--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When a man starts my program, he often…" description: "\"“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/163/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse-recovery_when-a-man-starts-my-program-he-often-sa_3212247.jpg" --- # When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here… ![“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain…” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/163/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse-recovery_when-a-man-starts-my-program-he-often-sa_3212247.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/163/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse-recovery_when-a-man-starts-my-program-he-often-sa_3212247.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/163/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse-recovery_when-a-man-starts-my-program-he-often-sa_3212247.jpg) > ““When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.”” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Control issues stem from trying to dominate others; real change requires releasing control of the partner, not self. **In simple terms:** Let go of controlling others. Key Takeaway Focus on mutual respect and self-awareness. Themes control relationships personal growth boundaries Mood empathetic reflective Type therapeutic inspirational When to use this quote - couples therapy - conflict resolution - personal boundaries - relationship building Key Concepts attachment theory psychology communication Questions to Reflect On - How can you practice healthy boundaries? - What steps help you release the need to control others? A Different Perspective May oversimplify complex relational dynamics. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse-recovery](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse-recovery/) [Abused women](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abused-women/) [Abusive relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-relationship/) [Abusive-men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men/) [Abusive-partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-partners/) [Control](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/control/) [Control Need](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/control-need-286608/) [Control Partner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/control-partner-6005817/) [Domestic abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-abuse/) [Domestic violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-violence/) [Let Control](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/let-control/) [Lose Control](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lose-control/) [Programming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/programming/) ## Related quotes > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. 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