---
title: "Meaning & Key Takeaway of: It occurred to Graham that here, finally…"
description: "\"“It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the similarity between the two women he’d chosen to marry: they were both totally unrufflable, one out o..."
image: "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg"
---

#  It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the…

![“It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the similarity between the two women he’d chosen to marry: they were both totally unrufflable, one out of iciness, the other out of obliviousness.” quote by Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg)   [Download](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg) [Open image](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg)

> ““It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the similarity between the two women he’d chosen to marry: they were both totally unrufflable, one out of iciness, the other out of obliviousness.””

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

## About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Two women share a calm composure, one from emotional coldness, the other from obliviousness, highlighting different sources of inner stability.

**In simple terms:** Calm can arise from different emotional roots.

Key Takeaway

Recognize diverse ways people stay unshaken.

Themes

relationships psychology emotional resilience marriage

Mood

thoughtful observational

Type

literary analytical

When to use this quote

- marriage counseling
- conflict resolution
- personal growth
- team dynamics

Key Concepts

composure emotional coldness obliviousness

Questions to Reflect On

- What does unrufflable mean to you?
- How do you support a partner’s calm?

A Different Perspective

One style may be less adaptable in crisis.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★   No ratings yet

[Iciness Obliviousness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/iciness-obliviousness-2902945/) [Marriage quotes](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage-quotes/) [Occurred Graham](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/occurred-graham-2902944/) [Similarity Women](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/similarity-women-2902943/) [Totally Unrufflable](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/totally-unrufflable-2902941/) [Unrufflable Iciness](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/unrufflable-iciness-2902942/)

## Related quotes

> [“Here they were grocery shopping in Fairway on a Saturday morning, a normal married thing to do together— although, Graham could not help noticing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/here-they-were-grocery-shopping-in-fairway-on-a-saturday-morning-a/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

> [“It is unwise to think that marriage will bring an end to your emotional problems.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ugochi-oritsejolomisan/it-is-unwise-to-think-that-marriage-will-bring-an-end-to-your/)

[Ugochi Oritsejolomisan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ugochi-oritsejolomisan/)

> [“When her husband recovered, it was to shout abusively at her…. Later, when she reflected on it throughout the tedious courtroom proceedings, she realized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-elson/when-her-husband-recovered-it-was-to-shout-abusively-at-her-later/)

[Jean Elson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-elson/)

> [“No secular country or state can impose laws on its citizens prohibiting polygamy or bigamy, unless one religion enjoys more privileges than others.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mwanandeke-kindembo/no-secular-country-or-state-can-impose-laws-on-its-citizens/)

[Mwanandeke Kindembo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mwanandeke-kindembo/)

> [“Love sets you free the moment it arrests you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/love-sets-you-free-the-moment-it-arrests-you/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“A sword can only pierce the body, but love can pierce the soul.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/a-sword-can-only-pierce-the-body-but-love-can-pierce-the-soul/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“A human is the one, who would give up a thousand Cleopatras to be with the person he or she loves.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/a-human-is-the-one-who-would-give-up-a-thousand-cleopatras-to-be-with/)

[Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/)

> [“Perhaps she lived a thousand lifetimes before, a world that breathed on Love, a home that bloomed of togetherness, a wild crazy love that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debatrayee-banerjee/perhaps-she-lived-a-thousand-lifetimes-before-a-world-that-breathed/)

[Debatrayee Banerjee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debatrayee-banerjee/)

> [“Every woman occasionally wonders what manner of man she has married. No matter how long she has been living with her husband, once in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-dickinson-rich/every-woman-occasionally-wonders-what-manner-of-man-she-has-married/)

[Louise Dickinson Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-dickinson-rich/)

> [“Polygamy is about sex, whereas monogamy is about love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/polygamy-is-about-sex-whereas-monogamy-is-about-love/)

[Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/)

> [“The beginnings of marriage can be a tough phase because it's the time when two individuals are learning to synchronize their hearts, minds, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jyoti-patel/the-beginnings-of-marriage-can-be-a-tough-phase-because-it-s-the-time/)

[Jyoti Patel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jyoti-patel/)

> [“Lust promises you the world, and disappoints. Love promises you the universe, and delivers.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/lust-promises-you-the-world-and-disappoints-love-promises-you-the/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“A happy wife is the key to a happy home.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/a-happy-wife-is-the-key-to-a-happy-home/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“If we aren't willing to change, we aren't willing to unconditionally love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alaric-hutchinson/if-we-aren-t-willing-to-change-we-aren-t-willing-to-unconditionally/)

[Alaric Hutchinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alaric-hutchinson/)

> [“Falling in love is not the problem; hitting your head on the way down is.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/falling-in-love-is-not-the-problem-hitting-your-head-on-the-way-down/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

## More by Katherine Heiny

> [“Fun. Wasn't that really the beauty of childhood? That you measured experiences by how much fun they were, not by how much work or…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/fun-wasn-t-that-really-the-beauty-of-childhood-that-you-measured/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

> [“Oh, it was horrible to have a teenager’s emotions and a forty-year-old’s body. It was humiliating. It was depressing. It was degrading.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/oh-it-was-horrible-to-have-a-teenager-s-emotions-and-a-forty-year-old/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

> [“Maybe in some relationships there was so much history that fondness and guilt and curiosity and familiarity remained separate elements and could never be…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/maybe-in-some-relationships-there-was-so-much-history-that-fondness/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

> [“She is still typing away when Monique bangs into the apartment, slams her bag on the table and says, "If I were a cat,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/she-is-still-typing-away-when-monique-bangs-into-the-apartment-slams/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

