--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: If we want abusers to change, we will…" description: "\"If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.\" — Lundy Bancroft" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg" --- # If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them… ![“If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg) > “If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Abusers must relinquish the power they enjoy; otherwise change is unlikely. **In simple terms:** Power must be given up for real change. Key Takeaway Demand accountability and limit exploitative privileges. Themes abuse power change Mood serious urgent Type educational advocacy When to use this quote - court orders - protective policies - rehabilitation programs Key Concepts sociology law ethics Questions to Reflect On - What safeguards ensure power is truly relinquished? - How can victims be empowered during this process? A Different Perspective Abusers may resist giving up power, requiring enforcement. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers/) [Abusers Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers-change-2604484/) [Exploitation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/exploitation/) [Giving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving/) [Giving up](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-up/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Luxury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/luxury/) [Luxury Exploitation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/luxury-exploitation-2604486/) [Want](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/) [Want Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want-abusers-2604485/) ## Related quotes > [As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/as-long-as-we-see-abusers-as-victims-or-as-out-of-control-monsters/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Some abusers organise themselves in groups to abuse children and other adults in a more formally ritualised way. Men and women in these groups…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-matthew/some-abusers-organise-themselves-in-groups-to-abuse-children-and/) [Laurie Matthew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-matthew/) > [ “In a nutshell, the process they \[abusers in a ritual abuse group\] use on survivors is designed to: break the will and personality of… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-matthew/in-a-nutshell-the-process-they-abusers-in-a-ritual-abuse-group-use-on/) [Laurie Matthew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-matthew/) > [Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. 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As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty-he builds…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/objectification-is-a-critical-reason-why-an-abuser-tends-to-get-worse-2/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusers-thrive-on-creating-confusion-including-confusion-about-the/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abused women aren't "codependent." It is abusers, not their partners, who create abusive relationships.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abused-women-aren-t-codependent-it-is-abusers-not-their-partners-who/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/it-is-not-possible-to-be-truly-balanced-in-one-s-views-of-an-abuser/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-grows-from-attitudes-and-values-not-feelings-the-roots-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-sense-of-ownership-is-one-reason-why-abuse-tends-to-get-worse-as/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More by Lundy Bancroft > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/on-some-level-he-hopes-that-his-ability-to-transport-you-sexually/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. 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We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-we-hear-these-kinds-of-excuses-from-a-drunk-we-assume-they-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-is-not-his-goal-but-control-is-and-he-finds-himself-using-abuse/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-rambo-are-strength-and-aggressiveness/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/he-isn-t-abusive-because-he-is-angry-he-s-angry-because-he-s-abusive/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-symptoms-of-abuse-are-there-and-the-woman-usually-sees-them-the/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/alcohol-has-no-biological-connection-to-abuse-or-violence-alcohol/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abusers quotes > [It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser, because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is: kill her.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leslie-morgan-steiner/it-s-incredibly-dangerous-to-leave-an-abuser-because-the-final-step/) [Leslie Morgan Steiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leslie-morgan-steiner/) > [The idea that the creative endeavor and mind-altering substances are entwined is one of the great pop-intellectual myths of our time. ... Substance abusing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-king/the-idea-that-the-creative-endeavor-and-mind-altering-substances-are/) [Stephen King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-king/) > [Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/few-people-are-aware-of-the-severe-human-rights-violations-committed/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Cocaine was different. It kept saying, "You haven't had enough." I became an abuser almost instantly.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-carlin/cocaine-was-different-it-kept-saying-you-haven-t-had-enough-i-became/) [George Carlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-carlin/) > [Feminism exists so that no woman ever has to face her abuser in isolation, alone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrea-dworkin/feminism-exists-so-that-no-woman-ever-has-to-face-her-abuser-in/) [Andrea Dworkin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrea-dworkin/) > [ The getting out part \[of advise\] may well be true. Because if you have tried the tender love thing... typically the abuser is not… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gary-chapman/the-getting-out-part-of-advise-may-well-be-true-because-if-you-have/) [Gary Chapman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gary-chapman/) > [“The people who were behind my abuse were very clever. They had created something which would be so difficult to explain, so difficult to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurie-matthew/the-people-who-were-behind-my-abuse-were-very-clever-they-had-created/) [Laurie Matthew](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurie-matthew/) > [“Tenderness from empaths will be used against them time and time again by psychological abusers.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shannon-thomas/tenderness-from-empaths-will-be-used-against-them-time-and-time-again/) [Shannon Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shannon-thomas/) > [“As an adult, it shatters me that the child parts of my mind froze at those ages, didn't develop, and continued to believe the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wendy-hoffman/as-an-adult-it-shatters-me-that-the-child-parts-of-my-mind-froze-at/) [Wendy Hoffman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wendy-hoffman/) > [ Just take them rascals \[rapists, killers, child abusers\] out in the swamp / Put 'em on their knees and tie 'em to a stump… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlie-daniels/just-take-them-rascals-rapists-killers-child-abusers-out-in-the-swamp/) [Charlie Daniels](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlie-daniels/) > [“Both incest and the Holocaust have been subject to furious denial by perpetrators and other individuals and by highly organised groups such as the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/janet-walker/both-incest-and-the-holocaust-have-been-subject-to-furious-denial-by/) [Janet Walker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/janet-walker/) > [Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jerry-coleman/hats-off-to-drug-abusers-everywhere/) [Jerry Coleman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jerry-coleman/) > [“When an abuser gaslights, he or she sets up situations to make the target doubt their own memories and assessments of situations. This is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shannon-thomas/when-an-abuser-gaslights-he-or-she-sets-up-situations-to-make-the/) [Shannon Thomas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shannon-thomas/) > [Forgiveness is created by the restitution of the abuser; of the wrongdoer. It is not something to be squeeeeeezed out of the victim in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stefan-molyneux/forgiveness-is-created-by-the-restitution-of-the-abuser-of-the/) [Stefan Molyneux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stefan-molyneux/) > [Deadbeat dads are the real trash of the world. Next are abusers.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/deadbeat-dads-are-the-real-trash-of-the-world-next-are-abusers/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 128 Abusers quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lundy Bancroft" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-have-to-require-them-to-give-up/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abusers" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-have-to-require-them-to-give-up/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5a7/lundy-bancroft-6837_abusers_if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-hav_1062749.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” — Lundy Bancroft", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lundy Bancroft", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "If we want abusers to change,...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-have-to-require-them-to-give-up/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-have-to-require-them-to-give-up/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```