--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But how? How can you just get over these…" description: "\"“But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?...You've had so much strife but you're always happy. How do you do it?' 'I choose to...I can..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/m-l-stedman-2-35592_bad-thing_but-how-how-can-you-just-get-over-these_382257.jpg" --- # But how? How can you just get over these things… ![“But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?...You've had so much strife but you're always happy. How do you do it?' 'I choose to...I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, like my father did, or I can forgive and forget.' 'But it's not…” quote by M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/m-l-stedman-2-35592_bad-thing_but-how-how-can-you-just-get-over-these_382257.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/m-l-stedman-2-35592_bad-thing_but-how-how-can-you-just-get-over-these_382257.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/de2/m-l-stedman-2-35592_bad-thing_but-how-how-can-you-just-get-over-these_382257.jpg) > ““But how? How can you just get over these things, darling?...You've had so much strife but you're always happy. How do you do it?' 'I choose to...I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, like my father did, or I can forgive and forget.' 'But it's not that easy.' He smiled that Frank smile. 'Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things...I would have to make a list, a very, very long list and make sure I hated the people on it the right amount. That I did a proper job of hating, too: very Teutonic! No' - his voice became sober- 'we always have a choice. All of us.”” [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The passage contrasts the exhausting effort of holding grudges with the simplicity of forgiveness, suggesting that choosing forgiveness frees one from perpetual resentment. **In simple terms:** Holding grudges drains energy; forgiveness is simpler. Key Takeaway Choose forgiveness to conserve emotional energy. Themes forgiveness resilience choice emotional health Mood thoughtful hopeful Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - conflict resolution - personal healing - relationship counseling - self‑care Key Concepts psychology of resentment mindfulness personal growth Questions to Reflect On - What would it feel like to let go of a long‑standing grudge? - Can forgiveness coexist with healthy boundaries? A Different Perspective Forgiveness can be difficult when pain is deep, and may not erase all hurt. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bad things](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-things/) [Forgive and forget](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgive-and-forget/) [Forgiveness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) ## Related quotes > [“It is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/it-is-so-much-less-exhausting-you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, like my father did, or I can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman/i-can-leave-myself-to-rot-in-the-past-spend-my-time-hating-people-for/) [M.L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman/) > [“Or I can forgive and forget...Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman/or-i-can-forgive-and-forget-oh-but-my-treasure-it-is-so-much-less/) [M.L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman/) > [“I can forgive and forget... it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman/i-can-forgive-and-forget-it-is-so-much-less-exhausting-you-only-have/) [M.L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman/) > [Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/oh-but-my-treasure-it-is-so-much-less-exhausting-you-only-have-to/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent-you-have-to-do-it-all-day-2/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman/you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent-you-have-to-do-it-all-day-4/) [M.L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman/) > [You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent-you-have-to-do-it-all-day-3/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman/you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent-you-have-to-do-it-all-day/) [M.L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman/) > [Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/henri-nouwen/did-i-offer-peace-today-did-i-bring-a-smile-to-someone-s-face-did-i/) [Henri Nouwen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/henri-nouwen/) > [“You never did forgive me, did you?' 'Forgive? There was nothing to forgive. If anything, I'm grateful for everything. I remember good things only.'…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/you-never-did-forgive-me-did-you-forgive-there-was-nothing-to-forgive/) [André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/) > [And who understands? Not me, because if I did I would forgive it all.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/and-who-understands-not-me-because-if-i-did-i-would-forgive-it-all/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [You have to have the capacity and the ability to take what people did, and how they did it, and forgive them and move…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-lewis/you-have-to-have-the-capacity-and-the-ability-to-take-what-people-did/) [John Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-lewis/) > [“Did you forgive her?" I looked at her with a start. Jack dropped his salad back in the bucket. "What?" "Did you forgive Nikki?"