--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: An unconscious, gentle process whereby…" description: "\"An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth abo..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/m-scott-peck-1921_avoiding_an-unconscious-gentle-process-whereby-pe_255023.jpg" --- # An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to… ![“An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth about themselves and their feelings in order to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.” quote by M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/m-scott-peck-1921_avoiding_an-unconscious-gentle-process-whereby-pe_255023.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/m-scott-peck-1921_avoiding_an-unconscious-gentle-process-whereby-pe_255023.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/6b4/m-scott-peck-1921_avoiding_an-unconscious-gentle-process-whereby-pe_255023.jpg) > “An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth about themselves and their feelings in order to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.” [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often tell harmless lies to avoid conflict, creating a false sense of community; true community resolves conflict openly. **In simple terms:** White lies preserve peace but hinder genuine connection. Key Takeaway Embrace honest dialogue to build real community. Themes conflict avoidance authenticity relationships Mood reflective candid Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - friendships - family gatherings - team meetings Key Concepts psychology social dynamics Questions to Reflect On - When have you chosen a white lie? - How can you turn conflict into growth? A Different Perspective Honesty can cause temporary discomfort. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Community](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/community/) [Conflict](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/conflict/) [Feelings](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/feelings/) [Gentle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/gentle/) [Lying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lying/) [Order](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/order/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Process](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/process/) [War](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/war/) [White lie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/white-lie/) [White lies](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/white-lies/) ## Related quotes > [I wish to pay attention to what we can do better to prevent conflict. Because by avoiding conflict, we save human lives, and we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/miroslav-lajcak/i-wish-to-pay-attention-to-what-we-can-do-better-to-prevent-conflict/) [Miroslav Lajcak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/miroslav-lajcak/) > [People are longing to rediscover true community. We have had enough of loneliness, independence and competition.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-vanier/people-are-longing-to-rediscover-true-community-we-have-had-enough-of/) [Jean Vanier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-vanier/) > [Stay strong. Stay true to yourself and to who you are because there is community out there. It may not be in your town…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-walton-hamilton/stay-strong-stay-true-to-yourself-and-to-who-you-are-because-there-is/) [Emma Walton Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-walton-hamilton/) > [Some people think they are in community, but they are only in proximity. True community requires commitment and openness. It is a willingness to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-spangler/some-people-think-they-are-in-community-but-they-are-only-in/) [David Spangler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-spangler/) > [“This serves as a great reminder that regardless of our actions, we must first bring our hearts before God and ask him to test…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-frazee/this-serves-as-a-great-reminder-that-regardless-of-our-actions-we/) Randy Frazee > [In a true community we will not choose our companions, for our choices are so often limited by self-serving motives. Instead, our companions will…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/parker-j-palmer/in-a-true-community-we-will-not-choose-our-companions-for-our-choices/) [Parker J. Palmer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/parker-j-palmer/) > [Practice of true community involves responsibilities and actions that do not come naturally to us.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-bridges/practice-of-true-community-involves-responsibilities-and-actions-that/) [Jerry Bridges](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-bridges/) > [“True community starts, where individualism ends.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/true-community-starts-where-individualism-ends/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [A true community consists of individuals - not mere species members, not couples - respecting each others individuality and privacy while at the same…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/valerie-solanas/a-true-community-consists-of-individuals-not-mere-species-members-not/) [Valerie Solanas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/valerie-solanas/) > [“true community is the kind that meets me where I am, comes and sees my mess of a house and me wearing my pajamas…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ashley-wells/true-community-is-the-kind-that-meets-me-where-i-am-comes-and-sees-my/) Ashley Wells > [“The real community of man, in the midst of all the self-contradictory simulacra of community, is the community of those who seek the truth,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/allan-bloom/the-real-community-of-man-in-the-midst-of-all-the-self-contradictory/) [Allan Bloom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/allan-bloom/) > [A true community is not just about being geographically close to someone or part of the same social web network. It's about feeling connected…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yehuda-berg/a-true-community-is-not-just-about-being-geographically-close-to/) [Yehuda Berg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yehuda-berg/) > [True community is based on upon equality, mutuality, and reciprocity. It affirms the richness of individual diversity as well as the common human ties…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pauli-murray/true-community-is-based-on-upon-equality-mutuality-and-reciprocity-it/) [Pauli Murray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pauli-murray/) > [A true community maximizes the potential of whatever human resources exist within it (by allowing for all possible combinations), while networks minimize such utilization,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-slater/a-true-community-maximizes-the-potential-of-whatever-human-resources/) [Philip Slater](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-slater/) > [“Community as openness . . . Communities are truly communities when they open to others, when they remain vulnerable and humble; when the members…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-vanier/community-as-openness-communities-are-truly-communities-when-they/) [Jean Vanier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-vanier/) ## More by M. Scott Peck > [But I already saw no great difference between the psyche and spirituality. To amass knowledge without becoming wise is not my idea of progress…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/but-i-already-saw-no-great-difference-between-the-psyche-and/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [As I grow through love, so grows my joy, ever more present, ever more constant.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/as-i-grow-through-love-so-grows-my-joy-ever-more-present-ever-more/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“Life is difficult.