--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Most of the time when couples argue, it’s…" description: "\"Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about the thing they’re fighting about; there’s a deeper reason why they’re arguing.\" — Lisa Kleypas" image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png" --- # Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about… ![“Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about the thing they’re fighting about; there’s a deeper reason why they’re arguing.” quote by Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png) > “Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about the thing they’re fighting about; there’s a deeper reason why they’re arguing.” [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Arguments often mask deeper underlying issues beyond the surface dispute. **In simple terms:** Fights hide deeper problems. Key Takeaway Explore underlying causes. Themes communication relationships psychology Mood analytical empathetic Type novelistic insightful When to use this quote - marriage counseling - friendship disputes - family meetings Key Concepts conflict resolution emotional intelligence Questions to Reflect On - What is the real issue behind the argument? - How can you address deeper concerns? A Different Perspective Surface issues may be valid; not all arguments are superficial. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Argue Really](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/argue-really-748687/) [Arguing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/arguing/) [Couple](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couple/) [Couples](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couples/) [Couples Argue](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/couples-argue-748685/) [Deeper](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deeper/) [Fighting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/fighting/) [Reason](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reason/) [Reason Arguing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/reason-arguing-748686/) [Time](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/time/) ## Related quotes > [Sometimes couples have to argue, not to prove who's right or wrong, but to be reminded that their love is worth fighting for.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/sometimes-couples-have-to-argue-not-to-prove-who-s-right-or-wrong-but/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“Of course. Couples argue. Husbands are asses. We have hot, sweaty makeup sex and move on.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sylvain-reynard/of-course-couples-argue-husbands-are-asses-we-have-hot-sweaty-makeup/) [Sylvain Reynard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sylvain-reynard/) > [This is the pfcreet blog for anyone who wants to know about this topic. You know so much its almost hard to argue with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shikha/this-is-the-pfcreet-blog-for-anyone-who-wants-to-know-about-this/) [Shikha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shikha/) > [“For some reason, the two of us arguing was like some sick form of foreplay.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/christina-lauren/for-some-reason-the-two-of-us-arguing-was-like-some-sick-form-of/) [Christina Lauren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/christina-lauren/) > [“Faith and reason are not, as many seem to be arguing today, mutually exclusive. They never have been. The letter to the Hebrews in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/francis-s-collins/faith-and-reason-are-not-as-many-seem-to-be-arguing-today-mutually/) [Francis S. Collins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/francis-s-collins/) > [You guys are both saying the same thing. The only reason you're arguing is because you're using different words.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-i-hayakawa/you-guys-are-both-saying-the-same-thing-the-only-reason-you-re/) [S. I. Hayakawa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-i-hayakawa/) > [Couples do argue, but arguing does not make them feel different, it make's them more durable and stronger.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-lee-delan/couples-do-argue-but-arguing-does-not-make-them-feel-different-it/) [John Lee Delan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-lee-delan/) > [If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/if-couples-who-are-in-love-are-called-love-birds-then-couples-who/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Sometimes when I generalize, I am saying, 'Let's pretend I am God,' and of course the other person argues that point endlessly. But I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hugh-prather/sometimes-when-i-generalize-i-am-saying-let-s-pretend-i-am-god-and-of/) [Hugh Prather](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hugh-prather/) > [Why do I feel like I can't trust you anymore?' I wanted him to lash out. I wanted him to fight, to protest, to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ally-carter/why-do-i-feel-like-i-can-t-trust-you-anymore-i-wanted-him-to-lash-out/) [Ally Carter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ally-carter/) > [ “For \[erotically intelligent couples\], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life:… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/esther-perel/for-erotically-intelligent-couples-love-is-a-vessel-that-contains/) [Esther Perel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/esther-perel/) > [Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emma-mclaughlin/valentine-s-day-rubbing-singles-noses-in-their-lack-of-a-mate-and-the/) [Emma McLaughlin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emma-mclaughlin/) > [“To lovers out there… Pregnancy is the main reason why most couples are married today. Yet every day they ask themselves why they are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/de-philosopher-dj-kyos/to-lovers-out-there-pregnancy-is-the-main-reason-why-most-couples-are/) [De philosopher DJ Kyos](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/de-philosopher-dj-kyos/) > [“Admire and appreciate your man and he will be happy on your side”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/linda-alfiori/admire-and-appreciate-your-man-and-he-will-be-happy-on-your-side/) [Linda Alfiori](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/linda-alfiori/) > [Unmarried couples should get married - that's an excellent tax avoidance measure, if a bit drastic.