--- title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: and confused if someone does not…" description: "\"“and confused if someone does not appreciate their niceness. Others often sense this and avoid giving them feedback not only, effectively blocking the ..." image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg" --- # and confused if someone does not appreciate their… ![“and confused if someone does not appreciate their niceness. Others often sense this and avoid giving them feedback not only, effectively blocking the nice person’s emotional growth, but preventing risks from being taken. You never know with a nice person if the relationship would survive a…” quote by Kelly Bryson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg) [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg) > ““and confused if someone does not appreciate their niceness. Others often sense this and avoid giving them feedback not only, effectively blocking the nice person’s emotional growth, but preventing risks from being taken. You never know with a nice person if the relationship would survive a conflict or angry confrontation. This greatly limits the depths of intimacy. And would you really trust a nice person to back you up if confrontation were needed? 3. With nice people you never know where you really stand. The nice person allows others to accidentally oppress him. The “nice” person might be resenting you just for talking to him, because really he is needing to pee. But instead of saying so he stands there nodding and smiling, with legs tightly crossed, pretending to listen. 4. Often people in relationship with nice people turn their irritation toward themselves, because they are puzzled as to how they could be so upset with someone so nice. In intimate relationships this leads to guilt, self-hate and depression. 5. Nice people frequently keep all their anger inside until they find a safe place to dump it. This might be by screaming at a child, blowing up a federal building, or hitting a helpless, dependent mate. (Timothy McVeigh, executed for the Oklahoma City bombing, was described by acquaintances as a very, very nice guy, one who would give you the shirt off his back.) Success in keeping the anger in will often manifest as psychosomatic illnesses, including arthritis, ulcers, back problems, and heart disease. Proper Peachy Parents In my work as a psychotherapist, I have found that those who had peachy keen “Nice Parents” or proper “Rigidly Religious Parents” (as opposed to spiritual parents), are often the most stuck in chronic, lowgrade depression. They have a difficult time accessing or expressing any negative feelings towards their parents. They sometimes say to me “After all my parents did for me, seldom saying a harsh word to me, I would feel terribly guilty complaining. Besides, it would break their hearts.” Psychologist Rollo May suggested that it is less crazy-making to a child to cope with overt withdrawal or harshness than to try to understand the facade of the always-nice parent. When everyone agrees that your parents are so nice and giving, and you still feel dissatisfied, then a child may conclude that there must be something wrong with his or her ability to receive love. -§ Emotionally starving children are easier to control, well fed children don’t need to be. -§ I remember a family of fundamentalists who came to my office to help little Matthew with his anger problem. The parents wanted me to teach little Matthew how to “express his anger nicely.” Now if that is not a formula making someone crazy I do not know what would be. Another woman told me that after her stinking drunk husband tore the house up after a Christmas party, breaking most of the dishes in the kitchen, she meekly told him, “Dear, I think you need a breath mint.” Many families I work with go through great anxiety around the holidays because they are going to be forced to be with each other and are scared of resuming their covert war. They are scared that they might not keep the nice garbage can lid on, and all the rotting resentments and hopeless hurts will be exposed. In the words to the following song, artist David Wilcox explains to his parents why he will not be coming home this Thanksgiving: Covert War by David Wilcox”” [Kelly Bryson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kelly-bryson/) ## About This Quote This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation. Being overly nice can suppress authentic emotions, leading to hidden resentment, strained intimacy, and potential health issues. **In simple terms:** Excessive niceness hides true feelings, harming relationships and health. Key Takeaway Balance kindness with honest self‑expression. Themes emotional health authenticity relationships boundaries mental health Mood anxious thoughtful empathetic Type psychological advice When to use this quote - personal relationships - workplace teams - family dynamics - therapy sessions Key Concepts psychology emotional intelligence social dynamics Questions to Reflect On - Do you feel safe expressing anger? - How can you set healthy boundaries while staying kind? 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If you spray it around and somebody lights a match, you've got an inferno. \[But\] if we can put our… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/anger-is-like-gasoline-if-you-spray-it-around-and-somebody-lights-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [A person who has a lot of anger inside, definitely loves people more than anyone else because if red color indicates anger den it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/qaiffah/a-person-who-has-a-lot-of-anger-inside-definitely-loves-people-more/) [Qaiffah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/qaiffah/) > [There's definitely an intense anger that I have inside, and I don't know where it came from. I've had it all my life. 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Everybody carries anger inside. But also happiness. Those who focus on anger will always be angry. Those who…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ben-mikaelsen/what-you-focus-on-becomes-reality-everybody-carries-anger-inside-but/) [Ben Mikaelsen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ben-mikaelsen/) > [As long as the mind is unsubdued, there is always outside harm. Once the mind is subdued, once there is no anger in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/thubten-zopa-rinpoche/as-long-as-the-mind-is-unsubdued-there-is-always-outside-harm-once/) [Thubten Zopa Rinpoche](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/thubten-zopa-rinpoche/) > [An outside enemy exists only if there is anger inside.