--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents…" description: "\"“Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior from the first wail. Mold us into what th..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg" --- # Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make… ![“Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior from the first wail. Mold us into what they need. It can be a pretty rough process, too.” quote by Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg) > ““Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior from the first wail. Mold us into what they need. It can be a pretty rough process, too.”” [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Parents influence children profoundly, but children also shape parents through their needs and reactions. **In simple terms:** Kids affect how parents behave. Key Takeaway Acknowledge reciprocal influence in families. Themes family dynamics parenting child development reciprocity Mood empathetic thoughtful Type psychological philosophical When to use this quote - parenting advice - family therapy - child upbringing Key Concepts behavioral shaping emotional feedback developmental psychology Questions to Reflect On - In what ways do children teach parents? - How can parents respond healthily? A Different Perspective Children’s needs can be misunderstood or ignored. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Child](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) [Make Children](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/make-children/) [Make Parents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/make-parents-622746/) [Parenting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parenting/) [Parents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents/) [Parents Don](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents-don/) [Parents Shape](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/parents-shape-861779/) [Wrong way](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wrong-way/) ## Related quotes > [Parents can shape a child, but a great teacher can, too.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/susanne-bier/parents-can-shape-a-child-but-a-great-teacher-can-too/) [Susanne Bier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/susanne-bier/) > [“We all know that parents do not make children but that children make parents…Authentic parenting is one long sacrificial act…parenting reveals the way that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/luke-timothy-johnson/we-all-know-that-parents-do-not-make-children-but-that-children-make/) [Luke Timothy Johnson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/luke-timothy-johnson/) > [“Darling found that permissive parents don’t actually learn more about their child’s lives. “Kids who go wild and get in trouble mostly have parents…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/po-bronson/darling-found-that-permissive-parents-don-t-actually-learn-more-about/) [Po Bronson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/po-bronson/) > [I think that we all desperately try to fit in to different molds: our parents, our bosses, our partners, social status, friends. We all…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/inbar-lavi/i-think-that-we-all-desperately-try-to-fit-in-to-different-molds-our/) [Inbar Lavi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/inbar-lavi/) > [As a child, I remember I always wanted to make my parents happy and give them everything in their lives.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rani-mukerji/as-a-child-i-remember-i-always-wanted-to-make-my-parents-happy-and/) [Rani Mukerji](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rani-mukerji/) > [Before I die I want make my parents proud, be happy with myself, embrace my flaws, score straight A's and fall madly in love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/before-i-die-i-want-make-my-parents-proud-be-happy-with-myself/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“We grow up in a belief system according to which children should always make their parents proud and happy (instead of making themselves proud…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lukasz-laniecki/we-grow-up-in-a-belief-system-according-to-which-children-should/) [Lukasz Laniecki](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lukasz-laniecki/) > [“You don’t have any control over anyone’s feelings. You can’t make your parents feel proud of you. You can’t make anyone like you. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/m-kirin/you-don-t-have-any-control-over-anyone-s-feelings-you-can-t-make-your/) [M. Kirin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/m-kirin/) > [I know I'm not a perfect child but I'm trying my best to make my parents proud.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/i-know-i-m-not-a-perfect-child-but-i-m-trying-my-best-to-make-my/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [We must never make our parents sad, even if this means giving up everything that makes us happy..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paulo-coelho/we-must-never-make-our-parents-sad-even-if-this-means-giving-up/) [Paulo Coelho](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paulo-coelho/) > [Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mark-twain/always-obey-your-parents-when-they-are-present-this-is-the-best/) [Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mark-twain/) > [If you can not unable to take the responsibility of the wedding, than doesn't make yourself became parents,](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mak-786/if-you-can-not-unable-to-take-the-responsibility-of-the-wedding-than/) [Mak\_786](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mak-786/) > [Parents provide their children with genes as well as an environment, so the fact that talkative parents have kids with good language skills could…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-pinker/parents-provide-their-children-with-genes-as-well-as-an-environment/) [Steven Pinker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-pinker/) > [When you live to make your parents proud and leave your seeds with a name that opens doors for them, your approach tends to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/when-you-live-to-make-your-parents-proud-and-leave-your-seeds-with-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [I always wanted to make my parents feel proud of me.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ronan-keating/i-always-wanted-to-make-my-parents-feel-proud-of-me/) [Ronan Keating](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ronan-keating/) ## More by Lois McMaster Bujold > [What you are is a question only you can answer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/what-you-are-is-a-question-only-you-can-answer/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [Never do yourself, what you can con professionals into doing for you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/never-do-yourself-what-you-can-con-professionals-into-doing-for-you/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“It reminded him of that definition of his father's. A weapon is a device for making your enemy change his mind. The mind was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/it-reminded-him-of-that-definition-of-his-father-s-a-weapon-is-a/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“I was imagining the most bizarre things befalling you.” “Did they include a six-hundred-pound ice bear and a pirate poet?” “No…” “Then they weren’t…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/i-was-imagining-the-most-bizarre-things-befalling-you-did-they/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [There is a sad disconnectedness that overcomes a library when its owner is gone.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/there-is-a-sad-disconnectedness-that-overcomes-a-library-when-its/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“No, amusing me only, I wonder if they realize how they are used?" "Not a bit. They think they are the emperors of creation."