargaining chip or a learning tool. Your… ![“A child is not a bargaining chip or a learning tool. Your focus, if you adopt a child of a different race, should be on nurturing and protecting your child from bigotry, not deploying him or her as an anti-racist Mr. Fix-It.” quote by Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06c/mallory-ortberg-7200_anti-racist_a-child-is-not-a-bargaining-chip-or-a-le_2677670.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06c/mallory-ortberg-7200_anti-racist_a-child-is-not-a-bargaining-chip-or-a-le_2677670.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/06c/mallory-ortberg-7200_anti-racist_a-child-is-not-a-bargaining-chip-or-a-le_2677670.jpg) > “A child is not a bargaining chip or a learning tool. Your focus, if you adopt a child of a different race, should be on nurturing and protecting your child from bigotry, not deploying him or her as an anti-racist Mr. Fix-It.” [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Adopted children deserve love, not instrumental use for social agendas. **In simple terms:** Love, not tools. Key Takeaway Prioritize child’s well‑being. Themes ethics adoption race Mood empathetic critical Type ethical social commentary When to use this quote - adoption agencies - family counseling - policy debates Key Concepts social justice psychology Questions to Reflect On - How do you support a child’s identity? - What boundaries are needed? A Different Perspective Balancing advocacy and personal care can be complex. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Adopt Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/adopt-child-285441/) [Anti racist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anti-racist/) [Bargaining](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bargaining/) [Bigotry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bigotry/) [Child Bargaining](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child-bargaining-2554424/) [Child Bigotry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child-bigotry-2554422/) [Child Different](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child-different-963560/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Chips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/chips/) [Deploying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deploying/) [Different](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different/) [Different races](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/different-races/) [Focus](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/focus/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Nurturing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/nurturing/) [Our children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/our-children/) [Race](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/race/) [Race Nurturing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/race-nurturing-2554423/) [Racism](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/racism/) [Racist](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/racist/) [Should](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/should/) [Tools](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/tools/) [Your children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/your-children/) ## Related quotes > [I want to adopt a child or a baby with an intellectual disability one day. I mean, that's in the distant future, but that's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brooklyn-decker/i-want-to-adopt-a-child-or-a-baby-with-an-intellectual-disability-one/) [Brooklyn Decker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brooklyn-decker/) > [There are many children who need help, and anyone who wants to reach out and adopt a child from foster care or from a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melissa-fay-greene/there-are-many-children-who-need-help-and-anyone-who-wants-to-reach/) [Melissa Fay Greene](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melissa-fay-greene/) > [To Western parents that want to adopt a child, I would say to people that money is not everything, wealth does not matter.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lemn-sissay/to-western-parents-that-want-to-adopt-a-child-i-would-say-to-people/) [Lemn Sissay](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lemn-sissay/) > [I really want to adopt a child... I want to be called 'Mom.' It really is the most beautiful word in the English language.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patti-stanger/i-really-want-to-adopt-a-child-i-want-to-be-called-mom-it-really-is/) [Patti Stanger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patti-stanger/) > [The reality is that most gay couples don't want to adopt a child. Those who do, though, are often prepared to devote themselves entirely…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jens-spahn/the-reality-is-that-most-gay-couples-don-t-want-to-adopt-a-child/) [Jens Spahn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jens-spahn/) > [I would love to adopt a child from a Spanish speaking country, because I want to have Spanish in the home.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valerie-cruz/i-would-love-to-adopt-a-child-from-a-spanish-speaking-country-because/) [Valerie Cruz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valerie-cruz/) > [If I was madly in love with someone who offered the opportunity to spend our lives together, I would love to have a child…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-rose/if-i-was-madly-in-love-with-someone-who-offered-the-opportunity-to/) [Charlie Rose](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-rose/) > [“My life has been shaped by the decision two people made over 24 years ago. They decided to adopt a child. They got me,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-fowler/my-life-has-been-shaped-by-the-decision-two-people-made-over-24-years/) [Karen Fowler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-fowler/) > [I'm from Naples. I was born in a poor neighborhood and I always, in my heart, felt like it would be amazing to be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/giuliana-rancic/i-m-from-naples-i-was-born-in-a-poor-neighborhood-and-i-always-in-my/) [Giuliana Rancic](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/giuliana-rancic/) > [As a young child, being different is isolating, and as a teenager it's humiliating. I wish I had been able to stand out with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bethenny-frankel/as-a-young-child-being-different-is-isolating-and-as-a-teenager-it-s/) [Bethenny Frankel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bethenny-frankel/) > [Know you what it is to be a child? It is to be something very different from the man of to-day. It is to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francis-thompson/know-you-what-it-is-to-be-a-child-it-is-to-be-something-very/) [Francis Thompson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francis-thompson/) > [I am always suspicious of those who impose 'rules' on child rearing. Every child is different in terms of temperament and learning, and every…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/siri-hustvedt/i-am-always-suspicious-of-those-who-impose-rules-on-child-rearing/) [Siri Hustvedt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/siri-hustvedt/) > [Every year, when you're a child, you become a different person.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-munro/every-year-when-you-re-a-child-you-become-a-different-person/) [Alice Munro](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-munro/) > [The child has a different relation to his environment from ours... the child absorbs it. The things he sees are not just remembered; they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-montessori/the-child-has-a-different-relation-to-his-environment-from-ours-the/) [Maria Montessori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-montessori/) > [I think a lot of people have a problem with the fact that I've adopted an African child, a child who has a different…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/madonna-ciccone/i-think-a-lot-of-people-have-a-problem-with-the-fact-that-i-ve/) [Madonna Ciccone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/madonna-ciccone/) ## More by Mallory Ortberg > [Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/not-wanting-to-give-everyone-in-your-life-one-of-your-kidneys-is-not/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/i-agree-that-biphobia-is-real-but-i-think-it-s-absolutely-worth/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/if-you-get-a-dog-take-care-of-your-dog-you-can-just-not-have-a-dog-if/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/it-is-so-tempting-to-return-rudeness-with-rudeness/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/i-think-that-it-s-a-great-idea-to-have-honest-conversations-about/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/don-t-beat-yourself-up-over-what-you-dream-about/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/one-of-the-glorious-things-about-being-a-person-in-the-world-is-that/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/you-need-to-be-able-to-express-your-resentment-and-sense-of-loss-in-a/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/some-people-give-gifts-in-order-to-bewilder-confuse-and-manipulate/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/unlike-celibacy-which-people-choose-asexuality-is-an-intrinsic-part/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/the-mere-idea-of-asking-a-family-member-if-they-intentionally-stopped/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/you-have-a-right-to-be-treated-professionally-at-work-and-it-s-your/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [We are all going to die, sometimes even in the middle of a lease.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mallory-ortberg/we-are-all-going-to-die-sometimes-even-in-the-middle-of-a-lease/) [Mallory Ortberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mallory-ortberg/) > [o one is right when it comes to destination weddings. 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They ought to go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marion-barry/we-got-to-do-something-about-these-asians-coming-in-and-opening-up/) [Marion Barry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marion-barry/) > [I find that white people in general, including white liberals and even revolutionaries, are most inclined to call you a racist when they don't…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/runoko-rashidi/i-find-that-white-people-in-general-including-white-liberals-and-even/) [Runoko Rashidi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/runoko-rashidi/) > [I want to go up to the closest white person and say: 'You can't understand this, it's a black thing' and then slap him,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-barron/i-want-to-go-up-to-the-closest-white-person-and-say-you-can-t/) [Charles Barron](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-barron/) > [The system of patriarchy is a historic construct; it has a beginning; it will have an end. 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