---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: When we were first married, I thought he…"
description: "\"When we were first married, I thought he must have been the most heartless, hateful man I'd ever known, but he was just as much a prisonor as I was. Wh..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg"
---

#  When we were first married, I thought he must have been…

![“When we were first married, I thought he must have been the most heartless, hateful man I'd ever known, but he was just as much a prisonor as I was. Where Vaughn imprisoned me with walls, he imprisoned his son with ignorance.” quote by Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg)

> “When we were first married, I thought he must have been the most heartless, hateful man I'd ever known, but he was just as much a prisonor as I was. Where Vaughn imprisoned me with walls, he imprisoned his son with ignorance.”

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Both partners feel imprisoned—one by emotional walls, the other by ignorance—showing how relationships can become mutual cages.

**In simple terms:** Relationships can feel like prisons.

Key Takeaway

Identify and break unhealthy patterns.

Themes

relationships psychology freedom growth communication

Mood

introspective hopeful

Type

literary psychological

When to use this quote

- marriage counseling
- personal development
- family dynamics

Key Concepts

emotional imprisonment ignorance self‑awareness

Questions to Reflect On

- What walls exist in your relationships?
- How can you foster openness and learning?

A Different Perspective

Breaking free may be painful and requires mutual effort.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Heartless](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/heartless/) [Ignorance](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/ignorance/) [Men](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/men/) [Son](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/son/) [Wall](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/wall/)

## Related quotes

> [“... a new patina whitening the walls with marks of memories, all running together as if the memories themselves aspired to be the walls…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kevin-powers/a-new-patina-whitening-the-walls-with-marks-of-memories-all-running/)

[Kevin Powers](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kevin-powers/)

> [I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/frank-layden/i-told-him-son-what-is-it-with-you-is-it-ignorance-or-apathy-he-said/)

[Frank Layden](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/frank-layden/)

> [“Qui augmente sa connaissance augmente son ignorance.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/friedrich-schlegel/qui-augmente-sa-connaissance-augmente-son-ignorance/)

[Friedrich Schlegel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/friedrich-schlegel/)

> [My worries always lead to dungeons; I can't imagine a worse thing than to be imprisoned for the rest of one's life, especially with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/my-worries-always-lead-to-dungeons-i-can-t-imagine-a-worse-thing-than/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“The price for freedom may be high, but the price that we pay for being imprisoned and cut off from the very root of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/queen-afua/the-price-for-freedom-may-be-high-but-the-price-that-we-pay-for-being/)

Queen Afua

> [Dissidents are not imprisoned as in the domains of the Kremlin, in the old days. They do not have their brains blown out by…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/noam-chomsky/dissidents-are-not-imprisoned-as-in-the-domains-of-the-kremlin-in-the/)

[Noam Chomsky](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/noam-chomsky/)

> [“The servants of a queen, even a queen under arrest, were not usually supposed to be physically higher than she was. Did the women…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicola-clark/the-servants-of-a-queen-even-a-queen-under-arrest-were-not-usually/)

Nicola Clark

> [“at Florence which included diplomatic missions to various European courts. Imprisoned”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/niccolo-machiavelli/at-florence-which-included-diplomatic-missions-to-various-european/)

[Niccolo Machiavelli](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/niccolo-machiavelli/)

> [“I can confidently state that the greatest rescues in my life have occurred when I’ve been saved from myself.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/craig-d-lounsbrough/i-can-confidently-state-that-the-greatest-rescues-in-my-life-have/)

[Craig D. Lounsbrough](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/craig-d-lounsbrough/)

> [“A prisoner is imprisoned by the crime that he has committed. A jailer is imprisoned — in the very same prison — by the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mokokoma-mokhonoana/a-prisoner-is-imprisoned-by-the-crime-that-he-has-committed-a-jailer/)

[Mokokoma Mokhonoana](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mokokoma-mokhonoana/)

> [Ibn Taymiyyah lived poorly. He was imprisoned and threatened. But I have never seen anyone as happy as him.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ibn-qayyim-al-jawziyya/ibn-taymiyyah-lived-poorly-he-was-imprisoned-and-threatened-but-i/)

[Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ibn-qayyim-al-jawziyya/)