> [“Here they were grocery shopping in Fairway on a Saturday morning, a normal married thing to do together— although, Graham could not help noticing,…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/here-they-were-grocery-shopping-in-fairway-on-a-saturday-morning-a/)

[Katherine Heiny](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

[Explore all 6 Katherine Heiny quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/)

## More Marriage quotes quotes

> [“Falling in love is not the problem; hitting your head on the way down is.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/falling-in-love-is-not-the-problem-hitting-your-head-on-the-way-down/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“If we aren't willing to change, we aren't willing to unconditionally love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/alaric-hutchinson/if-we-aren-t-willing-to-change-we-aren-t-willing-to-unconditionally/)

[Alaric Hutchinson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/alaric-hutchinson/)

> [“A happy wife is the key to a happy home.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/a-happy-wife-is-the-key-to-a-happy-home/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“Lust promises you the world, and disappoints. Love promises you the universe, and delivers.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/lust-promises-you-the-world-and-disappoints-love-promises-you-the/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“The beginnings of marriage can be a tough phase because it's the time when two individuals are learning to synchronize their hearts, minds, and…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jyoti-patel/the-beginnings-of-marriage-can-be-a-tough-phase-because-it-s-the-time/)

[Jyoti Patel](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jyoti-patel/)

> [“Polygamy is about sex, whereas monogamy is about love.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/polygamy-is-about-sex-whereas-monogamy-is-about-love/)

[Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/)

> [“Every woman occasionally wonders what manner of man she has married. No matter how long she has been living with her husband, once in…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/louise-dickinson-rich/every-woman-occasionally-wonders-what-manner-of-man-she-has-married/)

[Louise Dickinson Rich](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/louise-dickinson-rich/)

> [“Perhaps she lived a thousand lifetimes before, a world that breathed on Love, a home that bloomed of togetherness, a wild crazy love that…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/debatrayee-banerjee/perhaps-she-lived-a-thousand-lifetimes-before-a-world-that-breathed/)

[Debatrayee Banerjee](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/debatrayee-banerjee/)

> [“A human is the one, who would give up a thousand Cleopatras to be with the person he or she loves.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/abhijit-naskar/a-human-is-the-one-who-would-give-up-a-thousand-cleopatras-to-be-with/)

[Abhijit Naskar](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/abhijit-naskar/)

> [“A sword can only pierce the body, but love can pierce the soul.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/a-sword-can-only-pierce-the-body-but-love-can-pierce-the-soul/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“Love sets you free the moment it arrests you.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/love-sets-you-free-the-moment-it-arrests-you/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

> [“No secular country or state can impose laws on its citizens prohibiting polygamy or bigamy, unless one religion enjoys more privileges than others.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/mwanandeke-kindembo/no-secular-country-or-state-can-impose-laws-on-its-citizens/)

[Mwanandeke Kindembo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/mwanandeke-kindembo/)

> [“When her husband recovered, it was to shout abusively at her…. Later, when she reflected on it throughout the tedious courtroom proceedings, she realized…](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/jean-elson/when-her-husband-recovered-it-was-to-shout-abusively-at-her-later/)

[Jean Elson](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/jean-elson/)

> [“It is unwise to think that marriage will bring an end to your emotional problems.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/ugochi-oritsejolomisan/it-is-unwise-to-think-that-marriage-will-bring-an-end-to-your/)

[Ugochi Oritsejolomisan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/ugochi-oritsejolomisan/)

> [“If a man found his dream wife, it was because he was wide awake.”](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/matshona-dhliwayo/if-a-man-found-his-dream-wife-it-was-because-he-was-wide-awake/)

[Matshona Dhliwayo](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/matshona-dhliwayo/)

[Browse all 142 Marriage quotes quotes ](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/about/marriage-quotes/)

```json
{
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@graph": [
        {
            "@type": "Quotation",
            "text": "“It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the similarity between the two women he’d chosen to marry: they were both totally unrufflable, one out of iciness, the other out of obliviousness.”",
            "creator": {
                "@type": "Person",
                "name": "Katherine Heiny"
            },
            "isPartOf": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website"
            },
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally-was-the-similarity-between/",
            "about": {
                "@type": "Thing",
                "name": "Marriage quotes"
            },
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally-was-the-similarity-between/#quotation",
            "image": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg",
                "contentUrl": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/dba/katherine-heiny-53879_marriage-quotes_it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally_1103420.jpg",
                "width": 1080,
                "height": 1080,
                "caption": "“It occurred to Graham that here, finally, was the similarity between the two women he’d chosen to marry…” — Katherine Heiny",
                "creditText": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
                "creator": {
                    "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
                }
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "BreadcrumbList",
            "itemListElement": [
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 1,
                    "name": "Home",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 2,
                    "name": "Quotes",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 3,
                    "name": "Katherine Heiny",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/author/katherine-heiny/"
                },
                {
                    "@type": "ListItem",
                    "position": 4,
                    "name": "“It occurred to Graham that here,...",
                    "item": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally-was-the-similarity-between/"
                }
            ],
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/katherine-heiny/it-occurred-to-graham-that-here-finally-was-the-similarity-between/#breadcrumb"
        },
        {
            "@type": "WebSite",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#website",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "publisher": {
                "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization"
            }
        },
        {
            "@type": "Organization",
            "@id": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/#organization",
            "name": "SMS4Smile Quotes",
            "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/",
            "logo": {
                "@type": "ImageObject",
                "url": "https://sms4smile.com/quotes/wp-content/themes/sq/assets/icons/icon-512.png",
                "width": 512,
                "height": 512
            }
        }
    ]
}
```
