--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy…" description: "\"Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we fo..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc1/lewis-b-smedes-4850_bitterness_forgiving-is-tough-excusing-is-easy-what_2401424.png" --- # Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is… ![“Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. And only then, in tough-minded judgment, can we do the outrageously impossible thing…” quote by Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc1/lewis-b-smedes-4850_bitterness_forgiving-is-tough-excusing-is-easy-what_2401424.png) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc1/lewis-b-smedes-4850_bitterness_forgiving-is-tough-excusing-is-easy-what_2401424.png) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dc1/lewis-b-smedes-4850_bitterness_forgiving-is-tough-excusing-is-easy-what_2401424.png) > “Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. And only then, in tough-minded judgment, can we do the outrageously impossible thing: we can forgive.” [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. True forgiveness requires firm accountability and strength, not mere indulgence; it is a difficult but powerful act. **In simple terms:** Forgiveness needs strength and accountability. Key Takeaway Forgive with firm boundaries. Themes forgiveness strength accountability Mood reflective serious Type philosophical inspirational When to use this quote - Conflict resolution - personal relationships - self‑reflection Key Concepts Moral psychology personal growth Questions to Reflect On - What boundaries are needed before you can forgive? - How does accountability shape forgiveness? A Different Perspective Forgiving without accountability may enable harmful behavior. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Bitterness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bitterness/) [Failure](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/failure/) [Forgiveness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiveness/) [Forgiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/forgiving/) [Impossible things](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/impossible-things/) [Judgment](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/judgment/) [Mistake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/mistake/) [Understanding](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/understanding/) ## Related quotes > [Forgiving is tough, that's why people who did, is tough.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/cristina-orante/forgiving-is-tough-that-s-why-people-who-did-is-tough/) [Cristina Orante](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/cristina-orante/) > [There is a saying that to understand is to forgive, but that is an error, so Papa used to say. You must forgive in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marilynne-robinson/there-is-a-saying-that-to-understand-is-to-forgive-but-that-is-an-2/) [Marilynne Robinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marilynne-robinson/) > [If there is a soul, what is it, and where did it come from, and where does it go? Can anyone who is guided…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/clarence-darrow/if-there-is-a-soul-what-is-it-and-where-did-it-come-from-and-where/) [Clarence Darrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/clarence-darrow/) > [ Today is \[the feast of\] Santa Rita, Patron Saint of impossible things - but this seems impossible: let us ask of her this grace,… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/today-is-the-feast-of-santa-rita-patron-saint-of-impossible-things/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) > [I just like to write stories about people who survive even very difficult, impossible things.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gail-simone/i-just-like-to-write-stories-about-people-who-survive-even-very/) [Gail Simone](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gail-simone/) > [There are many things that are unbelievable. Especially before breakfast, is it not? That is what one of your classics says. Six impossible things…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/agatha-christie/there-are-many-things-that-are-unbelievable-especially-before/) [Agatha Christie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/agatha-christie/) > [We all want to believe in impossible things, I suppose, to persuade ourselves that miracles can happen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-auster/we-all-want-to-believe-in-impossible-things-i-suppose-to-persuade/) [Paul Auster](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-auster/) > [P R A Y E R S\* are invisible But it make impossible things Possible! It is GOD's job to work the wonders Ours…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/p-r-a-y-e-r-s-are-invisible-but-it-make-impossible-things-possible-it/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [Hard things take time to do. Impossible things take a little longer.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/percy-cerutty/hard-things-take-time-to-do-impossible-things-take-a-little-longer/) [Percy Cerutty](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/percy-cerutty/) > [“We want what's in this world but we also want what ain't.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ron-rash/we-want-what-s-in-this-world-but-we-also-want-what-ain-t/) [Ron Rash](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ron-rash/) > [The universe is big, its vast and complicated, and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles. And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-moffat/the-universe-is-big-its-vast-and-complicated-and-ridiculous-and/) [Steven Moffat](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-moffat/) > [If people are crazy enough to dare, impossible things happen.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-branson/if-people-are-crazy-enough-to-dare-impossible-things-happen/) [Richard Branson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/richard-branson/) > [It is the docile who achieve the most impossible things in this world.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rabindranath-tagore/it-is-the-docile-who-achieve-the-most-impossible-things-in-this-world/) [Rabindranath Tagore](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rabindranath-tagore/) > [We need never refrain from asking anything of God simply on the ground that we think it impossible. God specializes in "impossible" things that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carroll-eugene-simcox/we-need-never-refrain-from-asking-anything-of-god-simply-on-the/) Carroll Eugene Simcox > [The Self in you is the same as the Self Universal. Whatever powers are manifested throughout the world, those powers exist in germ, in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annie-besant/the-self-in-you-is-the-same-as-the-self-universal-whatever-powers-are/) [Annie Besant](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annie-besant/) ## More by Lewis B. Smedes > [Nothing is more private than a woman's body; it is her physical, emotional, and moral citadel. She cannot be free at all if she…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nothing-is-more-private-than-a-woman-s-body-it-is-her-physical/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [...Forgiving is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-is-not-having-to-understand-understanding-may-come-later-in/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The God who has the whole world in his hands has grace for the whole world in his heart.