--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: I have discovered that most people who…" description: "\"I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what f..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e5/lewis-b-smedes-4850_forgiveness_i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-t_112685.png" --- # I have discovered that most people who tell me that they… ![“I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what forgiving is.” quote by Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e5/lewis-b-smedes-4850_forgiveness_i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-t_112685.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e5/lewis-b-smedes-4850_forgiveness_i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-t_112685.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/8e5/lewis-b-smedes-4850_forgiveness_i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-t_112685.png) > “I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what forgiving is.” [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Many people misunderstand forgiveness as condoning wrongdoing; true forgiveness is about releasing personal resentment, not excusing the offense. **In simple terms:** Forgiveness frees you, not the offender. Key Takeaway Forgiveness is a personal release. Themes forgiveness misunderstanding personal growth psychology Mood hopeful insightful Type philosophical advice When to use this quote - after a betrayal - following a workplace slight - post‑divorce emotions Key Concepts emotional autonomy self‑compassion Practical Applications - Practice reframing the offense as a learning experience - Use mindfulness to let go of resentment Questions to Reflect On - How does redefining forgiveness change your emotional landscape? - Can you forgive without reconciling? ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Forgive Person](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgive-person/) [Forgiveness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) [Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiving/) [Handicapped](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/handicapped/) [Handicapped Mistaken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/handicapped-mistaken-1334118/) [Learning](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/learning/) [Mistaken](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistaken/) [Mistaken Understanding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistaken-understanding-1334117/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Persons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/persons/) [Understanding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understanding/) [Understanding Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understanding-forgiving-1127044/) [Wronged](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wronged/) ## Related quotes > [Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-carnegie/any-fool-can-criticize-condemn-and-complain-but-it-takes-character/) [Dale Carnegie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-carnegie/) > [“Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-carnegie/any-fool-can-criticise-condemn-and-complain-and-most-fools-do-but-it/) [Dale Carnegie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-carnegie/) > [Beauty is an understanding of what you have, and it's forgiving yourself of what you don't have, and appreciating all of it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jill-scott/beauty-is-an-understanding-of-what-you-have-and-it-s-forgiving/) [Jill Scott](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jill-scott/) > [“Understanding is not the same as forgiving”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/bhavana-kale/understanding-is-not-the-same-as-forgiving/) [Bhavana Kale](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/bhavana-kale/) > [“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dale-carnegie/any-fool-can-criticize-complain-and-condemn-and-most-fools-do-but-it/) [Dale Carnegie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dale-carnegie/) > [The only way to heal the pain which will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness heals the memory's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-only-way-to-heal-the-pain-which-will-not-heal-itself-is-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [I worry about fast forgivers. They tend to forgive quickly in order to avoid their pain. Or they forgive fast in order to get…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-worry-about-fast-forgivers-they-tend-to-forgive-quickly-in-order-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiveness is the key that can unshackle us from a past that will not rest in the grave of things over and done with.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiveness-is-the-key-that-can-unshackle-us-from-a-past-that-will/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [When we have been badly injured and clearly wronged, we make an instant caricature of the person who did it to us. We define…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-we-have-been-badly-injured-and-clearly-wronged-we-make-an/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Find one thing every day to forgive the other person for. Don't let them know what it is...just forgive them and let it go.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/deepak-chopra/find-one-thing-every-day-to-forgive-the-other-person-for-don-t-let/) [Deepak Chopra](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/deepak-chopra/) > [When an injustice happens, we want to be vindicated. People feel that if they forgive the person who hurt them, then they will continue…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-meyer/when-an-injustice-happens-we-want-to-be-vindicated-people-feel-that/) [Joyce Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joyce-meyer/) > [“The Lord's capacity to forgive a person who is truly repentant is without limit, without qualification”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-camden/the-lord-s-capacity-to-forgive-a-person-who-is-truly-repentant-is/) [Elizabeth Camden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-camden/) > [A lot of times, people feel that if they forgive the person who hurt them, then they will continue to take advantage of them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joyce-meyer/a-lot-of-times-people-feel-that-if-they-forgive-the-person-who-hurt/) [Joyce Meyer](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/joyce-meyer/) > [To be able to move on, one has to learn to forgive not only the person (or people) who have done one wrong but…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eugenia-tripputi/to-be-able-to-move-on-one-has-to-learn-to-forgive-not-only-the-person/) [Eugenia Tripputi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eugenia-tripputi/) > [“The Bible says, “You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rick-warren/the-bible-says-you-must-make-allowance-for-each-other-s-faults-and/) [Rick Warren](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rick-warren/) ## More by Lewis B. Smedes > [Nothing is more private than a woman's body; it is her physical, emotional, and moral citadel. She cannot be free at all if she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nothing-is-more-private-than-a-woman-s-body-it-is-her-physical/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [...Forgiving is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-is-not-having-to-understand-understanding-may-come-later-in/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The God who has the whole world in his hands has grace for the whole world in his heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-god-who-has-the-whole-world-in-his-hands-has-grace-for-the-whole/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Nobody sees reality whole; we all need others to show us the parts of it that they see better than we do. Nobody sees…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nobody-sees-reality-whole-we-all-need-others-to-show-us-the-parts-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfelt-works-best-when-we-do-not/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We feel properly embarrassed when we are caught doing something that makes us look inept, knuckleheaded, or inappropriate. Maybe the difference is this: we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-feel-properly-embarrassed-when-we-are-caught-doing-something-that/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a-2/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [When I feel the joy of receiving a gift my heart nudges me to join creation's ballet, the airy dance of giving and receiving,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-i-feel-the-joy-of-receiving-a-gift-my-heart-nudges-me-to-join/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Our sense of fairness tells us that people should pay for the wrong they do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/our-sense-of-fairness-tells-us-that-people-should-pay-for-the-wrong/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Gratitude is the best feeling I would ever have, the ultimate joy of living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/gratitude-is-the-best-feeling-i-would-ever-have-the-ultimate-joy-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [My father was only thirty-one when he died of a heart attack, much too young for a father to die and leave his young…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/my-father-was-only-thirty-one-when-he-died-of-a-heart-attack-much-too/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The only way to heal the pain which will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness heals the memory's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-only-way-to-heal-the-pain-which-will-not-heal-itself-is-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [If you cannot free people from their wrongs and see them as the needy people they are, you enslave yourself to your own painful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/if-you-cannot-free-people-from-their-wrongs-and-see-them-as-the-needy/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-attach-our-feelings-to-the-moment-when-we-were-hurt-endowing-it/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) [Explore all 106 Lewis B. Smedes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## More Forgiveness quotes > [“Lord I come before you, I repent all my sins; forgive me. I repent on behalf of my children forgive them Lord. Help them…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/euginia-herlihy/lord-i-come-before-you-i-repent-all-my-sins-forgive-me-i-repent-on/) [Euginia Herlihy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/euginia-herlihy/) > [Forgiveness is not saying, What you did to me is okay. It is saying, Im not going to let what you did to me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nate/forgiveness-is-not-saying-what-you-did-to-me-is-okay-it-is-saying-im/) [Nate](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nate/) > [“So in practicing blanket forgiveness you first assume that in any current condition of pain or discomfort there is some anger involved, even if…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/serge-kahili-king/so-in-practicing-blanket-forgiveness-you-first-assume-that-in-any/) [Serge Kahili King](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/serge-kahili-king/) > [Do what is given to you, and do it well, and you will have done enough...live together in the forgiveness of your sins. Forgive…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/do-what-is-given-to-you-and-do-it-well-and-you-will-have-done-enough/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-grizzard/the-public-more-often-than-not-will-forgive-mistakes-but-it-will-not/) [Lewis Grizzard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-grizzard/) > [A Real Boyfriend does the sweetest things randomly because he never wants her to feel unappreciated.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/enhance-dreams/a-real-boyfriend-does-the-sweetest-things-randomly-because-he-never/) [Enhance Dreams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/enhance-dreams/) > [“(Evil people) do not believe in forgiveness. Their transgressions are either punished or not punished. That is the only result that matters.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/daniel-mchugh/evil-people-do-not-believe-in-forgiveness-their-transgressions-are/) [Daniel McHugh](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/daniel-mchugh/) > [Friendship means understanding, not argument. it means forgiveness, not forgetting. it means the memories last, even if contact is lost.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sokhom/friendship-means-understanding-not-argument-it-means-forgiveness-not/) [Sokhom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sokhom/) > [Grace is the wonderful spirit that imbues every fiber of our being when we practice the fruits of the spirit: kindness, patience, understanding, forgiveness,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edgar-cayce/grace-is-the-wonderful-spirit-that-imbues-every-fiber-of-our-being/) [Edgar Cayce](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edgar-cayce/) > [One of the most basic principles for making and keeping peace within and between nations. . . is that in political, military, moral, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jimmy-carter/one-of-the-most-basic-principles-for-making-and-keeping-peace-within/) [Jimmy Carter](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jimmy-carter/) > [“Have an open mind and heart. Learn to journey in understanding and forgiveness. It's not always going to be easy but it will be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alexandra-elle/have-an-open-mind-and-heart-learn-to-journey-in-understanding-and/) [Alexandra Elle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alexandra-elle/) > [Forgive us our trespasses," says Margarethe, "and get out of our way.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gregory-maguire/forgive-us-our-trespasses-says-margarethe-and-get-out-of-our-way/) [Gregory Maguire](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gregory-maguire/) > [“ving self and others is an every second of every day of every week, of every month, of every year gift that should not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sanjo-jendayi/ving-self-and-others-is-an-every-second-of-every-day-of-every-week-of/) [Sanjo Jendayi](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sanjo-jendayi/) > [Forgive yourself for not being the richest, the thinnest, the tallest, the one with the best hair. Forgive yourself for not being the most…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/seth-godin/forgive-yourself-for-not-being-the-richest-the-thinnest-the-tallest/) [Seth Godin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/seth-godin/) > [If you can't forgive and forget, pick only one.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-brault/if-you-can-t-forgive-and-forget-pick-only-one/) [Robert Brault](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-brault/) [Browse all 8,311 Forgiveness quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding of what forgiving is.", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Lewis B. 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