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/gautama-buddha/an-outside-enemy-exists-only-if-there-is-anger-inside/) [Gautama Buddha](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/gautama-buddha/) > [There's definitely an intense anger that I have inside, and I don't know where it came from. I've had it all my life. My…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/josh-holloway/there-s-definitely-an-intense-anger-that-i-have-inside-and-i-don-t/) [Josh Holloway](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/josh-holloway/) > [A person who has a lot of anger inside, definitely loves people more than anyone else because if red color indicates anger den it…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/qaiffah/a-person-who-has-a-lot-of-anger-inside-definitely-loves-people-more/) [Qaiffah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/qaiffah/) > [ Anger is like gasoline. If you spray it around and somebody lights a match, you've got an inferno. \[But\] if we can put our… ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/anger-is-like-gasoline-if-you-spray-it-around-and-somebody-lights-a/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) > [“If you unload your anger on others its your Weakness And if you learn to absorb your anger inside you Then its your Power.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mohammed-zaki-ansari/if-you-unload-your-anger-on-others-its-your-weakness-and-if-you-learn/) [Mohammed Zaki Ansari](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mohammed-zaki-ansari/) > [“It's not that your mother didn't love you,' the boy named Crow says from behind me. 'She loved you very deeply. 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The anger inside him built…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/euan-leckie/tom-rushed-up-the-stairs-and-burst-into-his-room-slamming-the-door/) Euan Leckie > [She hides her feelings, she keeps everything all held up inside, she cries herself to sleep at night because she has some much pain…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/she-hides-her-feelings-she-keeps-everything-all-held-up-inside-she/) [Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/) [Browse all 34 Anger inside quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/anger-inside/) ```json { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@graph": [ { "@type": "Quotation", "text": "“and confused if someone does not appreciate their niceness. Others often sense this and avoid giving them feedback not only, effectively blocking the nice person’s emotional growth, but preventing risks from being taken. You never know with a nice person if the relationship would survive a conflict or angry confrontation. This greatly limits the depths of intimacy. And would you really trust a nice person to back you up if confrontation were needed? 3. With nice people you never know where you really stand. The nice person allows others to accidentally oppress him. The “nice” person might be resenting you just for talking to him, because really he is needing to pee. But instead of saying so he stands there nodding and smiling, with legs tightly crossed, pretending to listen. 4. Often people in relationship with nice people turn their irritation toward themselves, because they are puzzled as to how they could be so upset with someone so nice. In intimate relationships this leads to guilt, self-hate and depression. 5. Nice people frequently keep all their anger inside until they find a safe place to dump it. This might be by screaming at a child, blowing up a federal building, or hitting a helpless, dependent mate. (Timothy McVeigh, executed for the Oklahoma City bombing, was described by acquaintances as a very, very nice guy, one who would give you the shirt off his back.) Success in keeping the anger in will often manifest as psychosomatic illnesses, including arthritis, ulcers, back problems, and heart disease. Proper Peachy Parents In my work as a psychotherapist, I have found that those who had peachy keen “Nice Parents” or proper “Rigidly Religious Parents” (as opposed to spiritual parents), are often the most stuck in chronic, lowgrade depression. They have a difficult time accessing or expressing any negative feelings towards their parents. They sometimes say to me “After all my parents did for me, seldom saying a harsh word to me, I would feel terribly guilty complaining. Besides, it would break their hearts.” Psychologist Rollo May suggested that it is less crazy-making to a child to cope with overt withdrawal or harshness than to try to understand the facade of the always-nice parent. When everyone agrees that your parents are so nice and giving, and you still feel dissatisfied, then a child may conclude that there must be something wrong with his or her ability to receive love. -§ Emotionally starving children are easier to control, well fed children don’t need to be. -§ I remember a family of fundamentalists who came to my office to help little Matthew with his anger problem. The parents wanted me to teach little Matthew how to “express his anger nicely.” Now if that is not a formula making someone crazy I do not know what would be. Another woman told me that after her stinking drunk husband tore the house up after a Christmas party, breaking most of the dishes in the kitchen, she meekly told him, “Dear, I think you need a breath mint.” Many families I work with go through great anxiety around the holidays because they are going to be forced to be with each other and are scared of resuming their covert war. They are scared that they might not keep the nice garbage can lid on, and all the rotting resentments and hopeless hurts will be exposed. In the words to the following song, artist David Wilcox explains to his parents why he will not be coming home this Thanksgiving: Covert War by David Wilcox”", "creator": { "@type": "Person", "name": "Kelly Bryson" }, "isPartOf": { "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website" }, "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-bryson/and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreciate-their-niceness-others/", "about": { "@type": "Thing", "name": "Anger inside" }, "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kelly-bryson/and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreciate-their-niceness-others/#quotation", "image": { "@type": "ImageObject", "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg", "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg", "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/9e4/kelly-bryson-50765_anger-inside_and-confused-if-someone-does-not-appreci_160020.jpg", "width": 1080, "height": 1080, "caption": "“and confused if someone does not appreciate their niceness. 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