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-god-who-has-the-whole-world-in-his-hands-has-grace-for-the-whole/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Nobody sees reality whole; we all need others to show us the parts of it that they see better than we do. Nobody sees…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/nobody-sees-reality-whole-we-all-need-others-to-show-us-the-parts-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [I have discovered that most people who tell me that they cannot forgive a person who wronged them are handicapped by a mistaken understanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/i-have-discovered-that-most-people-who-tell-me-that-they-cannot/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Spoken forgiveness, no matter how heartfelt, works best when we do not demand the response we want. I mean that when we tell people…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/spoken-forgiveness-no-matter-how-heartfelt-works-best-when-we-do-not/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [We feel properly embarrassed when we are caught doing something that makes us look inept, knuckleheaded, or inappropriate. Maybe the difference is this: we…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/we-feel-properly-embarrassed-when-we-are-caught-doing-something-that/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/forgiving-does-not-erase-the-bitter-past-a-healed-memory-is-not-a-2/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [When I feel the joy of receiving a gift my heart nudges me to join creation's ballet, the airy dance of giving and receiving,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/when-i-feel-the-joy-of-receiving-a-gift-my-heart-nudges-me-to-join/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Our sense of fairness tells us that people should pay for the wrong they do.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/our-sense-of-fairness-tells-us-that-people-should-pay-for-the-wrong/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [Gratitude is the best feeling I would ever have, the ultimate joy of living.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/gratitude-is-the-best-feeling-i-would-ever-have-the-ultimate-joy-of/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [My father was only thirty-one when he died of a heart attack, much too young for a father to die and leave his young…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/my-father-was-only-thirty-one-when-he-died-of-a-heart-attack-much-too/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [The only way to heal the pain which will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. Forgiveness heals the memory's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/the-only-way-to-heal-the-pain-which-will-not-heal-itself-is-to/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) > [If you cannot free people from their wrongs and see them as the needy people they are, you enslave yourself to your own painful…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lewis-b-smedes/if-you-cannot-free-people-from-their-wrongs-and-see-them-as-the-needy/) [Lewis B. Smedes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) [Explore all 106 Lewis B. Smedes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lewis-b-smedes/) ## More Bitterness quotes > [You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn't do anything to the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/maya-angelou/you-should-be-angry-you-must-not-be-bitter-bitterness-is-like-cancer/) [Maya Angelou](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/maya-angelou/) > [If Japanese tea 'stands,' it acquires a coarse bitterness and an unwholesome astringency. Milk and sugar are not used.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/isabella-bird/if-japanese-tea-stands-it-acquires-a-coarse-bitterness-and-an/) [Isabella Bird](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/isabella-bird/) > [Stronger than alcohol, vaster than poetry, Ferment the freckled red bitterness of love!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/arthur-rimbaud/stronger-than-alcohol-vaster-than-poetry-ferment-the-freckled-red/) [Arthur Rimbaud](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/arthur-rimbaud/) > [“What?" I ask. I try not to get snappy with her. She hasn't really done anything wrong. Falling in love with Turner isn't a…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/c-m-stunich/what-i-ask-i-try-not-to-get-snappy-with-her-she-hasn-t-really-done/) [C.M. Stunich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/c-m-stunich/) > [“The fairest things have fleetest end, Their scent survives their close: But the rose’s scent is bitterness To him that loved the rose. —Francis…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ann-rule/the-fairest-things-have-fleetest-end-their-scent-survives-their-close/) [Ann Rule](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ann-rule/) > [Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. With this creed, revenge never worries my heart, degradation…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-bronte/life-appears-to-me-too-short-to-be-spent-in-nursing-animosity-or/) [Charlotte Bronte](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-bronte/) > [“No," I say. "I didn't know that," and as I say it I feel flooded with bitterness at all the things Ingrid kept secret…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nina-lacour/no-i-say-i-didn-t-know-that-and-as-i-say-it-i-feel-flooded-with/) [Nina LaCour](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nina-lacour/) > [Forgiving someone who've done you wrong or didn't treat you right could mean that you are allowing yourself to end up away from bitterness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/april-t-pascua/forgiving-someone-who-ve-done-you-wrong-or-didn-t-treat-you-right/) [April T Pascua](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/april-t-pascua/) > [You cannot be inspired if you are surrounded with negativity, open the door and step into the inspirational garden of nature. Do not let…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kemmy-nola/you-cannot-be-inspired-if-you-are-surrounded-with-negativity-open-the/) [Kemmy Nola](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kemmy-nola/) > [It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. Carry it by the comfortable handles of gratitude for what's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lena-horne/it-s-not-the-load-that-breaks-you-down-it-s-the-way-you-carry-it/) [Lena Horne](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lena-horne/) > [Not forgiving prolongs hurt and anger and leads to smoldering resentment, which will make us miserable until it kills us. Resentment destroys the perception…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/richard-walters/not-forgiving-prolongs-hurt-and-anger-and-leads-to-smoldering/) Richard Walters > [Let us not give in to pessimism, to that bitterness that the devil offers us every day.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-francis/let-us-not-give-in-to-pessimism-to-that-bitterness-that-the-devil/) [Pope Francis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-francis/) > [“Sometimes it is good to remind ourselves how bitterness tastes.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rin-chupeco/sometimes-it-is-good-to-remind-ourselves-how-bitterness-tastes/) [Rin Chupeco](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rin-chupeco/) > [What folly made young people, even those in middle age, think they were immortal? How much better, their lives, if they could remember the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/rohinton-mistry/what-folly-made-young-people-even-those-in-middle-age-think-they-were/) [Rohinton Mistry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/rohinton-mistry/) > [Be sure there is something waiting for you after much patience, to astonish you to a degree, that you forget the bitterness of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/be-sure-there-is-something-waiting-for-you-after-much-patience-to/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) [Browse all 1,210 Bitterness quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bitterness/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "Forgiving is tough. Excusing is easy. What a mistake it is to confuse forgiving with being mushy, soft, gutless, and oh, so understanding. Before we forgive, we stiffen our spine and we hold a person accountable. 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