---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: That night I followed him whenever he let…"
description: "\"“That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to. Followed him into strange, complicated actions, very far, bad and good actions. But I was neve..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg"
---

#  That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to…

![“That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to. Followed him into strange, complicated actions, very far, bad and good actions. But I was never allowed into his world. What was I to him? A fantasy. I gave him another identity. Whenever I lay next to him in a bed and it was night, I was too…” quote by Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg)

> ““That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to. Followed him into strange, complicated actions, very far, bad and good actions. But I was never allowed into his world. What was I to him? A fantasy. I gave him another identity. Whenever I lay next to him in a bed and it was night, I was too excited to fall asleep, too unwilling to lose a chance that I might be allowed to enter his life. Since he wanted fantasy, what I wanted didn’t matter. I asked myself if there was any chance he would change. No. Change for him was fantastical. Yet I was, and still am, a victim of his charity.””

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

A narrator describes an obsessive, unreciprocated relationship where she is reduced to a fantasy object, unable to access the other’s true self, highlighting power imbalance and self‑sacrifice.

**In simple terms:** She is trapped in a one‑sided, fantasy‑based relationship.

Key Takeaway

Recognize and leave relationships that deny your identity.

Themes

power identity obsession fantasy dependency

Mood

lonely desperate reflective

Type

literary emotional critical

When to use this quote

- romantic obsession
- emotional abuse
- personal boundaries

Key Concepts

objectification self‑sacrifice unreciprocated love

Questions to Reflect On

- Do you accept being a fantasy for someone else?
- How can you reclaim your agency?

A Different Perspective

The other’s refusal to change makes hope impossible.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Bad And Good](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/bad-and-good/) [Change](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/)

## Related quotes

> [And I desperately needed books that would take me out of my environment and show me a world where being smart and brave and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/leigh-bardugo/and-i-desperately-needed-books-that-would-take-me-out-of-my/)

[Leigh Bardugo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/leigh-bardugo/)

> [I didn't know other children from divorced families, and I was a bit of a lost soul for a while. Then suddenly, I was…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/julie-andrews/i-didn-t-know-other-children-from-divorced-families-and-i-was-a-bit/)

[Julie Andrews](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/julie-andrews/)

> [“All that night he followed bends of the black road jeweled by starlight until the wan light of the dawn touched the east with…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/robert-olmstead/all-that-night-he-followed-bends-of-the-black-road-jeweled-by/)

[Robert Olmstead](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/robert-olmstead/)

> [I needed to get out and my roomies had both left me for the night so I followed the pretty one here.” Did Marcus…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abbi-glines/i-needed-to-get-out-and-my-roomies-had-both-left-me-for-the-night-so/)

[Abbi Glines](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abbi-glines/)

> [The saying of Protagoras is like the views we have mentioned; he said that man is the measure of all things, meaning simply that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/aristotle/the-saying-of-protagoras-is-like-the-views-we-have-mentioned-he-said/)

[Aristotle](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/aristotle/)

> [I would plead as much For you to not weep Think of the happier things So that you may be in a peaceful sleep…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/yash/i-would-plead-as-much-for-you-to-not-weep-think-of-the-happier-things/)

[Yash](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/yash/)

> [“I cry a lot-I don't know why, but it just helps me. I cry over bad and good stuff-sometimes sadness can be beautiful”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/amy-lee/i-cry-a-lot-i-don-t-know-why-but-it-just-helps-me-i-cry-over-bad-and/)

[amy lee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/amy-lee/)

> [I don't believe in bad and good, I believe we are all a mix of both.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/demian-bichir/i-don-t-believe-in-bad-and-good-i-believe-we-are-all-a-mix-of-both/)

[Demian Bichir](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/demian-bichir/)

> [I don't believe in bad and good luck, I believe in lessons and blessings.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/nishan-panwar/i-don-t-believe-in-bad-and-good-luck-i-believe-in-lessons-and/)

[Nishan Panwar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/nishan-panwar/)

> [“Nowadays negative press &amp; media might make people scared of everything foreign or different: culture, religion, people and the places themselves. This xenophobia is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-wyatt/nowadays-negative-press-media-might-make-people-scared-of-everything/)