> [Through my work with PETA, I have learned a great deal about chimpanzee behavior and the plight of chimpanzees imprisoned in laboratories.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/woody-harrelson/through-my-work-with-peta-i-have-learned-a-great-deal-about/)

[Woody Harrelson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/woody-harrelson/)

> [Most people spend their entire life imprisoned within the confines of their own thoughts. They never go beyond a narrow, mind-made, personalized sense of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/eckhart-tolle/most-people-spend-their-entire-life-imprisoned-within-the-confines-of/)

[Eckhart Tolle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/eckhart-tolle/)

> [She seemed imprisoned in her sadness.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/sena-jeter-naslund/she-seemed-imprisoned-in-her-sadness/)

[Sena Jeter Naslund](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/sena-jeter-naslund/)

> [In a library we are surrounded by many hundreds of dear friends, but they are imprisoned by an enchanter in these paper and leathern…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ralph-waldo-emerson/in-a-library-we-are-surrounded-by-many-hundreds-of-dear-friends-but/)

[Ralph Waldo Emerson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ralph-waldo-emerson/)

## More by Lauren DeStefano

> [“I watch the perfectly imperfect people several stories below, living their perfectly imperfect lives, and I think about how many decades will have to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-watch-the-perfectly-imperfect-people-several-stories-below-living/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [You have a way of looking at things. You make it seem as though everything's going to be okay. I can't imagine a more…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/you-have-a-way-of-looking-at-things-you-make-it-seem-as-though/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [He says one word, nodding into the daylight. "Look." It's an astounding word. It's a gift.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/he-says-one-word-nodding-into-the-daylight-look-it-s-an-astounding/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“Rhine: It's okay that you miss her. She was the love of your life. Linden: Not the only love. It feels wrong to think…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/rhine-it-s-okay-that-you-miss-her-she-was-the-love-of-your-life/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“She strokes my cheeks with the side of her hand – a repetitive, wispy motion. Like little ghost kisses.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/she-strokes-my-cheeks-with-the-side-of-her-hand-a-repetitive-wispy/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [I've done it all before, I tell myself, and I can do it again. Trust is the strongest weapon.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-ve-done-it-all-before-i-tell-myself-and-i-can-do-it-again-trust-is/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [Even things that aren't broken can be fixed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/even-things-that-aren-t-broken-can-be-fixed/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“Now isn't the time to be angry with my brother, but I suppose the anger I feel for him never goes away. I cover…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/now-isn-t-the-time-to-be-angry-with-my-brother-but-i-suppose-the/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [I see an ocean that’s spilled out of a wineglass, its body clear and sparkling and folding over itself. I see a ribbon of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-see-an-ocean-that-s-spilled-out-of-a-wineglass-its-body-clear-and/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [Gabriel's voice can reach me anywhere. Even in a hurricane.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/gabriel-s-voice-can-reach-me-anywhere-even-in-a-hurricane/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [Maybe what frightens us about the edge isn't our fear of morality, but the thoughts it leads us to have.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/maybe-what-frightens-us-about-the-edge-isn-t-our-fear-of-morality-but/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“This isn’t living, what all of us are doing. We drive down long, dilapidated back roads.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/this-isn-t-living-what-all-of-us-are-doing-we-drive-down-long/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“I don't know how it happens. We move our faces at the same time, and then our lips are touching. I've lost my worries.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-don-t-know-how-it-happens-we-move-our-faces-at-the-same-time-and/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [Suddenly the clouds seem high above us. They’re moving over us in an arch, circling the planet. They have seen abysmal oceans and charred,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/suddenly-the-clouds-seem-high-above-us-they-re-moving-over-us-in-an/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

> [“I wonder if the people of the ground ever feel that their children are too big for their world, too.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/i-wonder-if-the-people-of-the-ground-ever-feel-that-their-children/)

[Lauren DeStefano](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

[Explore all 327 Lauren DeStefano quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/)

## More Firsts quotes

> [I always say there are two things to be successful. The first is decide exactly what you want - set your goals - and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/brian-tracy/i-always-say-there-are-two-things-to-be-successful-the-first-is/)

[Brian Tracy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/brian-tracy/)

> [My first ever job after college was as a flight attendant. I wanted to travel and could not afford it, so I decided to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jacqueline-winspear/my-first-ever-job-after-college-was-as-a-flight-attendant-i-wanted-to/)

