--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we forgive someone, we do not forget…" description: "\"When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg" --- # When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act… ![“When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin. Begin with the basics. If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things you have forgotten about. You need to…” quote by Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg) > “When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin. Begin with the basics. If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things you have forgotten about. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did; your memory keeps the pain alive long after the hurt has stopped. Remembering is the storage of pain. It is why you need to be healed in the first place.” [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Forgiveness requires remembering the hurt; forgetting undermines true forgiveness and healing. **In simple terms:** Remember to forgive, not to erase. Key Takeaway Keep memory, heal heart. Themes forgiveness memory healing Mood reflective hopeful Type advice philosophical When to use this quote - personal relationships - therapy - conflict resolution Key Concepts psychology emotional resilience Questions to Reflect On - Can you forgive without remembering? - How does memory aid healing? A Different Perspective Forgiveness may be hindered by lingering resentment. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Alive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alive/) [Basics](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/basics/) [Bitterness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bitterness/) [First place](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/first-place/) [Forgive People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgive-people/) [Forgiveness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) [Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiving/) [Memories](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/memories/) [Never forgive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/never-forgive/) [Pain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/pain/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Violin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/violin/) ## Related quotes > [Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-jordan/men-forget-but-never-forgive-women-forgive-but-never-forget/) [Robert Jordan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-jordan/) > [I never forget. I never forgive. I can wait. I find it very easy to harbor a grudge. I have scores to settle.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tom-wolfe/i-never-forget-i-never-forgive-i-can-wait-i-find-it-very-easy-to/) [Tom Wolfe](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tom-wolfe/) > [Defeat anger, stop using it as a shield against truth, and you will find the compassion you need to forgive the people you love.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/glenn-beck/defeat-anger-stop-using-it-as-a-shield-against-truth-and-you-will/) [Glenn Beck](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/glenn-beck/) > [“You need to forgive people you don't understand; if not, try to understand people you want to forgive.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/shannon-l-alder/you-need-to-forgive-people-you-don-t-understand-if-not-try-to/) [Shannon L. Alder](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/shannon-l-alder/) > [I think maybe my greatest weakness is that I trust people too much. I'm too trusting. And when they let me down, if they…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/i-think-maybe-my-greatest-weakness-is-that-i-trust-people-too-much-i/) [Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/) > [Once we have forgiven, however, we get a new freedom to forget. This time forgetting is a sign of health; it is not a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/once-we-have-forgiven-however-we-get-a-new-freedom-to-forget-this/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [I am certain that people never forgive because they believe they have an obligation to do it or because someone told them to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-am-certain-that-people-never-forgive-because-they-believe-they-have/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Appreciate people who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you...](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james/appreciate-people-who-love-you-help-those-who-need-you-forgive-those/) [James](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james/) > [To ZHAT: There are times I want to snap its true, I'm not directly aiming it at you, I understand the need for love…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rachel/to-zhat-there-are-times-i-want-to-snap-its-true-i-m-not-directly/) [Rachel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rachel/) > [“Jesus tells Peter to forgive seventy times seven times, not because the person we forgive will it that many times, but because resentment can…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/justin-davis/jesus-tells-peter-to-forgive-seventy-times-seven-times-not-because/) [Justin Davis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/justin-davis/) > [One must forgive, We don't have to like them, we don't have to be friends with them, there is no need to dislike them,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/andrew-guzaldo/one-must-forgive-we-don-t-have-to-like-them-we-don-t-have-to-be/) [Andrew Guzaldo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/andrew-guzaldo/) > [There is only one cure for the cancer of bitterness, that is to forgive the perceived offender. Once and for all, with God's help,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-dobson/there-is-only-one-cure-for-the-cancer-of-bitterness-that-is-to/) [James Dobson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-dobson/) > [I need to forgive you before I forget you.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jhay-babista/i-need-to-forgive-you-before-i-forget-you/) [Jhay Babista](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jhay-babista/) > [“I think about all the people I need to forgive. My mother for not saying she loves me? We're too often guilty of thinking…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-rowley/i-think-about-all-the-people-i-need-to-forgive-my-mother-for-not/) [Steven Rowley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-rowley/) > [“I need you to love yourself as much as I love you, and I need you to let me love you too. I need…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-finn/i-need-you-to-love-yourself-as-much-as-i-love-you-and-i-need-you-to/) [Elizabeth Finn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-finn/) ## More by Lewis B. Smedes > [Nothing is more private than a woman's body; it is her physical, emotional, and moral citadel. She cannot be free at all if she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nothing-is-more-private-than-a-woman-s-body-it-is-her-physical/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [...Forgiving is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-is-not-having-to-understand-understanding-may-come-later-in/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The God who has the whole world in his hands has grace for the whole world in his heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-god-who-has-the-whole-world-in-his-hands-has-grace-for-the-whole/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Nobody sees reality whole; we all need others to show us the parts of it that they see better than we do. Nobody sees…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nobody-sees-reality-whole-we-all-need-others-to-show-us-the-parts-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-tell-me-that-they-cannot/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfelt-works-best-when-we-do-not/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We feel properly embarrassed when we are caught doing something that makes us look inept, knuckleheaded, or inappropriate. Maybe