--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It is lonely behind these boundaries…" description: "\"“It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people-particularly those whom psychiatrists call schizoid-because of unpleasant, traumatizing experiences ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg" --- # It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some… ![“It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people-particularly those whom psychiatrists call schizoid-because of unpleasant, traumatizing experiences in childhood, perceive the world outside of themselves as unredeemably dangerous, hostile, confusing and unnurturing. Such people feel their…” quote by M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg) > ““It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people-particularly those whom psychiatrists call schizoid-because of unpleasant, traumatizing experiences in childhood, perceive the world outside of themselves as unredeemably dangerous, hostile, confusing and unnurturing. Such people feel their boundaries to be protecting and comforting and find a sense of safety in their loneliness. But most of us feel our loneliness to be painful and yearn to escape from behind the walls of our individual identities to a condition in which we can be more unified with the world outside of ourselves. The experience of falling in love allows us this escapetemporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more! In some respects (but certainly not in all) the act of falling in love is an act of regression. The experience of merging with the loved one has in it echoes from the time when we were merged with our mothers in infancy. Along with the merging we also reexperience the sense of omnipotence which we had to give up in our journey out of childhood. All things seem possible! United with our beloved we feel we can conquer all obstacles. We believe that the strength of our love will cause the forces of opposition to bow down in submission and melt away into the darkness. All problems will be overcome. The future will be all light. The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essentially the same as the unreality of the two-year-old who feels itself to be king of the family and the world with power unlimited. Just as reality intrudes upon the two-year-old's fantasy of omnipotence so does reality intrude upon the fantastic unity of the couple who have fallen in love. Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will reasserts itself. He wants to have sex; she doesn't. She wants to go to the movies; he doesn't. He wants to put money in the bank; she wants a dishwasher. She wants to talk about her job; he wants to talk about his. She doesn't like his friends; he doesn't like hers. So both of them, in the privacy of their hearts, begin to come to the sickening realization that they are not one with the beloved, that the beloved has and will continue to have his or her own desires, tastes, prejudices and timing different from the other's. One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly, they fall out of love. Once again they are two separate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of real loving.”” [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Love temporarily dissolves ego boundaries, merging identities and relieving loneliness with ecstatic unity, echoing infant dependence and perceived omnipotence. **In simple terms:** Love briefly removes personal walls, creating unity and joy. Key Takeaway Embrace love’s unity, but stay grounded. Themes love ego loneliness unity psychology Mood ecstatic intimate reflective Type philosophical psychological romantic When to use this quote - romantic relationships - therapy - personal growth - self‑reflection - relationship counseling Key Concepts attachment theory ego dissolution infant dependence Questions to Reflect On - How does love change your sense of self? - When might merging become unhealthy? A Different Perspective The euphoria can mask unrealistic expectations and dependency. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Boundaries Experienced](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries-experienced-4665122/) [Boundaries Snap](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boundaries-snap-4665123/) [Daily living](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/daily-living/) [Ego Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ego-boundaries-4236919/) [Fall out of love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fall-out-of-love/) [Falling in love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/falling-in-love/) [Feel Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feel-boundaries-4665124/) [Loneliness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loneliness/) [Lonely Boundaries](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lonely-boundaries-4665121/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Sooner or later](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sooner-or-later/) ## Related quotes > [“To develop strong ego boundaries, children need parents with strong boundaries. No shame-based parent has these. Toxic shame greatly damages our boundaries. Without strong…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-bradshaw/to-develop-strong-ego-boundaries-children-need-parents-with-strong/) [John Bradshaw](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-bradshaw/) > [The desire to transcend one's own ego boundaries, to share completely, even for a moment, the consciousness of another person must be a universal…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-weil/the-desire-to-transcend-one-s-own-ego-boundaries-to-share-completely/) [Andrew Weil](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-weil/) > [Through TV and moving pictures a child may see more violence in thirty minutes than the average adult experiences in a lifetime. What children…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredric-wertham/through-tv-and-moving-pictures-a-child-may-see-more-violence-in/) [Fredric Wertham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredric-wertham/) > [Tabletalk Magazine exists to help establish us in the Word to deepen our understanding of God and apply this knowledge to our daily living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-c-sproul/tabletalk-magazine-exists-to-help-establish-us-in-the-word-to-deepen/) [R. C. Sproul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-c-sproul/) > [“Praying is the purest pleasure.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/praying-is-the-purest-pleasure/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [I used to go over to Gene Kelly's house and play volleyball, and Paul Newman and Marlon Brando were always there. You kind of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-collins/i-used-to-go-over-to-gene-kelly-s-house-and-play-volleyball-and-paul/) [Joan Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-collins/) > [“People don't show who they truly are when they are comfortable. People will show you who they truly are when they are uncomfortable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cuoco/people-don-t-show-who-they-truly-are-when-they-are-comfortable-people/) [Steven Cuoco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cuoco/) > [Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried with fewer tensions and more tolerance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/wine-makes-daily-living-easier-less-hurried-with-fewer-tensions-and/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [“As we actually taste the flavor of what he's teaching, we begin to see that it's not proverbs for daily living, or ways of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cynthia-bourgeault/as-we-actually-taste-the-flavor-of-what-he-s-teaching-we-begin-to-see/) [Cynthia Bourgeault](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cynthia-bourgeault/) > [“If the vibrant and frolicking merry-go-round of our daily living has been ousted by an eerie void of an intractable vacuum, only inspiriting memories…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erik-pevernagie/if-the-vibrant-and-frolicking-merry-go-round-of-our-daily-living-has/) [Erik Pevernagie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erik-pevernagie/) > [“We are being prepared daily for a greater task. Every training should be passionately pursued.