[Jacqueline Winspear](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jacqueline-winspear/)

> [Since I worked with Danny Boyle before on Slumdog Millionaire, we have great success and everything. So, when I first got the script and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/a-r-rahman/since-i-worked-with-danny-boyle-before-on-slumdog-millionaire-we-have/)

[A. R. Rahman](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/a-r-rahman/)

> [You sort of can't talk about the post production unless you talk about what comes first.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-greengrass/you-sort-of-can-t-talk-about-the-post-production-unless-you-talk/)

[Paul Greengrass](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-greengrass/)

> [I'm a business first and foremost so whatever my business is, it's separate from my personal. It's like whatever I do business wise, it's…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/snoop-dogg/i-m-a-business-first-and-foremost-so-whatever-my-business-is-it-s/)

[Snoop Dogg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/snoop-dogg/)

> [A man walks down the street. It's a street in a strange world. Maybe it's the third world. Maybe it's his first time around.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/paul-simon/a-man-walks-down-the-street-it-s-a-street-in-a-strange-world-maybe-it/)

[Paul Simon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/paul-simon/)

> [I did not know that the planning for biological and chemical warfare was so widespread in England, and even in France before France fell.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nicholson-baker/i-did-not-know-that-the-planning-for-biological-and-chemical-warfare/)

[Nicholson Baker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nicholson-baker/)

> [The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-alexis/the-biggest-change-for-me-as-a-mom-was-realizing-i-needed-to-put/)

[Kim Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-alexis/)

> [When I first started, my message was about joy, but I didn't really have the vocabulary and life experience to fully deliver it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jason-mraz/when-i-first-started-my-message-was-about-joy-but-i-didn-t-really/)

[Jason Mraz](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jason-mraz/)

> [I'm very used to working with first time actors - you can just look back at 'E.T.' with Drew Barrymore, and Christian Bale from…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/steven-spielberg/i-m-very-used-to-working-with-first-time-actors-you-can-just-look/)

[Steven Spielberg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/steven-spielberg/)

> [I have lifted my plane . . . for perhaps a thousand flights and I have never felt her wheels glide from the Earth…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/beryl-markham/i-have-lifted-my-plane-for-perhaps-a-thousand-flights-and-i-have/)

[Beryl Markham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/beryl-markham/)

> [We need a system that serves our needs, not the needs of others. Remember, under a Trump administration it's called America first. Remember that.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/donald-trump/we-need-a-system-that-serves-our-needs-not-the-needs-of-others/)

[Donald Trump](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/donald-trump/)

> [The U.S.-Mexican border es un herida abierta where the Third World grates against the first and bleeds. And before a scab forms it hemorrhages…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gloria-e-anzald-a/the-u-s-mexican-border-es-un-herida-abierta-where-the-third-world/)

[Gloria E. Anzaldúa](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gloria-e-anzald-a/)

> [Meanwhile someone is shining my head to get it dry to attach my top-hat to my head with toupee tape. I get into microphone…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/tituss-burgess/meanwhile-someone-is-shining-my-head-to-get-it-dry-to-attach-my-top/)

[Tituss Burgess](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/tituss-burgess/)

> [Peace is the first thing the angels sang. Peace is the mark of the children of God. Peace is the nurse of love. Peace…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/pope-leo-i/peace-is-the-first-thing-the-angels-sang-peace-is-the-mark-of-the/)

[Pope Leo I](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/pope-leo-i/)

Browse all 32,432 Firsts quotes

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "When we were first married, I thought he must have been the most heartless, hateful man I'd ever known, but he was just as much a prisonor as I was. Where Vaughn imprisoned me with walls, he imprisoned his son with ignorance.",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Lauren DeStefano"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he-must-have-been-the-most/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Firsts"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he-must-have-been-the-most/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/404/lauren-destefano-892_firsts_when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he_1471523.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“When we were first married, I thought he must have been the most heartless, hateful man I'd ever known, but…” — Lauren DeStefano",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Lauren DeStefano",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/lauren-destefano/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "When we were first married, I...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he-must-have-been-the-most/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/lauren-destefano/when-we-were-first-married-i-thought-he-must-have-been-the-most/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
