--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality…" description: "\"“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No psychological test c..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg" --- # ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from… ![“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No psychological test can distinguish an abusive man from a respectful one. Abusiveness is not a product of a man’s emotional injuries or of deficits in his skills. In…” quote by Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg) > ““ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No psychological test can distinguish an abusive man from a respectful one. Abusiveness is not a product of a man’s emotional injuries or of deficits in his skills. In reality, abuse springs from a man’s early cultural training, his key male role models, and his peer influences. In other words, abuse is a problem of values, not of psychology. When someone challenges an abuser’s attitudes and beliefs, he tends to reveal the contemptuous and insulting personality that normally stays hidden, reserved for private attacks on his partner. An abuser tries to keep everybody—his partner, his therapist, his friends and relatives—focused on how he feels, so that they won’t focus on how he thinks, perhaps because on some level he is aware that if you grasp the true nature of his problem, you will begin to escape his domination.”” [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Abusive behavior stems from cultural values and learned roles, not psychological deficits. **In simple terms:** Abuse is learned, not mental illness. Key Takeaway Address cultural roots of abuse. Themes abuse gender culture psychology Mood critical concerned Type educational activist When to use this quote - relationship counseling - education programs - policy reform - community workshops Key Concepts social learning power dynamics Questions to Reflect On - What cultural norms enable abuse? - How can we shift male role models? A Different Perspective Changing deep‑seated values is difficult. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Abuse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) [Abusive Man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-man/) [Abusive Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men-2/) [Abusive-men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-men/) [Abusive-partners](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-partners/) [Abusive-relationships](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abusive-relationships/) [Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/children/) [Male role models](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/male-role-models/) [Role models](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/role-models/) [True nature](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/true-nature/) ## Related quotes > [“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is disrespectful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/how-can-i-tell-if-a-man-i-m-seeing-will-become-abusive-he-speaks/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [Men have a psychological need to show off their courage and strength. When he sees you talking to another guy, that instinct kicks in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/helen-fisher/men-have-a-psychological-need-to-show-off-their-courage-and-strength/) [Helen Fisher](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/helen-fisher/) > [“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative attitudes toward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/it-is-important-to-note-that-research-has-shown-that-men-who-have/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he loves the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-myths-about-abusers-1-he-was-abused-as-a-child-2-his-previous/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for a chocolate…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/each-human-being-deals-with-hurt-or-resentment-in-a-unique-way-when/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“In short, the abusive mentality is the mentality of oppression.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-short-the-abusive-mentality-is-the-mentality-of-oppression/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/one-of-the-obstacles-to-recognizing-chronic-mistreatment-in/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in the wrong…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-one-important-way-an-abusive-man-works-like-a-magician-his-tricks/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/when-a-man-s-face-contorts-in-bitterness-and-hatred-he-looks-a-little/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Our society should not buy into the abusive man's claim that holding him accountable is an act of cruelty.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/our-society-should-not-buy-into-the-abusive-man-s-claim-that-holding/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who are nasty…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/although-the-typical-abusive-man-works-to-maintain-a-positive-public/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is:…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-abusive-man-s-high-entitlement-leads-him-to-have-unfair-and/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Have you ever suffered a sharp disappointment or a painful loss and found yourself looking for someone to blame? Have you, for example, ever…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/have-you-ever-suffered-a-sharp-disappointment-or-a-painful-loss-and/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“A home where a woman is abused is a small-scale model of much larger oppressive systems that work in remarkably similar ways. Many of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/a-home-where-a-woman-is-abused-is-a-small-scale-model-of-much-larger/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More by Lundy Bancroft > [But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/but-whether-you-stay-or-go-the-critical-decision-you-can-make-is-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/on-some-level-he-hopes-that-his-ability-to-transport-you-sexually/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. 