--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: But it seems to me that a man cannot and…" description: "\"But it seems to me that a man cannot and ought not to say that he loves, he said. Why not? I asked. Because it will always be a lie. As though it were ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/853/leo-tolstoy-55_bangs_but-it-seems-to-me-that-a-man-cannot-and_1393716.jpg" --- # But it seems to me that a man cannot and ought not to say… ![“But it seems to me that a man cannot and ought not to say that he loves, he said. Why not? I asked. Because it will always be a lie. As though it were a strange sort of discovery that someone is in love! Just as if, as soon as he said that, something went snap-bang - he loves. Just as if, when he…” quote by Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/853/leo-tolstoy-55_bangs_but-it-seems-to-me-that-a-man-cannot-and_1393716.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/853/leo-tolstoy-55_bangs_but-it-seems-to-me-that-a-man-cannot-and_1393716.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/853/leo-tolstoy-55_bangs_but-it-seems-to-me-that-a-man-cannot-and_1393716.jpg) > “But it seems to me that a man cannot and ought not to say that he loves, he said. Why not? I asked. Because it will always be a lie. As though it were a strange sort of discovery that someone is in love! Just as if, as soon as he said that, something went snap-bang - he loves. Just as if, when he utters that word, something extraordinary is bound to happen, with signs and portents, and all the cannons firing at once. It seems to me, he went on, that people who solemnly utter those words, 'I love you,' either deceive themselves, or what's still worse, deceive others.” [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The quote argues that declaring love often feels like a performative act that masks deeper truth, suggesting such statements can be self‑deception or deception of others. **In simple terms:** Saying "I love you" can be a false performance. Key Takeaway Question the authenticity of love declarations. Themes love honesty self‑deception communication Mood reflective introspective Type philosophical literary When to use this quote - marriage counseling - personal relationships - creative writing - therapy sessions Key Concepts existentialism psychology social performance Questions to Reflect On - Do you ever feel love is harder to say than to feel? - How can we express love without falling into performance? A Different Perspective People may genuinely feel love yet struggle to articulate it truthfully. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Asked Lie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/asked-lie-4786268/) [Bangs](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bangs/) [Cannons](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/cannons/) [Deceiving](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/deceiving/) [Discovery](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/discovery/) [Extraordinary](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/extraordinary/) [Love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love/) [Love Deceive](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-deceive-1877985/) [Love you](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/love-you/) [Loves Said](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/loves-said-1863024/) [Lying](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/lying/) [Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/) [People](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/people/) [Portents](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/portents/) [Said](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/said/) [Say Loves](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/say-loves-2699024/) [Stills](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/stills/) [Strange](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/strange/) [Why not](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/why-not/) [Words love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/words-love/) ## Related quotes > [“No," I said, answering the last question Liam had asked me. " A lie told out of love isn't the worst thing.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/juliet-dark/no-i-said-answering-the-last-question-liam-had-asked-me-a-lie-told/) [Juliet Dark](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/juliet-dark/) > [“But I'm married, and believe me, in getting to know thoroughly one's wife, if one loves her, as some one has said, one gets…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/but-i-m-married-and-believe-me-in-getting-to-know-thoroughly-one-s/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Because there is no man who can be true and just judge of himself, so much will self-love deceive him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/dante-alighieri/because-there-is-no-man-who-can-be-true-and-just-judge-of-himself-so/) [Dante Alighieri](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/dante-alighieri/) > [Men don't deceive their wives unless they love them. When they love them most, they deceive them. It's a form of fidelity, their deceit.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-giraudoux/men-don-t-deceive-their-wives-unless-they-love-them-when-they-love/) [Jean Giraudoux](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-giraudoux/) > [The sun has blessed you," Sarita used to say. "Look how he has left his kisses on your face for all to see and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/libba-bray/the-sun-has-blessed-you-sarita-used-to-say-look-how-he-has-left-his/) [Libba Bray](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/libba-bray/) > [You might think I'm insane, but God loves you... Enough said.