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/we-are-being-prepared-daily-for-a-greater-task-every-training-should/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“Art provides us with clues about how to live our lives more fully...about how creating, collecting, and even just appreciating art can make daily…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-kimmelman/art-provides-us-with-clues-about-how-to-live-our-lives-more-fully/) [Michael Kimmelman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-kimmelman/) > [“Whenever I am in a difficult situation where there seems to be no way out, I think about all the times I have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/idowu-koyenikan/whenever-i-am-in-a-difficult-situation-where-there-seems-to-be-no-way/) [Idowu Koyenikan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/idowu-koyenikan/) > [“Each day I will accomplish one thing on my to list.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/each-day-i-will-accomplish-one-thing-on-my-to-list/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [There is a way in which the collective knowledge of mankind expresses itself, for the finite individual, through mere daily living . . .…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurens-van-der-post/there-is-a-way-in-which-the-collective-knowledge-of-mankind-expresses/) [Laurens van der Post](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurens-van-der-post/) ## More by M. Scott Peck > [But I already saw no great difference between the psyche and spirituality. To amass knowledge without becoming wise is not my idea of progress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/but-i-already-saw-no-great-difference-between-the-psyche-and/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [As I grow through love, so grows my joy, ever more present, ever more constant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/as-i-grow-through-love-so-grows-my-joy-ever-more-present-ever-more/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“Life is difficult.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/life-is-difficult/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“The second most common misconception about love is the idea that dependency is love...Its effect is seen most dramatically in an individual who makes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-second-most-common-misconception-about-love-is-the-idea-that/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Although I was raised in a profoundly secular home, I had a belief, an awareness of God, from as far back as I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/although-i-was-raised-in-a-profoundly-secular-home-i-had-a-belief-an/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [I've gone to great lengths not to be a guru. I think the notion of guruhood is utterly pathological, and I couldn't live that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/i-ve-gone-to-great-lengths-not-to-be-a-guru-i-think-the-notion-of/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual - for it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-whole-course-of-human-history-may-depend-on-a-change-of-heart-in/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [The act of loving is an act of self-evolution even when the purpose of the act is someone else's growth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-act-of-loving-is-an-act-of-self-evolution-even-when-the-purpose/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“Benjamin Franklin said, “Those things that hurt, instruct.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/benjamin-franklin-said-those-things-that-hurt-instruct/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Abandon the urge to simplify everything, to look for formulas and easy answers, and to begin to think multidimensionally, to glory in the mystery…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/abandon-the-urge-to-simplify-everything-to-look-for-formulas-and-easy/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Listening well is an exercise of attention and by necessity hard work. It is because they do not realize this or because they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/listening-well-is-an-exercise-of-attention-and-by-necessity-hard-work/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“It is not selfishness or unselfishness that distinguishes love from non-love; it is the aim of the action.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-not-selfishness-or-unselfishness-that-distinguishes-love-from/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Love is too large, too deep ever to be truly understood or measured or limited within the framework of words.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/love-is-too-large-too-deep-ever-to-be-truly-understood-or-measured-or/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [There is no act of love that is not an act of work or courage. No exceptions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/there-is-no-act-of-love-that-is-not-an-act-of-work-or-courage-no/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/to-be-free-people-we-must-assume-total-responsibility-for-ourselves/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) [Explore all 198 M. Scott Peck quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) ## More Daily living quotes > [There is a way in which the collective knowledge of mankind expresses itself, for the finite individual, through mere daily living . . .…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurens-van-der-post/there-is-a-way-in-which-the-collective-knowledge-of-mankind-expresses/) [Laurens van der Post](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurens-van-der-post/) > [“Each day I will accomplish one thing on my to list.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/each-day-i-will-accomplish-one-thing-on-my-to-list/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“Whenever I am in a difficult situation where there seems to be no way out, I think about all the times I have been…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/idowu-koyenikan/whenever-i-am-in-a-difficult-situation-where-there-seems-to-be-no-way/) [Idowu Koyenikan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/idowu-koyenikan/) > [“Art provides us with clues about how to live our lives more fully...about how creating, collecting, and even just appreciating art can make daily…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-kimmelman/art-provides-us-with-clues-about-how-to-live-our-lives-more-fully/) [Michael Kimmelman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-kimmelman/) > [“We are being prepared daily for a greater task. Every training should be passionately pursued.