--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Spoken forgiveness, no matter how…" description: "\"Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people we forgive them, we..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/329/lewis-b-smedes-4850_demand_spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfe_126326.png" --- # Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best… ![“Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people we forgive them, we must leave them free to respond to our good news however they are inclined. If the response is not what we hoped for, we can go home and enjoy our…” quote by Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/329/lewis-b-smedes-4850_demand_spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfe_126326.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/329/lewis-b-smedes-4850_demand_spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfe_126326.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/329/lewis-b-smedes-4850_demand_spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfe_126326.png) > “Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people we forgive them, we must leave them free to respond to our good news however they are inclined. If the response is not what we hoped for, we can go home and enjoy our own healing in private.” [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Forgiveness should be offered without expecting a specific response; healing is personal and can be private if others react differently. **In simple terms:** Forgive without demanding a reply; heal yourself. Key Takeaway Practice unconditional forgiveness. Themes relationships healing emotional intelligence boundaries Mood serene reflective Type advice inspirational When to use this quote - conflicts - personal betrayals - family disputes Key Concepts psychology spirituality Practical Applications - Offer forgiveness, then focus on self‑care - accept others’ reactions Questions to Reflect On - How does letting go without expectations affect your peace? - What self‑care practices support your healing? A Different Perspective None ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Demand](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/demand/) [Forgiveness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) [Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiving/) [Good news](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/good-news/) [Healing](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/healing/) [Heartfelt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heartfelt/) [Home](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/home/) [News](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/news/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) ## Related quotes > [Forgiveness is not a matter of who is right or wrong. It is a matter of doing the right thing.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/choa-kok-sui/forgiveness-is-not-a-matter-of-who-is-right-or-wrong-it-is-a-matter/) [Choa Kok Sui](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/choa-kok-sui/) > [“Forgiveness, no matter your motive, is a dynamic of mutual healing.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bryant-mcgill/forgiveness-no-matter-your-motive-is-a-dynamic-of-mutual-healing/) [Bryant McGill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bryant-mcgill/) > [“Forgiveness is a matter of choice, not feelings. We demonstrate true forgiveness when we refuse to brood over the sins committed against us.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/randy-alcorn/forgiveness-is-a-matter-of-choice-not-feelings-we-demonstrate-true/) [Randy Alcorn](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/randy-alcorn/) > [“Forgiveness is not a matter of exonerating people who have hurt you. They may not deserve exoneration. Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/harold-s-kushner/forgiveness-is-not-a-matter-of-exonerating-people-who-have-hurt-you/) [Harold S. Kushner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/harold-s-kushner/) > [Forgiveness is not a matter of feeling superior, of feeling sorry for our parents because they didn't' know any better. It comes when we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gerald-jampolsky/forgiveness-is-not-a-matter-of-feeling-superior-of-feeling-sorry-for/) [Gerald Jampolsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gerald-jampolsky/) > [I am certain that people never forgive because they believe they have an obligation to do it or because someone told them to do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-am-certain-that-people-never-forgive-because-they-believe-they-have/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The Holy Spirit, thank God, often enables people to forgive even though they are not sure how they did it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-holy-spirit-thank-god-often-enables-people-to-forgive-even-though/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Every parent who has ever said a few words over a goldfish in a toilet bowl or felt the numbness of an unexpected diagnosis…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lori-borgman/every-parent-who-has-ever-said-a-few-words-over-a-goldfish-in-a/) Lori Borgman > [One of the ways to make people forgive you is stand up like a man, admit your mistakes and move forward.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/chipper-jones/one-of-the-ways-to-make-people-forgive-you-is-stand-up-like-a-man/) [Chipper Jones](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/chipper-jones/) > [In our relations with the people around us, we forgive them more readily for what they do, which they can help, than for what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-brownell-jameson/in-our-relations-with-the-people-around-us-we-forgive-them-more/) [Anna Brownell Jameson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-brownell-jameson/) > [It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephen-covey/it-is-one-thing-to-make-a-mistake-and-quite-another-thing-not-to/) [Stephen Covey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephen-covey/) > [Trust can only be mended, it can never be fixed. Because people forgive, but they can never forget.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/trust-can-only-be-mended-it-can-never-be-fixed-because-people-forgive/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [Everything we do to ourself or to others has it permanent mark in our life, people can only forgive but they can't forget, always…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/blaze-olamiday/everything-we-do-to-ourself-or-to-others-has-it-permanent-mark-in-our/) [Blaze Olamiday](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/blaze-olamiday/) > [The American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible, exception of stupidity.