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leslie/you-might-think-i-m-insane-but-god-loves-you-enough-said/) [Leslie](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leslie/) > [“Now come,” he said. “Does your Alex love you back, or is he a hopeless idiot?” “He loves me,” she said quietly. “But I’m…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/courtney-milan/now-come-he-said-does-your-alex-love-you-back-or-is-he-a-hopeless/) [Courtney Milan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/courtney-milan/) > [“There is somebody who loves me," said Despereaux. "And I love her and that is the only thing that matters to me.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kate-dicamillo/there-is-somebody-who-loves-me-said-despereaux-and-i-love-her-and/) [Kate DiCamillo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kate-dicamillo/) > [She said she loves me she said she will never hurt me but she never said she's liar. Who's it fault is it me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/she-said-she-loves-me-she-said-she-will-never-hurt-me-but-she-never/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [She said she loves you she said you're the only person she will love for rest of her life she said she will do…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/unkown/she-said-she-loves-you-she-said-you-re-the-only-person-she-will-love/) [Unkown](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/unkown/) > [And yet, Eomer, I say to you that she loves you more truly than me, for you she loves and knows; but in me…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/j-r-r-tolkien-2/and-yet-eomer-i-say-to-you-that-she-loves-you-more-truly-than-me-for/) [J. R. R. Tolkien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/j-r-r-tolkien-2/) > [Don't you just hate when a guy say he loves you but he dont care](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/why/don-t-you-just-hate-when-a-guy-say-he-loves-you-but-he-dont-care/) [Why](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/why/) > [Be careful with what you say to someone who loves you if you are not able to support what you say with actions ..](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ritu-ghatourey/be-careful-with-what-you-say-to-someone-who-loves-you-if-you-are-not/) [Ritu Ghatourey](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ritu-ghatourey/) > [Indeed, ask every man separately whether he thinks it laudable and worthy of a man of this age to hold a position from which…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/indeed-ask-every-man-separately-whether-he-thinks-it-laudable-and/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He doesn’t say he loves you at all. He doesn’t touch your skin or look into your eyes, and tell you you’re the only…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-noelle/he-doesn-t-say-he-loves-you-at-all-he-doesn-t-touch-your-skin-or-look/) [Amy Noelle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-noelle/) ## More by Leo Tolstoy > [These joys were so trifling as to be as imperceptible as grains of gold among the sand, and in moments of depression she saw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/these-joys-were-so-trifling-as-to-be-as-imperceptible-as-grains-of/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The only significance of life consists in helping to establish the kingdom of God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-only-significance-of-life-consists-in-helping-to-establish-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious –…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-already-love-in-you-your-beauty-but-i-am-only-beginning-to-love-in/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Energy rests upon love; and come as it will, there's no forcing it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/energy-rests-upon-love-and-come-as-it-will-there-s-no-forcing-it/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“If you only knew what those society women are, and women in general! My father is right. Selfish, vain, stupid, trivial in everything—that's what…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/if-you-only-knew-what-those-society-women-are-and-women-in-general-my/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To evoke in oneself a feeling one has once experienced, and having evoked it in oneself, then by means of movements, lines, colors, sounds,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-evoke-in-oneself-a-feeling-one-has-once-experienced-and-having/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To speak of it would be giving importance to that which has none.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-speak-of-it-would-be-giving-importance-to-that-which-has-none/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Once we're thrown off our habitual paths, we think all is lost, but it's only here that the new and the good begins.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/once-we-re-thrown-off-our-habitual-paths-we-think-all-is-lost-but-it/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He knew she was there by the rapture and the terror that seized on his heart. She was standing talking to a lady at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-knew-she-was-there-by-the-rapture-and-the-terror-that-seized-on/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Rest, nature, books, music...such is my idea of happiness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/rest-nature-books-music-such-is-my-idea-of-happiness/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He was not to blame for being born with an irrepressible charachter and a mind some how constrained.