[William Wyatt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-wyatt/)

> [Then one day, we’ll put the reward in the old place, and put in the rat, and, by golloy, the old habit will rememerge…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-duhigg/then-one-day-we-ll-put-the-reward-in-the-old-place-and-put-in-the-rat/)

[Charles Duhigg](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-duhigg/)

> [The books one reads in childhood, and perhaps most of all the bad and good bad books, create in one's mind a sort of…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/george-orwell/the-books-one-reads-in-childhood-and-perhaps-most-of-all-the-bad-and/)

[George Orwell](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/george-orwell/)

> [We're told, everybody, that all things are bad. Bad is not good and good is not bad. Bad and good go together. You have…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charles-manson/we-re-told-everybody-that-all-things-are-bad-bad-is-not-good-and-good/)

[Charles Manson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charles-manson/)

> [You can't say you're good all the time because all of us have bad sides, mixing bad and good is what makes us human.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/unkown/you-can-t-say-you-re-good-all-the-time-because-all-of-us-have-bad/)

Unkown

> [There is a kind of poetry, bad and good, in evrything, everywhere we look.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ali-smith/there-is-a-kind-of-poetry-bad-and-good-in-evrything-everywhere-we-look/)

[Ali Smith](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ali-smith/)

## More by Kathy Acker

> [I wasn't really into body piercings until I found that about half my female students had them.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/i-wasn-t-really-into-body-piercings-until-i-found-that-about-half-my/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [I'm really fascinated and you know I've been wondering about that usage of language, various breathing techniques and why in these practices language is…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/i-m-really-fascinated-and-you-know-i-ve-been-wondering-about-that/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [“What other knowledge will my solitude and muteness bring? What other worlds?”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/what-other-knowledge-will-my-solitude-and-muteness-bring-what-other/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [One of the reasons I think the ultra right-wing has such power in this country is that no one talks out.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/one-of-the-reasons-i-think-the-ultra-right-wing-has-such-power-in/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [There's a backlash against womyn that's really bad right now.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/there-s-a-backlash-against-womyn-that-s-really-bad-right-now/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [i am a limitless series of natural disasters and all of these disasters have been unnaturally repressed.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/i-am-a-limitless-series-of-natural-disasters-and-all-of-these/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [My nutritionist read my pathology report and said, "There's only one way you can beat your cancer." "What's that?" "You have to find out…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/my-nutritionist-read-my-pathology-report-and-said-there-s-only-one/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [“Every angel is terrifying. Through the darkness, they move silently... I will go down into death with you. I must go where I must…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/every-angel-is-terrifying-through-the-darkness-they-move-silently-i/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [There are times when the law jeopardizes those who obey it.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/there-are-times-when-the-law-jeopardizes-those-who-obey-it/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [You create identity, you're not given identity per se. What became more and more interesting to me wasn't the I, it was text because…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/you-create-identity-you-re-not-given-identity-per-se-what-became-more/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [It's all up to you, girls. You have to be strong. These are the days of post-women's liberation. You have grown up by now…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/it-s-all-up-to-you-girls-you-have-to-be-strong-these-are-the-days-of/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [“Since Pussy never had thought, nor would she think, that women shouldn't have abortions, she had to come to terms with the realization that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/since-pussy-never-had-thought-nor-would-she-think-that-women-shouldn/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [We don't have a clue what it is to be male or female, or if there are intermediate genders. Male and female might be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/we-don-t-have-a-clue-what-it-is-to-be-male-or-female-or-if-there-are/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [Women need to become literary criminals, break the literary laws and reinvent their own, because the established laws prevent women from presenting the reality…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/women-need-to-become-literary-criminals-break-the-literary-laws-and/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

> [There must be a secret hidden in this book or else you wouldn't bother to read it](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/there-must-be-a-secret-hidden-in-this-book-or-else-you-wouldn-t/)

[Kathy Acker](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

[Explore all 115 Kathy Acker quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/)

## More Change quotes

> [Only within yourself exists the other reality for which you long. I can give you nothing that has not already its being within yourself.…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/hermann-hesse/only-within-yourself-exists-the-other-reality-for-which-you-long-i/)