…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brodi-ashton/did-you-forgive-her-i-looked-at-her-with-a-start-jack-dropped-his/) [Brodi Ashton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brodi-ashton/) > [“Oliver: You never did forgive me, did you? Elio: Forgive? There was nothing to forgive. If anything, I'm grateful for everything. I remember good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andre-aciman/oliver-you-never-did-forgive-me-did-you-elio-forgive-there-was/) [André Aciman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andre-aciman/) ## More by M. L. Stedman > [“You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent-you-have-to-do-it-all-day-2/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [Oh, but my treasure, it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/oh-but-my-treasure-it-is-so-much-less-exhausting-you-only-have-to/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“I promised to spend my life with you. I still want to spend my life with you. Izz, I've learned the hard way that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/i-promised-to-spend-my-life-with-you-i-still-want-to-spend-my-life/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“Izz, I've learned the hard way that to have any kind of a future you've got to give up hope of ever changing your…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/izz-i-ve-learned-the-hard-way-that-to-have-any-kind-of-a-future-you/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“It is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/it-is-so-much-less-exhausting-you-only-have-to-forgive-once-to-resent/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“Sometimes the contract to forget is as important as any promise to remember”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/sometimes-the-contract-to-forget-is-as-important-as-any-promise-to/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [Such a mysterious business, motherhood. How brave a woman must be to embark on it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/such-a-mysterious-business-motherhood-how-brave-a-woman-must-be-to/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [To have any kind of a future you've got to give up hope of ever changing your past.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/to-have-any-kind-of-a-future-you-ve-got-to-give-up-hope-of-ever/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“That was the only thing that had got him through the four years of blood and madness: Know exactly where your gun is when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/that-was-the-only-thing-that-had-got-him-through-the-four-years-of/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“Fella upstairs's given you a second chance, so I reckon he's not too fussed about whatever you did or didn't do back then. Stick…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/fella-upstairs-s-given-you-a-second-chance-so-i-reckon-he-s-not-too/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [“Love's what children do.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/love-s-what-children-do/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) > [We live with the decisions we makeThat’s what bravery is. Standing by the consequences of your mistakes.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-l-stedman-2/we-live-with-the-decisions-we-makethat-s-what-bravery-is-standing-by/) [M. L. Stedman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) [Explore all 13 M. L. Stedman quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-l-stedman-2/) ## More Bad thing quotes > [As a child, I had a lot of older gay men taking care of me. There's a trust there. I feel like little girls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-cho/as-a-child-i-had-a-lot-of-older-gay-men-taking-care-of-me-there-s-a/) [Margaret Cho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-cho/) > [I've said it before, good people are forced to do bad things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/angus-cloud/i-ve-said-it-before-good-people-are-forced-to-do-bad-things/) [Angus Cloud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/angus-cloud/) > [I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don't even know I'm saying bad things about them. I've run…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chelsea-handler/i-think-the-people-i-talk-about-are-generally-so-stupid-that-they-don/) [Chelsea Handler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chelsea-handler/) > [One thing I always tell players is that there are three bad things: Nothing good happens after midnight, nothing good happens when you're around…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nick-saban/one-thing-i-always-tell-players-is-that-there-are-three-bad-things/) [Nick Saban](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nick-saban/) > [I'm not going to pretend that bad things don't happen. I just hope my daughter has enough understanding that when they do, just give…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-krasinski/i-m-not-going-to-pretend-that-bad-things-don-t-happen-i-just-hope-my/) [John Krasinski](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-krasinski/) > [I've heard some pretty bad things in my life. I'm just one of those people I've gotten to a point where I don't want…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sophia-bush/i-ve-heard-some-pretty-bad-things-in-my-life-i-m-just-one-of-those/) [Sophia Bush](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sophia-bush/) > [Like everybody, you get nights where you feel completely depressed. You start thinking about all the bad things and think about the glass half…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lights/like-everybody-you-get-nights-where-you-feel-completely-depressed-you/) [Lights](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lights/) > [Be Thankful for all things in life. Even for the bad things. SOMETIMES the worst situations in life turn out to be the best…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/be-thankful-for-all-things-in-life-even-for-the-bad-things-sometimes/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [In my business, you should be very strong in mind. 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I want Hartley in my…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erin-watt/i-don-t-know-why-i-latched-onto-the-idea-of-being-friends-but-it-sits/) [Erin Watt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erin-watt/) > [I'm just grateful to people who are willing to admit how bad things feel for them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ezra-furman/i-m-just-grateful-to-people-who-are-willing-to-admit-how-bad-things/) [Ezra Furman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ezra-furman/) > [I love it when television is shot in a cinematic way and I think to aspire to that is no bad thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-rhys/i-love-it-when-television-is-shot-in-a-cinematic-way-and-i-think-to/) [Matthew Rhys](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-rhys/) > [“Dear Delphine, When you are older I want you to find Chinua Achebe. I want you to read Things Fall Apart. 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