--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Never believe a man's claim that he has…" description: "\"Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way.\" — Lundy Bancroft" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg" --- # Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his… ![“Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way.” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg) > “Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way.” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Abusers manipulate victims by claiming harm is protective; this is a false justification. **In simple terms:** Abusers claim harm protects, but it’s false. Key Takeaway Reject manipulative justifications. Themes abuse control misinformation protection Mood urgent empathetic Type educational motivational When to use this quote - counseling - legal advocacy - education programs Key Concepts Gender studies psychology Questions to Reflect On - What signs reveal manipulation? - How can allies intervene safely? A Different Perspective Victims may doubt themselves. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Abuse-survivors](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse-survivors/) [Abused women](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abused-women/) [Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers/) [Abusers Think](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers-think-5796675/) [Abusive relationship](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-relationship/) [Abusive-men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men/) [Abusive-partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-partners/) [Believe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/believe/) [Claim Harm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/claim-harm-5796678/) [Claims](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/claims/) [Domestic abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-abuse/) [Domestic violence](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/domestic-violence/) [Harm](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/harm/) [Harm Partner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/harm-partner-5796677/) [Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/) [Order](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/order/) [Partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/partners/) [Protect](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/protect/) [Protect Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/protect-abusers-5796676/) [Thinking](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/thinking/) [Way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/way/) ## Related quotes > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/physical-aggression-by-a-man-toward-his-partner-is-abuse-even-if-it/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps treating you…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/disrespect-also-can-take-the-form-of-idealizing-you-and-putting-you/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually. I know…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-mr-right-are-you-should-be-in-awe-of-my/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous man abused…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/have-you-ever-heard-a-woman-claim-that-the-reason-why-she-is/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were driven by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-confusion-of-love-with-abuse-is-what-allows-abusers-who-kill/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No psychological test…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-type-arise-from-good-childhoods/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-scars-from-mental-cruelty-can-be-as-deep-and-long-lasting-as/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/objectification-is-a-critical-reason-why-an-abuser-tends-to-get-worse/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-symptoms-of-abuse-are-there-and-the-woman-usually-sees-them-the/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/he-isn-t-abusive-because-he-is-angry-he-s-angry-because-he-s-abusive/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-we-hear-these-kinds-of-excuses-from-a-drunk-we-assume-they-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-people-conclude-that-anger-causes-abuse-they-are-confusing-cause/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-abusive-man-s-high-entitlement-leads-him-to-have-unfair-and/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More by Lundy Bancroft > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/on-some-level-he-hopes-that-his-ability-to-transport-you-sexually/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-people-conclude-that-anger-causes-abuse-they-are-confusing-cause/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-doesn-t-come-from-people-s-inability-to-resolve-conflicts-but/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/few-people-are-aware-of-the-severe-human-rights-violations-committed/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“In short, the abusive mentality is the mentality of oppression.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-short-the-abusive-mentality-is-the-mentality-of-oppression/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-we-hear-these-kinds-of-excuses-from-a-drunk-we-assume-they-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-is-not-his-goal-but-control-is-and-he-finds-himself-using-abuse/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-rambo-are-strength-and-aggressiveness/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/he-isn-t-abusive-because-he-is-angry-he-s-angry-because-he-s-abusive/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-symptoms-of-abuse-are-there-and-the-woman-usually-sees-them-the/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/alcohol-has-no-biological-connection-to-abuse-or-violence-alcohol/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-byers-ruch/build-a-bridge-over-shame-by-teaching-kids-about-sexual-abuse-give/) [Carolyn Byers Ruch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-byers-ruch/) > [It is sure that those are most desirous of honour or glory who cry out loudest of its abuse and the vanity of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baruch-spinoza/it-is-sure-that-those-are-most-desirous-of-honour-or-glory-who-cry/) [Baruch Spinoza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baruch-spinoza/) > [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/) [Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/) > [Democracy must be built through open societies that share information. When there is information, there is enlightenment. When there is debate, there are solutions.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/atifete-jahjaga/democracy-must-be-built-through-open-societies-that-share-information/) [Atifete Jahjaga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/atifete-jahjaga/) > [I have a theory that all abuse, no matter what kind of abuse it is, is foremost an assault on the mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-westover/i-have-a-theory-that-all-abuse-no-matter-what-kind-of-abuse-it-is-is/) [Tara Westover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-westover/) > [“Blaming therapy, social work and other caring professions for the confabulation of testimony of 'satanic ritual abuse' legitimated a programme of political and social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/blaming-therapy-social-work-and-other-caring-professions-for-the/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [Finally, the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cumming/finally-the-scariest-thing-about-abuse-of-any-shape-or-form-is-in-my/) [Alan Cumming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cumming/) > [“Research on organised abuse emphasises the diversity of organised abuse cases, and the ways in which serious forms of child maltreatment cluster in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/research-on-organised-abuse-emphasises-the-diversity-of-organised/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [“Stand up for yourself. Never give any one permission to abuse you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/stand-up-for-yourself-never-give-any-one-permission-to-abuse-you/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [All governments should be pressured to correct their abuses of human rights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stallman/all-governments-should-be-pressured-to-correct-their-abuses-of-human/) [Richard Stallman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stallman/) > [“Words are free. It does not mean you should abuse them. Be kind with them. They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lundy Bancroft" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has-to-harm-his-partner-in-order/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abuse" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has-to-harm-his-partner-in-order/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/50b/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has_2363627.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this…” — Lundy Bancroft", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lundy Bancroft", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Never believe a man's claim that...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has-to-harm-his-partner-in-order/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has-to-harm-his-partner-in-order/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```