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/will-rogers/the-american-people-are-a-very-generous-people-and-will-forgive/) [Will Rogers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/will-rogers/) > [“People will love people no matter what terrible shit they do. We forgive people, even when they don’t ask for forgiveness. When there is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noah-cicero/people-will-love-people-no-matter-what-terrible-shit-they-do-we/) [Noah Cicero](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noah-cicero/) ## More by Lewis B. Smedes > [Nothing is more private than a woman's body; it is her physical, emotional, and moral citadel. She cannot be free at all if she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nothing-is-more-private-than-a-woman-s-body-it-is-her-physical/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [...Forgiving is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-is-not-having-to-understand-understanding-may-come-later-in/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The God who has the whole world in his hands has grace for the whole world in his heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-god-who-has-the-whole-world-in-his-hands-has-grace-for-the-whole/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Nobody sees reality whole; we all need others to show us the parts of it that they see better than we do. Nobody sees…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nobody-sees-reality-whole-we-all-need-others-to-show-us-the-parts-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-tell-me-that-they-cannot/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We feel properly embarrassed when we are caught doing something that makes us look inept, knuckleheaded, or inappropriate. Maybe the difference is this: we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-feel-properly-embarrassed-when-we-are-caught-doing-something-that/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a-2/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [When I feel the joy of receiving a gift my heart nudges me to join creation's ballet, the airy dance of giving and receiving,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-i-feel-the-joy-of-receiving-a-gift-my-heart-nudges-me-to-join/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Our sense of fairness tells us that people should pay for the wrong they do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/our-sense-of-fairness-tells-us-that-people-should-pay-for-the-wrong/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Gratitude is the best feeling I would ever have, the ultimate joy of living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/gratitude-is-the-best-feeling-i-would-ever-have-the-ultimate-joy-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [My father was only thirty-one when he died of a heart attack, much too young for a father to die and leave his young…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/my-father-was-only-thirty-one-when-he-died-of-a-heart-attack-much-too/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The only way to heal the pain which will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness heals the memory's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-only-way-to-heal-the-pain-which-will-not-heal-itself-is-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [If you cannot free people from their wrongs and see them as the needy people they are, you enslave yourself to your own painful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/if-you-cannot-free-people-from-their-wrongs-and-see-them-as-the-needy/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-attach-our-feelings-to-the-moment-when-we-were-hurt-endowing-it/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) [Explore all 106 Lewis B. Smedes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## More Demand quotes > [Our times demand the declaration of the world's resources as the common heritage of all people.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacque-fresco/our-times-demand-the-declaration-of-the-world-s-resources-as-the/) [Jacque Fresco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacque-fresco/) > [Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sheila-kamerman/parents-who-are-stressed-or-disturbed-will-have-more-difficulty-in/) Sheila Kamerman > [If a person does not listen to the demands of their own spiritual and heart life and insists on a certain program, you're going…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joseph-campbell/if-a-person-does-not-listen-to-the-demands-of-their-own-spiritual-and/) [Joseph Campbell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joseph-campbell/) > [Empires fall, ids explode, great symphonies are written, and behind all of it is a single instinct that demands satisfaction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sherwin-b-nuland/empires-fall-ids-explode-great-symphonies-are-written-and-behind-all/) [Sherwin B. Nuland](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sherwin-b-nuland/) > [My dogs can't do anything--and what a relief. I don't make any demands of them, and I don't try to shape them or their…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-chua/my-dogs-can-t-do-anything-and-what-a-relief-i-don-t-make-any-demands/) [Amy Chua](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-chua/) > [The trouble is. . .that everybody sneers at restrictions and demands freedom, till something annoying happens; then they demand angrily what has become of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dorothy-l-sayers/the-trouble-is-that-everybody-sneers-at-restrictions-and-demands/) [Dorothy L. Sayers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dorothy-l-sayers/) > [You be greater than your feelings. I don't demand this of you - life does. Otherwise you'll be washed away by feelings. You'll be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/philip-roth/you-be-greater-than-your-feelings-i-don-t-demand-this-of-you-life/) [Philip Roth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/philip-roth/) > [Christianity does not oppose debauchery and uncontrollable passions and the like as much as it opposes... flat mediocrity, this nauseating atmosphere, this homey, civil…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/soren-kierkegaard/christianity-does-not-oppose-debauchery-and-uncontrollable-passions/) [Soren Kierkegaard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/soren-kierkegaard/) > [It is an interesting law of romance that a truly strong woman will choose a strong man who disagrees with her over a weak…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-ebert/it-is-an-interesting-law-of-romance-that-a-truly-strong-woman-will/) [Roger Ebert](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-ebert/) > [If we get better our customers will demand we get bigger.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/s-truett-cathy/if-we-get-better-our-customers-will-demand-we-get-bigger/) [S. Truett Cathy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/s-truett-cathy/) > [If our faith in God is not the veriest sham, it demands, and will produce, the abandonment sometimes, the subordination always, of external helps…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexander-maclaren/if-our-faith-in-god-is-not-the-veriest-sham-it-demands-and-will/) [Alexander MacLaren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexander-maclaren/) > [Money should be ones demand and command one should not become slave of money..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/melchor-lim/money-should-be-ones-demand-and-command-one-should-not-become-slave/) [Melchor Lim](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/melchor-lim/) > [There was no mistake in us making abortion legal and available on demand. That was what we call progress. 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But once the interaction starts to provide…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi/most-enjoyable-activities-are-not-natural-they-demand-an-effort-that/) [Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mihaly-csikszentmihalyi/) > [Azerbaijan unleashed the war, and was defeated in that war; Azerbaijan asked for truce (including from the Commander of Karabakh's forces) and later started…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/serzh-sargsyan/azerbaijan-unleashed-the-war-and-was-defeated-in-that-war-azerbaijan/) [Serzh Sargsyan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/serzh-sargsyan/) [Browse all 3,809 Demand quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/demand/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people we forgive them, we must leave them free to respond to our good news however they are inclined. 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