--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: As long as we see abusers as victims, or…" description: "\"As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/307/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_as-long-as-we-see-abusers-as-victims-or_1180359.jpg" --- # As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control… ![“As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/307/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_as-long-as-we-see-abusers-as-victims-or_1180359.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/307/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_as-long-as-we-see-abusers-as-victims-or_1180359.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/307/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_as-long-as-we-see-abusers-as-victims-or_1180359.jpg) > “As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Abusers are often seen as monsters or victims, which lets them escape accountability; true change requires demanding they relinquish their exploitative power. **In simple terms:** Seeing abusers as monsters lets them off the hook. Key Takeaway Demand accountability and end exploitation. Themes abuse accountability power dynamics Mood serious determined Type ethical activist When to use this quote - therapy sessions - legal reform - educational workshops - community advocacy Key Concepts psychology social control Questions to Reflect On - How can we shift societal views on abusers? - What policies enforce accountability? A Different Perspective Changing perception alone won’t stop abuse; systemic change needed. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers/) [Abusers Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusers-change-2604484/) [Abusive-men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men/) [Exploitation](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/exploitation/) [Get away](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/get-away/) [Giving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving/) [Giving up](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/giving-up/) [Ifs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ifs/) [Long](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long/) [Long Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/long-abusers-3459215/) [Luxury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/luxury/) [Monsters](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/monsters/) [Ruining Lives](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ruining-lives-2254845/) [Victim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/victim/) [Want](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want/) [Want Abusers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/want-abusers-2604485/) ## Related quotes > [If we want abusers to change, we will have to require them to give up the luxury of exploitation.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/if-we-want-abusers-to-change-we-will-have-to-require-them-to-give-up/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he loves the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-myths-about-abusers-1-he-was-abused-as-a-child-2-his-previous/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-sense-of-ownership-is-one-reason-why-abuse-tends-to-get-worse-as/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-one-important-way-an-abusive-man-works-like-a-magician-his-tricks/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-abuser-s-mood-changes-are-especially-perplexing-he-can-be-a/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/an-abuser-can-seem-emotionally-needy-you-can-get-caught-in-a-trap-of/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/never-believe-a-man-s-claim-that-he-has-to-harm-his-partner-in-order/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/one-of-the-obstacles-to-recognizing-chronic-mistreatment-in/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-grows-from-attitudes-and-values-not-feelings-the-roots-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“I keep cutting. For him. For me. For ruining lives. Apparently, I’m good at that.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrea-randall/i-keep-cutting-for-him-for-me-for-ruining-lives-apparently-i-m-good/) [Andrea Randall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrea-randall/) > [“If there was one thing responsible for ruining lives, it was love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/heather-o-neill/if-there-was-one-thing-responsible-for-ruining-lives-it-was-love/) [Heather O'Neill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/heather-o-neill/) > [ I just don't understand, if they see numbers \[of CEO salaries\]that represent people, how they can somehow skirt around that and morally justify taking… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eddie-vedder/i-just-don-t-understand-if-they-see-numbers-of-ceo-salaries-that/) [Eddie Vedder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eddie-vedder/) > [I'm always really worried about ruining their lives. Especially with people that aren't famous. It's such a massive change. I'm kind of a paranoid…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-pattinson/i-m-always-really-worried-about-ruining-their-lives-especially-with/) [Robert Pattinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-pattinson/) > [I think that one of the qualifications of artists should be a vow of celibacy. They should be confined to ruining only their own…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-lewis/i-think-that-one-of-the-qualifications-of-artists-should-be-a-vow-of/) [Roger Lewis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-lewis/) > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More by Lundy Bancroft > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/on-some-level-he-hopes-that-his-ability-to-transport-you-sexually/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-people-conclude-that-anger-causes-abuse-they-are-confusing-cause/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-doesn-t-come-from-people-s-inability-to-resolve-conflicts-but/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/few-people-are-aware-of-the-severe-human-rights-violations-committed/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“In short, the abusive mentality is the mentality of oppression.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-short-the-abusive-mentality-is-the-mentality-of-oppression/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-we-hear-these-kinds-of-excuses-from-a-drunk-we-assume-they-are/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abuse-is-not-his-goal-but-control-is-and-he-finds-himself-using-abuse/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-rambo-are-strength-and-aggressiveness/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/he-isn-t-abusive-because-he-is-angry-he-s-angry-because-he-s-abusive/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-symptoms-of-abuse-are-there-and-the-woman-usually-sees-them-the/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“ALCOHOL HAS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION TO ABUSE OR VIOLENCE Alcohol does not directly make people belligerent, aggressive, or violent. There is evidence that certain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/alcohol-has-no-biological-connection-to-abuse-or-violence-alcohol/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-byers-ruch/build-a-bridge-over-shame-by-teaching-kids-about-sexual-abuse-give/) [Carolyn Byers Ruch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-byers-ruch/) > [It is sure that those are most desirous of honour or glory who cry out loudest of its abuse and the vanity of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baruch-spinoza/it-is-sure-that-those-are-most-desirous-of-honour-or-glory-who-cry/) [Baruch Spinoza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baruch-spinoza/) > [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/) [Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/) > [Democracy must be built through open societies that share information. When there is information, there is enlightenment. When there is debate, there are solutions.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/atifete-jahjaga/democracy-must-be-built-through-open-societies-that-share-information/) [Atifete Jahjaga](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/atifete-jahjaga/) > [I have a theory that all abuse, no matter what kind of abuse it is, is foremost an assault on the mind.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tara-westover/i-have-a-theory-that-all-abuse-no-matter-what-kind-of-abuse-it-is-is/) [Tara Westover](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tara-westover/) > [“Blaming therapy, social work and other caring professions for the confabulation of testimony of 'satanic ritual abuse' legitimated a programme of political and social…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/blaming-therapy-social-work-and-other-caring-professions-for-the/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [Finally, the scariest thing about abuse of any shape or form, is, in my opinion, not the abuse itself, but that if it continues…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-cumming/finally-the-scariest-thing-about-abuse-of-any-shape-or-form-is-in-my/) [Alan Cumming](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alan-cumming/) > [“Research on organised abuse emphasises the diversity of organised abuse cases, and the ways in which serious forms of child maltreatment cluster in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/michael-salter/research-on-organised-abuse-emphasises-the-diversity-of-organised/) [Michael Salter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/michael-salter/) > [“Stand up for yourself. Never give any one permission to abuse you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/stand-up-for-yourself-never-give-any-one-permission-to-abuse-you/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [All governments should be pressured to correct their abuses of human rights.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-stallman/all-governments-should-be-pressured-to-correct-their-abuses-of-human/) [Richard Stallman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-stallman/) > [“Words are free. It does not mean you should abuse them. Be kind with them. They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. 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