--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: if they hadn’t both been pretending, but…" description: "\"“if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is called a heart-to-heart talk, that is, simply told each other just what they were thinking an..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg" --- # if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is… ![“if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is called a heart-to-heart talk, that is, simply told each other just what they were thinking and feeling, then they would just have looked into each other’s eyes, and Constantine would only have said: ‘You’re dying, dying, dying!’ – while…” quote by Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg) > ““if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is called a heart-to-heart talk, that is, simply told each other just what they were thinking and feeling, then they would just have looked into each other’s eyes, and Constantine would only have said: ‘You’re dying, dying, dying!’ – while Nicholas would simply have replied: ‘I know I’m dying, but I’m afraid, afraid, afraid!’ That’s all they would have said if they’d been talking straight from the heart. But it was impossible to live that way, so Levin tried to do what he’d been trying to do all his life without being able to, what a great many people could do so well, as he observed, and without which life was impossible: he tried to say something different from what he thought, and he always felt it came out false, that his brother caught him out and was irritated by it.”” [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. People often hide true feelings, leading to miscommunication and emotional distance; honest heart‑to‑heart dialogue reveals vulnerability and shared mortality. **In simple terms:** Hiding feelings prevents genuine connection. Key Takeaway Speak openly to bridge gaps. Themes communication vulnerability mortality family Mood reflective melancholic Type philosophical literary When to use this quote - family conflict - personal therapy - end‑of‑life conversations - trust building Key Concepts existentialism authenticity psychology Questions to Reflect On - What truth are you avoiding? - How might honesty change your relationships? A Different Perspective Honesty can cause pain and may not always be welcomed. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Great man](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/great-man/) ## Related quotes > [ “He \[Vronsky\] himself felt that, except that crazy fellow married to Kitty Shcherbatsky, who, quite irrelevantly had with rabid virulence told him a lot… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-vronsky-himself-felt-that-except-that-crazy-fellow-married-to/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“What is the matter with you?" asked Shcherbatsky. "Nothing much, but there is little to be happy about in this world." "Little? You'd better…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/what-is-the-matter-with-you-asked-shcherbatsky-nothing-much-but-there/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He thought of nothing, wished for nothing, but not to be left behind the peasants, and to do his work as well as possible.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-thought-of-nothing-wished-for-nothing-but-not-to-be-left-behind/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“How strange it was to think that he, who such a short time ago dared not believe in the happiness of her loving him,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/how-strange-it-was-to-think-that-he-who-such-a-short-time-ago-dared/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Levin tried to drink a little coffee, and put a piece of roll into his mouth, but his mouth could do nothing with it.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/levin-tried-to-drink-a-little-coffee-and-put-a-piece-of-roll-into-his/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Wait, wait,' he began, interrupting Oblonsky. 'Aristocratism, you say. But allow me to ask, what makes up this aristocratism of Vronsky or whoever else…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/wait-wait-he-began-interrupting-oblonsky-aristocratism-you-say-but/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Art is bad when ‘you see the intent and get put off.’ (Goethe) In Tolstoy one is unaware of the intent, and sees only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/joel-carmichael/art-is-bad-when-you-see-the-intent-and-get-put-off-goethe-in-tolstoy/) Joel Carmichael > [She did not want to talk of her sorrow, but with that sorrow in her heart she could not talk of outside matters.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/she-did-not-want-to-talk-of-her-sorrow-but-with-that-sorrow-in-her/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Dare's going to bring you more trouble,” Olivia said, as if she too understood that volatility was more perilous than cold dislike. “You know,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-zoelle/dare-s-going-to-bring-you-more-trouble-olivia-said-as-if-she-too/) [Anne Zoelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-zoelle/) > [“Darling, no,” Constantine said. “Love admit-and-runners don't get to have a say.” He smiled slowly. “I'll remember that.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-zoelle/darling-no-constantine-said-love-admit-and-runners-don-t-get-to-have/) [Anne Zoelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-zoelle/) > [“For a time, I had hoped I might find the end of your wire. Then it became more of a chore,” Constantine said jadedly.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anne-zoelle/for-a-time-i-had-hoped-i-might-find-the-end-of-your-wire-then-it/) [Anne Zoelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anne-zoelle/) > [“We all got to die," she said. "But dying as your true self is always better. God'll take you however you come to Him.