…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/no-amusing-me-only-i-wonder-if-they-realize-how-they-are-used-not-a/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“You bastards are on the top of Imperial Lord Auditor Miles Vorkosigan's very own shit list now, you bet. But under what name? Only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/you-bastards-are-on-the-top-of-imperial-lord-auditor-miles-vorkosigan/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“Anyway, if the Cetagandans really wanted to assassinate you, they'd hardly do it here. They'd slip something subtle under your skin that wouldn't go…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/anyway-if-the-cetagandans-really-wanted-to-assassinate-you-they-d/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [Endure pain, find joy, and make your own meaning, because the universe certainly isn't going to supply it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/endure-pain-find-joy-and-make-your-own-meaning-because-the-universe/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [Your Reverence, I do not hate any man in this world enough to inflict the results of my prayers upon him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/your-reverence-i-do-not-hate-any-man-in-this-world-enough-to-inflict/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“I always thought my parents could fix anything. Now it's my turn. Dear God, how did this happen?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/i-always-thought-my-parents-could-fix-anything-now-it-s-my-turn-dear/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“I think it is not so much the growth of virtue, as simply the replacement of prior vices with an addiction to one’s god.”…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/i-think-it-is-not-so-much-the-growth-of-virtue-as-simply-the/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“Mark’s ideas tended to the bland, and there was no point in asking Miles, whose embittered suggestions all ran to things like Vomit Vanilla…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/mark-s-ideas-tended-to-the-bland-and-there-was-no-point-in-asking/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [The dead cannot cry out for justice. It is a duty of the living to do so for them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/the-dead-cannot-cry-out-for-justice-it-is-a-duty-of-the-living-to-do/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) > [“Gardens were meant to be seen, smelled, walked through, grubbed in. A hundred objective measurements didn't sum the worth of a garden; only the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/gardens-were-meant-to-be-seen-smelled-walked-through-grubbed-in-a/) [Lois McMaster Bujold](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) [Explore all 392 Lois McMaster Bujold quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/) ## More Child quotes > [The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/zach-braff/the-thing-about-hitting-kids-is-think-about-if-you-were-doing-the/) [Zach Braff](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/zach-braff/) > [“Children's lives are always beginning and adults' lives are always ending. Or is it the opposite? Your childhood is always ending and your adult…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alison-espach/children-s-lives-are-always-beginning-and-adults-lives-are-always/) [Alison Espach](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alison-espach/) > [“As parents who make every effort we can to raise our children in loving security, we do not need to feel more guilt than…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gabor-mat/as-parents-who-make-every-effort-we-can-to-raise-our-children-in/) [Gabor Maté](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gabor-mat/) > [I want to make my music and be a happy woman, a good wife, a good mom and one day hopefully have a child…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leann-rimes/i-want-to-make-my-music-and-be-a-happy-woman-a-good-wife-a-good-mom/) [LeAnn Rimes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leann-rimes/) > [I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/natasha-lyonne/i-would-have-done-well-as-a-gypsy-child-i-think-a-circus-baby-i/) [Natasha Lyonne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/natasha-lyonne/) > [We're raising children who have little tolerance for disappointment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bren-brown/we-re-raising-children-who-have-little-tolerance-for-disappointment/) [Brené Brown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bren-brown/) > [I'm a weirdo and an only child. That comes together to create one-woman shows.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amanda-seales/i-m-a-weirdo-and-an-only-child-that-comes-together-to-create-one/) [Amanda Seales](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amanda-seales/) > [“Every child is born as angel.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lailah-gifty-akita/every-child-is-born-as-angel/) [Lailah Gifty Akita](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lailah-gifty-akita/) > [To assist a child we must provide him with an environment which will enable him to develop freely.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maria-montessori/to-assist-a-child-we-must-provide-him-with-an-environment-which-will/) [Maria Montessori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maria-montessori/) > [Almost everywhere we find . . . the use of various coercive measures, to rid ourselves as quickly as possible of the child withinus--i.e.,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alice-miller/almost-everywhere-we-find-the-use-of-various-coercive-measures-to-rid/) [Alice Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alice-miller/) > [Since I was a little child, my nose - I think it's too big.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/celine-dion/since-i-was-a-little-child-my-nose-i-think-it-s-too-big/) [Celine Dion](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/celine-dion/) > [if we center our lives on BMWs, RVs, VCRs, PCs and the other acronyms of consumerism, we cannot expect our children to do otherwise.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnnetta-b-cole/if-we-center-our-lives-on-bmws-rvs-vcrs-pcs-and-the-other-acronyms-of/) [Johnnetta B. Cole](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnnetta-b-cole/) > [Bring up your children in the way you think other peoples children should go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/vikrant-parsai/bring-up-your-children-in-the-way-you-think-other-peoples-children/) [Vikrant Parsai](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/vikrant-parsai/) > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) [Sheila Kamerman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sheila-kamerman/) > [My first three manuscripts were epic fantasy - like high fantasy - and then the fourth one was a historical fantasy about Mozart as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marie-lu/my-first-three-manuscripts-were-epic-fantasy-like-high-fantasy-and/) [Marie Lu](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marie-lu/) [Browse all 10,700 Child quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/child/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior from the first wail. Mold us into what they need. It can be a pretty rough process, too.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lois McMaster Bujold" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents-don-t-make-children-children/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Child" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents-don-t-make-children-children/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ca/lois-mcmaster-bujold-716_child_everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents_2606286.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Everybody has it wrong way round. Parents don’t make children—children make parents. They shape our behavior…” — Lois McMaster Bujold", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lois McMaster Bujold", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lois-mcmaster-bujold/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“Everybody has it wrong way round....", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents-don-t-make-children-children/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lois-mcmaster-bujold/everybody-has-it-wrong-way-round-parents-don-t-make-children-children/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```