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/life-is-difficult/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“The second most common misconception about love is the idea that dependency is love...Its effect is seen most dramatically in an individual who makes…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-second-most-common-misconception-about-love-is-the-idea-that/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Although I was raised in a profoundly secular home, I had a belief, an awareness of God, from as far back as I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/although-i-was-raised-in-a-profoundly-secular-home-i-had-a-belief-an/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [I've gone to great lengths not to be a guru. I think the notion of guruhood is utterly pathological, and I couldn't live that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/i-ve-gone-to-great-lengths-not-to-be-a-guru-i-think-the-notion-of/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual - for it is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-whole-course-of-human-history-may-depend-on-a-change-of-heart-in/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [The act of loving is an act of self-evolution even when the purpose of the act is someone else's growth.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/the-act-of-loving-is-an-act-of-self-evolution-even-when-the-purpose/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“Benjamin Franklin said, “Those things that hurt, instruct.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/benjamin-franklin-said-those-things-that-hurt-instruct/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Abandon the urge to simplify everything, to look for formulas and easy answers, and to begin to think multidimensionally, to glory in the mystery…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/abandon-the-urge-to-simplify-everything-to-look-for-formulas-and-easy/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Listening well is an exercise of attention and by necessity hard work. It is because they do not realize this or because they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/listening-well-is-an-exercise-of-attention-and-by-necessity-hard-work/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [“It is not selfishness or unselfishness that distinguishes love from non-love; it is the aim of the action.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/it-is-not-selfishness-or-unselfishness-that-distinguishes-love-from/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [Love is too large, too deep ever to be truly understood or measured or limited within the framework of words.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/love-is-too-large-too-deep-ever-to-be-truly-understood-or-measured-or/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [There is no act of love that is not an act of work or courage. No exceptions.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/there-is-no-act-of-love-that-is-not-an-act-of-work-or-courage-no/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) > [To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-scott-peck/to-be-free-people-we-must-assume-total-responsibility-for-ourselves/) [M. Scott Peck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) [Explore all 198 M. Scott Peck quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-scott-peck/) ## More Avoiding quotes > [Because after you've crossed some lines, you just keep crossing them. And there's no escaping from constant escape. Distracting ourselves. Avoiding confrontation. Getting past…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chuck-palahniuk/because-after-you-ve-crossed-some-lines-you-just-keep-crossing-them/) [Chuck Palahniuk](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chuck-palahniuk/) > [“Exactly. So, what can't you take? Decide which of the two options is harder, and do the other. That way, no matter how hard…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josephine-angelini/exactly-so-what-can-t-you-take-decide-which-of-the-two-options-is/) [Josephine Angelini](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josephine-angelini/) > [I've always been a very restless person. I work hard, spend too much time looking after my son, I dance like a mad thing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/i-ve-always-been-a-very-restless-person-i-work-hard-spend-too-much/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [“What I'm trying to say is that I spent the last four months learning to be alone, avoiding the world, hating pretty much anyone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrea-cremer/what-i-m-trying-to-say-is-that-i-spent-the-last-four-months-learning/) [Andrea Cremer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrea-cremer/) > [ I can hardly believe what these 12 caricatures \[about Prophet Muhammad\] have caused in the world. We Danes feel like we have been placed… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anders-fogh-rasmussen/i-can-hardly-believe-what-these-12-caricatures-about-prophet-muhammad/) [Anders Fogh Rasmussen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anders-fogh-rasmussen/) > [I know a bit about taxation and the remarkable effort that goes in to avoiding it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-rinder/i-know-a-bit-about-taxation-and-the-remarkable-effort-that-goes-in-to/) [Robert Rinder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-rinder/) > [When you are in hard labor, remember that the length of labor is usually proportional to the number of people around. Avoid the presence…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michel-odent/when-you-are-in-hard-labor-remember-that-the-length-of-labor-is/) [Michel Odent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michel-odent/) > [I don't believe in happy endings. Children have got to face death sooner or later. Granny and Grandpa die, dogs die, cats die, gerbils…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/raymond-briggs/i-don-t-believe-in-happy-endings-children-have-got-to-face-death/) Raymond Briggs > [Resisting and avoiding pain sucks energy-and time. The more you let yourself feel those minute-and-a-half hells, the quicker you'll start feeling those minute-and-a-half happinesses.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leigh-newman/resisting-and-avoiding-pain-sucks-energy-and-time-the-more-you-let/) [Leigh Newman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leigh-newman/) > [Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-helps/reading-is-sometimes-an-ingenious-device-for-avoiding-thought/) [Arthur Helps](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-helps/) > [A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bill-watterson/a-day-can-really-slip-by-when-you-re-deliberately-avoiding-what-you/) [Bill Watterson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bill-watterson/) > [When someone starts Ignoring you, just back off without staying there with them Just to know the reason for avoiding..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vishak/when-someone-starts-ignoring-you-just-back-off-without-staying-there/) [Vishak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vishak/) > [You know what takes effort? Being kind, being patient, being respectful, telling someone how you feel politely instead of just avoiding them for six…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jake-tapper/you-know-what-takes-effort-being-kind-being-patient-being-respectful/) [Jake Tapper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jake-tapper/) > [It's all about being flexible, and avoiding choices whenever possible. Choices suck, they are inherently limiting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-armstrong/it-s-all-about-being-flexible-and-avoiding-choices-whenever-possible/) Craig Armstrong > [In my personal life I'm very conservative. I've been married to the same person for nearly 50 years, I'm scrupulous about paying bills, avoiding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christopher-walken/in-my-personal-life-i-m-very-conservative-i-ve-been-married-to-the/) [Christopher Walken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christopher-walken/) Browse all 713 Avoiding quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth about themselves and their feelings in order to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "M. 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