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/james-mcbride/we-all-got-to-die-she-said-but-dying-as-your-true-self-is-always/) [James McBride](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/james-mcbride/) > [I don’t need to ring anyone. I said I’m dying. I didn’t say I wanted to live.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tim-bowler/i-don-t-need-to-ring-anyone-i-said-i-m-dying-i-didn-t-say-i-wanted-to/) [Tim Bowler](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tim-bowler/) > [“(D.L. Moody, who said in his dying days)In a little while you will read in the newspaper that I am dead. Do not believe…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/karen-kingsbury/d-l-moody-who-said-in-his-dying-days-in-a-little-while-you-will-read/) [Karen Kingsbury](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/karen-kingsbury/) > [I meant what I said when I said until my dying day.I'm holding on to you, holding on to me.Maybe it's all gone black…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mat-kearney/i-meant-what-i-said-when-i-said-until-my-dying-day-i-m-holding-on-to/) [Mat Kearney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mat-kearney/) ## More by Leo Tolstoy > [These joys were so trifling as to be as imperceptible as grains of gold among the sand, and in moments of depression she saw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/these-joys-were-so-trifling-as-to-be-as-imperceptible-as-grains-of/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The only significance of life consists in helping to establish the kingdom of God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-only-significance-of-life-consists-in-helping-to-establish-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious –…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-already-love-in-you-your-beauty-but-i-am-only-beginning-to-love-in/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Energy rests upon love; and come as it will, there's no forcing it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/energy-rests-upon-love-and-come-as-it-will-there-s-no-forcing-it/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“If you only knew what those society women are, and women in general! My father is right. Selfish, vain, stupid, trivial in everything—that's what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-you-only-knew-what-those-society-women-are-and-women-in-general-my/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To evoke in oneself a feeling one has once experienced, and having evoked it in oneself, then by means of movements, lines, colors, sounds,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-evoke-in-oneself-a-feeling-one-has-once-experienced-and-having/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To speak of it would be giving importance to that which has none.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-speak-of-it-would-be-giving-importance-to-that-which-has-none/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Once we're thrown off our habitual paths, we think all is lost, but it's only here that the new and the good begins.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/once-we-re-thrown-off-our-habitual-paths-we-think-all-is-lost-but-it/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He knew she was there by the rapture and the terror that seized on his heart. She was standing talking to a lady at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-knew-she-was-there-by-the-rapture-and-the-terror-that-seized-on/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Rest, nature, books, music...such is my idea of happiness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/rest-nature-books-music-such-is-my-idea-of-happiness/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He was not to blame for being born with an irrepressible charachter and a mind some how constrained.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-was-not-to-blame-for-being-born-with-an-irrepressible-charachter/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-ask-one-thing-only-i-ask-for-the-right-to-hope-to-suffer-as-i-do/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The idea shared by many that life is a vale of tears is just as false as the idea shared by the great majority,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-idea-shared-by-many-that-life-is-a-vale-of-tears-is-just-as-false/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To say that a work of art is good, but incomprehensible to the majority of men, is the same as saying of some kind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-say-that-a-work-of-art-is-good-but-incomprehensible-to-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [True life is lived when tiny changes occur.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/true-life-is-lived-when-tiny-changes-occur/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) [Explore all 1,754 Leo Tolstoy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## More Anna quotes > [I've been connected to the most culturally important albums of the past four years, the most influential artists of the past ten years. You…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kanye-west/i-ve-been-connected-to-the-most-culturally-important-albums-of-the/) [Kanye West](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kanye-west/) > [Anna Petrovna: Never talk to women about your own good qualities. Let them find out for themselves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anton-chekhov/anna-petrovna-never-talk-to-women-about-your-own-good-qualities-let/) [Anton Chekhov](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anton-chekhov/) > [“I stole glances at Kaidan's bare skin while the others were busy talking. That's my boyfriend right there, I silently announced.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wendy-higgins/i-stole-glances-at-kaidan-s-bare-skin-while-the-others-were-busy/) [Wendy Higgins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/wendy-higgins/) > [On Sergei Fedorov's breaking three sticks on Dallas players: I don't know if Anna (Kournikova) told him to get tougher or what.