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-whiting/unmarried-couples-should-get-married-that-s-an-excellent-tax/) [John Whiting](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-whiting/) ## More by Lisa Kleypas > [“It was a popular belief in Victorian society that women, with their mercurial natures and lesser brains, could not have the same quality of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/it-was-a-popular-belief-in-victorian-society-that-women-with-their/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“Just don't ask me to stand up with you at the wedding, as I have no desire to be a hypocrite." "No, just an…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/just-don-t-ask-me-to-stand-up-with-you-at-the-wedding-as-i-have-no/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“Why isn't it enough that I'm willing to submit to you?' Poppy asked, her own temper flaring. 'Why must I be eager to lie…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/why-isn-t-it-enough-that-i-m-willing-to-submit-to-you-poppy-asked-her/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“Then, as now, there were always girls who were overlooked and ignored by gentlemen who really should have known better.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/then-as-now-there-were-always-girls-who-were-overlooked-and-ignored/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“You've always been a know-it-all. Well, you're about to find out how much you don't know." "Believe me," I muttered, "I'm the first one…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/you-ve-always-been-a-know-it-all-well-you-re-about-to-find-out-how/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [One glance and I knew exactly who and what he was. The classic alpha male, the kind who had spurred evolution forward about five…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/one-glance-and-i-knew-exactly-who-and-what-he-was-the-classic-alpha/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [I always counsel aspiring novelists that passion is the most important quality for a writer to possess - technique can be taught, but that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/i-always-counsel-aspiring-novelists-that-passion-is-the-most/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [Sometimes you meet a really nice guy, but no matter how you try, you can’t seem to make yourself want him. But that’s not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/sometimes-you-meet-a-really-nice-guy-but-no-matter-how-you-try-you/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“Risking a glance at the dignified young man beside her- what was his name?- Mr. Arthurson, Arterton?- Pandora decided to try her hand at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/risking-a-glance-at-the-dignified-young-man-beside-her-what-was-his/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“You'll be my wife," he said inexorably. "You want to own me!" she accused, trying to crawl away from him. "Yes." He flung her…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/you-ll-be-my-wife-he-said-inexorably-you-want-to-own-me-she-accused/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [And then another letter had come from Christopher, so devastating that Amelia wondered how mere scratches of ink on paper could rip someone's soul…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/and-then-another-letter-had-come-from-christopher-so-devastating-that/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“You thought I was peculiar,” she said in a muffled voice. His mouth brushed the edge of her ear and settled against her neck.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/you-thought-i-was-peculiar-she-said-in-a-muffled-voice-his-mouth/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“Friends are the support bras of life. We don't let each other down.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/friends-are-the-support-bras-of-life-we-don-t-let-each-other-down/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [A slow smile began on Gideon's face, and his blue eyes sparkled. With a shake of his head, he put his hand on his…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/a-slow-smile-began-on-gideon-s-face-and-his-blue-eyes-sparkled-with-a/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) > [“She felt tears slip from beneath her lashes, no matter how she tried to blink them back. Her heart was ablaze. It seemed that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/she-felt-tears-slip-from-beneath-her-lashes-no-matter-how-she-tried/) [Lisa Kleypas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) [Explore all 1,262 Lisa Kleypas quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/) ## More Arguing quotes > [I do wish you wouldn't argue with me when I'm knitting.