--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: The confusion of love with abuse is what…" description: "\"“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_the-confusion-of-love-with-abuse-is-what_1284654.jpg" --- # The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers… ![“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. The news media regrettably often accept the aggressors’ view of these acts, describing them as “crimes of passion.” But what could…” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_the-confusion-of-love-with-abuse-is-what_1284654.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_the-confusion-of-love-with-abuse-is-what_1284654.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/bde/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_the-confusion-of-love-with-abuse-is-what_1284654.jpg) > ““The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. The news media regrettably often accept the aggressors’ view of these acts, describing them as “crimes of passion.” But what could more thoroughly prove that a man did not love his partner? If a mother were to kill one of her children, would we ever accept the claim that she did it because she was overwhelmed by how much she cared? Not for an instant. Nor should we. Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person, wanting what is best for him or her, and supporting the other person’s self-esteem and independence. This kind of love is incompatible with abuse and coercion.”” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Love that respects autonomy and dignity cannot coexist with abusive control; conflating the two harms victims. **In simple terms:** True love respects freedom; abuse is not love. Key Takeaway Separate love from control. Themes relationships abuse psychology media perception Mood concerned analytical Type educational advocacy When to use this quote - counseling - media analysis - legal advocacy - education programs Key Concepts power dynamics empathy ethical storytelling Questions to Reflect On - How can we teach healthy love? - What role does media play in shaping perceptions? A Different Perspective May overlook systemic factors that enable abuse. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Abusive-men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men/) [Abusive-partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-partners/) [Abusive-relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-relationships/) [Domestic violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-violence/) [Genuine love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/genuine-love/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) ## Related quotes > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. 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They have many good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/one-of-the-obstacles-to-recognizing-chronic-mistreatment-in/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you should know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/i-have-sometimes-said-to-a-client-if-you-are-so-in-touch-with-your/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative attitudes toward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/it-is-important-to-note-that-research-has-shown-that-men-who-have/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who are nasty…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/although-the-typical-abusive-man-works-to-maintain-a-positive-public/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. 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As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/objectification-is-a-critical-reason-why-an-abuser-tends-to-get-worse/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/he-isn-t-abusive-because-he-is-angry-he-s-angry-because-he-s-abusive/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-people-conclude-that-anger-causes-abuse-they-are-confusing-cause/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-abuser-s-mood-changes-are-especially-perplexing-he-can-be-a/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More by Lundy Bancroft > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/on-some-level-he-hopes-that-his-ability-to-transport-you-sexually/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. 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Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. 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Never give any one permission to abuse you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/stand-up-for-yourself-never-give-any-one-permission-to-abuse-you/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [All governments should be pressured to correct their abuses of human rights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stallman/all-governments-should-be-pressured-to-correct-their-abuses-of-human/) [Richard Stallman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stallman/) > [“Words are free. It does not mean you should abuse them. Be kind with them. They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by the depths of their loving feelings. 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