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/we-are-being-prepared-daily-for-a-greater-task-every-training-should/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [“If the vibrant and frolicking merry-go-round of our daily living has been ousted by an eerie void of an intractable vacuum, only inspiriting memories…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erik-pevernagie/if-the-vibrant-and-frolicking-merry-go-round-of-our-daily-living-has/) [Erik Pevernagie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erik-pevernagie/) > [“As we actually taste the flavor of what he's teaching, we begin to see that it's not proverbs for daily living, or ways of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cynthia-bourgeault/as-we-actually-taste-the-flavor-of-what-he-s-teaching-we-begin-to-see/) [Cynthia Bourgeault](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cynthia-bourgeault/) > [Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried with fewer tensions and more tolerance.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/benjamin-franklin/wine-makes-daily-living-easier-less-hurried-with-fewer-tensions-and/) [Benjamin Franklin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/benjamin-franklin/) > [“People don't show who they truly are when they are comfortable. People will show you who they truly are when they are uncomfortable.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-cuoco/people-don-t-show-who-they-truly-are-when-they-are-comfortable-people/) [Steven Cuoco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-cuoco/) > [I used to go over to Gene Kelly's house and play volleyball, and Paul Newman and Marlon Brando were always there. You kind of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joan-collins/i-used-to-go-over-to-gene-kelly-s-house-and-play-volleyball-and-paul/) [Joan Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joan-collins/) > [“Praying is the purest pleasure.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/praying-is-the-purest-pleasure/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [Tabletalk Magazine exists to help establish us in the Word to deepen our understanding of God and apply this knowledge to our daily living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/r-c-sproul/tabletalk-magazine-exists-to-help-establish-us-in-the-word-to-deepen/) [R. C. Sproul](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/r-c-sproul/) > [Through TV and moving pictures a child may see more violence in thirty minutes than the average adult experiences in a lifetime. What children…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/fredric-wertham/through-tv-and-moving-pictures-a-child-may-see-more-violence-in/) [Fredric Wertham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/fredric-wertham/) > [“If Jesus Christ was a substitute for sin as clearly seen on Calvary Then why is sin now a substitute for our daily living,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/apostle-louis-gordon-jr/if-jesus-christ-was-a-substitute-for-sin-as-clearly-seen-on-calvary/) [Apostle Louis Gordon Jr](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/apostle-louis-gordon-jr/) > [“From sunrise to sunset, from one day to the next, till our black hair turns white, we eat, we sleep, we bear children and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/suchen-christine-lim/from-sunrise-to-sunset-from-one-day-to-the-next-till-our-black-hair/) [Suchen Christine Lim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/suchen-christine-lim/) [Browse all 104 Daily living quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/daily-living/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people-particularly those whom psychiatrists call schizoid-because of unpleasant, traumatizing experiences in childhood, perceive the world outside of themselves as unredeemably dangerous, hostile, confusing and unnurturing. Such people feel their boundaries to be protecting and comforting and find a sense of safety in their loneliness. But most of us feel our loneliness to be painful and yearn to escape from behind the walls of our individual identities to a condition in which we can be more unified with the world outside of ourselves. The experience of falling in love allows us this escapetemporarily. The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of oneself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most of us as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more! In some respects (but certainly not in all) the act of falling in love is an act of regression. The experience of merging with the loved one has in it echoes from the time when we were merged with our mothers in infancy. Along with the merging we also reexperience the sense of omnipotence which we had to give up in our journey out of childhood. All things seem possible! United with our beloved we feel we can conquer all obstacles. We believe that the strength of our love will cause the forces of opposition to bow down in submission and melt away into the darkness. All problems will be overcome. The future will be all light. The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essentially the same as the unreality of the two-year-old who feels itself to be king of the family and the world with power unlimited. Just as reality intrudes upon the two-year-old's fantasy of omnipotence so does reality intrude upon the fantastic unity of the couple who have fallen in love. Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will reasserts itself. He wants to have sex; she doesn't. She wants to go to the movies; he doesn't. He wants to put money in the bank; she wants a dishwasher. She wants to talk about her job; he wants to talk about his. She doesn't like his friends; he doesn't like hers. So both of them, in the privacy of their hearts, begin to come to the sickening realization that they are not one with the beloved, that the beloved has and will continue to have his or her own desires, tastes, prejudices and timing different from the other's. One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly, they fall out of love. Once again they are two separate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of real loving.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "M. Scott Peck" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-some-people-particularly-those/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Daily living" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-some-people-particularly-those/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/f46/m-scott-peck-1921_daily-living_it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-som_2985627.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“It is lonely behind these boundaries. Some people-particularly those whom psychiatrists call…” — M. Scott Peck", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "M. Scott Peck", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“It is lonely behind these boundaries....", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-some-people-particularly-those/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-lonely-behind-these-boundaries-some-people-particularly-those/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```