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-was-not-to-blame-for-being-born-with-an-irrepressible-charachter/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-ask-one-thing-only-i-ask-for-the-right-to-hope-to-suffer-as-i-do/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The idea shared by many that life is a vale of tears is just as false as the idea shared by the great majority,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-idea-shared-by-many-that-life-is-a-vale-of-tears-is-just-as-false/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To say that a work of art is good, but incomprehensible to the majority of men, is the same as saying of some kind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-say-that-a-work-of-art-is-good-but-incomprehensible-to-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [True life is lived when tiny changes occur.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/true-life-is-lived-when-tiny-changes-occur/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) [Explore all 1,754 Leo Tolstoy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## More Bangs quotes > [The very first company I started failed with a great bang. The second one failed a little bit less, but still failed. The third…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/max-levchin/the-very-first-company-i-started-failed-with-a-great-bang-the-second/) [Max Levchin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/max-levchin/) > [Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow For Thine is the Kingdom Between the conception And…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/between-the-idea-and-the-reality-between-the-motion-and-the-act-falls/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [About 120 million of us place the big bang 2,500 years after the Babylonians and Sumerians learned to brew beer. If our polls are…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sam-harris/about-120-million-of-us-place-the-big-bang-2-500-years-after-the/) [Sam Harris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sam-harris/) > [And you've actually watched it yourself?' I asked. 'Willingly?' Sure. I had to see it, you know? Besides we should be safe. 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Bang your head against the wall, but apathy is worse.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/don-henley/insect-politics-indifferent-universe-bang-your-head-against-the-wall/) [Don Henley](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/don-henley/) > [When people can't abide things as they are, when they can't abide the present, they do one of two things ... either they ...…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/edward-albee/when-people-can-t-abide-things-as-they-are-when-they-can-t-abide-the/) [Edward Albee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/edward-albee/) > [I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/emo-philips/i-give-money-to-unicef-because-i-like-the-bang-for-your-buck-aspect/) [Emo Philips](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/emo-philips/) > [how can he love me then not? He went,he ran. And I cannot bring him back. Yet I left the door metaphorically wide open,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/freya-north/how-can-he-love-me-then-not-he-went-he-ran-and-i-cannot-bring-him/) [Freya North](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/freya-north/) > [ Bill Prady and Chuck Lorre, the guys who run that show \[Big Bang Theory\], are really funny and really smart, and the cast is… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brent-spiner/bill-prady-and-chuck-lorre-the-guys-who-run-that-show-big-bang-theory/) [Brent Spiner](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brent-spiner/) > [Working on television is like being shot out of a cannon. They cram you all up with rehearsals, then someone lights a fuse and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tallulah-bankhead/working-on-television-is-like-being-shot-out-of-a-cannon-they-cram/) [Tallulah Bankhead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tallulah-bankhead/) > [Everybody was going along thinking that it was a day like any other day, and bang, down went the Twin Towers. Changed everything. So…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/margaret-atwood/everybody-was-going-along-thinking-that-it-was-a-day-like-any-other/) [Margaret Atwood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/margaret-atwood/) > [I don't trust anyone who hasn't been self-destructiv e in some way, and who hasn't gone through some sort of bout of self-loathing. You've…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/johnny-depp/i-don-t-trust-anyone-who-hasn-t-been-self-destructiv-e-in-some-way/) [Johnny Depp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/johnny-depp/) > [She folded her arms and then shouted, "Right you thieving scunners! How dare you steal Miss Treason's funeral meats!" "Oh, waily, waily, it's the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/terry-pratchett/she-folded-her-arms-and-then-shouted-right-you-thieving-scunners-how/) [Terry Pratchett](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/terry-pratchett/) [Browse all 462 Bangs quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bangs/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "But it seems to me that a man cannot and ought not to say that he loves, he said. Why not? I asked. Because it will always be a lie. As though it were a strange sort of discovery that someone is in love! Just as if, as soon as he said that, something went snap-bang - he loves. Just as if, when he utters that word, something extraordinary is bound to happen, with signs and portents, and all the cannons firing at once. 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