the difference is this: we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-feel-properly-embarrassed-when-we-are-caught-doing-something-that/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a-2/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [When I feel the joy of receiving a gift my heart nudges me to join creation's ballet, the airy dance of giving and receiving,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-i-feel-the-joy-of-receiving-a-gift-my-heart-nudges-me-to-join/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Our sense of fairness tells us that people should pay for the wrong they do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/our-sense-of-fairness-tells-us-that-people-should-pay-for-the-wrong/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Gratitude is the best feeling I would ever have, the ultimate joy of living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/gratitude-is-the-best-feeling-i-would-ever-have-the-ultimate-joy-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [My father was only thirty-one when he died of a heart attack, much too young for a father to die and leave his young…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/my-father-was-only-thirty-one-when-he-died-of-a-heart-attack-much-too/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The only way to heal the pain which will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness heals the memory's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-only-way-to-heal-the-pain-which-will-not-heal-itself-is-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [If you cannot free people from their wrongs and see them as the needy people they are, you enslave yourself to your own painful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/if-you-cannot-free-people-from-their-wrongs-and-see-them-as-the-needy/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) [Explore all 106 Lewis B. Smedes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## More Alive quotes > [I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bruce-springsteen/i-understand-that-it-s-the-music-that-keeps-me-alive-that-s-my/) [Bruce Springsteen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bruce-springsteen/) > [I feel very grateful to be alive and well enough to make music.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/adam-ant/i-feel-very-grateful-to-be-alive-and-well-enough-to-make-music/) Adam Ant > [I don't crave applause. I'm not one of those guys who comes alive on stage. I'm much more alive at home, I think.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-bowie/i-don-t-crave-applause-i-m-not-one-of-those-guys-who-comes-alive-on/) [David Bowie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-bowie/) > [We must master our egoism, and through this mastery, step outside ourselves and educate ourselves in giving. Fasting requires that we rediscover all that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tariq-ramadan/we-must-master-our-egoism-and-through-this-mastery-step-outside/) [Tariq Ramadan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tariq-ramadan/) > [I can't say that there are 'things' that make me come alive. There are thoughts that make me come alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marianne-williamson/i-can-t-say-that-there-are-things-that-make-me-come-alive-there-are/) [Marianne Williamson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marianne-williamson/) > [We're like the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, then eat the little brats alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/orson-scott-card/we-re-like-the-wicked-witch-we-promise-gingerbread-then-eat-the/) [Orson Scott Card](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/orson-scott-card/) > [If Jovan Belcher didn't possess a gun, he and Kasandra Perkins would both be alive today.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bob-costas/if-jovan-belcher-didn-t-possess-a-gun-he-and-kasandra-perkins-would/) [Bob Costas](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bob-costas/) > [Peace is an ongoing process. It begins with the first step and it does not end. We, all of us alive today, are the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/david-krieger/peace-is-an-ongoing-process-it-begins-with-the-first-step-and-it-does/) [David Krieger](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/david-krieger/) > [I think adoption becomes complicated whenever the biological parents are alive.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-haven/i-think-adoption-becomes-complicated-whenever-the-biological-parents/) [James Haven](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-haven/) > [The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It is a perpetual wound.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maureen-duffy/the-pain-of-love-is-the-pain-of-being-alive-it-is-a-perpetual-wound/) [Maureen Duffy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maureen-duffy/) > [I have tried to resign myself, and to console myself; and that, I hope, I may have done imperfectly; but what I cannot firmly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-dickens/i-have-tried-to-resign-myself-and-to-console-myself-and-that-i-hope-i/) [Charles Dickens](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-dickens/) > [If Melanchthon were alive today, he might not weep because of controversies that surround the Lord's Supper, but he might well sorrow because of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/erwin-w-lutzer/if-melanchthon-were-alive-today-he-might-not-weep-because-of/) [Erwin W. Lutzer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/erwin-w-lutzer/) > [If you’re alive, don’t move, if you’re dead, don’t worry about it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/laurell-k-hamilton/if-you-re-alive-don-t-move-if-you-re-dead-don-t-worry-about-it/) [Laurell K. Hamilton](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/laurell-k-hamilton/) > [Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again his stage, and Chaucer paints anew his age.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-greenleaf-whittier/here-greek-and-roman-find-themselves-alive-along-these-crowded/) [John Greenleaf Whittier](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-greenleaf-whittier/) > [You're alive!" Fezzik cried. The man in black sat immobile, like a ventriloquist's dummy, just his mouth moving. "That is perhaps the most childishly…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-goldman/you-re-alive-fezzik-cried-the-man-in-black-sat-immobile-like-a/) [William Goldman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-goldman/) [Browse all 7,282 Alive quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/alive/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness package, the way strings come with a violin. Begin with the basics. If you forget, you will not forgive at all. You can never forgive people for things you have forgotten about. You need to forgive precisely because you have not forgotten what someone did; your memory keeps the pain alive long after the hurt has stopped. Remembering is the storage of pain. It is why you need to be healed in the first place.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis B. Smedes" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget-the-hurtful-act-as-if/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Alive" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget-the-hurtful-act-as-if/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/28e/lewis-b-smedes-4850_alive_when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget_866113.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“When we forgive someone, we do not forget the hurtful act, as if forgetting came along with the forgiveness…” — Lewis B. Smedes", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Lewis B. Smedes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "When we forgive someone, we do...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget-the-hurtful-act-as-if/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-we-forgive-someone-we-do-not-forget-the-hurtful-act-as-if/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```