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-durrell/i-do-wish-you-wouldn-t-argue-with-me-when-i-m-knitting/) [Gerald Durrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-durrell/) > [Any comprehensive doctrine, religious or secular, can be introduced into any political argument at any time, but I argue that people who do this…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-rawls/any-comprehensive-doctrine-religious-or-secular-can-be-introduced/) [John Rawls](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-rawls/) > [It's fine to talk about politics with people you agree with. But it is rude to argue about politics with people you disagree with.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lawrence-lessig/it-s-fine-to-talk-about-politics-with-people-you-agree-with-but-it-is/) [Lawrence Lessig](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lawrence-lessig/) > [Men are fair, and they have learned not to personalize anger - they can disagree with you and argue to the bone, but afterward…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/warren-farrell/men-are-fair-and-they-have-learned-not-to-personalize-anger-they-can/) [Warren Farrell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/warren-farrell/) > [When Eudæmonidas heard a philosopher arguing that only a wise man can be a good general, "This is a wonderful speech," said he; "but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/plutarch/when-eud-monidas-heard-a-philosopher-arguing-that-only-a-wise-man-can/) [Plutarch](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/plutarch/) > [Fasting is required, staying away from fighting and arguing and bombing of masjids is still going on. Hatred is still manifested between Sunni and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louis-farrakhan/fasting-is-required-staying-away-from-fighting-and-arguing-and/) [Louis Farrakhan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louis-farrakhan/) > [The problem for the Left, however, is that the moment it stops painting the Right as vile, it has to argue the issues.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dennis-prager/the-problem-for-the-left-however-is-that-the-moment-it-stops-painting/) [Dennis Prager](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dennis-prager/) > [To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thomas-paine/to-argue-with-a-person-who-has-renounced-the-use-of-reason-is-like/) [Thomas Paine](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thomas-paine/) > [You can argue that the Terminator movies reboot their world each time they go back in time, but that doesn't negate the value of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-hayter/you-can-argue-that-the-terminator-movies-reboot-their-world-each-time/) [David Hayter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-hayter/) > [We may argue eloquently that 'Honesty is the best Policy' - unfortunately, the moment honesty is adopted for the sake of policy it mysteriously…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-l-sayers/we-may-argue-eloquently-that-honesty-is-the-best-policy-unfortunately/) [Dorothy L. Sayers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-l-sayers/) > [I'm a very serious person, but I don't take myself very seriously and I would rather laugh all day than argue.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stone-cold-steve-austin/i-m-a-very-serious-person-but-i-don-t-take-myself-very-seriously-and/) [Stone Cold Steve Austin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stone-cold-steve-austin/) > [These eyes, tho' clear To outward view of blemish or of spot, Bereft of light, their seeing have forgot, Nor to their idle orbs…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-milton/these-eyes-tho-clear-to-outward-view-of-blemish-or-of-spot-bereft-of/) [John Milton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-milton/) > [There's crucial distinction that has to be drawn between the Shari'a, which is this hugely expansive vision of cosmic order that I've been describing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sadakat-kadri/there-s-crucial-distinction-that-has-to-be-drawn-between-the-shari-a/) [Sadakat Kadri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sadakat-kadri/) > [Only fools argue whether to eat meat or not. They don't understand truth nor do they meditate on it. Who can define what is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/guru-nanak/only-fools-argue-whether-to-eat-meat-or-not-they-don-t-understand/) [Guru Nanak](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/guru-nanak/) > [The surest sign that you haven't any sense is to argue with one who hasn't.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurence-j-peter/the-surest-sign-that-you-haven-t-any-sense-is-to-argue-with-one-who/) [Laurence J. Peter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurence-j-peter/) [Browse all 1,908 Arguing quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/arguing/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about the thing they’re fighting about; there’s a deeper reason why they’re arguing.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lisa Kleypas" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s-not-really-about-the-thing/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Arguing" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s-not-really-about-the-thing/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/224/lisa-kleypas-111_arguing_most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s_850826.png", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“Most of the time when couples argue, it’s not really about the thing they’re fighting about; there’s a…” — Lisa Kleypas", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lisa Kleypas", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lisa-kleypas/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "Most of the time when couples...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s-not-really-about-the-thing/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lisa-kleypas/most-of-the-time-when-couples-argue-it-s-not-really-about-the-thing/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```