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These courts are siding over…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/few-people-are-aware-of-the-severe-human-rights-violations-committed/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-woman-knows-from-living-with-the-abusive-man-that-there-are-no/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“In short, the abusive mentality is the mentality of oppression.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/in-short-the-abusive-mentality-is-the-mentality-of-oppression/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. 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There is evidence that certain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/alcohol-has-no-biological-connection-to-abuse-or-violence-alcohol/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“The central attitudes driving the Terrorist are: You have no right to defy me or leave me. Your life is in my hands. Women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/the-central-attitudes-driving-the-terrorist-are-you-have-no-right-to/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) > [“Boys’ aggressiveness is increasingly being treated as a medical problem, particularly in schools, a trend that has led to the diagnosing and medicating of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/boys-aggressiveness-is-increasingly-being-treated-as-a-medical/) [Lundy Bancroft](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) [Explore all 97 Lundy Bancroft quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/) ## More Abuse quotes > [I wrote when I was a young teen, but I didn't put an eye on the available markets until I was seventeen. The next…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-reed/i-wrote-when-i-was-a-young-teen-but-i-didn-t-put-an-eye-on-the/) [Robert Reed](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-reed/) > [Amongst the financial Twitterati, the term 'muppets' has come to describe any client used and abused by some financial predator. I've adopted the term…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/barry-ritholtz/amongst-the-financial-twitterati-the-term-muppets-has-come-to/) [Barry Ritholtz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/barry-ritholtz/) > [Being nice is okay,but don't allow anybody to abuse it...try to fight for your self when you know your on the right way...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/being-nice-is-okay-but-don-t-allow-anybody-to-abuse-it-try-to-fight/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Build a bridge over shame by teaching kids about sexual abuse. Give them a chance to run to us should they encounter it. Be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carolyn-byers-ruch/build-a-bridge-over-shame-by-teaching-kids-about-sexual-abuse-give/) [Carolyn Byers Ruch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carolyn-byers-ruch/) > [It is sure that those are most desirous of honour or glory who cry out loudest of its abuse and the vanity of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/baruch-spinoza/it-is-sure-that-those-are-most-desirous-of-honour-or-glory-who-cry/) [Baruch Spinoza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/baruch-spinoza/) > [“The sole reason I stand to open it up now is that lots of people who are in pain just like I was, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/patricia-dsouza/the-sole-reason-i-stand-to-open-it-up-now-is-that-lots-of-people-who/) [Patricia Dsouza](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/patricia-dsouza/) > [Democracy must be built through open societies that share information. When there is information, there is enlightenment. 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They will mirror your actions.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hadinet-tekie/words-are-free-it-does-not-mean-you-should-abuse-them-be-kind-with/) [Hadinet Tekie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hadinet-tekie/) > [My illness is one often characterized by dramatic overspending - in my case through frenzied shopping sprees, credit card abuse, excessive hoarding of unnecessary…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andy-behrman/my-illness-is-one-often-characterized-by-dramatic-overspending-in-my/) [Andy Behrman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andy-behrman/) [Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/abuse/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No psychological test can distinguish an abusive man from a respectful one. Abusiveness is not a product of a man’s emotional injuries or of deficits in his skills. In reality, abuse springs from a man’s early cultural training, his key male role models, and his peer influences. In other words, abuse is a problem of values, not of psychology. When someone challenges an abuser’s attitudes and beliefs, he tends to reveal the contemptuous and insulting personality that normally stays hidden, reserved for private attacks on his partner. An abuser tries to keep everybody—his partner, his therapist, his friends and relatives—focused on how he feels, so that they won’t focus on how he thinks, perhaps because on some level he is aware that if you grasp the true nature of his problem, you will begin to escape his domination.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lundy Bancroft" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-type-arise-from-good-childhoods/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Abuse" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-type-arise-from-good-childhoods/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/569/lundy-bancroft-6837_abuse_abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-ty_1098227.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or…” — Lundy Bancroft", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lundy Bancroft", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lundy-bancroft/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-type-arise-from-good-childhoods/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lundy-bancroft/abusive-men-come-in-every-personality-type-arise-from-good-childhoods/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```