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mike-modano/on-sergei-fedorov-s-breaking-three-sticks-on-dallas-players-i-don-t/) Mike Modano > [“Where are we going?” she asked. “Mr. Durbin’s sheep have begun to lamb, and I wanted to see how the ewes are doing.” He…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elizabeth-hoyt/where-are-we-going-she-asked-mr-durbin-s-sheep-have-begun-to-lamb-and/) [Elizabeth Hoyt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elizabeth-hoyt/) > [In fiction, imaginary people become realer to us than any named celebrity glimpsed in a series of rumored events, whose causes and subtler ramifications…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/john-updike/in-fiction-imaginary-people-become-realer-to-us-than-any-named/) [John Updike](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/john-updike/) > [“Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kendare-blake/girls-on-the-other-hand-have-always-come-easy-i-don-t-know-why-that/) [Kendare Blake](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kendare-blake/) > [Anna would be just as happy with me if I were a plumber. As a matter of fact, when she married me, I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ray-romano/anna-would-be-just-as-happy-with-me-if-i-were-a-plumber-as-a-matter/) [Ray Romano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ray-romano/) > [“I suppose that means you don’t want any band-aids, either,” I said, a touch more bitterly than I’d meant to.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-m-richards/i-suppose-that-means-you-don-t-want-any-band-aids-either-i-said-a/) [J.M. Richards](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-m-richards/) > [“My physical eyes are like sunglasses, filtering out the colors, but when I'm out here, the aura that emanates from every living thing is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gina-rosati/my-physical-eyes-are-like-sunglasses-filtering-out-the-colors-but/) Gina Rosati > [“I'm a little distracted by this English French American Boy Masterpiece.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stephanie-perkins/i-m-a-little-distracted-by-this-english-french-american-boy/) [Stephanie Perkins](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stephanie-perkins/) > [“Anna is the sort of woman who writers write about, Tom. Somewhere in the third act, women like her save characters like you and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matthew-norman/anna-is-the-sort-of-woman-who-writers-write-about-tom-somewhere-in/) [Matthew Norman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matthew-norman/) > [I'm really glad that I'm not Anna because I don't want to be there again. I've been there. But when something does happen to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/stevie-nicks/i-m-really-glad-that-i-m-not-anna-because-i-don-t-want-to-be-there/) [Stevie Nicks](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/stevie-nicks/) > [“The whole of that day Anna spent at home, that's to say at the Oblonskys', and received no one, though some of her acquaintances…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-whole-of-that-day-anna-spent-at-home-that-s-to-say-at-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The most common thing that I get is, ‘Am I the only one who doesn’t think that Anna Kendrick is pretty? And youre like,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anna-kendrick/the-most-common-thing-that-i-get-is-am-i-the-only-one-who-doesn-t/) [Anna Kendrick](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anna-kendrick/) Browse all 351 Anna quotes ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is called a heart-to-heart talk, that is, simply told each other just what they were thinking and feeling, then they would just have looked into each other’s eyes, and Constantine would only have said: ‘You’re dying, dying, dying!’ – while Nicholas would simply have replied: ‘I know I’m dying, but I’m afraid, afraid, afraid!’ That’s all they would have said if they’d been talking straight from the heart. But it was impossible to live that way, so Levin tried to do what he’d been trying to do all his life without being able to, what a great many people could do so well, as he observed, and without which life was impossible: he tried to say something different from what he thought, and he always felt it came out false, that his brother caught him out and was irritated by it.”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Leo Tolstoy" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but-had-had-what-is-called-a/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Anna" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but-had-had-what-is-called-a/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/678/leo-tolstoy-55_anna_if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but_248630.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“if they hadn’t both been pretending, but had had what is called a heart-to-heart talk, that is, simply told…” — Leo Tolstoy", "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "creator": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } } }, { "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Quotes", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Leo Tolstoy", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 4, "name": "“if they hadn’t both been pretending,...", "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but-had-had-what-is-called-a/" } ], "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-they-hadn-t-both-been-pretending-but-had-had-what-is-called-a/#breadcrumb" }, { "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "publisher": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization" } }, { "@type": "Organization", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization", "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/", "logo": { "@type": "ImageObject", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png", "width": 512, "height": 512 } } ] } ```