--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: Before and after the funeral I never…" description: "\"“Before and after the funeral I never ceased to cry and be miserable, but it makes me ashamed when I think back on that sadness of mine, seeing that al..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/113/leo-tolstoy-55_boyhood_before-and-after-the-funeral-i-never-cea_3024329.jpg" --- # Before and after the funeral I never ceased to cry and be… ![“Before and after the funeral I never ceased to cry and be miserable, but it makes me ashamed when I think back on that sadness of mine, seeing that always in it was an element of self-love - now a desire to show that I prayed more than any one else, now concern about the impression I was producing…” quote by Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/113/leo-tolstoy-55_boyhood_before-and-after-the-funeral-i-never-cea_3024329.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/113/leo-tolstoy-55_boyhood_before-and-after-the-funeral-i-never-cea_3024329.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/113/leo-tolstoy-55_boyhood_before-and-after-the-funeral-i-never-cea_3024329.jpg) > ““Before and after the funeral I never ceased to cry and be miserable, but it makes me ashamed when I think back on that sadness of mine, seeing that always in it was an element of self-love - now a desire to show that I prayed more than any one else, now concern about the impression I was producing on others, now an aimless curiosity which caused me to observe Mimi's cap or the faces of those around me. I despised myself for not experiencing sorrow to the exclusion of everything else, and I tried to conceal all other feelings: this made my grief insincere and unnatural. Moreover, I felt a kind of enjoyment in knowing that I was unhappy and I tried to stimulate my sense of unhappiness, and this interest in myself did more than anything else to stifle real sorrow in me.”” [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. The narrator reflects on how grief becomes self‑serving when it is used to impress others or to indulge in self‑pity, preventing authentic sorrow. **In simple terms:** Grief turns selfish when used for image or self‑interest. Key Takeaway Seek genuine feeling, not self‑focused sorrow. Themes grief self‑image authenticity humility Mood reflective somber Type philosophical literary When to use this quote - funeral mourning - personal reflection - therapy sessions - spiritual practice Key Concepts psychology existentialism self‑deception Questions to Reflect On - How does concern for others’ perception shape your mourning? - Can you experience sorrow without self‑interest? A Different Perspective Self‑focused grief can mask true healing and may hinder emotional growth. ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet [Boyhood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/boyhood/) [Childhood](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/childhood/) [Death](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/death/) [Funeral](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/funeral/) [Grief](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/grief/) [Sadness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sadness/) [Self love](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/self-love/) [Sorrow](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/sorrow/) [Unhappiness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unhappiness/) [Youth](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/youth/) ## Related quotes > [“Yes, it was real hatred - not the hatred we only read about in novels, which I do not believe in, hatred that is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/yes-it-was-real-hatred-not-the-hatred-we-only-read-about-in-novels/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Besides, to fall out of love and in love at the same time is to love twice as deeply as one did before.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/besides-to-fall-out-of-love-and-in-love-at-the-same-time-is-to-love/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“It seems to me that what we call beauty in a face lies in the smile: if the smile heightens the charm of the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/it-seems-to-me-that-what-we-call-beauty-in-a-face-lies-in-the-smile/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“How strange it is that when I was a child I tried to be like a grownup, yet as soon as I ceased to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/how-strange-it-is-that-when-i-was-a-child-i-tried-to-be-like-a/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“I endeavor to recall the happy comforting dreams interrupted by my returning to consciousness of reality, but to my astonishment so soon as I…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-endeavor-to-recall-the-happy-comforting-dreams-interrupted-by-my/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“There are moments when the future looks so black that one is afraid to let one's thoughts dwell on it, refuses to let one's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/there-are-moments-when-the-future-looks-so-black-that-one-is-afraid/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“For the first time I envisaged the idea that we - that is, our family - were not the only people in the world,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/for-the-first-time-i-envisaged-the-idea-that-we-that-is-our-family/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature's way of letting in only as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elisabeth-kubler-ross/denial-helps-us-to-pace-our-feelings-of-grief-there-is-a-grace-in/) [Elisabeth Kubler-Ross](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elisabeth-kubler-ross/) > [Survivors do not mourn together. They each mourn alone, even when in the same place. Grief is the most solitary of all feelings. Grief…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-erikson/survivors-do-not-mourn-together-they-each-mourn-alone-even-when-in/) [Steven