--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL…" description: "\"“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is disrespectful toward you. • He ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg" --- # HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? •… ![“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is disrespectful toward you. • He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. • He is controlling. • He is…” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg) > ““HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is disrespectful toward you. • He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. • He is controlling. • He is possessive. • Nothing is ever his fault. • He is self-centered. • He abuses drugs or alcohol. • He pressures you for sex. • He gets serious too quickly about the relationship. • He intimidates you when he’s angry. • He has double standards. • He has negative attitudes toward women. • He treats you differently around other people. • He appears to be attracted to vulnerability. No single one of the warning signs above is a sure sign of an abusive man, with the exception of physical intimidation. Many nonabusive men may exhibit a umber of these behaviors to a limited degree. What, then, should a woman do to protect herself from having a relationship turn abusive? Although there is no foolproof solution, the best plan is: 1. Make it clear to him as soon as possible which behaviors or attitudes are unacceptable to you and that you cannot be in a relationship with him if they continue. 2. If it happens again, stop seeing him for a substantial period of time. Don’t keep seeing him with the warning that this time you “really mean it,” because he will probably interpret that to mean that you don’t. 3. If it happens a third time, or if he switches to other behaviors that are warning flags, chances are great that he has an abuse problem. If you give him too many chances, you are likely to regret it later. Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can’t imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you don’t seem to be living up to his image of the perfect, all-giving, deferential woman.”” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Abusive patterns often start with subtle disrespect, control, and entitlement; recognizing early signs and setting firm boundaries can prevent escalation. **In simple terms:** Watch for disrespect, control, entitlement, and intimidation. Key Takeaway Set boundaries early and enforce them. Themes relationships abuse boundaries self‑protection Mood cautious empowered Type advice warning When to use this quote - dating - friendship - cohabitation - seeking counseling Key Concepts psychology power dynamics red flags Questions to Reflect On - How can you safely test a partner’s respect for your limits? - What support systems can you rely on when setting boundaries? A Different Perspective Physical intimidation is the only definitive sign; other behaviors can be ambiguous. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Abuse Believes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse-believes-3697578/) [Abuser](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuser/) [Abusive Man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-man/) [Abusive Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men-2/) [Double standards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/double-standards/) [Habits](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/habits/) [Seeing Abusive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/seeing-abusive-3697576/) [Third time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/third-time/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) [Turn Abusive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/turn-abusive-3697577/) [Warning signs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/warning-signs/) ## Related quotes > [“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. 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Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. 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Never give any one permission to abuse you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/stand-up-for-yourself-never-give-any-one-permission-to-abuse-you/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [All governments should be pressured to correct their abuses of human rights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stallman/all-governments-should-be-pressured-to-correct-their-abuses-of-human/) [Richard Stallman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stallman/) > [“Words are free. It does not mean you should abuse them. Be kind with them. They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is disrespectful toward you. • He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. • He is controlling. • He is possessive. • Nothing is ever his fault. • He is self-centered. • He abuses drugs or alcohol. • He pressures you for sex. • He gets serious too quickly about the relationship. • He intimidates you when he’s angry. • He has double standards. • He has negative attitudes toward women. • He treats you differently around other people. • He appears to be attracted to vulnerability. No single one of the warning signs above is a sure sign of an abusive man, with the exception of physical intimidation. Many nonabusive men may exhibit a umber of these behaviors to a limited degree. What, then, should a woman do to protect herself from having a relationship turn abusive? Although there is no foolproof solution, the best plan is: 1. Make it clear to him as soon as possible which behaviors or attitudes are unacceptable to you and that you cannot be in a relationship with him if they continue. 2. If it happens again, stop seeing him for a substantial period of time. Don’t keep seeing him with the warning that this time you “really mean it,” because he will probably interpret that to mean that you don’t. 3. If it happens a third time, or if he switches to other behaviors that are warning flags, chances are great that he has an abuse problem. If you give him too many chances, you are likely to regret it later. Finally, be aware that as an abuser begins his slide into abuse, he believes that you are the one who is changing. His perceptions work this way because he feels so justified in his actions that he can’t imagine the problem might be with him. All he notices is that you don’t seem to be living up to his image of the perfect, all-giving, deferential woman.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lundy Bancroft" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will-become-abusive-he-speaks/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abuse" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will-become-abusive-he-speaks/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/453/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will_2837034.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former…” — Lundy Bancroft", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lundy Bancroft", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“HOW CAN I TELL IF A...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will-become-abusive-he-speaks/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will-become-abusive-he-speaks/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```