[Hermann Hesse](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/hermann-hesse/)

> [Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/life-is-full-of-change-that-s-how-we-learn-and-grow/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [I can't believe that I'm sitting in meetings with Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, and Annette Bening. I want to take on that responsibility to…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/roger-ross-williams/i-can-t-believe-that-i-m-sitting-in-meetings-with-steven-spielberg/)

[Roger Ross Williams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/roger-ross-williams/)

> [“…progress isn't necessarily about change but about things turning out as we want them to”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/phil-hogan/progress-isn-t-necessarily-about-change-but-about-things-turning-out/)

Phil Hogan

> [Nobody can tell me that no changes are necessary in Washington.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/william-weld/nobody-can-tell-me-that-no-changes-are-necessary-in-washington/)

[William Weld](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/william-weld/)

> [If my campaign is not in the debate, we will not be talking about how we really fix this problem of endless and expanding…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jill-stein/if-my-campaign-is-not-in-the-debate-we-will-not-be-talking-about-how/)

[Jill Stein](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jill-stein/)

> [When you walk down the street of Kabul your values for life changes, they do change.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/marco-pierre-white/when-you-walk-down-the-street-of-kabul-your-values-for-life-changes/)

[Marco Pierre White](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/marco-pierre-white/)

> [Your world will change whether or not you choose to change, but you have the power to choose it's direction.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/napoleon-hill/your-world-will-change-whether-or-not-you-choose-to-change-but-you/)

[Napoleon Hill](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/napoleon-hill/)

> [I hope I continue to evolve.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/charlotte-flair/i-hope-i-continue-to-evolve/)

[Charlotte Flair](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/charlotte-flair/)

> [“Stay focused on bringing people together and more on positive messaging so that you can be the change you wish to see in the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/germany-kent/stay-focused-on-bringing-people-together-and-more-on-positive/)

[Germany Kent](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/germany-kent/)

> [The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about the…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kim-alexis/the-biggest-change-for-me-as-a-mom-was-realizing-i-needed-to-put/)

[Kim Alexis](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kim-alexis/)

> [“After the funeral, my life changed. I felt as if time were suddenly precious, water going down an open drain, and I could not…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mitch-albom/after-the-funeral-my-life-changed-i-felt-as-if-time-were-suddenly/)

[Mitch Albom](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mitch-albom/)

> [You practice mindfulness, on the one hand, to be calm and peaceful. On the other hand, as you practice mindfulness and live a life…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/anonymous/you-practice-mindfulness-on-the-one-hand-to-be-calm-and-peaceful-on/)

[Anonymous](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/anonymous/)

> [Irish research will contribute to global progress and have the potential to help all countries realise the potential of their land sectors in addressing…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/enda-kenny/irish-research-will-contribute-to-global-progress-and-have-the/)

[Enda Kenny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/enda-kenny/)

> [No man can change himself into anything from sheer reason; he can only change into what he potentially is.](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/carl-jung/no-man-can-change-himself-into-anything-from-sheer-reason-he-can-only/)

[Carl Jung](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/carl-jung/)

[Browse all 33,920 Change quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/change/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to. Followed him into strange, complicated actions, very far, bad and good actions. But I was never allowed into his world. What was I to him? A fantasy. I gave him another identity. Whenever I lay next to him in a bed and it was night, I was too excited to fall asleep, too unwilling to lose a chance that I might be allowed to enter his life. Since he wanted fantasy, what I wanted didn’t matter. I asked myself if there was any chance he would change. No. Change for him was fantastical. Yet I was, and still am, a victim of his charity.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Kathy Acker"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-let-me-i-had-to-followed-him/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Change"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-let-me-i-had-to-followed-him/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3da/kathy-acker-4132_change_that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-le_882531.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“That night I followed him whenever he let me. I had to. Followed him into strange, complicated actions, very…” — Kathy Acker",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Kathy Acker",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/kathy-acker/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“That night I followed him whenever...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-let-me-i-had-to-followed-him/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/kathy-acker/that-night-i-followed-him-whenever-he-let-me-i-had-to-followed-him/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