Erikson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-erikson/) > [“We cannot fight or conquer our feelings of grief, anger, pain, or loss. Just like we cannot fight or conquer nature. We yield to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/elena-levon/we-cannot-fight-or-conquer-our-feelings-of-grief-anger-pain-or-loss/) [Elena Levon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/elena-levon/) > [“But it was impossible to share my feelings of grief with Peggy, because most of the time it was impossible to feel them. My…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sarah-perry/but-it-was-impossible-to-share-my-feelings-of-grief-with-peggy/) [Sarah Perry](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sarah-perry/) > [ “\[S\]ociety often tends to make those of us in grief feel shame and embarrassment about our feelings of grief. "Shame can be described as… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alan-d-wolfelt/s-ociety-often-tends-to-make-those-of-us-in-grief-feel-shame-and/) Alan D. Wolfelt > [“Has it ever befallen you, my readers, to become suddenly aware that your conception of things has altered — as though every object in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/has-it-ever-befallen-you-my-readers-to-become-suddenly-aware-that/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Will the freshness, lightheartedness, the need for love, and strength of faith which you have in childhood ever return? What better time than when…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/will-the-freshness-lightheartedness-the-need-for-love-and-strength-of/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“Throughout the whole time that Grandmama's body was in the house I was oppressed with the fear of death, for the corpse served as…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/throughout-the-whole-time-that-grandmama-s-body-was-in-the-house-i/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## More by Leo Tolstoy > [These joys were so trifling as to be as imperceptible as grains of gold among the sand, and in moments of depression she saw…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/these-joys-were-so-trifling-as-to-be-as-imperceptible-as-grains-of/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The only significance of life consists in helping to establish the kingdom of God.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-only-significance-of-life-consists-in-helping-to-establish-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious –…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-already-love-in-you-your-beauty-but-i-am-only-beginning-to-love-in/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Energy rests upon love; and come as it will, there's no forcing it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/energy-rests-upon-love-and-come-as-it-will-there-s-no-forcing-it/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“If you only knew what those society women are, and women in general! 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She was standing talking to a lady at…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-knew-she-was-there-by-the-rapture-and-the-terror-that-seized-on/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [Rest, nature, books, music...such is my idea of happiness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/rest-nature-books-music-such-is-my-idea-of-happiness/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [“He was not to blame for being born with an irrepressible charachter and a mind some how constrained.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/he-was-not-to-blame-for-being-born-with-an-irrepressible-charachter/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [I ask one thing only: I ask for the right to hope, to suffer as I do. But if even that cannot be, command…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/i-ask-one-thing-only-i-ask-for-the-right-to-hope-to-suffer-as-i-do/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [The idea shared by many that life is a vale of tears is just as false as the idea shared by the great majority,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/the-idea-shared-by-many-that-life-is-a-vale-of-tears-is-just-as-false/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [To say that a work of art is good, but incomprehensible to the majority of men, is the same as saying of some kind…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/to-say-that-a-work-of-art-is-good-but-incomprehensible-to-the/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [True life is lived when tiny changes occur.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/true-life-is-lived-when-tiny-changes-occur/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) [Explore all 1,754 Leo Tolstoy quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) ## More Boyhood quotes > [That toil of growing up; The ignominy of boyhood; the distress Of boyhood changing into man; The unfinished man and his pain.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-butler-yeats/that-toil-of-growing-up-the-ignominy-of-boyhood-the-distress-of/) [William Butler Yeats](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-butler-yeats/) > [Nothing moves a woman so deeply as the boyhood of the man she loves.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/annie-dillard/nothing-moves-a-woman-so-deeply-as-the-boyhood-of-the-man-she-loves/) [Annie Dillard](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/annie-dillard/) > [“Has it ever befallen you, my readers, to become suddenly aware that your conception of things has altered — as though every object in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leo-tolstoy/has-it-ever-befallen-you-my-readers-to-become-suddenly-aware-that/) [Leo Tolstoy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leo-tolstoy/) > [It is in the brain, and the brain only, that the great sins of the world take place also. 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